As I was saying;
I went out again this afternoon and just smiled and projected the same vibe of 'Que sera sera' and right off the bat it seemed to be returned, I guess the fine weather also improves every one's mood. I left after an hour because the angle of the Sun and the reflection off the cars was becoming painful and actually causing a feeling of vertigo and nausea. As I was waiting for the train this kid comes up to me and asks if I'd buy him some food. I asked him if he really wanted to eat or needed to get well? He told me he wanted to get high, but was trying to quit. I gave him half of my last 'bupe' and took him to the store and helped him figure out some things that would keep in the heat and were a decent value and would not get too busted up during travel. I bought him a bus pass from someone who was selling one for a buck and put him on the train. He had a friend who would pick him up in Glen Burnie if he was serious about getting clean, so I called her and arranged for her to meet him at the station. I wished him good luck and God Bless, and told him to do the same for someone else when he asked how to pay me back, he said,"Oh..Just like the movie!" Yeah I said..'Pay It Forward'. One of the 12 step maxims that I still practice and believe in is..'ya gotta give it away to keep it'.
So I still have some cash in my pocket and I'm not going to count it 'til later...kinda like playing poker...LOL...(Oh yeah, I forgot, I bought a Keno ticket last night at the gas station for a buck, and kept 'reinvesting' the $2.00 I kept winning every other game for about an hour and a half, and just when I decided not to play anymore..on my last game, hit for $25.00, so I've eaten decent today, paid a few small personal debts, passed on some of the largess, and put some away for Rachel. I am using whatever I have in my pocket tonight for dinner and breakfast and to search out and buy meds tomorrow. My friend Monkee is still dealing with her personal trauma, and the doctor at Jai is still out...oh well...WTF!...(that's street slang for que sera sera.......LOL).
I am really excited about an upcoming lunch that I have been invited to, I have been having an e-conversation for a few months with a lady, who shall remain Nameless, and have come to look forward to her comments, opinions, and the interest, care and concern she has expressed. She is a reader of the blog also. And get this...we met online on Craigs List...AND SHE'S NORMAL!........LOL. But seriously, I wanted to leave a copy of my poetry at the lobby of the building where she works, and she complimented my ingenuity. I was trying to keep a proper sense of propriety, because there were no plans to meet in our initial contact and ground rules, so I did not want to cross any lines. Well she wrote back and suggested we meet for lunch one day, not a Date, just lunch..(so I am still available ladies....LOL), but it works for me and my self esteem and ego. One of my biggest desires is to be trusted as well as liked, and things like this are an affirmation.
Also, you remember that I met Angela the lady who let me stay in her house and I cleaned a bit for her, well she sent me a supporting note wishing me luck in court. It was nice to know that she is still reading. there is also Mary, who picked me up at the train, took me to her house and let me bathe, wash clothes and fed me cheese steaks..(well her daughter Sam did....LOL). Folks like this are the reason that I keep my faith, however much it may waver at times, it is still enough to make me halt and take a breath, and then another, and one more, and so on until the desire to 'give in to giving up' fades to where I can take back control.
If only I could bottle and preserve for later use days like these, well if industry can trade and exchange "CO-2 credits and pollutant debits" back and forth....why can't I trade "serotonin credits" and "depression debits"?.....LOL
I'm going to sign off now while I am in such fine fettle................Thank You, for reading and coming back for more.....I guess I am either entertaining.....or I appeal to an audience of masochists....LOL..................see ya .............Dave
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