Tuesday, November 30, 2010

"Open Wide......................And Tell Me You Love Me........................"

Good Afternoon;
So after I left here yesterday I went to Monkee's and talked with her for a while trying to help her find a solution that is both confidential and affordable that will let her get away for '28 days' and still be able to return to work. It is tough out there for the working poor. Between keeping the house from foreclosure and finding a place the insurance will cover, and keeping the job, the functional addict can be caught in a cycle of Catch-22 interminably. In many ways tougher than for someone one the streets who can just surrender and walk away from the life they are living. What have we got to lose in such a situation? Getting clean can lead nowhere but up. I feel for her and thank God that it is the one major worry I do not have to deal with anymore.
I left there and went to the coffeeshop and talked with a young lady I recently became acquainted with named Rebbecca, who is in her own kind of hell. She is a professional nanny, a native of New York who lost her job here, (which means also her home), not too long ago due to the economy. When Mom is laid off, the nanny is the first thing to go. She made the mistake, (in hindsight...which is always 20/20!), of moving in with someone she thought was a friend, but as soon as her savings were depleted the friend turned psycho and gave her a week to move out. She has desperately been searching for work as a live-in nanny, which she has been doing for the past 13 years, but pickings are slim to non-existent. Some people are trying to take advantage of the current economic situation and offering only room and board and demand housekeeping work and the like, (including chauffeuring with no recompense for gas, etc.) with no pay. Vultures are everywhere!, or would it be jackals?
Anyway... I tried to steer her to the want ads in a few local papers and to JCS and some other sites online that may help. She is now 4 days away from the street in a strange city with no car. I have been there and done that and know the fear and terror that can overwhelm one....how much worse is it for a woman, I cannot begin to imagine!

I met Jenn after her HG and we went to the Giant and then back to her place where I crashed on the couch, so I could be able to get up early and shower and head over to BCCC by 9:00 am. for my final session with Michelle at the dental clinic....sighhhhh. Because this was a morning clinic I got be looked over by a different set of Instructors/Dentists, all three of whom were quite lovely and one of whom had the most delicate, gentle touch. Damn!!! you know I'm a lonely guy when staring into the eyes of a beautiful woman............while she has one hand on my jaw and the other on my cheek...pulling back my lip and peering at my gums is as close to Romance as I've been in years......LMAO!!!! A stranger that is, Michelle and I have been dear friends for the past 11 years, and there have been some wild times, so having her dig around in y mouth with pointy metal instruments is really kind of on the tame side....LOL!

After today's session she took me out to lunch at the Mt. Washington Tavern, (Kobe Burger and a couple of pints of Dogfish Head IPA...MMmmmmmmm!), and we sat and talked for nearly 3 hours. I then showed her thw back way to FedEx/Kinkos so she could have some laminating done for a school project, and afterwards showed her "the shed". It was an education for her.

She dropped me off her at the library, and now I am heading over to Jenn's to get my bags and then to the Starbucks.

Times up...Gotta Go


Monday, November 29, 2010

" A Grateful Weekend With 'Chef Rachel'....................."

Good Afternoon;
A belated Happy Birthday, (Anniversary?), We turned 2 on Thanksgiving Day!
So I hope everyone survived Black Friday?
My Thanksgiving started that after noon when I went over to
Jenn's [after they had left to drive to Dover, (across the Bay Bridge, not up I-95 and the infamous Toll Plaza where a 21 mile back up is currently par for the course), then US-301 to a mathematicians wet dream of Md. & Del. #ed Routes and side roads that only the locals ever call by name....LOL!, she said she'll never go I-95 again!], and Rachel came over about 2:00 pm. We had a wonderful weekend, just staying in the apartment except for 2 walks to the Reisterstown Plaza Mall, Saturday to the Giant, and then on Sunday to the payphone. We baked a cake and cupcakes and cooked dinner together, (and Rachel made me a variety of dishes using the plastic toy food and vegetables, with the Tea Trolley from Devin's 'Beauty And The Beast' tea set as the stove, and the plastic toy fireman's helmets from a visit to a firehouse as mixing bowls....what a great imagination. We talked and played and watched movies and TV and snuggled. It was a wonderful and sorely needed weekend alone with her.

She left about 4:30 pm on Sunday and Jenn and Tom and the kids showed up 15 minutes later, earlier than expected because Tom had a Kung Fu lesson that he did not mention to Jenn, (who could not let me know), until they were at the hotel. I finished the laundry I was doing, (mine, and the sheets and towels and odd items that I had in for her), played with the kids and listened to their stories for a while, then caught the 7:00 pm. bus out to the shed. It was a matter of no money and no place else to go, so I just crawled into the bag and read for a while. I turned off the lantern before 8:00 pm. and woke up at 11:45 pm due to a full bladder and a cold right foot. The rest of the night I tossed and turned, with my feet, mostly the right one, either cold, or, when I had wrapped them, and after that unfolded the big blanket and wrapped the whole sleeping bag using the excess to triple wrap my feet, constantly tingling and/or numb. I fell into a fairly solid sleep about 7:30 am. waking at 10:30 am. and getting up, dressing, and packing up. I stepped outside and it was much warmer than in the shed, I had forgotten how it holds the cold as well as the heat. I went to the Giant and as I walked over it took about 10 minutes for my hands to warm up and stop tingling. My feet felt as if they had become swollen and walking and balancing was like having footballs strapped to my feet. I really hope that I get this neurological referral/appointment soon, and that JAI has not 'effed' me up too bad with the holidays, etc.
That's it for now, I have a lot of running around to do, from the East side then back to JAI, than I am meeting Jenn at the coffee shop later. I have to reach Michelle to find out for sure what time our appointment is at the dental clinic tomorrow, (I THINK it is at 9:00 am., in which case I will be heading over to Jenn's late tonight to crash on the couch.......[just a bit of humorous homeless trivia here.... This weekend with Rachel I tried to sleep on the bed in Jenn and Tom's room again, and could not get to sleep until I went out to the couch, as lumpy as it is. In the past 2 years since I have been in the shed I have slept in a bed about 10 times out of 20 opportunities between Jenn's and some motel stays. Only twice was I able to sleep at Jenn's in a bed, and twice at the motel I ended up sleeping on the floor....lol. Between becoming acclimatized to the cardboard and the beat up beds I don't know what is going to happen if I get a chance to sleep in a decent bed....lol!].
I'll be back...???, maybe tomorrow evening, but I'm not sure. Michele said something about treating to a good old fashioned 'liquid lunch' after the demolition work on my bottom teeth....lol, so I may not be in any shape to type, (hopefully...lol). You wouldn't want me to get a BUI, (Blogging Under the Influence) would you?!? (it's the equivalent of DD, 'Drunk Dialing', and we know how THAT always turns out, do we not?!?........lol!

Friday, November 26, 2010

"Black Friday Backache Blues.... OR.....Rice Krispies?..HA!!, That 'SNAP....CRACKLE.....POP' You Hear Is Me Trying To Crawl Out Of The Sleeping Bag!..

Good Morning;

So I got up this morning and it sounded like a string of firecrackers or a sub-machine gun going off. In fact I there were 4 guys walking past the shed and I heard; the Chinese guy saying "What?, It's not New Years yet", the Vietnam vet dropped to the ground and yelling "Ambush", while one guys says "Popcorn!", and the last one says "That reminds me, we need milk for breakfast"......LOL!

Well I ended up spending Wednesday night at Jenn's. She got home from her mother-in-laws with Devin about 8:00 pm. Tom And Ed stayed and were camping out in a tent and having a bonfire in the meadow behind his mother's house.
(For the newer reader=Jenn is my daughter, Tom is her husband, Edward and Devin are grand-son, (5-1/2), and grand-daughter, (2-1/2) respectively)
{I hear it went well, the fire department was not called....lol. They made it until 4:30 am. when it started to rain, and Tom, who could not sleep, carried Ed, who was out cold, into the house and the fold out couch bed.....lol}

But I digress...Jenn asked if I minded watching Devin while she went to the Giant so she could avoid the madness on Thursday, (or so she thought....lol!), and picked up some last minute items. When she eventually got back and the twitching and mumbling to herself stopped...lol...she said I may as well stay on the couch. The ulterior motive was that I could also entertain Devin in the morning while she finished in the kitchen...lol.
I left there on Thanksgiving day about 10:45 am., planning to avoid Tom and Ed who were due home at 11:00 am., just to keep some of the madness at bay while they got ready to go to dinner at Jenn's cousin's.

I took the bus over to Starbucks for a few hours and read the paper and went over to Whole Foods for something to eat. (My Thanksgiving menu in a bit) I got back to Jenn's about 3:30 pm. and hung out there (me and the TV) for the day and most of the evening until about 8:30 pm. when I caught a bus back up to the shed. I read for a bit and was asleep by 10:30pm. I kept waking up all night either too warm or too cold, zipping and unzipping the sleeping bag. I was out of there about 9:30 am. and stopped at the Giant to wash up and here I am about to catch the bus to Jenn's and then have Rachel, (my 6-1/2 year old daughter) dropped off by her mother to spend the weekend with me and pet sit the cats and dog.

This is the beginning of my real Thanksgiving! We will be having the traditional steak and shrimp dinner with french fries and ice cream an pumpkin tort for dessert tonight, and we will get to spend some daddy-daughter time together.

I hope everyone had good holiday and feasted well.
My Thanksgiving 'graze' consisted of, (by choice), first a lot of coffee, then a sandwich of leftover Buddig chicken and ham deli meat, (the el cheapo 2 for a buck 2 ounce chopped, pressed and formed stuff..lol), on almost stale rye bread, (with about a gallon of mayo to soften it up),
Then at Starbucks; a bagel, some cream cheese, and a container of smoked salmon trim, (the leftover little pieces after packaging), with a it of mayo.
Then back at Jenn's, I scrambled 2 eggs with bits of sausage and toasted rye chunks topped with cream cheese. Of course there were the constant trips to the pantry for a bite of every sweet in the house...lol.

To drink, besides more coffee, I had a pint of 'Not from Concentrate' OJ, (with a little vodka added to counteract the sweetness...lol).

Anyway......I'm running late [as usual]....

I don't know when I'll be back to the library, (and I'm fairly sure Tom took the laptop with them), so have a good weekend, and if you are a Black Friday shopper, a quick recovery...lol.


P.S. here is another plug for the website
and one for

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

"Its In The Book!..................."

Good Evening;
I'm grateful and thankful to know and have met 'Iokepa and Inette.
You can read their story too.
Just in time for the holiday season is the publication and availability of the book
"Grandmother's Whisper" by my friend Inette Miller 'Imaikalani.
Check out the above link to their website for information and an excerpt.
It is an amazing story of sacrifice, faith, love, trust, strength, and belief.
Have a great Thanksgiving.

"Lost And Found.................... &.............Thanks Big And Little"

Good Morning;

So last night I went to Whole Foods and Starbucks double checking to see if my Independence card was there....it wasn't. I went back to the shed by 10:00 pm. tired, sore, (I did something to my right ankle and/or foot yesterday and it is stiff and swollen....which may work in other places of one's anatomy...but is not good news below the knee....lol). It cooled off rapidly and much more than I thought it would, and I woke up cold and with my foot aching about midnight, thinking it was near dawn. I had been laying on top of the sleeping bag, that's how warm it was when I fell asleep. The rest of the night until about 6:00 am. I could not get either warm or comfortable. I finally fell into a deep sleep about then and slept through both of the alarms on my phones, waking about 11:00 am.

Between the lateness and the swelling in my ankle, my trip to Walmart is postponed until...??. I e-mailed my caseworker with apologies and we will be in touch next week.
Trying to fit a boot with my foot in this shape makes no sense. If it is worse tomorrow, I'm going to the ER and if it is no better tomorrow and Friday, I'll be heading to JAI with a double reason.
(The first is to ream someone out concerning the referral to the Neurosurgeon....remember!)
Ok, I'm back.
I just went to the Giant and did some shopping for Rachel and I for our Thanksgiving weekend together at Jenn's. The cashier I had hoped to find, Carol, who knows me and Rachel, and who usually handles the checkout procedures with my card was not there. When I asked about her to the young lady taking care of the self serve registers, my face must have shown my extreme disappointment and dismay and she asked what was wrong. I explained the situation and my hope to find Carol, (who normally works on Wednesdays), and that she would be able to input the number with out having the card in hand, trusting me due to our friendship.

The cashier, Ugochi, says to me, "No problem, I see you every day too and have punched in your card also....I'll do it for you". I was so overcome with gratitude and relief I could not stop thanking her, almost to the point of embarrassing her. My face again must have mirrored my happiness and the release of tension and stress to such and extent that she grinned and almost burst out laughing.....lol! (And I DO have a pretty good 'poker face' when I am actively trying to conceal emotion or reaction.....lol.)

I picked up some things to make the special dishes I know Rachel likes, (and she has Champagne tastes!!), and went through the process of checking out and then over to the special register for the self serve checkouts and she keyed in my number and I entered the PIN. Just as we finished the transaction and I was again thanking her and packing my bags......the head cashier Joetta comes past and asks if I got my card yet....she said they found it yesterday, after I had called and stopped in inquiring about it! She went into the office and handed it to me, after confirming my name, saying she thought it was my card. I am more well known there than I thought....lol! I know 95% of the employees by sight, and about 50% of them by name, (because they wear name tags), not thinking that more than 4 or 5 knew my name, (because I don't wear a name tag...lol). Then I realized that they sell the Jewish Times there and it must have gotten passed around back in February when my picture was on the cover....lol!

I am heading to Jenn's in about half and hour to put the food in the fridge and freezer and to maybe shower and hang out while they are all gone. Maybe I'll head over to the coffee shop later, maybe I'll just hang with the Cable and the remote, and head out to the shed before they get home, (they are doing Thanksgiving today at Tom's mom's house and tomorrow at Jenn's cousin's, (with the whole clan on the Irish side of her family). Me... for my Thanksgiving I'm probably going to hang out at Jenn's tomorrow after they leave and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich carved into the traditional shape of the holiday meal with the turkey shaped cookie cutter......LOL!

(I am open to a better invitation though....lol)

If the laptop is at their apartment I may be back with some more thoughts on Thankfulness and Gratitude and the past 2 years writing this blog...if not, I'll be back her at the library Friday morning before Rachel comes over to Jenn's.

I want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving, and express my appreciation for all the comments and e-mails that have been sent to me offering advice or ideas, compassion and concern, and just regular old Hellos.

When you take a minute to consider what you are thankful for tomorrow, don't forget to offer up a prayer for, or extend a hand to, those who are not as fortunate as us.

Yes I said us, and include myself among the fortunate. There are folks out there with much more than I, but also with much less. What I lack in the material is compensated for by the people who I have met and reconnected with over the past 2 years.

Especially give a though to the homeless veterans out there. It is a crime the way this country treats those who placed their lives and their minds on the line for us. If you feel so inclined, checkout the link in the column at the left for the National Coalition for Homeless Veterans to find out what you can do to help.

Happy Holiday, and God Bless


(anda special thanks to the person who invented Spell Check......Oy vey...what is wrong with my fingers today...............LOL!!)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

"Idiots And Morons And Fools...........Oh My!.........."

Good Afternoon;
So it has been a typical day of dealing with bureaucratic morons, (that is probably a redundancy), medical morons, incompetent idiots, and the "ex'es" ADD influenced apathetic lack of urgency or priorities.
As I surmised, replacing a missing card will take 10 days minimum as it is mailed out now, instead of the older system where it could be picked up on site.
Next, the geniuses at the desks behind the bulletproof glass at JAI, (and now I see why they need it), not only ignored my instructions to wait until I gave them my new mailing address, (Jenn's, the 'ex' is moving to a county address next month), and made the referral to the Neurosurgeon anyway, they mailed it to the "ex'es" address, where it sat, until today when I stopped by and was handed it....lost amidst the normal clutter, buried under the moving madness. Oh, Yeah, By The Way......I had an appointment with the Neurosurgeon on the 22nd of November at 11:00 pm..........Which Was YESTERDAY!!!!!
And did not bother to let me know by mail, after I had personally brought in the new address and handed it to the receptionist! Who apparently lost it somewhere between her desk and the medical records clerk at the desk 3 feet from her!, or by phone which had minutes at the time...both numbers.
Of course it is too late now to contact anyone, so tomorrow, after I go to Walmart with my caseworker, (who still has not gotten back to me with the time she wanted me to meet her) to look for a pair of boots, I have to go down to JAI and get a new appointment, this is not a place to trust to phone contacts, and as you can see, in person is not much better. If I did not love my doctor I would dump them for one of the other MCOs offered.
I did not cancel my Independence card yet because I have one last possibility to check, and then I am going to try and see if I can convince someone at the foodstore who knows me and knows my card, (which has to be entered manually because the magnetic strip is shot), to just let me tell her the number verbally and enter it. It can't be used with out the proper pin # anyway, so I don't see why it should be too much of a problem.....I Hope!
Anyway....time is up again.........

"Just A Sip Of Some Pre-Thanksgiving Whine................................."

Good Morning;
I guess it's stress, nerves, and the adrenaline residue from yesterdays running all over the place tearing everything apart trying to locate my lost Independence card, but I fell like crap. My stomach is filled with some sort of acid stew and tied in knots and everything hurts all over, above and beyond the normal daily pain I live with. The insomnia that kept me up last night did nothing for my mood, appearance, or physical comfort either.
Finding out that I can get the card replaced fairly easily was a relief.....being told that it may take 2 weeks was a kick in the face. The 'Help Desk', (HA!), from the only phone number that answers, is not even in Maryland, I guess I should be happy it's not in Mumbai!
I know it is not THAT big a deal, and that I will get straightened out eventually, but it's just another straw on the pile and they all add up to more of a load that my back does not need.....it's broken already.......that's enough thank you God, it's just overkill right now............LOL!
It just seems that every holiday or special occasion falls in the last week of the month anyway, and the one time I AM able to plan.....I get f*cked by fate.
I'm at Jenn's and I'm going down to D.S.S. anyway to see if I can get any action any sooner, even though I know it's losing battle.
I still have $10.00 and if the 'ex' pays me the $10.00 she owes me and says she is going to on Friday when Rachel comes over to Jenn's, we'll have the choice of either a nice meal....or PB&Js and maybe a movie, (if they are still having the $5.00 matinee special over the holiday weekend).
I am seriously thinking of heading out to the corner the next 2 days and holding out my sign and my cup and seeing if I can still panhandle. (it's been what?? over a year?? close to 2?? since I last did that.)
The thing that has me most upset is that all my plans for some special time with Rachel are screwed and it looks as if Channukah is going to be delayed too.
I gotta keep things in perspective though, I'm way ahead of a lotta folks, and I am grateful for the little bit of the material I do have, and the amazing amount of the grace, goodness, and all the intangibles that cannot be seen or held, but without which,
life would not only be totally unbearable, but not worth living at all.
But, in all honesty, I'd really like to have some more cash in my pocket, and I'm not to proud to ask........I've still got one freshly copied edition of my book of poetry to sell, and can run off more as needed........suggested price??....$10.00.............?
It's 50 cents a poem, that's not a bad deal for all the blood, sweat, and tears that went into living and writing them!
Anyway......I'm out of here,

Monday, November 22, 2010

"The Other Shoe Falls.........................."

Good Afternoon;
And I say that just because I always open with a salutation,
and "F*ck F*ckety F*ck F*ck!!!!!!" won't do for that.
I just came back from the Giant where I went to pull out my Independence card
and find it's not in my wallet! Sh*t, Sh*t Sh*t!
Retraced my steps today to the library and back, went to the shed and looked....
No Luck!
I'm going to call Starbucks when I get to Jenn's but I doubt it's there. I have a feeling it fell out sometime last night when I pulled out my bus pass from my wallet/cardcase.
I knew things seemed to be going to well, there's $48.00 on it that was to be used for Rachel and I this weekend for our own special Thanksgiving dinner.
Tomorrow's plans now are changed to sitting in the D.S.S. offices for 4 or more hours, (hoping that they won't have to MAIL a replacement card out), then going down to Mondawmin and sitting and waiting who knows how long to activate it.
And This conputer just cut my time off.
F*cking great........

East-side churches organize rotating shelter - baltimoresun.com

Good Afternoon;
This is the link to the story referenced in the previous post:

"Sleeping Weather........... Whether Or Not........................"

Good Afternoon;

What a perfectly lovely day outside! Another truly "Native American Summer" day........(it may be PC...but it doesn't flow...LOL!)
Last night after returning from the Starbucks where it was just more of the same-same, a little coffee, a little food, a little conversation, a little reading, and watching Josh working with pastels/chalk as he continued decorating the 2 blackboards with seasonally appropriate designs related to Starbucks drinks. He is an amazing artist with an eye for fine detail. The management wants his artwork, but has no real concept of the time involved in producing it, so he is always being rushed or called away to tend to the register or make drinks, etc. If you happen to be in the Mt. Washington Starbucks stop in and look at the two boards opposite the front entrance and check it out, (the menu board behind the cash register and the Gothic/Germanic writing below the drawing on the left hand board were done by someone else...you'll notice the difference). I wanted to give Josh some credit and attention because he should have a job where he can use his talent and his education, (MICA), in a more art related way. Maybe someone will read this and stop in and look and be able to help him out. I also want to give him my thanks for all the times he has aided me when funds were low and my 'tucker bag' was empty. At least sometimes a small fraction of the large amount of food that is wasted each day goes to a good cause. (And on the days there are bags of items, what I cannot eat and which will not keep finds it's way to folks who can use it....I'm just finishing up food from the 17th....thanks to the cooler weather.)

I was reading an article in the Baltimore Sun yesterday about Eastern Baltimore County churches coming together and creating a 'rotating homeless shelter' between them. 16 more beds and there is already a waiting list. One of the things that struck me as I read the article was the statement that "Baltimore County, like other jurisdictions, does not reveal the location of it's shelters". To get into one, (1 on the west side, and 1 on the east side that is for intact families and single fathers.....there was a men's shelter in Rosedale that closed this summer, I do not know if it was ever re-opened), entails jumping through hoop after hoop...and then being put on a waiting list. This is one of the most depressing and dis-enheartening feelings one can experience; 'yes...you qualify for a place....but we don't have one now',

(a similar and even worse thing to hear was when I was trying to get in to a rehab back in 2000, flat broke and having to leave the apartment I was living in in 2 days, with a $150.00 a day habit and at the end of my wits; 'yes we have a spot for you.....come back in 10 days to be admitted...', those were almost the longest 10 days in my life, the longest were the 10 days I spent on the floor of a jail cell in withdrawal 'kicking' heroin 'cold turkey', [almost as bad was the time spent in BBH in their quote-unquote 'rehab' during a supposedly 'medical detox'...HA!!!, after 3 days I left and kicked on my own! And this was what I had waited those 10 miserable days for?!]......sorry, a slight detour down memory lane...lol)

There is a link to the story in the post either above or below this one, (depends on how I hit the publish buttons.........lol!)

Anyway.....I was in the shed by 9:30 pm last night where I read for a while and then watched the other 2/3 of 'UP', the Disney/Pixar animated film on the portable, (and slowly deteriorating...lol), DVD player. It is a very sweet and funny movie which would have been much more enjoyable if the combination of the 'well loved' DVD and the crappy DVD player had not kept freezing the movie so that I had to constantly keep hitting the play button, and at times the rewind to see the video I missed while the audio kept playing. THEN, every so often the whole thing would lock up and I had to shut it off and turn it back on, go through the whole start-up sequence, (that cannot be fast forwarded past), go to the main menu, select 'scenes', choose the scene grouping, pick the last scene I saw and FF or RW to where it froze up at. This got real old after the 8th or 9th time...LOL! I got to sleep about 12:30 am. and slept, I mean SLEPT!!!, solidly and restfully, until 9:30 am. when Mr. Bladder said.."Get Up....Now!!...........Or Else!!!!!!!!".........lol! I took my morning meds and lay back down and it was 11:30 am. I got up and rolled and folded my bedding, got dressed and packed up and left the shed. I have put together a 'jury rigged' latch that should keep the door closed better than the wedges I have been using, when the wind blows. I have mentioned a number of times that I have found the door open when I have come back at night, but nothing missing, and I do not think anyone has been inside...(fingers crossed on both hands!).

What does have me annoyed and worried is the puddle on the ground and splashes up against the shed wall inside the overhang where someone relieved them self this morning. I heard all sorts of voices this morning at various times, (REAL voices...not the usual ones with the messages.....lol!), around the shed in the parking lots and from people walking past, (mostly on cell phones). The thing that 'pisses me off'...Ha!...is that where the puddle was is up at the end of the shed where I sleep. I'm going to have to pour a bottle of water and bleach, (I'll get some from Jenn tonight), all over it tomorrow. It must have happened right before I woke up because I did not hear anything or anyone, and the 'liquid' had not soaked in to the ground or evaporated yet. This is not a frequent occurrence, but it is not the first time, usually they go on the wall of the building next to the shed though. Well, at least I have a can of air freshener, and a 'Little Tree' car air freshener hanging inside...(vanilla!...lol).

I am about to head out to the picnic table behind the library and eat breakfast..(it's now 3:15 pm., and I'll probably be inside another 20 minutes after I'm done here on the blog ..lol). I am going over to Jenn's to babysit tonight, and spend the evening with my friends the Harpers, (Charlie, Alan, & Jake),....( You know.."Two And A Half Men..), and probably stay the night because Jenn and Tom will most likely be going out after her Home Group. Saturday was the 7th anniversary of her Clean Date and tonight she will be celebrating by sharing her 'Experiences, Strengths and Hopes' by speaking at the meeting.

Congratulations Jenn!! Keep taking it One Day At A Time,

Tomorrow I Hope to get over to JAI's Monument Street location to see the doctor who can refer me to a doctor who can give me prescription for my Buprenorphine, someone who, like Dr. Richardson, my PCP, will actually listen to my needs and be able to circumvent all the usual hoops formalities, and barriers that are normally standard procedure for someone coming into the program straight off the streets and requiring a full detoxification regimen. That is what has kept me out of any other means of acquiring my meds, the inflexibility and refusal to tailor a course of action based on actual situations rather than from criteria out of a manual that allows no deviation for reality. Of course I'll be fighting the anxiety and agoraphobia that always seems to overwhelm me when I have to walk into a situation 'cold'. Too many times have I laid out well thought out plans the night before, only to have them morph or metastasize into debilitating fear and anxiety with the light of dawn. Sometimes after agonizing over them during a sleepless night unable to force myself to crawl out of bed or he sleeping bag, but just as often after a sound sleep I would wake up ready to head out, shower and dress...and be unable to walk out the door. Fear, justified or not, can be a dream killer. As the acronym goes...FEAR...F*ck Everything And Run.

Okay...that covers more than I planned to...Times up now,

Gotta Run.......Later.......................Dave

Sunday, November 21, 2010

"..'Seek And Ye Shall Find'......... OR...............'Sometimes It Pays To Be A Snoop, Dawg!'.............."

Good Afternoon;

So I'm sitting in the Starbucks last night and a woman walks in who I think could be a clone of Natalie, an old girlfriend of mine in Florida, (Picture the Country singer Lorrie Morgan just a little bit more 'weathered' from a sun and sea lifestyle. A woman who at almost 60 can still compete with women 20 years younger!).

This set me to thinking about her and some of the craziness we got into up and down south Florida, from Miami to Palm Beach, (the 'Town Of' as well as 'West'....back in the days when 'Au Bar' was the place to be seen....if you could get in.....lol). We started a tradition of leaving a small, discreet "DC&NR" inked, painted, or engraved in the various single occupancy private 'powder rooms' of many of the upscale, bars, clubs and restaurants up and down the coast, (and also in Naples, on the Gulf coast, where some of the real 'old money' resides), when, primed and fueled by topshelf liquors and a certain South American import which was not only chic but in plentiful supply at the time, we 'shared a moment of intimacy'. Ahhhh, the good old days!.......LOL!
Anyway, the memory of this little game of ours inspired me to look in a few places in the Starbucks bathroom where messages would possibly be hidden from casual view, but accessible to those in the know. I also used to leave scraps of poetry stashed in various locations, similar to 'Geocaching', but that's another story.
As I looked behind the poster in which Starbucks is bragging about saving the rainforest and reducing CO2 emissions, (but making no mention of all the waste of coffee that is dumped into the sewer systems or the fact that there are no recycling bins available in their stores...but again...that's still another story), I found a 'Vanilla Visa' debit gift card with $8.80 written on it with magic marker. I called the 1-800 # to check the balance and it had only $2.52 on it, but what the hell, a dollar is a dollar, right! I'll most likely use it at the coffee shop to purchase one of the fancy-schmancy lattes or something for a change. (When I called to get the balance I had to listen to 15 minutes of disclaimers and fee schedules...it is possible that the card had been there for a while and deductions had been made from the balance written on it).
Last night when I got back to the shed about 10:00 pm. I read for a while until my fingers got cold and then tried to fall asleep. It was another night of insomnia combined with my right foot becoming cold and not being able to get it fully warmed up, no matter how I wrapped it or covered it. I fell asleep about 8:30 am. finally and slept for an hour and a half straight. Then I just lay there having nothing to do and no where close to go nearby before the library opened at 1:00 pm. I really hate Sundays. When the ideations eventually change from 'if' to 'when', the smart money would place bets that it will be a Sunday!
I have to leave here now, the library is full of ill mannered louts who do not know how to act in a library. Screaming kids whose parents ignore the noise, Yeshiva boys who talk at full volume while standing right over top of you, And there is a woman next to me who gets on the computer and plays a card game with someone else online, all the while talking on her cell phone to the person...for hours at a time every damn day. How is it that she is allowed to carry on longterm conversations when anyone else is shooed out to the lobby or made to end the call?
What happened to civility and common courtesy?
P.S. we broke 9,000 hits, but it does not look like another 950 visits will occur before Friday the 25th, our 2 year anniversary....lol.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

"I May Be 'Twisted'.......But I Am Not 'Spineless"...................And I've Got The Pictures To Prove It!...................."

Good Afternoon;
This really is an incredibly informative website:
check it out.

So I spoke with one of my doctors yesterday and she hit me with a 'By The Way'.... as in "By the way...I forgot to mention that the MRI/CT/X-RAY regimen you just went through also showed that you have Scoliosis....We'll talk later"
....Ah...Well...Um...Gee, Thanks for telling me, and you have nice weekend too!.....

I left here and went to Starbucks last night and when I went to the register to order my coffee Josh, one of the barristas says wait he has something for me, and pulls out his wallet and hands me a $10.00 bill and tells me it is from Stuart, one of the regulars who I talk with, a quiet little old guy who lives in Roland Park, and who lost a packet of 100 Forever stamps worth $44.00 dollars the other night. In the packet was also a receipt for a package he had mailed with his address and name. I found his phone number and left messages that I had found something of his and he could pick it up at the coffeeshop. I met him on Wednesday evening and gave him his stamps and he offered to buy me a coffee, which I already had, then a pastry, again which I already had. I told him to 'keep it on account for me' for one of those days when i was flat broke and needed a coffee, and we just talked the rest of the night. He told Josh that he wanted to get something to me before Thanksgiving so that's why he left me the $10.00. I could have resold or returned the stamps for their full value, (and would have if I could not locate the true owner), but it really is much more gratifying to make a little effort and do the right thing, not expecting any reward, (but not refusing if any compensation is offered either...lol). Doing the proper thing seems in some way to validate my existence, regardless of the level of subsistence, and the emotional returns are intrinsically more substantial then the financial.
On the Invisiblepeopletv site is a story of a homeless man who returned a backpack with $3300.00 in it. There is follow-up story on the outpouring of offers of assistance the first story brought. I once found an obscenely large amount of cash years ago, which was obviously either a drug dealers stash or a sting operation setup.....as the saying goes, "I dropped it like it's hot" and "Got the hell outta Dodge"!.....lol!
Last year I had a string of cell phone and wallet 'findings' where I contacted the owner and in every case but one, (where I was in a hurry to get to an appointment and just left the phone at the courtesy desk at the Giant), they offered something to me, either cash or paying my tab, or paying for my groceries, or like one woman did when she saw that even the cash was still in her wallet...a room for the night in a motel, (though she chose NOT to share it with me.....LOL!). For a streak of about 3 months it became a weekly or every 10 day thing, then the Keno gods took me under their wing for a while, recently though it's been a dry spell....the recession must even be hitting Mt. Olympus and Valhalla pretty hard too...LOL!
When I got to the shed last night, about 10:30 pm., the door was open, HOPEFULLY by the wind, and next to the shed under cover and partially hidden by some machinery were 2 plastic bags, one with a pillow, and the other with a quilt or sleeping bag. This is in a place where I have found pieces of anti-shoplifting security devices dumped and sometimes a bag of clothes and other crap. I double braced the door last night and am in the process of constructing a better, (and inconspicuously hidden from the outside, but easily manipulated), way to secure the door when I leave.
I fell asleep very early and woke at 3:33 am., and again at 8:30 am. when I started to get up and head out. I took my morning meds and lay down for a 'minute'....and it was 11:30 am. all of a sudden.
I hit the Giant for a coffee, and came here to the library, and now time is up and I'm heading out to get some breakfast, (at 2:30 pm....LOL!), and over to the Starbucks to shave and change clothes.

Friday, November 19, 2010

"I Can See Clearly Now...................."

Good Evening;
Gee it sucks to be able to say that at 4:30 pm. as it is getting dark already!
Oh, well....After I ran in and out of here yesterday morning I eventually got to BCCC and the dental clinic, no thanks to the delightful morons riding the MTA. Grown men and women, college students no less, who cannot complete a sentence without half a dozen profanities scattered through it. Ignorant mannerless drones babbling on their cell phones with one hand, and the other holding up their pants, which are belted around their thighs...the males; or the other shoved in their face...sucking their thumbs!!...the females, (half of whom have infants doing the same thing)....(and whose language is fouler than many of the men)!
This is the 'Pride of Baltimore'.....the 'City That Breeds'...?
Anyway, I made it to the clinic and Michelle went to work with a hammer and chisel, (and the occasional pneumatic jackhammer....and at one point a small amount of TNT), and now all my upper teeth are smooth and free of calculus. (With all that she removed...I should of been a mathematician!....LOL).
I made it back to Jenn's about 5:30 pm. and watched the kids, showered and did laundry while she and Tom went to their respective meetings, (I had already shaved in the bathroom at BCCC and scrubbed my teeth before entering the clinic, it turns out the program administrator saw my name and mentioned she knew me from our school days...I am pretty sure we went from elementary to high school at the same time in some of the same classes. Now I have not seen her in 36 years at least....although it ain't much...I want to try to look my best if I run into her.....LOL!)

I had not planned to spend the night but my right ankle is all messed up from some unknown and unremembered twist or misstep, and the boots I wore for 2 days did not help at all. Once I had been sitting down it swelled like a balloon and I was going nowhere.

I rolled out fairly early this morning without my bags and went to East Baltimore to Monkee's and got meds enough to last through the end of the month. I then went up to Govans to Penn Optical and got my eyeglasses. For the first time in quite awhile I have "PERFECT"!! vision!...WOW! Everything was adjusted right the first time, and the frames are not in my line of vision at all.

I went back to Jenn's and packed up, and now I'm leaving here for the coffee shop.


Thursday, November 18, 2010

"Now...........If Only I Could Find A Place To Park My Emotional Baggage..............."

Good Afternoon;
Here is a link to a USA Today article on what some cities are actually DOING!! to aid the homeless in a way that faces some of our real day to day needs.

Off to the Baltimore City Community College Dental Hygiene School Clinic to submit myself to the tender mercies of Michelle and her WMDs...('Weapons Of Mouth Destruction')....LOL........!
Gotta run......back on Friday....and if I'm unable to talk.....I can still type...lol.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

"Sunny.....................With A 65% Chance Of Psychotic Episodes!!................"

Good Afternoon;
Sorry, nothing witty or humorous to relate today, It's not a good day.
On top of the fact that for some reason everything hurts,(I've got to call Jenn's and see if the referrals/appointments to the neurosurgeon, hematologist, and pain management clinic have arrived in the mail yet!!), I'm also wearing a pair of boots that are so worn down that they make walking difficult. But they are dry. The ground is still too wet to wear the sneakers that double as sponges. I MAY....MAY... be going to look for shoes next Wednesday, if not then it will be the 30th at the earliest.
My feet are, (and have been since I was a child), a pain in the ass to fit properly, and the podiatrist said I have the flattest feet she has ever seen, so most shoes arches are painful to wear.
Yesterday I showered at Jenn's and went to the coffee shop. When I got back to the shed around 10:00 pm. I slipped in and lay down and went to sleep immediately. Then I woke up at 11:30 pm with a severe case of 'lower intestinal distress' to put it nicely, and barely got dressed and made it to the gas station bathroom in time. 40 minutes later i got back to the shed and took some meds that act as a motility limiter and tried to get back to sleep. Between the frequent, short but intense downpours and the wind that began to blow, with occasional gusts that shook the shed and tore pieces of the outer shell off....sleep did not come until near dawn. I was up at 8:30 am to use the 'tree' and got dressed and lay down 'for a second'...next thing I knew it was 11:30 am. I was going to go get my glasses, but I really don't feel up to it today. I just wish I had someplace to curl up and sit.
I'm off to the Giant to see what is on sale or clearance for breakfast, then over to the coffee shop in Mt. Washington to just kill time until I can go back and lay down.
As you can probably tell, the depression is coloring my mood today.....at least it's sunny.....a day like yesterday with all the voices in my head screaming as they are today.......I don't want to think about how or what I'd do to shut them up.....permanently.
Tomorrow, I'm going to the BCCC dental clinic to see Michelle in the afternoon, and sitting the grandkids in the evening. If I can get up I'm going over to York road to get my glasses in the morning, (I have a functioning pair, and the prescription change is relatively minor, so I'm not THAT pressed to pick them up), so I may not be back until Friday.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

"Forever.................And a Day.............."

Good Afternoon;
I just read an article in the St. Petersburg Fla. Times about the homeless and their plans to deal with them. Did you know that the passed a law limiting the amount of possessions a homeless person may carry? There are people freaking out about how the homelesss population is up to 145 people in the city and how it is going to swell all the way up to 200 in the winter! One of the people doing the most complaining is the Dean of a Catholic church in downtown St. Pete. How about reaching out to help them Rev. Morris?
Okay, yesterday I went to Penn Optical to pick up my new glasses...only one problem, they are closed on Mondays! WTF?!? The business card does not say anything about being closed.
So that was a waste of time, 6 buses total, over to York Rd. and then I went back to the Starbucks. 3 hours of travel and waiting time.
I went back to the Giant with Jenn after her meeting and we talked about her upcoming trip to dover to see my mother. Rachel was supposed to go along with them and stay in the hotel with Jenn and Tom, and Ed and Devin but the 'ex' says she has a bit of a problem sleeping over if she or I are not there, unless it is at Bubby's house, (Rachel's maternal granmother). She gets all excited at the idea, then her face shows her fears. She had an incident at 2 different places this past year where she had a 'meltdown' and her mother had to come and pick her up. I think that Rachel and I will just spend the weekend at Jenn's together, petsitting instead, since there is no way I will be going to Dover.
I found 100 of the 'Forever' stamps in the bathroom at the coffee shop last night, 5 books at $8.80 a book....that's $44.00!, There is a Post Office receipt for a mailed package in the envelope with a name on it. I am going to try to contact the person. I think it is the same Stuart I talk to quite frequently. I'm going to return them to the owner in any case, if I can find them....maybe I can get a 'finders fee' of a free latte` or a couple bucks, like what happens with the cell phones I am always finding.
Okay gotta go, outta time and I'm on my way to Jenn's to shower and shave.

Monday, November 15, 2010

The homeless aren't 'vagrants' - baltimoresun.com

Good afternoon;
The above is a link to a letter from Kevin Lindamood, vice president for external affairs & Jeff Singer president and CEO of,
Healthcare For The Homeless
on the attitudes & stereotypes toward homeless folks and
how certain words paint them with negative connotations.

"Slow Weekend......But...'Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut!'.........."

Good Morning;

It's a kinda grey, kinda chilly, kinda blue day....it's.....Monday!

Nothing exciting happened over the weekend other than on Friday night, (I never made it to York road to get my glasses, I just went to the coffee shop), when I saw Drew at Whole Foods to drop him off a copy of my little book of poetry he handed me a $20.00 bill and when I started to get $10.00 change for him he said keep it. That was a very kind and generous thing to do.

(I only ask $10.00..but if anyone offers more I'll attempt to honestly refund the difference, but I'm not going to be fanatical about it!....LOL!!)

Late Friday I went over to Jenn's after the kid's were asleep and crashed there so I could be there early on Saturday to ride herd on the little darlings while they got ready for and went to a wedding for Tom's cousin that he was also DJing at. It was not a restful evening, I just could not get to sleep for some reason until 5:00 am. I spent the day with the kids and I left there about 9:30 pm Saturday night, went to the shed and lay down and read for a bit and fell asleep with the lantern on. On Sunday morning I woke up about 6:30 am. took my morning meds and went back to sleep and woke up about 9:00 am. then just lay there until Noon feeling both exhausted and depressed. The cycle is bottoming out at last thank goodness and should begin it's uphill rise to what passes to 'normal', (or what I like to call...the "Journey To Ernie".....LOL.........I've been watching WAY too much Sesame Street!........LOL!). I ended up puttering and talking in the Giant, (Where I found $3.49 bags of miniature size Almond Joy candy bars for $0.87.... 75% off!! I just hope I can refrain fron eating all 60 bars at once.....LOL!), for an hour then went to the library. The waiting list for the computers was 25 people long so I just left and got on the buses to the Starbucks. I sat there for an hour or so and talked with my friend John Erby abour everything from the global economy to the piss poor job of editing and proof reading being done in the newspapers today, to the possibilities of doing some writing for the online site Examiner.com. I left there and went back to the shed where I fell asleep right away but woke upan hour later and again had trouble getting back to sleep. My fingers kept getting cold and numb, more so than just being affected by the temperature. I am waiting for the referral/appointment to the Neurologist/Neurosurgeon to arrive in the mail so I can get some definitive answers. I got here about 11:15 am and I'm about to leave for Penn Optical in a few minutes, and then head over to the coffee shop. As close as they relatively are, the bus routes are such that a lot of backtracking is involved....so I'm out of here. Back Tomorrow.


P.S. TEN..(10)..more days until the 2nd Anniversary of my "Exercise In Exorcism" here and the 'Hit Meter' is at 8,919 ....can we get to 9,000....or 10,000?

Friday, November 12, 2010

" 2 Minute Warning.........&............Badges!?!....We Don't Need No Stinking Badges!!................"

Good Morning;

Well nothing exciting to report, other than my new glasses are ready and I'm going to try to pick them up this afternoon.

Wednesday after leaving here I went to the coffee shop and Whole Foods, where I ran into my friend Allan sitting at the table by the exit door with his head down on the table. He told me he lost his balance and fell, (he just got out of inpatient re-hab after receiving his new prosthetic foot and leg 2 weeks ago), but he was okay. I had food on the table at the Starbucks so I told him to call me if he needed any thing and I'd be right over. When I looked a little while later his car was gone, so i assumed he was alright. When I tried to call yesterday afternoon I could not get an answer though, nor this morning...now I'm worried. I guess I'll keep trying until I find something out.
From Starbucks to the gas station where I attempted to attract the grace of the Keno gods once again, (they have been markedly absent recently), ...no luck, I guess they are still on vacation...lol!, then to the shed and sleep.
Yesterday I went over to Jenn's to do some laundry and shower. Tom had a DJ job and she took the kids out to a school fundraiser/dinner so I got some alone time, (with the Cable and the remote......I get lots and lots of 'alone' time...lol). I watched the ravens Falcons game up to the 2 minute warning, when I was forced to leave so I could catch a bus. The score was 20-14 Atlanta and I could find no one later on who had watched the end of the game. When I saw the paper when I went to the Giant this morning and looked at the final score...26-21 Atlanta!!! WTF did I miss in 2 damn minutes!!!!!
I'm done here, it's time to cruise all the sports web sites and look for video!!!.....LOL!!
(Then off to Penn Optical, and then to the coffee shop. After they close I'm heading over to Jenn's late tonight, after the kids are asleep, to crash because I'm 'monster sitting' on Saturday while she and Tom go to a wedding.)
But before I go....
Did anyone see the article in the Baltimore Sun about financial shenanigans in the Department Of Corrections regarding employees using the money in inmate accounts for their own purposes? Particularly in 5 Baltimore area prisons.
Ask any one who has ever been locked up, in some cases even just held overnight in Central Booking, about how money mysteriously 'disappears', or how long it takes for money orders to 'clear' before being available to inmates for commissary use.
In Central Booking, when one is being searched, (strip or not), the change in one's pockets seems to fall into a black hole somewhere. The amount credited on the 'Detainee's Possessions' sheet always seems to be in 'round' dollar amounts.
Also, one of the ways cigarettes and drugs are smuggled into the system is by Correctional Officers, (COs), who have inmates get their contacts on the outside to mail money to an address given by the CO. Let's not even talk about sexual favors.... And it comes as a surprise that the nick name of the department is...
"Department of Corruptions"

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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

"We Can Rebuild Him — We Have The Technology,"...................(But It's Cheaper Just To Scrap Him And Buy A Six Pack With The Cash)..........."

Good Afternoon;

Ok, To finish yesterday's list of hidden treasures discovered by a doctor who took the time to listen and order the proper tests...;
It turns out that I have not one but TWO hernias, one Hiatal, and one Umbillical.
Then she tells me that the colonoscopy I had a few months ago missed, (or was not looking for or concerned about), a shitload of 'colonic diverticula', which luckily are not infected at this time, meaning NO Diverticulitis, Thank God!
And of course the known 'bubble' or 'pouch' in my chest, a post surgical hernia..(I hope so, with my luck the surgeon dropped her Blackberry in there......LOL!), and the 'Post Surgical Neuropathy' from the damaged nerve nexus during the same thoracic surgery.

A Radiologist called into consult asked what pain meds I was on, Demerol..Morphine..Oxy-Contin?, When I told him none of them just the 2 mgs. of Buprenorphine, and Ibuprofen, he just shook his head and quoted Kipling..."You're a better man than I am, Gunga Din!"............LOL!
If I was still 'in the life' and running the streets, I'd be rich from the sale of all the pain meds I'd be able to legitimately get, and high as a kite too....lol.
But that is not an option nor a desire anymore...again...Thank God!

Next stop, the Neurosurgeon and the Hematologist, added to my list of referrals that include the shrink, and the addictions specialist so I can try to get my meds easier. (And if the skin on my legs does not improve from this latest cream....it's off to the Dermatologist too.)
It's a real bitch when you offer to leave your body to science when you die...and they tell you "No Thanks.....it's too beat up!"...........LOL!!

Last night I met Allan at the Starbucks and he gave me a ride back to the shed and we sat and talked for an hour or so and then I went into the shed and set up for bed. I settled in to read 'for a few minutes'...lol...and looked at the time and it was 2:30 am. I woke up about 8:30 am. and answered natures call and lay back down until 10:30 am.

I got up and went to the RiteAid to drop off my prescription refills and my new prescription for Zantac the doctor gave me Monday, that brings the daily total to 5 different meds each day. Which was about average back in the day.....lol., of course they fell into a different class known as "Recreational Phamaceuticals and Controlled Substances",......LOL!
I then went to the FedEx/Kinkos and made a couple copies of my little book of poetry that 2 people have expressed an interest in...(see sidebar at left, below the photos).

I just had a last minute reprieve from Jenn, she does not have to pick Ed up from school so i don't have to come by and babysit Devin, who is in one of her Nooooo!!!!! moods. I'm heading over to the Giant to grab something to eat and then to JAI to drop off a change of mailing address, (the 'ex' is moving and I'm going to use Jenn's since it is still in the same zipcode), then over to the coffee shop and Whole Foods to see if Drew is working to sell one of the copies of my poetry.
I'll be back tomorrow at some point,

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

" 'We Have To Talk'......AKA....The Four Words No Man Wants To Hear A Woman Say.....Especially If She's Your Doctor!!............................."

Good Afternoon;

So...I left here yesterday afternoon to stop by and see my doctor for what I thought would be a routine confirmation of known issues, verified by MRI, CT Scan, & X-Ray.....There I go thinking again...I should know better!....LOL!

First I saw the med. tech. for vitals etc., she was one of the cutest young ladies, with a great and slightly raunchy sense of humor I have ever met, and also had the most beautiful, smoothest, and darkest complexion I have ever seen. It was an amazing black so deep that it a had blue sheen in certain light conditions. She told me her parents had moved to Baltimore from Cameroon, and were both doctors at Hopkins and University of Maryland hospitals and she was starting med school in the fall to continue her career. As she was checking my blood pressure she got 2 very, very low readings on the computerized monitor that did not seem right so she used the manual sphygmomanometer, (I love that word...lol....and spell check come back with 'no suggestions'...lol!), and brushes up against a certain portion of my anatomy that has responded to her aura of beauty and sexuality with a normal physiologic reaction. She looked down and then looked me in the face and with out cracking a smile...said.."Oh THAT'S why the reading is so low!...Do you want me to leave the room so you can take care of it and then we'll try it again?"...we both burst into laughter until tears were running down our faces. Eventually, when our laughter and my other...uh....um....er.....'issue' had subsided and returned to normalcy my BP was just fine....LOL!
I saw the podiatrist and had my nails cut, chipped, and ground down to a reasonable level, and my circulation and nerve reactions checked, ( both normal), and had the large 'knot' behind the knuckle of my left big toe X-rayed, (with all the radiation I've absorbed in the past few weeks, it makes reading in the shed at night quite easy....lol!!), and the mass is osteo-arthrithic calcification, as suspected, and pressing on a nerve bundle, which was not expected.
I then waited to see Dr. Richardson my PCP for another 45 minutes. When I got into her office/exam room, she pulled out a ream of paper from my chart and began reciting and explaining the results from the MRI and CT. Because I'm running out of time here today..I'll be brief;
Cervical disk bulges in C1,C3, & C4, Degenerative Disk Disease, (deterioration) throughout the Spinal Column in varying degrees of severity, Stenoses in the L4, L5, and L6 vertebrae, Scoliosis, and a 'fatty tumor' on the Sacral nerve bundle just below the end of the Spinal Cord. Yeah..,welllll I guess we now know where all the numbness is coming from...don't we!
As they say in the late night TV commercials for Ginzu Knives...."BUT WAIT----There's MORE!!!"....(LOL);
My Liver is showing damage from the Hep C (that we knew about), in the way of fatty crepuscular masses. My Spleen in enlarged, as is the Prostate, (though Liver Function & PSA blood tests are within normal ranges).
Times Up...gotta go...

Monday, November 8, 2010

"What's Up Doc?......&......Time Bandits.......&.......'Programs...Get Yer Programs Here....You Can't Tell the Players Without A Scorecard'...."

Good Morning;
Well it's off to the doctor's office after I post this.
The numbness and tingling in my leg(s) is worrying me to the point that I'm going to walk in and wait. Last night my right foot just would not get warm and still feels weird. I also plan to see the podiatrist and have my nails looked at.
Yesterday I woke up as most of us did slightly disoriented by the time change back to EST. I fell asleep on Jenn's couch at 1:48 am. Saturday night/Sunday morning and woke up an hour later at 1:48 am......it took a few minutes to figure that one out....LOL. There was a movie listed on the cable that started at 12:15 am. and ended at 1:15 am. that I had been watching for well over an hour....took me a few minutes to see that the time change had been compensated for already....ain't technology wonderful...lol.
I left Jenn's and went to the Starbucks around 2:00 pm. on Sunday and sat out back in the sunlight constantly moving my chair farther and farther down the lawn, and right and left as needed, to stay in the Sun and out of the shadow of the various buildings and the old smokestack, until it finally dropped behind the last roofline for good. I figure to start a pre-emptive, if ultimately futile battle against S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder), as early and long as possible. I do much better in the lower latitudes!...lol!
Last night the depressive cycle I deal with started it's decline, it varies between a gentle slide to a fairly high and highly functional bottom, and a nose dive to the gateway to Hell and a 50-50 chance of a permanent crash and burn or being able to pull up and out of a flat spin and a controlled wheels up belly landing.
This time the darkness came on like the 3 foot thick, 25 ton, nuke proof Blast Door at Norad's Cheyenne Mountain Hq.;.......At first slowly and imperceptibly moving, but inexorable and unstoppable....inevitable as time and inescapable as gravity, picking up speed and slamming shut with a dull thud and the echo of impending doom. The different personalities usually dueling for dominance inside my skull each react in their own unique way, from curling up in a fetal position either to ride out the coming storm, or in denial of reality...to erecting the facade of normality to hide behind and fool the world, or donning the cloak of bravado and bluff, or.....rising above the fog and mist of illusion and the smoke and dust of the juggernaut of broken dreams and crushed hopes, impotent to change or affect events, but able to watch and chronicle their approach, occurrence and passing.
It get's confusing and crowded at times when you cannot discern your personalities from your hallucinations....lol.
Anyway.....gotta run.....
Doctor,.....then most likely the coffee shop,
then a ride back to Pikesville with Jenn,
and a stop at the gas station and into the shed.
Tomorrow, (if I'm able), I think it's the Dental Hygiene Clinic...
in the morning this time....ugghhh!

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Saturday, November 6, 2010

"SpongeBob FungusFoot!!......................."

Good Morning;
Well it has been a week of running here and there for appointments and babysitting duties. It seems that 75% of the time was spent on the buses and trains just traveling back and forth.
Tuesday morning down to Monkee's in the morning to get meds., then to Jenn's to watch Devin while Jenn picked up Ed from school, then over to the Starbucks. As I stepped outside that evening about 8:00 pm. to make my goodnight call to Rachel I saw a familiar figure slowly hobbling across the parking lot towards a car. I went over and it was my friend Alan coming from the Whole Foods. We went over to the coffee shop and sat until close and then he gave me a ride to the shed, where we sat in his car for a few minutes talking and finishing catching up. We covered everything from his stay in re-hab as he was fitted for his new leg and foot and the therapy involved, to his mother's death a few days before he was discharged, to old jobs and old girlfriends. When I looked at the clock in his car it was 10 minutes of 2:00 in the morning!! We spent almost 5 hours sitting in the cold talking, and it felt like only 30 minutes had passed....lol.
I went into the shed and prepared for bed and my right foot and leg, (and to a lesser extent the left also), became alternately numb and cold, the kind of cold that feels 'hot'. It went down below 30 degrees that night and although the rest of me was nice and warm...I could not get my foot comfortable. I had padding and insulation under it and had socks on, and the feet were covered with the bag and a blanket plus an extra wrapping of another blanket. When I stood up and went out to use the 'tree' (...lol...) the foot would begin to warm up and the 'tingling ' began. When I was in the dental chair the Thursday getting x-rays the left leg and left hand and lower arm kept 'falling asleep'. It has to be either a nerve or circulatory problem, and I have an appt. Monday at the doctor, (my PCP)

On Wednesday I stopped over Jenn's to shower and leave my bags and headed to both the opthamologist and (I'm back finally, 10 and 1/2 hours after I started this post...lol. I lost track of time this morning and had to run and get the bus to Jenn's, and between dealing with the grandmonsters and doing laundry and bathing, plus having Rachel come over, and when she left the car and ran down the sidewalk to see me she fell and skinned both knees. The 'ex' came out of the car and I carrried her into the apartment and we cleaned and put Neosporin on the wounds. Rachel got very emotional and said that her knees were hurting her about 15 minutes after the 'ex' left, and she wanted to go back home to her mother's, so we called her up and they came back and got her. By then it was dinner time for the kids and then tom and Jenn stopped in to change clothes and head back out.....and it's 10:30 pm. and I'm just getting on the laptop........) then the optometrist and optician for new glasses. The determination was that the problem of waking up and not being able to see that I had a couple weeks ago was not a direct opthamologic or ocular issue, and most likely neurologic in nature. Which I kind of figured from past history. I came back to Jenn's grabbed my bags and went to the coffee shop until it closed. I ran into a gentleman named Jeff Singer, President and CEO of Healthcare For the Homeless, who I had met and talked to, casually, socially last spring. It was nice talking to someone with an idea of why a person like myself stay away from shelters, and understands the ruluctance to come into certain organizations to ask for help, without having to try to explain and ending up on the defensive, as happens so often with other well meaning but non-comprehending people. They then get angry or disgusted and turn their backs when you see them again somewhere.
I came back out to the shed about 11:00 pm. and it started to pour, all night and most of the next day. The shed stayed dry in my area, (and I had a drip loop on the extension cord...just in case....lol! Got that from you and the fish tanks, Craig....lol!)

On Thursday morning it was raining steadily and my feet were soaked before I made it to the bus stop. Turns out the last thin layer of rubber had worn away and the foam insulation was exposed to the street. It was not noticable when it's dry out, but when the ground is wet I'm walking on 2 sponges! Wonderful.....now I've got cultures growing between my toes for the tropical biology research labs...lol.!
I stopped at Jenn's to shower and leave my bags then went to the BCCC Dental Hygiene Clinic to meet Michelle for my 1:00 appt. More x-rays, (when the students AND!! the Radiology Instructor herself cannot get the sensors in position and/or stay in position, there must be a problem with the system.....so why do the students get a 'fail' if they have to re-take the x-rays???)

She had to make an alginate mold of my mouth and teeth, (2!, upper and lower!), and with a stuffy nose that I could not breathe through, (while the Clinic's Dentist kept stating and restating, "Breathe deep, breathe through your nose......"), and my sensitive gag reflex, (good thing I'm not gay.....LMAO!!!), combined with my extreme distaste for spearmint, (which the casting material was saturated with), it was loads of fun......NOT!!....lol! Luckily I only nearly choked to death, with no 'Technicolor Yawn' to decorate the lab with....lol. The rest of the session was Nirvana by comparison....lol. I got back to Jenn's and she asked me to stay the night and watch the kids as she and Tom were going in different directions to different meetings, so I did. Michelle texted me with an urgent plea begging me to come back at 3:00 pm. on Friday if at any way possible, and of course I agreed. For some reason I could not get to sleep thursday night and kept getting up to use the batroom and turning the TV on and off and on and off again.
On Friday morning I showered and packed up and Tom gave me a pair of sneakers he never really wore in what is usually my size, but which felt small and tight, so I put the now dry sneakers of my own on...and avoided any damp spots on tghe pavement and stayed off the grass. I'll see if they fit better after I see the podiatrist on Monday, and she works on my nails again with the heavy construction equipment...lol. I stopped at the library to return and renew books and headed to Friday's session at BCCC. It was much less stressful and I got to have my picture taken, digitally, with a tiny camera on the end of a wand shoved into my mouth....technology....Oy Vey!!!
Michelle took me out to dinner at the Paper Moon Cafe in Remington, which was the site of one of our first dates 10...no, 11 years ago. It is still as Brightly painted and funky as ever with toys hanging or glued to any and all available surfaces...and the food is excellent! She got the Portabello and Havarti Griled Cheese sandwich with Sweet potatoe fries and I got the Chicken with Avocado, Bacon, and Tomato sandwich with regular fries. Yummmmmm! She dropped me off at the Starbucks a few hours later and I closed it up and caught the buses to the shed and slept like a log for the first time in a while. I got up at 10:00 am. this morning after waking at 6:00 am. or so to kill the weeds.....organically, I'm doing my small part to 'Go green'......lol!, and going back to sleep.
I went to the Giant and bought some grond beef for burgers at Jenn's and stopped at the library, where I started this post, lost track of time until she texted me asking my ETA......and we're up to speed now!!....lol. I'm spending the night because Jenn and Tom went to the memorial service for Tom's friend and boss, and then had to drop off some DJ equipment to the person filling in tonight, (Johnny Dark....the DJ from WCAO in the '60s and '70s...he was the big cheese in pop radio in Baltimore back then.....I remember cruising all night long to him in my mother's yellow 1969 Chevelle Malibu with the black vinyl roof back in the day.....yeah I know some of you reading this out there who have recently reconnected with me remember that car..(Heidi&Terry??....Mike??......Patti??....I know you were all in it....and maybe Craig..or had I totaled it just before we met???...lol!).
Anyway, the battery is dying and I'm gonna sign off now.
Sunday's plans are still a mystery to me....

Friday, November 5, 2010

"Timeeeeeee Slippppppp"

Good Afternoon;
Well.....Again I'm pressed for time,
and the library will be closed before I'll be able to get back here.
Michelle texted me at 9:00 pm. while I was monstersitting the grand kids and sked could I please, please come back in today at 3:00 pm to the BCCC dental clinic.
Of course there is no way I'll ever be refusing a request to se her for any reason....
so I'm on my way out the door to the bus stop at the end of this post......lol!
I spent the night at Jenn's since she and Tom did not get home until late. It has been one hell of a year for Tom regarding friends and relatives passing away. Iam babysitting again tomorrow while they go to a service for his best friend's father, (who Tom also worked for part time DJing)
Gotta run............... Dave