Sunday, November 30, 2008

Rainy days and Sundays always get me down.....

It's raining like God's decided to give the world another enema!!
I've spent the morning in Starbucks (Yeah I know it's "corporate", but it's close and they're really laid back and they know me and treat me like a person), there were 11(eleven) people on the waiting list for the computers before i got on, and more now so this will be short today. My Osteo-arthritis is kicking in, I think I have to get to the Jai Medical Center on Monday..Wait...Wait..Wait. is the order of the day there, Oh Well.. I'm going to go over my ex's to see my daughter tonite and shower...times up bye.......Dave

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Black Friday

Yesterday truly was a "black friday" for me, my cyclical depression kicked in and began a down hill run that looks to be equal to any triple black diamond ski slope.
The combination of all the sales hype and the desire (both retailer manufactured and my own true wishes ) to buy and give gifts, offset by the total lack of funds and with no relief in sight on my personal financial horizon, has given rise to those feelings of worthlessness and despair that are so deadly to those of us here at the bottom. Add to the mix my increasing anxiety at not having any luck finding a place to permanently stay ( one NOT permeated by an atmosphere of addictive behaviors, or mental illness, or just stupidity, ignorance, and lack of basic manners and civility....there are plenty of these types of places to be! ). Also, troubling me is an increasing sense of paranoia, some of it justified by the behavior of the cop previously mentioned, but a lot just baseless yet still debilitating. Being a part of the 4 day weekend, many of the people whom (who?) I regularly see were off work, thus adding to my feeling of isolation.
I did not get a chance to see or be with Rachel,(my daughter), which is another reason for the sense of loneliness.
At the same time, my feelings of gratitude and thankfulness are active, I was treated to a sandwich and coffee, and offered the extra food items by my wonderful, caring friends at Starbucks...THANKS GUYS!, and the one woman who commutes to Balto. from PA., AGAIN gave me a few dollars, even after I told her that it was not necessary to do so each time she sees me, that I deeply appreciated, her generosity at any frequency, and she insisted, SO....... being near broke, practicality won and I accepted..But if my friend (I don't even know her name) you are reading this...I am going to treat you to coffee one morning soon!!
I am also grateful to Monkee and thankful that we met and that I learned of Buprenorphine from you...IT SAVED MY LIFE!!!
times up gotta go bye....Dave

Friday, November 28, 2008

The day after......

Hi there, it's the day after turkey day and the library has reopened. One of the of the worst things about being on the street is having nowhere to go on holidays, because everything is closed, (bars are an option, but, if I am going to one I would prefer to make it an occasional social, or cuilinary destination, rather than just a place to be). I tend to spend my time in a coffee shop or the library, (when I am not sitting in social svc. agncy. or drs. office waiting rooms), or taking advantage of my monthly bus pass and riding the train or light rail. There are also galleries and museums with no admission charges that I go to when I can find a secure place to leave my things. One of the other really bad things about being on the street is having no where to just leave things safely,( clothes, toiletries, sleeping bag, essential papers ) that might be needed at a moments notice. It is not cool to try to enjoy an exhibit while carrying a duffel and a sleeping bag and being followed by security. I am lucky (blessed) with a place for long term storage and places to bathe and change, and food is rarely in issue. But having nowhere to just be able to "BE" is a major factor in my clinical depression an G.A.D., mental health issues.
Coffee shops
The place I spend the most time is in Coffee shops, I can nurse a cup of coffee and a few refills, buy a pastry and only spend a few dollars, all the while killing 2,3,or even 5 hours in a warm, dry place. Getting to know the staff and regulars is part of my routine and gives me the needed social interaction I crave within the confines of "normal" society. Being naturally gregarious I am looking for "CHEERS" on a lower budget, and without the alcohol(sometimes). OOPS computer time's up and it's crowded today, gotta go.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

One Bad Apple.........

One member of a group or organization can sometimes perpetuate an image or stereotype, painting others with the same brush. I had an incident with a Baltimore city cop yesterday that really pissed me off. I was standing on the median strip with my sign requesting help.." HOMELESS....PLEASE HELP....NEED A ROOM, WILL WORK FOR RENT!!...
THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS " when a cop stops in front of me, blocking traffic, and gets out of the car and starts making comments (to another cop in another car, stopped behind her's) about how I am " Right in her face " and to " get out of here, I don't want to see you again" {direct quotes} and how I am disrespecting her? by aggressive panhandling [which I WAS NOT] and generally being poor and homeless, {paraphrase}. This is the same cop who ignored the old black drunk on the opposite side of the street who was actually going up to vehicles and knocking on the windows!! ( and she could not have not seen him as she sat right next to him as the light changed.) This is the same cop who gave me a criminal citation that was thrown out of court back in July for being an unjustified citation!!. I have been told by other officers to "watch out " for her. I have been given gifts of food and treated to hot coffee on freezing days by other officers on duty and been handed donations of cash by Balto. City, M.T.A., School System, both City and County Sheriffs, State Police and City officials in City cars and Trucks, and their private vehicles. I have been asked to move on occassionaly by other City Police, when traffic or weather warranted, and I have always been treated with dignity abd respect, or at the very least simple but curt politeness. In a city with such a violent crime rate, where there has been a killing/homicide a DAY for the past week(!), why is this woman singling out a peaceful homeless person for harassment? OK, that's enough bitching for today, I am heading out now to try and make enough money for my Meds. for the 4 day holiday weekend. ..Happy Thanksgiving...........Dave

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Welcome; cont'd.

Hi , I'm back, I have been out on the streets just about 2 yrs. now, and fighting with the bureaucracy for 3 yrs. trying to resolve disability isssues, it's been an extreme rollercoaster ride. I hope that with the election and inaugaration of Pres. Obama that things will be made more accessible to those who need them.
I'd like to thank the folks at rhe Pikesville Starbucks, their courtesy and kindnesses have kept me feeling like a member of society, and the little "extras" you all have done have helped to keep me fed and warm.
It's time to go try and increase my net worth by about 200%.... one shiny Quarter and crumpled dollar bill at a time...Back soon........... Dave

First Post

Welcome to my World

My name is Dave C. and I am currently homeless on the streets of Baltimore, Maryland

hence, the cute title to the blog. This is my first experience blogging and is being done at the public library computers, so the entries may be a bit erratic in coming. I just wanted to record my journey through homelessness and my thoughts on life. I have actually found so much more kindness and compassion than I ever would have expected, sometimes in the strangest places and from the least expected sources. I hope anyone who reads this will be entertained and possibly informed as to some of the realities of Life on the Street from my viewpoint. I am out of computer time ...more later....... Dave