Monday, August 31, 2009

"Fair Trade Practices............."

Good Evening;
It has been a pretty good couple of days, both financially and weatherwise. I actually had to crawl in side my sleeping bag early this morning, quite a change, close to 45 degrees worth inside the 'shed', and I am not talking about bisecting a right angle either.
I was out in the corner Sunday morning early, about 10 minutes to 9:00 am., and stayed for close to 3 hours and netted about $33.00, then went out to the coffee shop, and had a decent meal, I splurged on the GOOD roast beef, so rare it bit back, and the TOP SHELF horseradish cheddar cheese, so sharp I cut myself, and an awesome local tomato,so fresh I had to slap it, with Hellman's..(the only worthwhile mayo, unless I am making my own, and I don't have a battery operated food processor at the, on a bakery club roll, so flaky it reminded me of one of the psychos I used to date.....yum!! I ran into Ted, and his new (to Baltimore anyway) wheels....(Shweeeet ride buddy!!! ), and we chatted awhile, and he donated to my "I'm Taking To The State Fair One Way Or Another Fund", many thanks.
I went out this morning also, and thought I would get there real early, so as to miss the 'junky-crackhead-dopefiend' crew, but the girl was already there, so I missed rush hour on the 'good' side of the street...but 'it was all good' as we say on the streets, in the 35 minutes on the west side of North Ave....$2.00= 2 people, on the east side by I-83 after she left, the first car to stop, in the first 2 minutes, handed me a $20.00 bill, this was someone who I have seen before, though not for a while, and he always seems embarrassed, and always gives me a $20.00. He shyly said 'hi', and pulled off, and I packed up and headed to MICA to see Michelle, who did a 'Get Smart' on me, the security guard telling Maxwell Smart would say..."Missed Her By THAT Much".....LOL.........Hi Michelle!!! Then I tried to stop by the offices of The Jewish Times to say hello to Neil...the guards at the desk at The Associated gave me bum directions and I never did find the right building. So I went out to Starbucks....(where else) for coffee and an 'extreme value' lunch from the Giant, with the Bonus card, the coupon, and the sale price, I got an $8.00 sandwich for $1.25, plus $0.21 for a tomato!...(and I still had Pringles and white chocolate Macadamia nut cookies..[at $2.00 off] from yesterday)!
My friend who prefers to remain anoymous asked me how I was set and I told him of my quest to take Rachel to the fair, and he slipped me $20.00...Todah!!
I went to Monkee's this afternoon and spent $10.00 on my meds for the next 4 days, so I am set there. I am very close to having enough for the fair and a 'buffer' for an emergency. tomorrow I am going out again and try to hit the rush hour for that and my bus pass for the month.
.....times up ....................see you tomorrow....................Dave

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Random Ruminations.............OR.............Just Chewing My Cud................."

Hello Again;
This is a collection of observations, thoughts, ironic comments, bitches-whines-moans, etc., that have struck me over the past week, and which I have either forgotten to include or are spontaneously occurring as I write this entry.
Insanity and Inanity;
I was sitting on the stone wall in front of the Md. State Police Headquarters the other morning waiting for the bus to the Metro as I headed in town to catch the morning rush hour. Walking down the Reisterstown Rd. were 2 of Pikesville's assemblage of homeless folks, a man, Barry, whom I call 'Rainman'..(as in Dustin Hoffman in the movie of the same name, but EVEN more annoying and much less charming, with the same habit of repeating the same phrase or comment over and over and over and over......), who I have talked to, and heard on the bus and other places...[see following]...and who I now avoid if at all humanly possible, and a woman, of unknown name, who I have seen frequently, sometimes alone, but mostly in his company, and have never actually talked to, but I have watched and listened to her, and whom I also WILL cross the street to avoid. They are more annoying than threatening, but he is leech like if you respond to him, and Don't Ever disagree with him if you want to escape WITH your sanity intact, (and WITHOUT the possibility of being charged with 'justifiable homicide'......LOL). But I digress, they are walking down the street having an animated four (yes 4!)way, conversation, when Rainman stops to pick up some sort of paper trash off the sidewalk, and begins to examine it and pontificate on it, still speaking to the woman AND to some unseen conversant. By this time she has crossed Church Lane, not even knowing he is not still beside her, and STILL carrying on her dual conversations. I was not close enough to hear every word, but not a single one of the 'participants' was relating to what any of the others said.................LOL!!!
You had to be there, I am not doing justice to the comedic value of the situation!
This is the guy who walks in to the library with his Sherlock Holmes style pipe, (not lit), and starts saying comments to the effect of 'same people, every day' liberally interspersed with random rantings and assorted curse words, in a not quite undertone, kind of 'sotto voce' as it were.
Rice Crispy Critters
The other night as I got off the bus I headed over to the 'Dunkin Dumpster' to see what was available on the 'black bag buffet'...(it was a 'dead-broke' night, with not even a $1.00 to plunge on the Keno, and no coffee, much less breakfast money for the morning)...when I heard voices coming from the side of the Staples Office Supply store, but out of sight. I carefully looked closer and saw Rainman and friend, (another homeless man, I am not sure which one, as I did not investigate any further), sitting in a stairwell leading to the basement of the store. Rainman was lecturing, (his normal style), the other guy on why some shopkeeper who sked him to leave and stop bothering the customers, who had complained, was racist, and at the same time how he, Rainman, did not need the psych meds he had been prescribed and that it was all a fact EVERYTHING in the world was nothing but a conspiracy...( to what end he did not get into, and if EVERYONE was involved...who was being conspired against was not real clear......ROTFLMAO!!). I was being discreet and trying not to noticed as I approached the 'after hours donut dispensary' and was not paying too much attention to the asphalt on the parking lot, as a quick glance had shown no obstacles in my way, so when I started to hear and actually feel through my shoes, an extremely loud and very crunchy, 'snap, crackle, and pop, pop, pop.....' I thought it was just pieces of plastic cup or to go containers, or spilled chips or popcorn...BUT as I turned on my flash to see if the bags were still sealed and clean....I happened to look down and see hundreds of large black shapes scurrying around on the ground around the dumpster I realized they were all roaches, not the little brown German Cockroaches that infest the city and which most people think of, nor were they the 3 inch black and brown water bugs you sometimes see in your cellar, but a carpet of inch and a half to two inch, (1 1/2"--2") black 'Cuccarachas'....well, WTF!, I'm already there, so I grab a half dozen donuts and put them in a Ziploc Storage Baggie and high stepped out of there, pop, pop, popping all the was just like running on a sheet of black bubble wrap...except that bubble wrap does not spew yellow, white, and brown bug guts ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!!!.......YEECCCHHHHH!!!! The first thing I did was go over to the gas station to hose off my shoes, and step in a puddle of gasoline, and when they were almost dry, put a match to them to sterilize them, then rinse them again.
Then...I ate a donut, it turned out to be a chocolate iced, custard filled....
I want to profess my gratitude to those who have stopped and gave me a donation as I was on the side of the expressway ramp this week, particularly the gentleman who made the left from North Ave., honking his horn to get my attention and gave me a $10.00 bill, and the lady who went around the block and apologized for not stopping the first time because she did not recognize me and thought that I was one of the 'tag team junkie duo' until she was already past. I also want to thank those who did not give anything (And those who did give too,of but stopped to ask how I have been and where I have been the past 8 months. It means a lot that you remembered, and that you took the time to stop and ask, at the risk of pissing off the traffic behind you...............THANKS!!
Time to "Sh*t Or Get Off the Pot"!
I think that I have been guilty of a certain amount of hubris, and standing out there on the days when I just barely made enough to cover my meds was a reminder to retain a sense of humility, and not to place TOO much faith or pride in my ability to make myself as comfortable as possible at almost any level of misery I find myself in. It can be too easy to stop striving and just 'settle', not exactly giving up, but giving in. A case of "Better the Devil You Know...Than The Devil You Don't" perhaps. Anyway, I appreciate all the good wishes, and realize that the act of meeting people, new people that is, somewhat sympathetic new people, in a situation in which I have Some control over..(in this case I can walk away from the car, if threatened or made to feel uncomfortable), is something I sorely need. I have been in a rut for too long now, since just after 'OUR' Starbucks closed and the 'new' wore off the the St. Thomas store, and I have actually lost ground, physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically, and in a way most important, being at the crux of all the others, socially.
I know I need to get some assistance, I cannot do it myself at this point, (without a place to live and/or a 'stake' or 'seed money' from some one philanthropic, but I am not holding my breath), but at the same time I just cannot totally surrender any and all independence, which is what some organizations require, it is too much like being locked up, (being told when to eat, when to sleep, and when to sh*t....literally!!!). I'm not sure what to do or where to go, and the anxiety attacks that occur when I get caught up in the whole depression cycle of'll never get any don't deserve any better....BECAUSE you don't deserve any better, it won't get any infinitum. (The crap in my head is much, much, much more subtle that those statements, they are just for illustrative purposes to show the gist.)
So I am out of time again.........................see you all Monday...............Dave
And THANKS..for reading, for listening, for if I can only get you to send money......................LOL.........but seriously, I do appreciate all who check out my...
"Exercise In Exorcism"


Good afternoon;

The next person who says to me, "It's not the's the humidity", is gonna get 'Z-slapped'!!,....Duh!!!, most of these 'weather philosophers' total outdoor experience consists of travel between an air conditioned building and an air conditioned car, and back in to an air conditioned building. Spend a couple hours in the sun with me and then let's talk....(or we can switch sleeping arrangements for a night..YOU stay in the 'shed' where the temp during the (sunny) day can be a good 10-15 degrees higher than the ambient air temp. outside, and at night after midnight when I usually lay down, the upper 3 feet or so...(roof tops out at around 7 feet)...can be 20 degrees higher than floor level. One can get soaking wet just trying to lay out the sleeping mat and taking off shoes and undressing.

I had company last night, as I was about to stretch out I saw the 'Cricket From Hell' by my pillow, I mean this sucker had to be nearly a foot long and 6 inches high, with a chirp that topped out at around the same decibel level as a 747 Jumbo jet on it's takeoff run. We're talking bad 1960's Japanese horror movie creature feature insect that was exposed to an atomic radiation leak!!! And it wanted to play!!,...and sing!! When I tried to swat it with a shoe, it took it away from me and shook a claw at me, saying "Naughty, naughty, that's a no-no", and gently slapped me upside the head. When I came to, I lured it outside with a stray cat that was hanging around, and threw the cat in the midst of a bunch of 'skate punks' who were on the parking lot of the Giant raising hell, and went back inside and and barred the door with my piece of angle iron.....I heard one of the kids scream, "Shoot it..Shoot it", and I shouted out, "No, No, Bullets only make him Angry!!". After the screaming stopped and the crunching and chewing noises ended, I heard a loud belch and hopping sounds fading into the distance, and I fell asleep.

I woke at 4:30 am. to pee and thought I would stay awake until 5:30 and catch the early bus to the Starbucks for a change, (I have not been there before 10:00 am. in a good while, and I know Mitch and the other morning patrons are wondering what happened to me) and then go hit the corner before the dope fiends and crackheads. But..I fell back asleep with my phone's light on and my book, (Dick Francis--'Slay Ride'), on my face, and it was 9:45 when I got up. I am still stiff and sore from my "Close Encounter Of The Asphalt Kind" from the other evening, so getting moving takes a few extra moments. I went to the Giant to wash up, etc., and get some coffee and some breakfast, (there was a 16 oz. pkg. of Perdue(?) Honey BBQ Wings that normally retails for $6.99, on sale for $2.99 with Bonus Card,..WITH!! a $2.00 off sticker on it...can't beat them savings! With the chips and rolls I already had, and the generic pop tarts, I got a local tomato for $0.68, and found some Minute Maid Orangeade at $1.00 @ half gallon, so some salt and mayo packets from the salad bar were free and so was the coffee. Breakfast and leftovers for $2.67.

I went to check my Mega-Millions ticket, and I am sorry to say, I am going to be writing under this title for a bit longer..................sigh. I spent $2.00 on a Keno and a scratchoff, and won $2.00 so I broke even there. After I (eventually) leave here I am going out into the heat.....AND, to try to get some cash for the State Fair on Wednesday with Rachel, (Neil....Any FREE Coupons?...or Discounts?) I've got $20.00 all day ride coupons for Labor Day,(only), but most likely Rachel will not be available, probably a cookout at bubby and zaidy's, (the 'ex', so I am shooting for the middle of the week, it is usually the least crowded day also. I'm going to see what I can come up with, and depending on the amount, I'm going to 'invest'...HAH! the State Of Maryland's general Fund, and see if Lady Luck still loves me...and
I am that point where I need a shower badly again, so I am going over to my e-mail now, and see who I can reach.
--Any offers are welcome.--
I'll be back with some thoughts and observations, I have to sign off and on again now,

P.S..............How about those she a natural or what?

Friday, August 28, 2009

"Photo Op!!!"

Hello Again;
I just got a flash drive and learned how to import pictures....y'all are in for it now!!!!....LOL
Meet my 'Raison D'etre'!
I'm off to get some coffee, I have not had any in 2 days, and some food, I think I'll go to the Starbucks, I have not been there much either. In fact the only reason I was in a Starbucks yesterday was by chance, I was getting off the Light Rail at Mt . Washington at 8:50 pm. and had to use the bathroom REEEAALLLY badly. so i ran in and out of the Starbucks there at closing time...Seeya later ............Dave

"Let there be light!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Good Afternoon;
Well it's Friday afternoon and I'm in the library avoiding the rain,
last night was enough for me! I just made it into the shed at 10:45 pm. before it started and when it stopped about 10 minutes late I thought it was over, that's what I get for thinking! Around 30 minutes later the lightning started and did not stop for 3 hours, the thunder faded in and out, and the rain stopped and started,(and I was able to rearrange pieces of cardboard stuck up in the ceiling to compensate for the new cracks and crevices that have appeared due to the extended dry period and the streak of 90 degree days we had, so I stayed rreasonably dry..EXCEPT for this extremely mobile leak that kept changing locations every time I decided that I had it plugged up at last and lay it the Chinese Water Torture, or waterboarding.................but......aaarrrrrggghhhhh!!!!!.............LOL), but the lightning kept up, the shed is full of holes and cracks that allow a little bit of air and a lot of interestingly shaped fragments of light in....(these are besides the water leaks), the lightning storm was centered right over me in Pikesville, and the intensity of the flashes was such that I was treated to a wonderful light show, better that most rock concert laser shows!! only I had had some 'Pink Floyd'-"Dark Side Of The Moon" to go with it, (and some nice sticky purple...........sshhhhh!!!)
Anyway....I have been going down to the I-83 ramp the past few mornings to catch the tail end of rush hour, I wanted to get out earlier, but circustances, such as being up all one night having to run to the gas station to use the bathroom, and then falling back asleep, or the buses and trains screwing around and making me miss connections, and increase travel time to a ridiculous level, or, when I do get there early enough, the 'crackhead junkie bitch' is already out there, which means the cops will be there soon to run her off or lock her up, and I am NOT hanging around for that.
But, I made enough for meds and food, and if I can get $30.00 I want to take Rachel out to The State Fair in Timonium...............
Times up..........later.........Dave

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

"No Brake Lights...No Skid Marks..........NO MERCY!!!!!......"

Good Evening;
Well I am here at the library this evening thanks to the grace of God, and NO thanks to the ignorant, self centered, self involved little, "Why should I pay attention to traffic laws" Orthodox brat who was talking on her cell phone as she drove over the curb while looking at the books she checked out of the library, not bothering to watch the road as she sideswiped me as I crossed the street on a GREEN light!!!, Then did not stop after I fell down, and gave ME a dirty look...still yapping on her cell phone! I am slightly bruised and scratched, but okay. Although I did not get the license tag...I DO know the car, and the driver!!!!! Winesses wanted to call the police, but I put a stop to that idea quickly.....I'll deal with it at a future date.
News Flash!!
Scientists Isolate "STUPID" Gene;
ALL Prospective Parents To Be Tested, BEFORE Having Children,
Related Item;
Comic Bill Engvald Out Of Job;
Says, Quote.."It's Worth It!"
Monday evening I tried to go out to the corner, but the cops were running everyone, everywhere off the streets...
Oh Yeah..that's right Monday Night Football was in town.....and of course Baltimore has no poor or homeless people on the streets that the national news media might accidentally photograph or
Yesterday, and today, I hit the corner around 8:00 am. for a change of pace, I have to get out there tomorrow around 6:30 am...
It's closing time..I'll be back in the morning.........Dave

Monday, August 24, 2009

"Let Us Now PRAY/PREY.............................."

Good Afternoon;

I was at the Starbucks last night, sitting outside after closing, when a woman and her daughters, ages 6-ish and 11-ish (?), came out of the BaskinRobins and sat at one of the tables. The girls quickly got uo and ran screaming down the sidewalk and stod thee a few storefronts away pointing and screeching at the huge bug that was about to 'get them' It turned out to be a adult Praying Mantis, in the prime of it's life, flying around and bouncing off the glass and the lighting fixtures and occasionally resting on the back of a chair or clinging to the bricks. Being the repository of so much useless 9in most cases), but fascinating trivia that I am, I of course told them it was harmless to people, and did not bite, and was actually a beneficial insect that was protected by law. After the kids, Annika and Aja..?..(Asia), lost interest their mom, Dawn and I went on talking, covering subjects from the mating habits and sexual proclivities of the Mantis and the Black Widow Spider....(and many of the psychotics that I have dated, when I forgot THE!!! 'Cardinal Rule Of Romance'...---..."NEVER Sleep With Anyone Crazier Than Yourself!!!"...and boy do I have the scars..and I'm not talking prove it!!!....See warning in red below.),
Reprinted From WIKIpedia:
The reason for sexual cannibalism has been debated, with some considering submissive males to be achieving a selective advantage in their ability to produce offspring. This theory is supported by a quantifiable increase in the duration of copulation among males who are cannibalized, in some cases doubling both the duration and the chance of fertilization. This is further supported in a study where males were seen to approach hungry females with more caution, and were shown to remain mounted on hungry females for a longer time, indicating that males actively avoiding cannibalism may mate with multiple females. The act of dismounting is one of the most dangerous times for males during copulation, for it is at this time that females most frequently cannibalize their mates. This increase in mounting duration was thought to indicate that males would be more prone to wait for an opportune time to dismount from a hungry female rather than from a satiated female that would be less likely to cannibalize her mate. Some consider this to be an indication that male submissiveness does not inherently increase male reproductive success, rather that more fit males are likely to approach a female with caution and escape.
to the kids fountain at the Inner Harbor to passages from Ecclesiastes to living on the street, ....etc....etc.....etc. it was a nice time. And as she was leaving, she hands me a five dollar bill.....I am grateful and touched at both her generosity and her graciousness.
Dawn, if you are reading this..please stop back some time and I will buy you a cup of coffee, I enjoyed the company..(the girls

It is funny how so many strange subject act as icebreakers for me, to allow my natural gregariousness to overcome the currently depression fed shyness with strangers that really does affect me, though those who know me do not get a chance to see it in action....(duh....thank you 'Obvious Man' for that

I kinda figure I'll meet the next woman I get involved with an auto accident....oops, been there--done that;......or maybe in a 12 step group....oh yeah, ditto;......or perhaps in the ER/OR/ICU/Recovery Room of a hospital....hmmm, now that I think about it, I can reference some of those scars mentioned previously to this; or at a Halloween party, with both parties in costume..or in total pitch darkness until the next morning... when meeting 'face to face' as it were for the first time......"No,No,.....we're SECOND's cool"...'trick!! or treat??';....
or Anonymously, on the Internet, in a chat room for "??????"....never happen, you say......(ROTFLMAO!!!....have I ever mentioned my daughter Rachel);.....or at the resort hotel, with one member of the family working in the kitchen with me...and the other working in housekeeping in the laundry...(so we always knew which rooms were, and me not knowing they were related until Joann asks me how serious it is with Dawn..(NOT the young woman from last night), and when I try to gracefully as possible under the circumstances, (I was a wee bit "vulnerable" at the time, ) evade the question, she responds with.."Well, being her mother I think I have a right to know....."!! yikes!!, talk about a conversation Island/Selbyville, Del.....there is a reason it is called 'slower Delaware'......and it is not referring to the pace of life.....).......; For me a "normal relationship" was one where I was 100% sure of my partners gender and she was not actively trying to kill me..........LOL!!!; Well it was always so insane, there were the sisters who were born exactly almost to the minute, one year apart on November 19th, who I stayed friends with and dated almost up until the day they each married (someone else but
I've refined my needs and desires to the minimum these days, having realized that every woman is beautiful. I do have three 'written in stone' qualifications/qualifiers that I insist on these days though;
Number One is a Practical...AND!!!! Practicing, knowledge of personal hygiene!
Number Two is....................A PULSE!!
Number Three...(and I am willing to waive this one for extenuating circumstances) Oustanding Felony Warrants!!
Here is a short and touching poem on the ups and downs of...
Hit me, beat me,
Kick me when I'm down...
Stab deep, and twist the blade....
Ah love!!....ain't it grand.
thank you.....
Anyway enough silliness. Yesterday I went past Monkee's early, this one pill at a time deal can get to be a drag, time and transportation -wise, then hit the corner about 10:30 am. for around 2 and 1/2 hours, it was actually quite pleasant for a change, at least until the dope fiend showed up and tried to get me to move so he could have 'my' corner. I told him no, and he eventually went away to the otherside of the street until somebody chased him off for bothering his girlfriend at her car window. I ended up with $20.00 and had decent meal and finally got some real coffee in me. I went to the cofee shop in the afternoon and read and watched Jerry Lewis' "The Nutty Professor", baet the hell out of the Eddie Murphy remake, the special features on the disc, about Jerry Lewis' career after he and Dean Martin split up was as good as the movie. Did you know that he invented the video system that all moviemakers now have on the cameras that allows them to immediately see what the scene will lok like on film??? Neither did I!
I am going out now to the corner and then down to Monkee's to pay her and get enough of my meds for a week if I can. tomorrow I am supposed to go back to D.S.S.,....AGAIN! I wish they could figure out what is what so I can get to the doctor's and get my prescription for blood pressure meds.
time is up..........gotta go....see you later...................Dave

Saturday, August 22, 2009

"Movin' On.....Movin' Out....Movin' Up...................."

I just checked out my Friends' website..
and on the Ever Changing Page portion, the latest post just kicked me in the head. I left a comment there that also can stand alone as a thought here, so I copied it and pasted it.
Inette and ‘Iokepa;
Aloha, and thank you for one of the most powerful and personally meaningful pieces of writing that I have read here. The struggle between faith-fear-faith is a universal constant for all of us who strive to understand how to live in a manner that is in balance, with man, with nature, with “God” (as defined by each one individually).As the ties that bind me here are frayed, break, rot, snap ,and/or are cut, my desire to embark on a journey such as yours, both in a physical and a spiritual sense, grows daily. The thirst for knowledge, perhaps even enlightenment, begins to mesh with the call to travel, to experience somewhere new. Your stories give the hope I need, that I WILL have the strength to let go of the material. Now, what keeps me bound in place is mainly the fear of hurting or losing Rachel. I read you words and feel them inside me, and am heartened by the idea that I WILL know when the time is right, when I am ripened, so to say, when I am Ready. Again, I thank you, for your words, and your friendship…

"My Sentiments Exactly........OR........Proud to Be Politically Incorrect!!...."

I just saw the greatest tee shirt, it had a picture of Stewie, from "Family Guy"..(on of THE most wonderfully outrageous shows on the idiot box!!!), and the quote...
"I Like You....When the world is MINE, Your death will be quick and painless."
Such compassion, a true reincarnation of Albert Schweitzer or Mother Teresa!
And right after that, I saw 2 'yo boys' asked to leave the library, because they could not complete a sentence without at least 10 'YOs', 6 ' Bitches and/or 'HOs' and a dozen 'niggas', richly interspersed among all this was every possible version of the word "F*ck", used as a noun, verb, adverb, and adjective....quite frequently appended to the word 'Mother", and all uttered at top volume across the room, while wearing headphones.
(And before anyone calls me a racist, one of the assholes was white, of the genus commonly termed..'wigger')
Until HIS time comes, all we can do to help, is euthanize the terminally stupid, the incurably uncivil, and the irredeemably rude............oh, and all the 'geniuses' who wear the waistbands of their pants around their thighs!
Or, as Bill Engvald would say....."Here's Your Sign".....

"Afternoon Delight........................."

Good afternoon;
Actually it is good morning for me, I just crawled out of 'bed', (and I use the term, about 10:45 am. I woke up to go to the 'bathroom', (again a liberal, around 6:30 am. and since it was still reasonably cool in comparison to the past 2 weeks, I went back to sleep for a few hours. When I did finally wake up, I just lay there for awhile, having no real reason to be anywhere, or do anything, or see anybody. This was the first true sleep I have had in weeks, (last night I 'slept' through the noise of the workers and machinery, but that was because I was so physically exhausted that my body just shut down and I passed out), and between yesterday's shower and being rested, I fell pretty good, despite the fact that the 'end of the month fiscal funk' has again reared it's ugly head.

I'm down to $1.43 in coin and $0.46 left on my card, no refills on my blood pressure prescription, and I have to wait until Tuesday to before I can get in at the clinic, only 1/4 of a 'bupe' left, and the only food I've got left is about a dozen Pringles left in the can and 3 slightly smooshed hamburger rolls, (I have eaten today so I am okay until later tonight................burrppp.......pardon me! It looks as if I am going out to the corner, like it or not, when I finish here. I've got some research to do on Google, and some e-mails to answer, so of course it will be during the hottest part of the afternoon when I get outside...........hmmmmm?...maybe I can rummage through my bag and look for loose pennies, if I can find 4 more cents, I can get a cup of coffee at the Starbucks, and kill the rest of the day inside drinking the free refills....(or put a buck on the Keno, and see if..."Luck Be A Lady Tonight"...for real).....Oh Yeah, I forgot to mention, the Giant's coffee urn was bone dry, so I am nearing a caffeine, (or lack of) meltdown..........decisions, decisions...(tune in Monday for the answer)

Yesterday, Rachel and I had a ball. She rode the "Super Chicken" on the carousel, (a rooster painted red and blue in the manner of Superman's tights and briefs, with the yellow triangle with an 'S' in the center on the breast), and since she was the only one on the merry-go-round, and the little hip hop teeny bop girl who was the attendant was on her cell phone having an important conversation with her home girl, 'dissing' another girl gangs 'ghetto scabulous' (verbatim!!!), look at the club the night before, Rachel had a really lllooonnngggg!
We then spent an hour and three quarters of so playing in the fountain, until the storm clouds stopped building and blowing over and just kept growing. After we dried of and changed into dry clothes, which is easier to find a place for a 5 year old to do so than an adult around Harborplace, we went over by the Constellation, (the Frigate...not the friggin' over charging parent company of BG&E), and had soft ice cream, ($$$ saving tip, at the ticket booth for the ship tours at the Constellation pier, there is also a soda and ice cream window...prices are $1.00-$2.50 lower than any where's not Ben and Jerry's or Rita's, but if you've got little kids or you just crave sft serve, it's pretty good), and fed the sea gulls. We hurried through the beginnings of the storm, making it to the shelter of the Metro just as the skies opened up. We came out of the underground section of the subway in the tailend of the storm and got off at Old Court sa the Sun came back out. We went to the Giant for 'Lunchables' and used the courtesy phone and called her mother to say we would be in the library in a few minute and could she pick us up there....well they were in the Giant at same the time and Rachel got a big kick out 'surprising'
After i went back to the house and got my dry laundry out of the dryer, I got dropped off on Reisterstown Rd. and took the bus up to the Starbucks, it being too late to try to go and panhandle by then. I sat and read, and waited out Another series of storms until 11:00 pm., when I took the bus back to Pikesville and the old homestead...'Rancho Rauncho' and went to sleep.....(did not even go into the gas station and try my $1.00 at Keno).......and here we are, full circle.
Well, I'll be checking my e-mail on and off for the next hour..( at the tone the time will be.... 1:35 pm.....and 30 seconds.........................BEEEEP!.......) so if anyone wants me, write phone is down to the last 2 minutes and I am not answering it except for Rachel's moms number.
If anyone needs a drinking partner and wants to buy me a beer today/tonight, I'd be happy to oblige you,..........for humanitarian purposes only you understand.
See you later.........................Dave
P.S...someone at the site that supplies the daily quote screwed up
it is the same as Friday's

Friday, August 21, 2009

" Sanitized For Your Protection.................."

Good Morning;
I feel human again!!! I just showered and shaved and had a cup of coffee at Rachel's, and now I am waiting for her to finish in the shower. We are heading out and about for a while and going to see what fun we can have on a $7.00 budget. Ice cream for sure and maybe the carousel if I can slide her through the turnstiles at the subway on my bus pass. Most likely we will go and play in the Kid's Fountain at the Inner Harbor, (Oh yeah, I've got some pictures from our last trip, got to figure out how to import them here....??????),after that?? Who knows? Possibly the library, if so I'll be back with an update, if not, I'll see you tomorrow, as the library closes at 5:30 pm. this evening..............

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Nights in white satin, Never reaching the end, Letters I've written, Never meaning to send.

But in the grey of the morning
My mind becomes confused
Between the dead and the sleeping
And the road that I must choose
Good Morning;

I'm sitting here at the "WayBack Machine" with Sherman and Mr. Peabody, listening to some of the 'Moody Blues' old, old tracks, interspersed with 'Procol Harum', and the very first album by 'YES', and assorted tracks by 'Cream', 'The Byrds', Joplin, Dylan, and Bowie..(in his 'Ziggy' mode), and some 'Alice Cooper' from the first album="Pretties For You", when the name referred to the band of that name, not the front man who would be known by that sobriquet, Vincent Damon Furnier.....(Bet you didn't know THAT bit of music trivia...anybody who uses it to win a bar bet, just remember you owe me 10%...........LOL).

It's amazing how timeless some of the old 'classic rock'..(personally I hate that term) is, of course some is very topical, having lost it's relevance due to social and political changes, but so, so much dealing with "the human equation" can be related in it's own way with some of the classics of literature.

I guess that this year and this summer in particular has me put me in a reflective mood.
40 years ago......I was 13, the world and Baltimore was still recovering from the shock of the dual assassinations of MLK and RFK, and the riots that followed, the war in Vietnam was raging and the country was being torn apart by the protests against and for the war. What a time of polar opposites.....

Charlie Manson and his followers committed the Tate-La Bianca Murders--/--The first men walked on the Moon.....

I was at a Boy Scout camp at Strauss Wilderness Area in the Western Maryland mountains, a truly primitive survival style experience, with absolutely no technology allowed,--/--EXCEPT, the battery operated Television set on which we watched the Moon landing, from the top of a mountain....

Woodstock Music And Arts Fair--/--Altamont Speedway Free Festival....
(I was at Camp Tahoe, in Loch Sheldrake N.Y...[a 'fat camp'..but that's ANOTHER] the foothills of the Catskills about 8 miles north east of Bethel N.Y., we had taken the horses out to see what all the noise and traffic were all about, and when we came over the crest of the ridge and saw in the distance, a huge sprawling mass of humanity, being the adolescent boys we were we said "cool!!", and promptly decided to go see....EVERYTHING!...Tying the reins to the saddle horn, we slapped the fat, lazy, old refugees from a glue factory on the rump and they waddled away toward the barn and their feed buckets. We knew they'd get home safe, through painful experience...having gone on an overnight camp out previously, no one told us these walking methane dispensers would instantly begin to return to the camp, knowing the area intimately in a ten mile radius, if left untied for even a second. So, when we had stopped at a stream to drink and dunk, only looping the reins lightly on a convenient bush, we came up for air only to find that we had a long, hot, hungry walk back to camp. This knowledge and the fact that the horses behavior was known to the staff gave us the extra safety buffer of realizing that no one would miss us for around 8 hours or so. So...3 out of 4 of us...Ricky the Righteous, as the self important wimp was nicknamed, among other less repeatable labels, said he was going to walk to the nearest farm house and tell them to call the we took his shoes and clothes and stuffed them into the saddlebag on one of the horses, the most skittish and hardest to catch, and proceeded to experience 1 and 1/2 days, we arrived the afternoon of the second day, ( and nights! ) of "Peace, Love, and Music", and walked 4 hours back to the camp, (and had the most efficient mode of transport available!!), to be subjected to varying degrees of castigation and admiration, anger and jealousy, and not very well hidden

That was the year I discovered J.R.R. Tolkien, and Alexandre Dumas; Hunter S. Thompson and John D. MacDonald; Carlos Santana and The Beach Boys; J. S. Bach and P.D.Q. Bach; Che Guevara and Guadalcanal Diary; Lady Chatterley's Lover and Cheech & Chong; National Lampoon and National Review; Homer's 'Odyssey' and Clarke's' 'Odyssey',(2001: A Space); La Boheme and National Bohemian.

This was a seminal, formative year for me, filled with events and discoveries that influenced me and helped to shape and mold some of the basic tenets of my character, (and character flaws). I remember joining some sort of 'anti-drug' education group/club, (propaganda program), that was so poorly developed and run that we were all not only amused to the point of tears by the local cops who tried to be either hard nosed and street smart, or 'with it' and street smart but only came on as totally clueless, but everyone in the group was inspired at some point by some of the films we were shown to experiment with one or another 'controlled substance', be it 'herbal', pharmaceutical, or synthetic. There was one movie in which the production values and special effect were so fine that when the 'innocent victim' watched the gas flame on the stove turn into a flower, all we wanted to know was where could we get acid like that.....(talk about reverse found out years later that it was made in Hollywood by some of the folks who partied with Timothy Leary,.......kudos guys!!!........ROTFLMAO!!

The year of the Stonewall Riots and Nixon's inauguration; Led Zeppelin I and Elvis Presley's comeback; The first scanning electron microscope and the invention of 'Bubble Memory'.

And on and on and on.......

The end and the beginning, for me it can be summed up by the phrase..

"From Boy Scouts to Bongs"

Yeah, well.....Another safe return from Memory Lane...

I am going out with Rachel tomorrow, I'm not sure what or where yet, as I do not know how much cash I'll have, but at least for ice cream cones. I'm going to get a shower in the morning...Thank the Lord!!!, I've been washing up as well as I can at the Giant and the Starbucks, but it's gotten to the point where I've been spraying myself down afterwards with the can of 'Oust' air freshener/ odor neutralizer. Just to be safe!!! So it is 5:18 pm. and I have been here since around 10:00 am. on and off the computer, and I am just publishing now.........

I guess I'll head up to the coffee shop for a while, it is too hot out to be outside, and I am both too broke and too cruddy to go anywhere else..if anyone comes to visit...I promise to sit downwind...(for a!!).

I'm going to try to stop back tomorrow, depending on when Rachel and I get finished, in fact, maybe we will stop in at the library for a while..


p.s. ..........damn computer is messing with my spacing again!!!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

"Please Mr. Postman...................................."

Good Morning;

Okay, so I lied, the first post yesterday was the only post....a follower of the U.S. Postal Service creed/motto I'm NOT! Extreme heat, violent thunderstorms, sleet, snow, etc., etc.,...and my overly large, and well padded butt is staying inside, out of the weather if at all possible and keeping cool, dry, or warm, as applicable!

I was going to take Rachel out yesterday, and I was/am able to because some one who wishes to remain anonymous gave me $20.00 on Monday, saying "Let me buy you dinner tonight.", I asked if he would mind if I used it to take my daughter out, and he said, "Go for it"..(or words to that was just too damned hot to be standing outside waiting on buses and walking around, and the 'ex' did/does not have the car this week. I talked to her on the phone, (and the little stinker 'graciously' allowed me to speak with her, saying, "Hi DaveyDaddy please hurry up I'm watching 'Little Bear' I Love You Bye" all in one breath), and told her we'd go out when the heat subsided a bit. when i got her back on the phone, she told me she had a new sprinkler for the hose and had been playing in it while watering her garden. Adaptable, that she

Now to rewind a bit, Sunday I had waited too long to go out to the corner and missed the 'good' crowd, and there were also 2 other people who showed up after I did, a white guy in his late 20's,your basic junkie, with a sign who crossed North Ave. and stood on the opposite corner,which is usually SOP courtesy wise, and this black guy in his middle 30s, with obvious 'dual diagnosis' issues, who kept shouting out parts of his conversation with "Abraham"...(the biblical patriarch, not the 16th President of the USA)...interspersed with comments indicating his desire for another bag of 'ready'...(that is 'crack' for the non-street savvy), who was walking up and down among the stopped, (most of the time), traffic on the I-83 ramp, right in front of me, and going up to motorists car windows and asking for money. This is the type of Aggressive Panhandling that gets EVERYONE in the area arrested! I had been out about an hour and had just made the decision to leave anyway due to the heat and the sparseness of the traffic when the white guy comes up to me and asks to let him have the corner in the median where I was standing, telling me that 'fair is fair' and that he had been doing pretty good on the other corner, and that we should switch. Well, if he had been doing good ...why did he want to swap places??? I avoid confrontation whenever possible, so, since I was leaving anyway, I kept my mouth shut to the obvious contradictions in his argument. The crazy guy started babbling at him as I was leaving, and I think, but I would not swear to it, that as I went down the stairs to the Light Rail, to get out of the area as quickly as I could, 3 cop cars were pulling up to the intersection I just left. Some people have to learn that 'You don't dirty your own nest' as the adage goes.

I spent the next 2 and 1/2 hours getting to Owings Mills Metro Station, (normally a 45 minutes maximum trip), due to single tracking and only 2 car trains being run.

{Public Service Announcement}
There is a massive maintenance program in progress every weekend this summer with crowded cars and long delays and no set schedules in use on the METRO.

Expect short tempers, long waits, packed cars, and loud stupid people without a clue of what and why complaining about and cursing the MTA, (The same people who bitch and moan about the problems encountered if the maintenance is not performed), and who, while bitterly denouncing the drivers/operators, (who have no control over any of this), and blaming them for missed connections and late arrivals at jobs etc., have not read the signboards prominently displayed at each and every station for the past 3 or more months informing all and sundry of the current and future probability of slowness, stoppages, delays, and schedule disruptions. To help pass the time it is suggested that you bring reading material, or plan to amuse yourself by listening to all the 'conspiracy theories' being espoused and how the MTA, City, State, and Feds are personally targeting individual riders.
Please be patient, and enjoy the ride.......Thank You.

I told you of my unexpected and greatly appreciated encounter with Ted, I then sat outside and read and did crosswords after the coffee shop closed, then caught the bus down to the 'shed' around 11:00 pm. when it had cooled down to 80 degrees outside. I aired out the shed as much as possible by swinging the door as a fan and went to sleep, to be promptly woken up by the construction workers. After 6:00 am. or so they cleared out and I fell back asleep until the heat woke me around 10:30 am.

So that brings us to Monday, I went down to Monkee's very early, came back and I hit the Giant, then the coffee shop, stayed out of the heat and read and watched a movie, saw "RICH"!!!!, who....ooops, many apologies, I called "RALPH" a few posts back...hey at least I got the first letter After closing, Janis stopped by for some conversation, and I must apologize again for being such poor company....I kept yawning and zoning out....due to exhaustion, between the enervating heat and the loud, lewd, crude, and rude bellowings of the workers outside my sleeping spot, I have not gotten a good, solid, uninterrupted REM sleep in a while; also I need a shower pretty seriously again, it has been 'sticky' out, and even though I do a fair job of bathing in a sink, it's not like a good, hard shower spray, or a long soak in the ocean.
Well, it's somewhat convoluted, but we are now up to date.
Today I hope..Want..NEED!! to bathe somewhere..(SOON), and if I can do so early enough I want to go out with Rachel...I have to find out how hot it is...I've been in here a while....Right now, I am going to go get some more coffee,(the Giant had 16 oz. or 20 oz. cups today......whooo hooo!!), and eat breakfast/lunch, and read the paper, and pray someone reads this before they come to the Starbucks....and offers me shower facilities...........

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

'First..................but not today....."

Good Morning;
Just checking in for a minute while I am waiting for a bus, it is already hot out side, so I ran into the library.
Grateful thanks to Ted, on Sunday he stopped in the coffee shop after getting som ice cream next door and when he saw my bag and did not see me ,waited around until I had come back. I had been wondering anxiously where I would get the $20.00 I needed to go get a script filled, and had prayed for a little help or guidance. As Ted was leaving he says, "here, I haven't seen you for a while", and hands me a $20.00 bill. Talk about 'stress relief'!..............bus is coming..gotta go.............Dave

Saturday, August 15, 2009

"Welcome Back My Friends, To The Show That Never Ends.............Come Inside, Come Inside, Come Inside..........!!!!........."

Good Morning;

First, a disclaimer regarding the spacing and layout of some of the posts, and especially their titles......"It Ain't Me!!!....", thank Sometimes the site or the computer seems to have developed self awareness and changes the way the aforementioned items look. I DO check the preview before I click publish, but on occasion the results are not what I approved..........Hmmmmm?
Deja Vu, or Flashback?

"Hal, open the pod bay doors please!".....

....."I'm sorry Dave I can't do that..........."


An Astronomical-Scatological-Sociological Observation Derived Through Passive Semi-Covert Surveillance Gathered And Collected By Non-Invasive Natural Physiological Optical And Aural Techniques While Traveling Both At Random And With Specific Destinations On All Three Forms Of Public Mass Transit Vehicles In The Central Maryland Vicinity; And At Their Related Support Facilities, Depots, Stations, And Termini; Compiled From Direct Quotations And Actual Verbalization's Of Subjects And Their Own Opinions Of The Metropolitan Area In Which They Live; And Then Reviewed And Analyzed To Safeguard Against Subjective Stereotyping And Profiling Resulting In An Objective Conclusion Hereby Rendered Into The Colloquial And Vernacular And Presented As a Ratio As A Technique To Express Said Conclusion In An Easily Visualized Manner For Mass Impact To The General Public:

"Baltimore is the Asshole of the Universe.........and 90% of the people here are.....'Just Passing Through!!!'..."

Further dissection and analysis of the irony of this statement is left to the student, with the instruction to remember the circular logic involved, in that the commentary is inclusive of the commenters.
{The author of this study wishes to make clear that it is perfectly understood that objectivity was strictly maintained, and in no situation did the author participate in any of the 'oh so intellectual' discussions which it was his 'privilege' to be party to.}

[For purposes of veracity and credibility the author also wishes you, gentle reader to know that if asked his personal and professional opinion of the above conclusion, derived through the most objective and emotionally distanced scientific means possible within the parameters of the study, it would be a reasoned and dispassionate, well thought out and composed..........

"DAMN SKIPPY!!!!!!!!"
The author also desires to inform the audience now reading this publication that, of course, he has both presumed and assumed that you, the reader are obviously a statistical member of the "10%"..... (unless of course you still have not figured out what exactly it's all which case........Flush!!)


Someone asked me yesterday why I both damn and defend the 'ex', Rachel's mother, (sometimes even in the same Well, obviously it is a classic love/hate scenario, but mostly because I can understand and empathize. Hell, I have the same root problem, though with a different vector......UNUSED, UNTAPPED POTENTIAL!!!!!! We are BOTH better people than we are allowing ourselves to be..... 'Nuff said?
So...I never got out yesterday to find any cash, so by this morning I was feeling really uncomfortable, and getting near the point that the physical and the psychological effects of oncoming withdrawal could begin to cloud my judgement....(HA!!, as if it is 'crystal' in the best of situations.........LOL). The overnight visit of 'Baltimore's Finest', and the subsequent temporary detention and release after 8 hours, with either no charges being filed, or having been dropped, and the strange 'disappearance' of any paper involved did not help. (Stay tuned, more to follow in a forthcoming episode.......[am I a child of the "TV Age" or what].....) I went from downtown to Monkee's early this morning to beg a Buprenorphine, and after hearing about my comedy of errors, she allowed me to add to my line of credit.....which is an example of the difference, even out in the street, that can be seen with someone who is 'dependent', rather than 'addicted'. The sense of urgency is no less to prevent the body from reacting to a need for a chemical, But the ACTIONS, ATTITUDE, and APPEARANCE between the two is unmistakable! The thought processes that are prevalent, (up to the point of actually being "ill", or in active withdrawal, for those whose dosage is very high), differ in that one can focus and refocus on varying options or plans of action, rather than the narrow tunnel vision of addiction, which tend to break down to a version of "by ANY!!!! means necessary, no matter what the cost", if one is able to even complete the thought. I am at almost the same situation I was in when I left the library yesterday, except for the reprieve of having meds to hold me until Monday. The relief is palpable, for some reason I have been in a state of unusual calmness, (except for the occasional 'bitch session', and attack of the "I gotta get some intimate contact" I have my $1.50 rebate for coffee from, and had half a dozen 'mini-cups' at the Giant. There is some chicken for a sandwich in my bag. I've got a fresh disposable razor with which to perform some DIY facial resculpting...(NOT intentionally...these razors are very, very sharp, AND, very, very cheap....ow!, Ow!, OW! I am going to go to the coffee shop to eat and drink and see if I can find some one to trade some cash for credit at the food store, (and while I am composing my letter to Santa, I may as wish for someone to let me shower, and if possible wash a load of clothes), {hey if I'm going to fantasize, why not go all the way, maybe I'll find a lover....[or at least a "liker"] too...........LOL....(kind of) ...... by the way... these ARE not so subltle hints!!! I really do have to get out on the street though, I went past what I used to consider "MY" corner and not only was Joseph the (legitmately licenced) water and soda man already there, so was some white guy I have never seen before, so I came out here. Tomorrow, Sunday, is usually a good day if I can get the corner, it is 'church consciousness and guilt day', the people who cannot see you 6 days a week are miraculously cured of their blindness,.........sometimes.......,Hallelujah!!!........! I may try this afternoon, I want the cash, but it is so hot, and I can rationalize so
Anyway, somebody come visit me, I want company, just be warned the humorously twisted and ironic Dave has decided that today is his personalities turn to come out and play!.......LOL!!! (Kinda picture "Q" from 'Startrek : TNG')
Well, it's stuffy in here and I am hot, hungry, horny, and happy,(slaphappy, that is), I'll see you....?????..someone, anyone, c'mon, I know you're out there, I can here you Starbucks...........or I'll be back here Monday, (unless and this is only a thought, Rachel and I go out to the Towson library on Sunday), ...........Later............Dave
p.s.....oy vey...again with the spacing

Friday, August 14, 2009

"OLD!!!! Home Week..................OR.................???!!!???35 YEARS???!!!???............"

Good Morning;

I tried to 'sleep in' this morning but, my back, my bladder, and my brain conspired against me. The coffee was fresh at he Giant this morning so I spent an hour shopping, visiting, and puttering around the store while consuming as many of those damn teeny-tiny little 5 oz. Styrofoam cups as I could. I know I should not complain, it's free, BUT!!, the stupid itty-bitty cups are a pain in the

Yesterday afternoon at the Starbucks (and here at the library) was a prime example of how Baltimore deserves it's nicknames of 'Smalltimore' and 'Tinytown'. I'm at the computer and when my time ends the next users name comes up, and it looks real familiar and I realize it is Neil's wife. I look around for her to tell her and just as the waiting period times out we meet at the computer and go through the "are you?..and you are?...please say hello" routine. Oh yeah, and while I was on the computer I rcv'd a Facebook invite from an old high school (Woodlawn...I went to 2 different schools) friend, someone who I had gone to school with since kindergarten, and one of the very, very few people who I could actually call a friend, not an acquaintance, maybe not intimate, but someone who was more than just a fellow classmate. Nancy wrote that she was in the process of organizing a 35th, (THIRTY-FIVE????!!!???) year reunion. I wrote back and said I'd love to catch up with her, but due to situations and circumstances, unless there is a radical change..(for the better!!) my life and lifestyle, I did not think I would be attending. I sent the address of this blog and my e-mail, and I await a reply. We had hooked up a couple times about 20 years ago, (I know how time is a slippery concept for us old folks...[???!!!??THIRTY-FIVE YEARS!!!???!!!]......), and then lost contact. This was a pleasant surprise and i hope we can write, talk, or meet and dissect the past couple of decades.

I'm at the Starbucks and a customer comes in who I have seen a few times before, and I was at the counter when his drinks were ready so I brought them over to his table and we happened to strike up a conversation. I said he looked familiar, and we found out we had went to high school, (Milford Mill.... the 2nd high school I 'attended'......well at least I was enrolled, and we graduated the same year...(1974....but you should have already know that if you did the math from the exercise above.......please show your work,....pencils down and pass your exam books forward at this time....LOL), and knew some of the same people. He, Dean was and is still close friends with Marc and Wendy, (see post from Thursday July 30th, "Oops...........", for reference). His father, and now he, owned/owns 'Captain Jerry's Tee Shirts', a well known, and extremely popular screen printing and embroidery business. , if you need some shirts for an event or organization, that's the place to go to.
As we were finishing up our conversation, I see my friend Michelle and her daughter Remy walking down the sidewalk from the BaskinRobins. As they paused to pet a puppy, (do I ever know that experience, Rachel is on a quest to pet every dog in Baltimore whenever we go, and I go out and stand leaning against the wall with my arms crossed on my chest and a sardonic grin on my face as she begins to walk by, looking in the windows to see if I am there, then looks up and does a double take and cries 'Dave'. We hugged tightly and talked quietly for a few moments about her Mom's passing. We then sat down and chatted for a few minutes and got caught up a bit. Remy who is a bit shy at times, was hiding behind Michelle and peeping out at me when we began talking, then as she warmed up a bit started to play quietly around us. i felt this tickle on my right calf and thought it was a fly, so I just shook my leg and more or less ignored it until it started again, this time I brushed at it, and kept on talking. The third time I looked down....and it is Remy tracing with her finger my tattoo on my right calf, which is the two character Japanese Kanji for "HOPE", (or possibly "To Hope", there is some slight disagreement in the books we checked, but either way the sentiment is what I want it to express), she was entranced by it, and Michelle and I had a good laugh, and Remy smiled up at me shyly. It was a Kodak/Hallmark

Also yesterday at the coffee shop, another one of the regulars, and he is there nearly as often as me, who I have recently started talking with, (after a gradual process over a period of 3 months that progressed from recognizing each other as frequent patrons, to eye contact, to cautious nods of greeting, to verbal communication starting with a humorous quip about "sharing the same table, but on different shifts", to introductions, to conversation, to sharing a bit of my story and offering my blog's address, (whew!!), comes up to me and says that he and his lady friend have been reading the blog, and are touched by my stories regarding my daughter, (who they have seen, but not met, at the coffee shop.....Rachel eventually gets to know EVERYBODY!! He, (and this is the "oldtimers disease" short term name related memory loss kicking in.....Again!, says that they want to do something for me, well.........I thanked him and told him that although the situation with my daughter is not making me happy with her living conditions, it is not as 'dire' as it may come off. Even though I have not exaggerated, there may be some poetic licence in my emotional commentary.
(Which is not to say that I am no less pissed off, but for future reference I just want to state that the 'ex' is a loving and caring "MOMMY", but, at the moment, and for some time now, unable and unwilling to live up to the (previously attained and still attainable, [which is why I am truly pissed], function of Mother and parent)....end editorial comment...
And my mind has just gone blank, but there was someone else who i had not seen for a while who stopped by also......(Johnny Mnemonic I'm not at the momoent,, now what was I saying?!
Anyhow, I'm going to go up to Starbucks and get a 'cuppa' and make my sandwich, (spiral cut ham, smoked Gouda, and locally grown tomato w/mayo...[of course]), then I've got to go raise $20.00 immediately, to pay Monkee and get more meds. I am out of cash and trying to trade food credit off my card, but I may have to go out the 'corner' with my sign at rush hour and see what I can do, do not particularly want to, but I'm out of meds also.
thanks for reading, you make it all worthwhile, and Thanks to all who have helped, that is why I started writing in the first place.........Gratitude!!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

"Lists...........OR......Joke 'Em If They Can't Take A F*ck!!!................"

Good Afternoon;
My bio-rhythms must be slowly working their way around to HST (Hawaiian Standard Time)..[GMT 10, for all the international], because I am waking up later and later, either that or my sub-conscious mind is preparing me for a trip to the islands, and setting up a defense for jet lag...........{hey.., a guy can dream can't he?}.

I have not had any coffee yet, so this is really hard to type, my typos are about 1 in 5 right now....slow The urn at the Giant was dispensing sludge that even I would not touch, and I had to buy some day old discounted donuts on my card and made sure the cashier did NOT give me the discount, so I could take the sticker to customer service and get reimbursed in cash instead of credit..($1.50) learns all the little tricks of convenience when cash is scarce, and one does not want to break the law, merely bend the rules.....(although occasionally they may sometimes be stretched to the very limits of recognition, they always return to a semblance of their original
I am about to head out now to make my sandwich and get some coffee, and I think that today will be a necessary 'corner day' unless I can trade some cash for credit. It's been about 2 weeks since I was last out their panhandling, but I need to get meds tomorrow, and I think I have to pay for a refill of my blood pressure prescription, until this PAC/Med. Asst. confusion is settled. I am hoping that one of the food chains or big box stores has it listed on their $3.00/$4.00 list of common drugs.
You know...loneliness can be a bitch and a half, and the lack of human contact and affection, the need for intimacy, and yes, sexual activity...(with another human being), can truly drive one to the brink of madness and eventually to ideations and designs of suicide.............
but it also leaves open the opportunity for some really twisted humor!!
You know your really lonely when....
----- you bring a bouquet of roses to a doctor's appt.!
----- you consider back to back appointments with the proctologist and the urologist....speed dating!
-----when your doctor calls the nurse/tech into the room to act as chaperon, then tells you to "turn your head and cough", (ladies ask a, you consider that a 'menage a trois'!
-----you ask after a prostate exam, "was it good for you?"
-----when you ask for a manicure/pedicure with "a happy ending"
-----you've given up on ever "making love" again, and would be ecstatic to "make like"!
-----you consider being frisked by a cop...foreplay!
-----phone sex is when you ask an obscene phone caller to put you on their speed dial, and tell them the best time to reach you.
-----your version of a singles bar is the fruit and vegetable aisle in the food market!....(actually it IS a good place to flirt with PEOPLE
....but that is NOT the reference in this item......LOL).
-----you begin to consider responding to "THOSE" spam e-mails in your junk folder!
-----you ponder joining the priesthood.......TO GET LAID!!!
-----you start writing warped and twisted humorous lists on your blog to try to cover up the emptiness.......oh*t happens.
see you later..........Dave

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

"Gratitude vs. Frustration vs. Love vs. Anger vs. Impotence vs. Understanding....and on and on and on and on............."

Good Afternoon;
Well it's damn near as nasty out as it was the psat 3 days.....not as hot (yet?), by almost 10 degrees, but the humidity is worse. I took a shower three hours ago and parts of me still aren't dry yet!
Rachel and I walked to the Safeway and she chose a Lunchable, a Sprite, and mint chocolate chip ice cream. I had forgotten about the Starbucks mini stores in the food store, so we got lucky and sat at one of the tables there, it is way to hot to eat outside. On the walk home, EVERY tree or group of trees with a large patch of shade was, "the PERFECT! place to have a picnic" on a cooler She is such a little actress.
I am about at the end of my rope with frustration in dealing with the 'ex' as regards the conditions in which my daughter is living. I have gone from asking to reasoning to begging to shouting to try and get her to look beyond her denial. There is no reason for a child to have to live and learn these (easily changed) habits and behaviors. If I had not seen and lived with her when she was taking her meds and facing and treating her ADD and depression, I might be more likely to give her the benefit of the doubt, but when she spends hours and hours knitting, and now has let herself be consumed by jelly making and canning, at the continued expense of the safety, hygiene, and sanitation of my daughter....enough is enough! It took 11 months to simply spray some mildew remover on the barthroom walls..(and it still is only a half ass job!!), and I don't know how many months I have asked her to put a sheet and pillow case on Rachel's bed, let alone pick up the trash on her floor. Last week, she said she would do it that night, I pleaded with her and she lied right to my face, again. I once asked her, when we were still together, "I only have one request...PLEASE do not lie to me anymore...."......she said to me...."I don't think I can promise not to..."..........I should have left right at that minute, I mean, is that a red flag or what?
I thought that this guy living there might be a positive influence, but he seem as happy to live in squalor as her and her kids. I have not called CPS or DSS because I have no place to take her right now, but now I am thinking that maybe I can use them as leverage. If they come out unannounced, and issue a 'improve by this date or else' type citation, maybe that will get results. I asked her today 'why?', and she just got this tight look on her face and would not answer, I pressed her, asking again, getting angrier at her not even looking at me and not even answering...she finally said she was not answering because she was being attacked...'What The F*ck!!'.......she turns my concern about my daughter, and her sleeping on a dirty bed, into something all twisted around about herself.........??
This is the same denial that I dealt with, and finally gave up on, by doing ALL the cleaning, cooking, and laundry, in self defense, even when I was damn near dying (literally.......and I have the scars on my chest to prove it), with pnuemonia.
I do love her, and I know she can be and do better, but do I have to wait at my daughter's expense?
I'm outta time........later...............Dave