"I Oughta Be In Pictures.........."

Good Afternoon;

Although it looks like evening out there right now, it seems to have gotten very dark and gray, I think the rain has begun in earnest.

I had a hard time sleeping again last night, between the phyiscal and the emotional discomfort, I think it's time to go. I think the rain will clear enough of the snow away for me to make an assessment of the shed tomorrow, if it not soaked through, I'm heading back.

The physical relates to my back, my eyes and sinuses, (from the extremely hot & dry forced air heat), and the fact that we live at different hygenic levels, and I can't take much more of the effin' dog stench, and hair and dander, and the fact that I changed the cat box this morning because the ammonia odor was actually painful. (I changed it myself about a month and a half ago, and I believe I am the only one who has 'scooped the poop' since..and then only one time.) Now I don't blame Jenn for this, for medical reasons relating to childbearing ability..(if not when, though she would like more children)..she CANNOT touch or handle the contents in any way, but there IS another adult in the house...FULL time NOT a visitor.....so...???

The emotional relates to the increasing pressure building up inside of me to express my displeasure at certain parenting techniques or the contradicting lack thereof, and the division of labor I witness in the matter of household duties and the complaints that arise from the same. I also feel their tension resulting from my presence, which I acknowlege, and my own resentments beginning to form from in reponse to what I perceive to be an increasing tendency to take for granted my child care services, not so much the babysitting, but the kind of pick and choose paternal involvement when I am available. I'm going to stop now, so not to sound acrimonious or angry...which is the same reason to bug-out before one of us says or does something we will regret later. And let's not talk about the cooking and dishes. I qualify my statement about laziness to exclude SOME who are in recovery as opposed to those still hustling .

Here are some links to some websites that show my family's connection to old Baltimore and the movie business:

See http://www.kilduffs.net/CFA.html,

http://www.cinematour.com/tour/us/13857.html

and http://cinematreasures.org/theater/5571/

for some Cluster Theatre info.

This info was sent to me from my long lost, formerly unknown, newly located cousin in California.

I repeat what I said the other day:

"This Internet is so Damn Cool!!!!"

I'm losing it here, falling into the keyboard with drooping eyelids, and forgetting what I want to write, not to mention my already slow typing is hampered by the SpongeBob and Batman BandAids covering my fingers...hey, I'm in a house ful of kids at this time..although Edward is the only kid I've ever seen who hates bandaids.

Later......Dave

"Those Lazy, Hazy,Crazy Days of Winter............"

Good afternoon;

This link is to a site that someone who had been checking out my blog posted on about the Baltimore Mag. article about my blog, with a link to my blog.

http://mcom407.wordpress.com/

That poorly constructed last sentence was either an example of:

A) circular logic?

..or..

B) being stuck in a self perpetuating loop?

I think it is currently part of someone's research or thesis work at a local university, more info when I have more time to explore deeper.

There has been about 3 dozen referrals from the JT online edition since yesterday morning...I can imagine what there'll be after sundown today, if some of the more Orthodox folks log on......Oy vey!...lol.

I have been having a very interesting correspondence with my newly found 'second cousin--once removed' out in the L.A. area, I don't even want to try to imagine the conversation that would develop with Edward, if I tried to explain that concept to him.even though I am Pop-Pop Dave, because I do not live in the house (full time)...I am not "Family"....LOL!, nor is Rachel, or any of his other grandparents, et. al. Things are very, very different on...'Planet Ed'...or as it should be called, "Planet......ED!!! STOP THAT!!!".....LOL!

After I left here yesterday, (and I got sucked into cyberspace and was an hour or more later than I had planned and had to call Jenn and ask her friend Shannon to come pick me up so they could get out in time), I took care of Ed and Devin and got them ready for bed, (and I had let Tom and Jenn sleep in in the morning so I had done the breakfast deal too), and then Tom got home a bit early so I sat down for a minute, this was about 7:45 pm, the next thing I vaguely remember is hearing Jenn come in around 9:30ish and the light going out and a blanket being put over me, I woke up enough to stumble to the bathroom, after first putting on my shoes and coat and starting to head out the door, to visit the tree...lol! This was around 11:35 pm. I must have gotten up and set up the Mr. Coffee in my sleep around 4:00ish, beacuse the next thing I remember is getting off the couch in agony at 7:30 am. All the crazy hours taking care of the kids and bad sleep finally caught up with me. The reason I bring this up is an e-mail I got calling me lazy...lazy?, unmotivated, unambitious, undisciplined I'll admit to, but LAZY? ask any parent, nanny, au pair of toddlers about lazy, or even any addict....unfocused, yeah, misdirected energies, you bet...but lazy,no way!

I'm out of time and the library is closing.............

later..............Dave

"Family Circus!!!......................"

Good Afternoon Again;

I had to stop back in just for a second to post this really wild tidbit!

from the readed in L.A. I mentioned who wants to buy a copy of my poetry,(and who will remain anonymous unless I am instructed otherwise):

"You and I are second cousins, once removed. Your grandfather, Harry Cluster, and my g-grandfather, Benjamin Cluster, were brothers."

Is this wild or what?

.........Dave

"SNOW Business Like SLOW Business................"

Good Afternoon;

The sun is out and it's 44 degrees right now and walking is loads of fun....lol.

The 'normal' snow piles, those that are 3 feet high or less, are rapidly melting, while the "parking lot Matterhorns and Everests" are slowly exchanging their jagged peaks for more rounded contours, and everything is oozing water that sits and puddles in the gutters and street edges where pedestrians are forced to walk because in a majority of placed the sidewalks are still covered with snow. In some cases the plows had to shove it all up and over the curbs, where it has frozen down into 3 and 4 foot mounds of ice, in others the sidewalks are in the 'gray area' between private/city/commercial property, and no one will claim them to clean them, in still other situations certain homeowners/tenants have no intention of clearing the walks, the same people who believe that the traffic laws don't apply to them, and are the first to complain. ("Ghetto Attitude" covers a lot of territory, from Pikesville to Park Circle, and is "Equal Opportuniy Ignorant").

So the forecast is for low to mid 40 degree temps. until Monday, then freezing rain turning to rain through Tuesday temps back up in the 40s again. I may be able to get back in the shed by Wednesday, just in time for the projected inch or so of snow Thurday....lol! I just got a call from Jenn asking me to babysit this afternoon so she can get out and talk to an adult..(Tom doesn't count, at times it's like having 3 toddlers in the house...lol)..[and she and I sat up the past few nights talking]..so I'm going to go get some lunch and head back to the apartment. I was also penciled in to babysit on the Sunday the 28th of this month, now in years past I would have had to refuse....what with my birthday falling on a Friday night, there was no way I would have been able to tolerate the high pitched noise of children Duct taped to the chairs! LOL! But now, not partaking of the wide variety of legal and illegal alcoholic and pharmaceutical 'party starters' as I once did, I will be available, unless she dcides to pawn them off on her mom instead for the whole weekend.

I just got a notice from the JT of a comment on the story, from friends in Hawai'i, the internet is so cool!

I also have a request from a woman in LA who wishes to purchase a copy of "Talespinner", who happens to have the EarthLink Spam Blocker progarm set up to screen her e-mail...I gotta get me one 'o them!!

{I'm tired of pleas from Abulaijula Hasnilamisabadaba and his banker friends in Burkina Faso who desperately need my help in transferring millions of dollars out of the country if only I'll let them use my bank account....LOL!......bank account, that's a good one! But wait.....who has really pissed me off? Can I give him their information.......Nah...I'm not THAT evil....LOL!}

I am awaiting her reply to my reply.

When I was at Starbucks last night, a young woman who used to frequent Funks, and who was in my homegroup there, and who I kinda had a secret crush on (not any more...lol), (and at the same time was intimidated by...lol)...and who I had not seen in at least 6 years, stopped in with her 16 month old son. I was looking at her and as recognition began to dawn on me, she walks over and says "Hi, it's been foreve since I saw you". We chatted and caught up a bit, and when it finally hit her and sunk in that I am Jenn's dad...wel the look on her face was priceless...lol.

What is even funnier is that she was carrying a copy of the March issue of Baltimore Magazine, and had not opened it yet. Kristen it was great seeing you, you look wonderful, and WOW!!!!...all grown up too!!!!! Keep in touch.

Okay, I may be back tomorrow...if not, on Monday....

later..........Dave

"Apologia..............."

Good Afternoon;

It appears I've missed some e-mails from a couple readers. I have my spam filter set to high, so sometimes real e-mails end up in the Junkmail Folder......Sorry, I'll try to peruse them more carefully before I dump the folder. If you wish, you may click on the 'comments' under each post, and request it not be published, ( or to be....if you like), and leave your e-mail and I will answer you asap.

Okay now back to Hotmail.

Then to surreptitiously check out the shed to see if can get back in yet, then to take Rachel her copy of the JT, then I think to Starbucks for a while...maybe...Jenn is supposed to go with Tom and the kids to his mom's house to check out her "NEW...{to her anyway}... CAR"!!!, that her mom gave her after she bought a new on in the blizzard..???...and which was towed to and being stored at his mom's driveway until they can get tagstitletax accumulated. I can see her driving up and back, up and back, all along the driveway, all day long....LOL!!...so maybe I'll go to the apt. and try to catch a nap, or a movie all the way through....that will be a first!

I THINK this is good bye for now?!?!?........Dave

......................later..........Dave

"The New Phone Book Is Here!!!!!........The New Phone Book Is Here!!!!!!!!!!........................."

Good Morning, again;

So I called Neil at 7:15 am. this morning from Jenn's house and told him NOT to pick me up at the Old Ct. Metro station at 7:45ish as planned.

{I had another rough night on Jenn's recliner, physically, mentally and emotionally...I AM going to the clinic (at least in my mind at this point in time...lol) and sit and sit and sit on Monday morning, the pain in my legs, and the increasing intermittent numbness..pins and needles..in my hands and/or fingers,(not including the cold related issues), is getting to be of enough concern to force me to make a move, and IF..(and at this point, it is a BIG IF,...I may have to split...piled snow, cold nights, and possibly MORE slop forecast for Monday/Tuesday notwithstanding. There are building tensions and emotions that I cannot give voice to just now, due to a combination of tact, the appearance of seeming ungrateful, frustration, and just not knowing how to approach the issues.)..I am still at Jenn's then, having a place to leave my stuff so as not to have to deal with searches and security people will make my visit down to the Jai Medical Center in the 'hood' that much easier.} I finally got moving and finished the cup of coffee I poured at 6:00 am. about 9:00 am., and shaved and left their apartment. Neil was leaving the bagel shop where we were going to meet, so he picked me up and dropped me off at the library.....and gave me 5 copies of the Baltimore Jewish Times, (Friday-2/19/10-edition), which not only has the story about me in it, but features me, in all my shining glory on the cover. Pride, vanity, insecurity, hope, curiousity, embarrassment, humility, ego, irony, frustration, and an overall sense of the absurdity of it all, a real melting pot of emotions have hit me all at once. Two print editions and one online, within 48 hours, and the other online edition comes out on March 1st.....all this attention, this iteration of my "15 Minutes Of Fame", all because some folks think my life is more interesting than I do, and at least some of my 'loyal readers' enjoy my twisted sense of humor.........LOL. I gotta write a book about all this eventually......something like..."The Story Of My Life.....A Comedy In Multiple Acts, OR The Bastard Love Child Of Monty Python And Mel Brooks!".......LOL

More Later............Dave

And........thanks to everyone, because you read this...I keep living!

"Gratitude And Gripes..................."

Good Morning;

This post is real short because I hit the Enter key, instead of the Shift key and published the title before the body was typed..., so I had to add-by-edit something.....lol.

A humble thank you to Tamir in Eretz Yisroael, for the kind comments to the post "Online"...you have made my morning.

And another WTF!!! to Blogger/Google....where are the Followers, .....AGAIN!!!

To the 13 of you who have signed on for the ride....you still show up on MY edit screen...thanks for reading!

More soon.......Dave

online

http://www.jewishtim...ewish_homeless/17118

"Hot Off The Presses............And Into My Hot Little Hands..............."

Good Afternoon;

Baltimore Magazine

March 2010

Page 106/107

"Man on the Street"

'A recovering addict offers eyewitness

accounts of homeless life on Baltimore's

Most Fascinating Blog.'

Geez, talk about pressure, at least Evan didn't use the word 'consistently', I've got some 'wiggle room' for those days when my muse is on the rag..........LOL

(and for you folks checking us out here for the first time....if you're looking for PC content....leave now!)

ALSO:

DISCLAIMER!!!

I DO NOT NOW, NOR HAVE I EVER COLLECTED "SSI", (SUPPLEMENTAL SECURITY INCOME)! I HAVE A PENDING CLAIM, THAT IS ALL.

I had to get that straight before someone said..."Why are you homeless if you get SSI?", which can be $600.00 or more per month, and qualify me for the short list for subsidized housing.

Okay that's out of the way now.

The story is really well written, and other than the above confusion and a minor discrepancy regarding the chronology of my relationship with Jenn, it is 99 & 44/100 percent accurate, sometimes brutally and uncomfortably so. It should be on the racks by tomorrow, if not already out, and the online edition comes out March 1st.

It is strange to see myself in a magazine photo.....I keep asking who is that old guy who looks like me? (hey I'll admit to the middle aged spread, and the male pattern baldness, but geez.... give me a break somewhere!........LOL)

I share the issue with an interview with our new Mayor, Stephanie Rawlings-Blake, (God Bless Her And GOOD LUCK To Her, she's going to need it),

.....And the areas '50 Best Restaurants', (I almost ruined my copy drooling over the photos of the featured dished....lol), which is somehow appropriate, although I have not eaten at any of them recently...ha!

I brought a copy to Jenn and and she said she was also in accord regarding accuracy and quoted comments, nothing amiss that anyone would catch unless they know us well, except the SSI/DSS money mixup. My grandaughter Devin looked at the picture and pointed at me and babbled away in her own private language with an observation we are still trying to decipher.

It figures that last night would be 'the straw that broke this camel's back'.....damn near literally. Jenn's couch is the type that is a 'semi-sectional', with recliners on either end and a fold down table hidden in the back cushion between them. It has also been taken apart and put together, and moved a few too many times. Not to mention the wear, tear and abuse over the years. The combination of a well sat on, sunken in seat cushion, dual steel crosspieces of the framework that strike me just on my vestigial tailbone, and the deteriorating vertebrae just above it, an armrest with shifted padding that allows it's wooden framework to eventually in the course of the night wind up riiiigghhttt under the cervical vertebrae and the base of my skull that was broken and fractured, and never healed right, back in 1990, and which also shows signs of the same deteriorating disk disease. It was a bad night, no sleep and extremely painful. I can't sleep on the floor there for a couple reasons,... cheap apartment complex tile over a concrete slab, no padding or cushions available, and the dog hair, dander, dust and odor of wet dog and cat, and feet, that just won't come out of the rug. I finally crawled into the recliner about 3:00 am. and took a larger dose of my meds than I wanted too, but still within the proper range, (which I should have done hours before, instead of extending my agony with a sense of false economy and safety by only taking very small doses), this seems to be a combination of being overly prudent......and a hold on from my using days when I tried to make a stash last as long as possible, by taking the smallest hit I could still feel.......(but which only caused me to either shoot up more frequently as the hit wore off quicker, or just do it all at once in frustration, defeating the purpose in any case....LOL......[You ALL know what I am talking about, you've ALL done it, be it dope, coke, or chocolate....lol!]...). I really need to sleep on a flat, firm yet yielding surface............likeeeee???? a stack of card board boxes you ask? Yep, strange as it may seem, I need to get back to the shed and some solitude...if I could only get in there......DAMN SNOW!

I'll be back fairly early tomorrow, after I meet with Neil and Phil and get my copies of The Jewish Times, {Friday 02/19/2010 edition, I'm told I may be on the cover with Rachel!}. I'm outta time now and I have to go and babysit the grand monsters for Jenn and Tom, they want to go to Tom's homegroup tonight......................Dave

P.S.............

Just a heads-up for any 'mystery gifters', anonymous donors, wealthy philanthropists looking for a cause, Secret Santas, Fairy Godmothers, lonely rich women, grant and trust administrators looking for a worthy recipient, landlord who needs to have someone live in and keep an eye on their vacant mansion, lonely poor women, anyone who has recently been touched by angels or aliens and directed to give away all their worldly goods, or who has suddenly come into possession...{no questions asked}...of a large batch of gift cards.......

A week from tomorrow, that is NEXT Friday, the 26th of February, is my natal anniversary.....I mean these two simultaneous print media extravaganzas are plenty, but I'm just sayin'........LOL!

"Awaiting The 'Blessed Event'.........Here It Comes....Wait For It....Wait For It.....UUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPP.........THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!!!........"

Good Afternoon;

Not a whole lot new and exciting to talk about since last night.....Edward barfed all over Tom's car on the way back to the house, and when the carseat was cleaned off and brought inside a huge blob of puke was missed. I smelled a nauseating odor from behind the couch when I lay down, and when I grabbed the car seat to look behind it....well you know what and where I grabbed onto.

I am heading over to the Starbucks now and meeting Evan to pick up a copy of Baltmore Magazine, and I am meeting Neil and Phil on Friday morning to get my copy of the Jewish Times. All I can think of is the scene in some movie(s) I can't remember where the main character travels all over town buying and/or stealing all the copies of the newspaper/magazine to prevent his girlfriend from seeing a certain article or photo......(If only I had a girlfriend, my life could be a 'screwball' comedy too....[as opposed to this comedy of errors?]......LOL!!!).......and forgets the one delivered to his own house...lol..!

Anyway.......see you tomorrow...........Dave

"Happy Birdie 2 Ewe"

Indulge me please;

Anna Marie;

Happy Birthday!!!

Always loved you....Always will!!!

Dave

Inside a United States Courthouse: A Native Hawaiian Speaks.

I even linked the title...read this,

Inside a United States Courthouse: A Native Hawaiian Speaks.

"Hot Off The Presses!!!!!.................."

The Baltimore Magazine, March edition, is out now..gotta go find one!!

later.....Dave

P.S.

Welcome to Evan and Cowper, followers 12 and 13

"Don't Tell Mom The Babysitters Dead!....(He Broke His Neck Falling Over All The Damn Toys.....As He Was Trying To Escape From The Grand-Monsters)..."

Good Evening:

It's good to be able to get out of the shoebox/insane asylum/Jenn's apartment!
Have I mentioned my love for cold weather and my related affection for snow!!!
YEAH....riiigghhhhtttt!!!!
First off...read this, the triumph of the spirit, and man's humanity!! to man!
Inside a United States Courthouse: A Native Hawaiian Speaks.
I am privileged and honored to be able to say I know these folks and can call them friends. 'Iokepa's quiet dignity and the strength and power of his of his belief, and the courage to act upon them in against all odds has been an inspiration to me and a source of power in my own struggles. Click it, read it, and be renewed!

So....If I ever needed an object lesson as to why I could not live with Jenn, the grand kids, and my son-in-law, even if we all had a big...Big..BIG!! house, these weeks have been it! I am awaiting enough of the snow to melt so I can get to the shed and assess the damage, if any, that the wind and the drifting snow has left. The door was blown open during the 2nd heavy, record breaking blizzard, and between the drifted and piled up by the plows snow mountains, I have not been able to safely and inconspicuously get in to the shed. I have been at Jenn's since Feb. 3rd, the night we went to the Ice Show. I have been doing more than my share of child care and babysitting duties as part of my effort to pull my weight and show my gratitude. I have also been food shopping and cooking, both to give Jenn a break, and to take advantage of the opportunity to do so, I never get the chance anymore, and my culinary skills are one of the ways I identify myself.

Differing attitudes as to a father's household duties, and attitude toward participatory child rearing are forcing me to keep my mouth shut as tightly as I can...my tongue is nearly bitten through.....!

The other major issue is the attitude and behavior of my grandson, and the at times schizophrenic ways, means, and style of discipline he receives...or does not!!

And of course I'm a dad, and trying not to say something when your daughter and her husband argue...fight...and at times verbally eviscerate one another is a supreme effort, although it is made easier by Jenn's ability to hold her own ground.

Add to the mix a dog that effin' STINKS, and is suffering from severe dry skin (as are we all from the forced hot air heat, and the fact that whenever Jenn and I try to put a big kettle of water on the boil to humidify the air, someone keeps turning off the gas stove, moaning about utility bills as he leaves every damn light and the television on in the bedroom, while also turning out the 7 1/2 watt night light an the dark kitchen.....false economy, the price of everything...and the value of nothing?), and is constantly scratching & biting at herself all night long as I am trying to sleep on the couch or recliner that leaves my back worse off than the cardboard box mattress in the shed.

Hey, I'm grateful as can be to be out of the old and the snow, but even if they wanted me to stay long term, (and I am honest enough to admit that I am not the perfect roommate either, especially in a family situation, where boundaries are so much more fluid and the "gray areas get real fuzzy around the edges"), I would never be able to survive, nor would our renewed relationship. And to be brutally honest...I'd be doing dope eventually.....it can get that tense.

Which brings me to the final tangent of the evening....7 years ago, Presidents Day 2003....we here in Baltimore also had a blizzard that, if not breaking, at least equaled records going back over 100 years. 7 years ago...I was 6 months married to the woman who would become Rachels mother, and pregnant with what would have been our first child if it had not been for a later miscarriage. I was unsuccessfully coping with her viscious custody battle for her 4 kids from her previous marriage to a man who did not want the children for their own sake, but only to deny them to her, and to bolster his own image in the frum community, and who used any and every unethical legal and dirty trick to make her, us, and me look bad, including filing false police reports, which were dismissed on a total lack of grounds, spreading lies and rumours , taking her to the Rabbinical court the Beit Din, which threw his case out, and eventually to the civil courts, whom he had ignored denied their jurisdiction over him, and was eventually jailed by for contempt, but who he used to his advantage when he could throw money and lawywrs at my 'ex' in a concerted effort to break her monetarily. The man who the judge said of, "I do not want to give these children to you, but on a financial level I am legally bound by law to do so."..(paraphrased).....just a little back story...lol. 7 years ago, I was stressed to the point of breaking and had relapsed over New Years Eve, and acquired a dope habit again, that because of the city being totally shut down over the course of 4 days did not get fed and sent me into withdrawal halfway through the storm....not a fun time at all!!!!

So........it is said that the human body renews all the cells capable of renewal in 7 year cycles, and ones life is divided into 7 year phases or segments.......

7 years later,....I am homeless, and not working, with some physical and mental health issues that are or have the possibility to become fairly severe or even debilitating......at times I have been eating out of garbage cans, at other times panhandling, I am deep in debt that I cannot ever see getting out of, and possibly facing jail time in March because of old child support arrears....(almost forgot about that, didn't you....well I haven't....lol)..it would seem that I was at my lowest point would it not...Well, you would be wrong!......

I have been invited back into my oldest daughter's life and family, and home, I am clean chemically or that would never have happened. They say that since you and I have been doing this blog thing together, and I have been on my meds, that I have changed for the better. I have a wonderful relationship with my beautiful Rachel, and see her as often as I can, (and you know that when circumstances dictate that I don't, the blog reflects my sadness), I have met an amazing assortment of people, on the street corner when begging, in the coffee shop, on Craigs List, and through this blog.....I have not one but 2 magazine stories about me being published within 2 weeks of each other...(According to the latest info...see the Baltimore Jewish Times, February 19th 2010 issue, this Friday......geez I hope I don't come off as an asshole....or at least, TOO much of one!)...

And as miserable as I sometimes get, in general, I have never been more grateful, or happier...Yeah I could use a few things....but who couldn't, welllllll....maybe I COULD use a bit more than most of you.....LOL!

But.....the very fact that even at the blackest moments, when I could taste the cold blue steel, and the smell of oil and cordite filled my sinuses, and the click as the hammer cocked reverberated like a gong as the sound was amplified by bone conduction straight through to my brain.....even when the pain, both physical and emotional was unbearable,

there was always that tiny little spark of HOPE that remained lit deep deep down inside, that and and the thought of my girls....and the pain it would cause them...that prevented me from pulling the trigger.....as much as I wanted to stop hurting, I stumbled on, another breath, another minute, another, hour, another day. And like Robert Frost's two roads converging in a wood...it HAS made all the difference.

I can still retain a little bit of independence, a smidgen of self respect, a bit of dignity, a whole batch of gratitude, a modicum of humility, and an outrageously large sense of irony/absurdity/humor.

So 7 years of not so good luck, and out of that...almost 6 years of sheer and total shock and awe at my amazing Rachel, child of light and love, I'm ready for 7 years of better circumstances to be able to give her what she deserves......And to try to make amends where and when I can, to do something useful and fulfilling, and yeah...to get some "stuff" too.

I'm starting the 4th quarter of my life in 10 days, maybe I can emulate the Saints, not the Ravens this time around....LOL!

I'm done tonight, it is back to Jenn's, (after a quick pass by the beer store for some anti-freeze to keep me from freezing on the bus stop.....lol! and a sanity buffer!), I may see if I can get to the shed easily tomorrow, and maybe to the Starbucks for the first time in 2 weeks.

As Edward R. Murrow used to say:

"Good Night, And, Good Luck"

Dave.....................

"CABIN FEVER----Part Deux;....If It Doesn't Move, EAT IT!!!!---If It Does Move, Glue It To The Booster Seat And Duct Tape It's Little Mouth Shut!!!.."

Good Afternoon;

Didja miss me? Now, I know how the Donner party felt, and why some animals eat their young. The cannibalism has as much or more to do with close quarters madness as starvation!!!

I'm sure glad to be back behind a keyboard, the withdrawal symptoms were beginning to get to me, the sub-conscious typing on an invisible laptop, trying to GOOGLE the make believe computer created by the kids out of their (non electronic) toys, exchanging fake e-mails with preschoolers....the twitching, talking to myself, and yelling at the morons on the TV news..(both the anchors and reporters and the clueless bastards chosen for the 'man on the street' interviews bitching because their street was not cleared down to the asphalt....BEFORE the storm had even stopped and the main routes were even opened up!!!...{Oh....sorry, those last couple things are my NORMAL behavior....LOL!}.

But seriously, it is good to get out and more than a couple hundred yards away from Jenn's apartment. Yeah, can you believe it, I've been there since the 3rd of February! That's 12 continuous nights, and I think I will be there for a few more days, with more snow forecast for Monday (15th) and Tuesday (16th), [I have not been past the shed to look at it since Monday (8th), and I could not get into it easily, or inconspicuously then, so with last weeks 'Record Setting--Blizzard Of The Century', I can only imagine what it is like. I am going to get as close as I can to see if the gale force winds blew the door open and filled it up with snow], and up until the first snow storm this past December, I had never even spent the night. I must be doing something right in my life for this change to be so radical, truly a 180 degree turn around.

The major snow was not the only drama in my life this past two weeks, Rachel spent Wednesday and Thursday nights and most of Friday last week at Jenn's with me, and returned on Tuesday (9th), and just left yesterday evening, (Friday 12th). Edward went up to his grandmothers, Jenn's mom, (my first 'ex'....lol), during that time so the dynamic was much, Much, MUCH!!! less......"Dynamic", shall we say?.....LOL. Devin loved having another girl around, and Rachel's feeling was mutual. Rachel is much mellower than Edward,....at her wildest! I so enjoyed being with her, and after her being shunted around a bit, between spending days and nights at her grandmother's ,(my second 'ex'es' mom....lol....Maybe to find the woman I so desperately need to find, I should change the frame of reference to the plural, women, and advertise for a "Future Ex Wife..[Wives]"?....!!!...LOL), and a friend's house,

{the reason for all this mobility is that the ex'es live-in boyfriend had chest pains when Rachel was with me at the Ice Show, and went to the ER at Sinai, where he was admitted for tests, and then had surgery on Monday...He came home...or at least back to the 'ex'es' mother's house, because their house, street and sidewalk was still snowbound...and is recuperating satisfactorily, Thank God. I wish him only the best pray for a speedy and full recovery, whatever my feeling may be, [and I am still trying to sort all this 'meshugas' out], he HAS become a large part of Rachel's day to day life, and if or when he leaves it, I do not want it to be this way, and also because I bear him no ill will, and I remember coming home from emergency surgery too damn well, all too many times, also in the winter, it is no picnic.},

where her mom said she had a bit of a 'meltdown' from the accumulated stress and tension of being away from home without either of us there and the contagion of worry that some people transmit. The only sign she showed was a tendency to want to always know where I was, and at about 3:30 - 4:00 am. to climb on the couch with me for a half hour or so until I became too 'lumpy'...lol...and then go back to her..(Ed's)..bed. She is truly a 'Daddy's Girl', and I would not want it any other way, I am blessed with two wonderful daughters and a granddaughter who have the power to reduce my bones to Silly Putty and wrap me around their fingers and I love every minute of it.

My grandson is a totally different story, I DO!!! love him, and he is very smart and creative in his way, and a good portion of the time I like him, and a lot of the time I find him an annoying, spoiled pain in the ass, but...and this is a big, guilt ridden but!!!...there are too many times when I actively dislike him to the point of just not wanting anything to do with him...ever again. Whether it has been nature or nurture more at fault, (and I believe in the power of both), I won't say,

.......but if he were my son......!

The term 'mulish' comes to mind...there is an old joke where the city boy asks the farmer what the 2" x 4" hanging on a rack on the wagon is for, and the farmer tells him it is "A device that stimulates both focus and memory." and with it he can teach the mule anything, the city boy scoffs and says, 'How can a 2" x 4" teach anything at all!', the farmer says..."Oh THAT'S just to get his attention!!!"

I am pretty easy going with kids, Jenn and Rachel can attest to that, but they were also taught 2 basic things at a very early age...

1- NO means NO!! and STOP!! means STOP!!

2- Children DO NOT 'tell' adults What, (or How or When), to do!!

I also believe in telling kids 'Why' from an early age, treating them as people..little people obviously..but people; and that they can have opinions, but have to obey grownups. "Do it now, we can talk afterwards, and if you are right, we'll change whatever needs to be changed, but do it now!"

This subject and that of portions of Rachel's life over which I currently have little or no sway bring up a personal, moral, ethical, (and possible though not probable=legal) dilemna....And one that could affect my very life and safety. What should I say, where should I draw a line between my need for honest venting or commentary, and my knowledge of who is in and/or of my personal life is reading this blog..(or who will be immediately informed of content relating to them by certain nosy busybodies.....lol!..[not really that funny though, it's kind of a sad commentary on certain empty, bitter, vindictive souls.....get a life!!! or move to Iran or North Korea]...). I held some things back last summer and they festered inside me until I realized that I was not to blame for another's damaged facade if I was scrupulously honest in my direct observations. This is a bit more delicate, it concerns opinions and feelings.

And it is not that I am not grateful and appreciative of the recent charity of my daughter and son-in-law, but how do I deal with the things I see and hear and feel that bother and irritate me? I have to be honest to myself, but temper the commentary without watering down the reality. Even if it means being asked to leave? That's not even really an issue, it's a comfort level. If I had another place to go, out of the weather, or I could get into the shed, I would...at least for a night or two, to give us all some breathing space, and to relax the unspoken tensions. And if things get to the breaking point or the edge of anger and violent (verbal) confrontation, I'll spend my last few bucks on a room, after that I'll put on all my clothes and wrap myself in the sleeping bag and find a hole in a tree somewhere. Or as a LAST and ultimately FINAL resort, go to a shelter, (and YES the idea of the shelter IS only viable if a NON-Self Inflicted death is imminent!!!). I'm running low on time and stamina here so if the content of the last couple paragraphs seem jumbled up.....they are!

"Look Ma....No Editing!"..........LOL

Honesty, emotions, pride, popularity, notoriety, fear, confidence, confusion, care, concern, compassion, pride, hubris, children...PLUS...shelter, food, healthcare, cold, snow, safety and basic survival. Our lives are pretty much alike in certain ways aren't they, it just seems to be getting used to a different 'comfort level'....eh?

Okay..closing time....gotta head back out to fight the mess and try to get a bus without getting, soaked frozen, or killed!

Just saw Evan from B-more Mag...look for it (March Issue) the end of this month.

Hope everyone is still safe and warm....

If anybody wants some company, and to help save all our sanity at Jenn's,

CALL ME!! I'LL FIND A WAY THERE...

(and bring food and or alcohol!!)

see ya......Dave

P.S. Welcome new follower...

MARIANNE!!

"HEY...Look At the SNEW!!.....SNEW???, What's SNEW?????......I Dunno, What's New With You??????..............{Sorry 'Bout Dat, Cabin Fever Attack}..."

Good Afternoon;

As part of my continuing program of FREE Public Service Bulletins, I would like to again affirm and confirm my previous series of announcements:

Cold Weather Sucks!!!

And 30+ Inches Of Snow Bites The Big One!!!

(The preceding statements ARE the opinion of the management, [and the managements oldest daughter]...[though NOT that of the youngest daughter!!]......LOL)

So, I really cannot complain though, I spent Tuesday night..(the 'practice blizzard') in a motel room, and have been at Jenn's since Wednesday night after the Disney On Ice show, and most likely will be there through ??? Thursday.

Unless I can find and get to another place !! I don't want anyone to think I am ungrateful, because I do appreciate the opportunity to be safe, warm and dry, but this extended experience only reinforces and vindicates my reasoning behind the inability of my staying there permanently.

Too small, too crowded, too tense, too many strong personalities, too many opposite opinions, too many 'eggshells' being walked on, too much effin stinky dog!!!, too much loss of independence, autonomy, and freedom.

Too much 5 year old who is more 'pre-teen' than precocious'

I will take advantage of the invitations to get out of the weather whenever they come about, and I will 'pay my freight', by babysitting, pet sitting, buying groceries, advancing grocery money when I am able, feeding the kids, cooking and cleaning the kitchen, and taking out the trash and emptying the damn litter box..(don't even ask...lol!!!).

After a while, that old 'fifth wheel' feeling would kick in, and with it, all the old thoughts and doubts and behaviors, and that can only lead to.....

Too much chance I will end up with a bullet to the brain or a spike in my arm.

So, moderation, after the worst of the snow has passed, I'll be back out in the shed, and to tell the truth, I have to go past there this afternoon before dark to see if the door was blown open by the winds of the blizzard, and if it has filled with snow. One good thing which has come from all this is a re-evaluation of what I am feeling I may be capable of doing. I don't know exactly what or where it is leading me, but some sort of change feels imminent. Maybe it is thoughts of my own mortality, and the knowledge of that time is passing.

There are 2 reasons behind this sudden sense of urgency...

One is my impending birthday, I'll be 54 on the 26th, and that is 3 x 18, approximately 3 Generations, (as evidenced by Jenn and Rachel; and Ed and Devin....although the idea of a daughter and a grand son 9 months apart is hilarious...lol), Or, basically 3/4 of a Lifetime..(give or take...lol).

The other is that the "ex'es" live in boyfriend is in Triple Bypass Heart Surgery , even as I write this. He is not much older than I am, and even though I am not close to him, it still has a trickle down effect because Rachel ended up spending Thursday night at Jenn's also with me, and has been at her Grandmother's during the storm. She may be back at Jenn's on and off as needed during the recovery period, and explaining to and talking with her about it....has me "What iffing".

Anyway, I do not know when I will be back on, maybe tomorrow morning, maybe not until, Thursday or Friday, depending on the snow.

Speaking of the snow, I was informed that it has pushed back the JT article another week, until the 19th. Things got way behind I guess.

I'm outta here, I hope everyone stayed safe and warm and dry, and remains so, it is supposed to be in the single digits again tonight.

How about that Superbowl...was that one hell of a game or what!!! and there was some kind of twisted justice for the Ravens when Matt Stover missed that kick..after 16 consecutive playoff goals!...and Jenn made this really kickass crab and shrimp cheese dip...OMG!!!..(LOL!! recipe on request)...

Thanks to Paul, Neil, and Michelle (Mlle), for their inquiries, salutations and concern, Love you guys.

later.....Dave

"First It Was '100 Years Of Disney Magic On Ice'......NOW.....'It's Off To See The Blizzard'.........."

Good Afternoon;

Well it turns out the most of the FLAKES are not falling from the sky but in line at the food store. Shelves are bare and tempers are short, and Baltimore's 'Asshole Quotient' just hit a new high...only 2 days after breaking the old record while at the Ice Show!

The show was awesome and Rachel was overjoyed and so happily appreciative and thankful, she is an old hand at this though, this being her third in the past 13 months. Now Edward, who was taken to celebrate his 5th birthday, was... drum roll please and appropriate lighting and music conveying "shock and awe"....totally silent with his eyes and mouth wide open in amazement, when he was not cheering and shouting! (Until the lights came up and we asked him how he liked it and he slipped back into spoiled/sullen/blase mode and full hyper-activated functionality, and bitched about one character not showing up. Teenage attitude in a 5 year old body! he finally let slip his 'cool' when he began to describe the show to his dad Tom. ....

"One of these days Alice...to the MOON!!!!!"

We were surrounded by..'the best of the best' of the worst mannered morons Baltimore's ghetto society had to offer, full volume cursing at their ill mannered offspring who were.. spilling $8.00 sodas down my back and dumping powdered sugar from their $9.00 funnel cakes all over Rachel's and my coats, and smacking my family in the face with their pieces of $20.00 light up, plastic, useless, broken before the end of the show crap, (these are the people who have the latest $150.00 Nikes on their infants, and are shoplifting baby formula...), all the time kicking the hell out of the backs of our seats.....while screaming into the cell phones that they were asked to turn off at the beginning of the show but did not, and who promptly shouted racism, because the ushers did not tell us..(we who were NOT on our phones???!!!)..to stop also!

As I said the PERFORMANCE was awesome, and the sight lines were good. The woman next to me, who barely kept her cool during the show, lost it when the show ended and the ignorant savages behind us started getting up to leave, smacking everyone in the head with their coats, and spitting all over the floor, throwing half empty $10.00 popcorn boxes, that left a trail of greasy buttered debris all over everyone else across the aisles like Frisbees, turned to me and said..LOUDLY!!..this city needs a nice cleansing Act of God, in parts of East and West Baltimore, like the one in Haiti. SOME body has to take out the garbage! The piece of work behind us starts to come charging back and opened her mouth to spew some more foul stupidity...but took one look in her eyes and stopped and backed off, tripping over her brood of Satan's spawn, upon whom she promptly returns to encouraging to greater haste with random obscenities and slaps to the head. My seatmate turns to me and says..."It's coon like that , who make me ashamed to be a nigga"!..What does a white man respond to a comment like that, my face must have given away my thoughts, because she burst out laughing and complimented me on Rachel and Ed's behavior during the show..and I had to do the daughter/daughter-grandson routine. I always get a kick out of the looks I get from that explanation...lol.

Rachel and I ended up spending the night Thursday also, me because it was planned already the I would babysit while Jenn and Tom both went out in different directions, and Rachel because her mothers live in boyfriend was taken to the hospital with chest pains. Rachel was picked up by the 'ex' this morning and was heading over to 'Bubbies' (the 'ex'es' mother) house for the weekend, to avoid any chance of her having to be driven around in the the snow storm or aftermath, if her mother had to drive to or from the hospital. She could have stayed at Jenn's if needed but after 2 days, and with the expected occurrence of incipient cabin fever and Ed's already overactive hyper drive mechanism, and the general air of tension pervading the air already in such cramped quarters...well, as much as I want her there, it would have been like looking for a gas leak with a match...NOT a good idea! I took off to the Giant and

the library, (where I got a really interesting e-mail from a loyal reader in IRELAND...[I just love this WWW!...international notoriety!!!....LOL!]...more later on that subject), around 1:00 pm to day and will be heading back REEAAALLLL soon, the snow is getting heavier and darkness is near. To tell the truth, it is not THAT bitter cold out there, and if there was any place near the shed to go to and hang out, (which is why the original choice of the shed was it's proximity to the now closed Starbucks), I would just stay there, and deal with it. But!! the whole damn city is about to shut down under the threat of 2 feet..[or MORE!!!, possibly, of snow]..and I don't want to think about the buses...........

Well it should be a good 'snowman snow' {if we can find an area at the apartments free of 'pooch presents'!!}..and Ed is quivering (like my last, tight, taut, stretched to the breaking point nerve) with anticipation.

I'll see you ????? in the next few days...............Dave

P.S. Welcome Follower #10 - Benjamin, thanks for reading!!

This Just In!!

Late Breaking Weather Advisory:

COLD WEATHER STILL.....SUCKS!!!!

Film At Eleven!

"The Twilight Zone....OR....The Outer Limits????................."

Good Afternoon;

So talk about lousy timing.....

I really did not feel that hot yesterday and after agonizing over the expense for a few hours, decided to avoid the hassle of the snow and just get a room. I had the cash to do so, and even though I really did not want to spend it, I needed the .....call it...stress alleviation, non-chemical anti-anxiety relief, or just a chance to spend a night in a warm dry place, BY MYSELF, and for the first time in many months be able to truly physically 'let go', and "unlax", without the tension of always sleeping with one eye/ear open, OR, the unseen and unspoken, but always present 'psychic pressure' one feels in another's 'space', no matter how welcome you are....

So I got a room...

and not 10 damn seconds after paying the NON-REFUNDABLE cash fee for the room....

Jenn calls and asks if I want to crash at their place!

Even though I enjoyed the combination of security and solitude...I would have put up with the tension and bedlam last night just to be out of the weather and the knowledge that I had the money in reserve for another night.

Story of my life..a day late and a dollar short, looking the wrong way or blinking when the once in a lifetime event happens, and TWICE!! falling in love with the wrong sister and realizing it too late!......lol.

I am heading over Jenn's in a bit, and Rachel should be there by then too, and we are going to the ice show and sleeping over tonight..{and if this massive storm heading this way this weekend turns out to be as bad as is being predicted, with "significant!!" (they won't even mention numbers...uh-oh) accumulation...maybe Friday/Saturday also}....[and OH SH*T, I just clicked over to the live weather forecast, and there is ANOTHER storm system due in the area Tuesday....DAMN you Punxatawney Phil!!!].......(so maybe the room WAS karma...and I did/do/will need it more than I realize....LOL).

Here is book I (and Jenn also) just finished reading) for you to check out, and a link to the writer's blog and webpage:

"GirlBomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir" by Janice Earlbaum

http://www.girlbomb.com/

I overheard the 'halfway homeless' part in a conversation and looked at it out of curiosity, and could not put it down. A great story, good writing, and when you finish and want to know what happened to her..(it IS a biography)..check out the site.

I wrote her an e-mail and she responded and checked out our little hot mess here and wrote me back...(and was very supportive)...Thanks Janice!

I gotta tell you, this whole--public library, free computer, Internet access, worldwide electronic community/neighborhood, instant communication thing--is awesome. When anyone, homeowner or homeless and everyone in between has the possibility to connect if they try to......and then there are the "twits".... mundane, profane, or insane....LOL!

I see that Baltimore's new Healthcare For The Homeless facility has opened up, with new offices, staff and services. 131 people serving about 7,000 clients. I guess I ought to go check it out again, though if the reports I heard about folks lining up 2-3 days early just to be seen are true....?????

I had a strange experience this morning, there was a comment on one of the posts, where a man asked me to contact him. He said that maybe we could work something out about me rooming with him, so I e-mailed him from my 'throwaway' address, and he gave me phone number, and I called him from a payphone, ...as you probably can tell I felt a 'weird vibe' from this whole thing. After talking for a few minutes he wanted to meet me, and show me his apartment, but I declined and hung up and quickly left the area..(just in case, because it IS possible to trace a payphone location)..after he mentioned that it was a studio we could 'share' the futon, and how much he liked to sleep with the heat down and 'snuggle' under the quilt....uhhh, seee ya!!!, I gotta admit, I am pretty liberal, basically a "try-sexual".....but he made me feel dirty and unclean!!!.....And he sounded like an alien!! As in "ET...Phone Home" not some dude in front of Home Depot looking for construction work!

Shudder!!! and Eeeewwwww!!!....LOL! Not exactly my idea of "Reach out And Touch Someone"!

Anywhooo.. I'm outta here to go to

....oohhh..oohhh,

I almost forgot to tell you the other reasons I do not want to stay in the shed much any more...

The county police must have reassigned some officers to new or different 'beats', because recently one of them has been sitting in a parking lot on the main road where he does his late night 'paperwork' and can 'see but not be seen until too late' and jump out after speeders...and is in sight of the shed door. The other night when the bladder decided we needed to go for a late night stroll, I opened the door and started to step out and saw the cop car, I eassssed the door shut quietly and went back and turned off the flashlight and stood there in silence, holding my breath and listening for the crunch of tires or feet on the snow. When nothing came of it after 15 minutes or so, I resumed breathing, and grabbed my nearly empty quart bottle of Powerade and 'gave a sample or peed in the cup' as the expressions go, praying the volumes would coincide..(they did, thank goodness!). I was either not seen, or seen and not worried about, either way, another episode that I really would have rather avoided...again.

The footsteps in the snow around and about the shed, though not coming up to the door, the second day after the snow, which were not mine are also worrisome and angst inducing.

Just another footnote in the "Book Of Dave: A Comic Psycho-Drama and Passion Play, (Translated From the Gibberish).

See you Tomorrow.........................Dave

"Groundhog Day......The Sequel..To The Sequel..To The Sequel..To The Sequel......................."

Good afternoon;

Something to think about...it helps keep things in perspective for me.

Every night, when most families are getting ready for a warm night's sleep, they arrive at the plaza in front of the Western Wall and find a spot next to the stairs, near to the men's section. At three in the morning, they move over to the tunnel, which is open between 3 A.M. and 8 A.M. There it is not so cold; there they can sleep. At 8 A.M., they get up, wash their faces and take a bus, and then another bus, until they reach the Housing and Construction Minister's bureau in the center of Jerusalem. That is where they remain for the rest of the day, at the foot of the building. They don't shout and they don't provoke anyone, they merely sit there. A woman and her child, alone. Just so that they should see them, those important people who work in the building, and not forget them. Annetta (not her real name) and her 13-year-old son have been living in the street now for a month and a half. There is not a soul in the Housing Ministry who is not familiar with their story. There is not a soul who does not feel for them. But still there is no one who will end this.
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Annetta does not have the typical profile of a homeless person. She is a strong woman who has worked all her life and raised three children alone. For the past two years, she has been working full-time as a rehabilitation nurse in a private hospital in the Sharon region. She is so well-liked and appreciated that her bosses at work are keeping the job open for her until she manages to arrange housing. They know she is currently living in the street and that it is not clear when this will end, but still they are waiting for her. Were it not for the beatings, she would surely be a success story today. He always came back It all began when she turned 15. The daughter of ultra-Orthodox parents who had immigrated from the former Soviet Union, she was forced to marry, and the beatings started immediately after that. He would punch her, hit her with shoes, pots, a carpet beater and anything he could lay hands on; he would extinguish cigarettes on all parts of her body. This is how her pregnancy passed, and the birth, and almost two years. From time to time, the police would come and take him away, but he would always return and break everything in his path. One day she picked up the boy and left, filled with hope that she could start a new life. She received a divorce and began working as a caregiver on a kibbutz. One of her co-workers introduced her to her brother. He was 20 years older than her, and looked like a man who would help raise her son without making problems. After the scars of the past, she insisted on drawing up a written financial agreement with a lawyer before they were married. However, very soon, life once again became hell. He was jealous of her and began imposing a reign of terror. It did not improve even when she bore him their first joint child, or when, shortly after that birth, he once again made her pregnant. Everyone surrounding them kept insisting they should make peace, but Annetta decided to leave. In the midst of her pregnancy and with two children, she once again sought a new life. However, her husband found her and asked that they make up. In the argument that ensued, he turned violent and hit her in the stomach; she was rushed to hospital in her 27th week with a fetus in distress. A short while later, the baby was born, in serious condition. The doctors diagnosed cerebral palsy and a cleft palate. This meant repeated hospitalizations. Annetta was beside herself: An injured woman alone with a defective baby and two small children at home, the oldest of whom was five. She started missing more and more days of work, the older children did not get enough attention, the problems increased and her income dwindled. The Housing Ministry assisted her with a third-floor public-housing apartment in Karkur, without an elevator, next to the cemetery. According to the rules, a handicapped person is supposed to get public housing on the ground floor or an apartment that is accessible to him, but two and a half years of suffering passed until the ministry found a dilapidated apartment on the ground floor in the Beit Eliezer quarter of Hadera. Annetta immediately signed the contract, but then the little boy's condition began deteriorating. He was hospitalized but died before he was 3 years old. She relates that that very same day, they called to inform her that she would not get the ground floor apartment because the handicapped toddler had died. Since then, eight years have elapsed and the family's condition continues to deteriorate. The children dropped out of school and she had to change jobs frequently, and began working as a cleaner to supplement her income. The younger child was diagnosed with epilepsy and Annetta left her job and took on more cleaning work so that she would be close by. She realized they needed a change. Life next to the cemetery was also not good for them and she wanted to move. She once again approached the Housing Ministry. She says they offered her rent support of NIS 1,250, which they would pay when she signed a contract. She brought her contract but they disregarded it for half a year and then approved a mere NIS 436 per month. And once again there were debts, and once again she could not bear the burden. A proud, hardworking woman who never asked for food baskets and donations, but now she feels she cannot go on any longer. "This is how it was all the time and it never ended; this is how I managed to go on, to work and to keep the children," she says. "But after four years, I felt I couldn't continue. My mother had taken every loan possible and we still hadn't paid our rent. I understood that was the end." A sensitive minister Annetta began knocking on the doors of the various government ministries. Vered Swid, the prime minister's adviser on social affairs, helped her, and in August she began receiving the full NIS 1,250. But the debts had already piled up. On December 17, she put her eldest son into a boarding school but took the younger one with her, and the two of them found a spot outside the Housing Ministry in Jerusalem. The minister of Construction and Housing, Ariel Atias, is a very sensitive person and knows how to act. His personal assistant, Daniel Gabbai, sat with Annetta and checked the options. The only possibility is a public-housing apartment in Safed or Mitzpeh Ramon. Annetta has a job in the Sharon region and her children go to school there. She has an elderly mother living in a one-room apartment in Karkur, and they help one another. She is not refusing to do things, but she knows that if she moves to Safed or Mitzpeh Ramon, she will lose the little that she achieved. Officials in the ministry are well aware of the shortage of public housing. They are genuinely trying to do everything to help her, but the supply of apartments makes it impossible. The minister has instructed them to give her any vacant apartment she agrees to live in, but there is nothing available at a reasonable distance from her workplace and her children's schools. The minister is not responsible for the shortcomings of his predecessors, but he also does not have the wherewithal to correct them. So she is out there in the street. People pass by, make a remark and then continue. Sometimes someone arranges them a hostel room for the night. The Jerusalem municipality's welfare department has paid for extra nights, but that is all. At the end of the day, she will once again go to the Western Wall to sleep, perhaps because there is constant movement there and security cameras that ensure that no harm will befall them. And perhaps because there are people with hearts of stone and stones with the heart of a human being.

Reprinted from Haaretz ( http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1146939.html )

from a forward from Neil..(thanks buddy).

And I thought that Social Services in Baltimore were F*cked Up..(well they ARE, just not this bad!).. when people ask me how and why I have a basically up beat attitude, (yeah I have my depression and bad days, but in moderate incidents mostly), things like this article and the events in Haiti, and China after the recent earthquakes, and even those I see worse off here in Bodymore, Murderland, (on and OFF the streets) make me realize 'it ain't great, but it ain't that bad' comparatively.

I am here at the library showing my son-in-law the procedures to sign on to the computers here, and lending him Rachel's ID/access number because he cannot find his library card. I am taking both my daughters and my grand son to "Disney on Ice " tomorrow...and a year ago we were not speaking! There is a lot to be grateful for in mine and/or any one's life, no matter the situation one is in.

I have been in touch with the 'fact checker' and the editor from Baltimore Mag. regarding the story coming out, most of the info seemed to be correct, but the things that were slightly off by only a nuance or a simple missed number, could have really made a big difference in the chronology of my relationship with Jenn, turning an 18 month gap in to 12 years! I guess that is what they are supposed to catch. I have been vacillating back and forth between anticipation and anxiety over these upcoming articles I am sick to my stomach from the undulation.

I have not been able to talk to Rachel since Thursday, because the 'EX' dropped her phone in a cup of water in the boyfriends car...DUHHH!, You know..He has a phone too, and I e-mailed her a message to call me ASAP, and did get through to her on her phone when she got it working enough to pull numbers from the memory, and she still did not have Rachel call me. But she leaves a message with the cashier at the Giant who sees me most mornings, that she got the e-mail....DUUHHH! I finally tracked her down at her new job to make arrangements for Rachel to be dropped off at Jenn's Wednesday afternoon, and to have her pack an overnight bag because we are spending the night after the ice show. She is SUPPOSED to call me tonight to confirm arrangements, and check on the weather....(The forecast is for about an inch of snow...have I ever told you that... COLD WEATHER SUCKS...?) I will not be surprised if I have to get Tom to drive me over there tonight because I cannot get her on the phone.

She says she has an appointment with Beth Tfiloh for Rachel to be evaluated and interviewed with the possibility of entering kindergarten mid-year, I hope so, because Rachel should and could be in school right now at Cross Country Elementary, ( one of the better rated public schools in the city!!!) but she is being 'home schooled' in a 'hit or miss' basis, by her mother.....(who is a loving ,caring mother, and very intelligent woman, whose unaddressed ADD and other issues are not conducive to the time management and organizational skills and planning and follow through needed to ensure a quality and competitive education)...I am not happy, but at the moment I do not yet have the leverage to force the issue. By September she WILL be in a school, and NOT!!! one of the ultra-orthodox Jewish girls schools either!

Sorry, it's been building up for too long, and this crap with the phone has me pissed.

Speaking of pissed off, I don't know whether to laugh or cry at this....

PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, are protesting against using Punxatawney Phil, a real live grounhog as the official prognosticator of spring, on today February 2nd.."GROUNDHOG DAY". They say it is 'cruel'!?! , an want to use a 'robot' groundhog. This damn rodent lives in a climate controlled luxury habitat better than 95% of the effin' shelters and missions for the homeless, and about 50 times better than where I sleep!

"GET A F*CKING LIFE!!!" some of you people.

In general I support PETA on many if not most big issues, (I don't wear fur for style, but you better believe I am a card carrying carnivore!), but they really can be total assholes a lot of the time. People are dying in Haiti, (and on the streets of America in the cold!), and they are up in arms about an overgrown RAT!

(And FYI: Phil saw his shadow - 6 more weeks of winter!)

Oh Great...another 6 more weeks of ..."COLD WEATHER SUCKS!!!"

Leonard Pitts, columnist for the Miami Herald, and syndicated in the Baltimore Sun had a great column the other day, Jan 31st 2010 , entitled, "Who Speaks For The Poor...Nobody", about the comment of South Carolina's Governor comparing poor people to stray animals... as in --don't feed them, they will ony breed more!--

WHaT THE F*CK!!, you can find the whole column online at http://www.baltsun.com/ (in search box type in Leonard Pitts), or in the print edition from Sunday.

I'm outta time, I guess I'll be back Wednesday morning, unless the snow is heavier than forecast, then maybe Thursday afternoon.

It's off to the starbucks now...(the coffee machine at Giant was broken..AGAIN!!!....LOL)

Later.........Dave

P.S. This is the second time in a week that the quote of the day was used...I do like it!, though I do not choose them.

"HUH!!....Short Term Memory Loss.........HUH...Short Term Memory Loss....HUH.Shorrt Term Memory Loss........"

Good Afternoon;

It is good to have a memory like a goldfish!!

Cold weather sucks and I hate the damn shed, but since I am stuck there for now....the fact that I am in here and warm, and the reality of how damn cold I was has faded..it is a good thing I am easily distracted....OOOOOHHH look butterflies!!!!.....LOL!!!!

Spent Friday and Saturday nights and Sunday Afternoon at Jenn's and Am grateful to have been out of the snow storm....and grateful to be gone too. A confusing duality, but there it is. Too much time in some one ELSE'S place drives me crazy, especially when there is already tension and cramped quarters.

I am not in the mood to write too much now, I have been answering e-mails for the past 2 hours. I am going to the coffee shop, and I will be back with more to say tomorrow.......see you then...........Dave

P.S.... 4017 hits on the blog...way to go people!

"Space Age Technology Needed For My Stone Age Ecology............."

Good Morning;

In a recent survey, 100% of all the homeless bloggers polled concurred:

COLD WEATHER SUCKS!!

Okay, it was so cold out last night, 15 degrees at 3:00 am., that when I finally was forced to crawl out of the bag after 35 minutes of fighting the need, I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital and explain how I got frostbitten on a part of my anatomy where one never wants to be 'bitten' in any way, shape, or form!

Now I know someone from NASA has been looking in on the blog occasionally. So, how about donating one of the surplus...

(that is EXTRA and UNNEEDED!! not USED!!....LOL!!)...:

"Relief Tube and Reservoir Attachment,

For Use In Sealed Spacesuit Environment,

Male--Self Adjusting and Self Sealing"

I'm afraid that one cold night...the expression 'Blue Balls' will be more than just a teenage sexual frustration euphemism!!!..........LOL-[NOT]!!!

I found out that my daughter Jenn was contacted by one of the folks writing about me, I have not spoken to her yet to see if she 'sold me down the river' or not....lol.

(I think she likes the babysitting availability of "Pop-Pop Dave" too much to burn me too bad though.....LOL!)

Still looking for a companion to go see the Charm City Roller Girls on opening night Saturday Jan. 30th at 6:00 pm......any takers???

I really need to go out on a date, and I figure any woman cool enough to do the Roller Derby on a first date....well, we ought to get along pretty good!!

http://www.charmcityrollergirls.com/

(For those who don't realize it, when you roll your cursor over any of the http or www urls that I post, you can 'left click' and go directly to the site I am focusing on, and return here by clicking your 'back arrow'. If you knew this, just FYI, someone asked me what it meant when "all those letters kept changing color"............lol)

I'm heading over for coffee and lunch now to Starbucks, I'll be at Jenn's tonight and maybe tomorrow also...(unless I get lucky with my appeal for feminine camaraderie and we hit it off with such an instant connection that I am offered overnight accommodations...with or without intimacy options...[though one can always hope and dream...right?]...call me???.....text me???.......come find me in the next few hours at the coffee shop???....{what?? me ?? desperate??.......LOL}...........), so I may not be back until Sunday afternoon,....(or even Monday, if the gods of love smile upon me!......LOL).............!

Have a good weekend, and while you are bitching about the snow, (if it does), remember how lucky we are to have a place to stay in, out of the elements. Even my shed, crappy as it is, hasn't violently collapsed around my head....be grateful we are not in Haiti, and do what you can to help...........

...............later.......Dave

http://www.hopeforhaitinow.org/

or

1-877-99-HAITI

P.S.-...........By the time I get back online, we will have surpassed 4000 visitors the this little 'exercise in exorcism',

Thanks to all who came and who came back,

I hope you have been entertained, and possibly enlightened,

you make it all worthwhile, I would still probably write even if no one was reading, but your interest and support, encounters and conversations,and,...

in a few very special occurrences,

the deep and meaningful friendships and relationships, and...

the love which has been shown me, and which I am priveledged to share and return, is both reward and validation...............Dave

"Caution.........."

Hell Again;

Just read about the attack on a man at Mt Washington under the JFX.

I travel that path every day and night and have never seen or had any problems.

...Dave