Saturday, October 31, 2009

"BE THE FIRST ON YOUR BLOCK............................"

Good Afternoon;

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"Whoo Hoo!!! We Have A Winner!!.......OR........Whatta Ya Mean Send $99.99 For Shipping And Handling?!?!?....I Don't Even Want A Cement Bicycle!!!..."

Good Morning and Happy Halloween!;
The lucky 3,000th visitor is........
Using :
Microsoft WinNT
Internet Explorer 7.0
Visited on:
October 31st
8:27:19 am. (my time?)/ 9:27:19 am. (your time?) / (or skewed by EST/EDT??)
8 minutes & 2 seconds, and 3 page views
(And that is as personal as it gets so do not worry about your security folks.)
(The only other detail available to me would be city/state-province/country,)
(and not on every record, ie., as above.)
Now don't be coy, who are you and when are you picking me up for dinner?
(Remember...The longer you wait...the hungrier I get...the higher the check...LOL)
Enough silliness;
In all seriousness I am truly grateful to all the 'loyal readers' and casual drop-ins who read my words, knowing that someone, anyone, is out there listening and caring enough to come back means a lot. And to those of you who have made contact through comments or e-mail, Thanks for taking the time out of your life to talk to me and share your thoughts. And for those few with whom I have met through this little 'exercise in exorcism'..( I really ought to trademark that phrase, I like it and use it so much...LOL), or whose interest in it has brought us closer together, I am especially appreciative of the time we can spend sharing ideas, saving the world, or just swapping lies.
I'll probably go through this whole spiel in about 3 and 1/2 weeks, since the anniversary of this blog is basically Thanksgiving, so I'll just sign off...(yeah shut now with a heartfelt...
"Y'awl keep comin' back naow, y'heah!!!"
Allan took me to Mt. Washington yesterday, and we sat and talked for an hour or so. About 5:00 I went down to North Ave and I-83 to try to get a few dollars. I was such a nervous wreck, constantly looking over my shoulder with a raging sense of paranoia, I left after 20 minutes. One car had stopped and gave me $2.00 and the flower guy Mohammad and I talked for about 35 minutes and he slipped me $2.00 also. I went back to the coffee shop, (it is only 3 stops up the Light Rail), and waited until 8:00 pm. and headed over Monkee's. I had found 4 quarters in my bag so I had $5.00 to give her and she let me have enough 'bupe' so I am fine until at least Monday or Tuesday.
When I had went back to get a coffee refill Ashley asked me if I wanted a "Protein Plate", (Hard boiled Egg, Baby Bagel, a couple Apple slices, half a dozen Grapes, 2 small triangles of Cheese, and a squeeze package of Peanut Butter), so I did get a little 'real food' in me. After I left Monkee's I took the bus to Johns Hopkins to the Metro and back to Reisterstown Plaza, where I hit the Popeye's dumpster for a few pieces of chicken and a biscuit. Then I caught the bus up to the Dunkin Donuts and grabbed some Munchkins and powdered donuts. That is today's meal. I saw Mike at the library and he offered me a handful of change, eager to be able to help me out for a change, since every other time he offered I was not in need. So that is coffee money. I have to raise $1.20 for the bus tomorrow, and $1.65 for coffee, and if I can get more for food great, but if I have to go to the corner, I am aiming for the bare minimum I need and then leaving. I'd like to go out on Sunday morning and get some cash early and take Rachel to the Disney on Ice show, (which ends on the 1st, and of course I am expecting some money on the 2nd), but not if my nerves are still shot. Sundays ARE usually pretty good though.
Some days I actually enjoy being out on the corner, begging, sick as it may sound, meeting and talking to people, and it seems that mood and attitude reflect the quality and quantity of donations, (along with time of month and weather).
Other is a demeaning, soul sucking, spirit destroying agony!
Anyway, I'm out of here, heading to Mt. Washington, I welcome company and conversation if anyone is going that way, (always be sure to check the back patio, it is where I spend the most time, weather permitting; if it is not too wet I'll be out there today too), and if we have not met yet, ask one of the barristas, I'm officially a 'regular'
(To visitor 2,989...[Performance Systems International...Washington, D.C., October 30th...3:12/4:12(?) pm. ...13 minutes 48 seconds].......did you enjoy your trip to Sitemeter? logs 'outclicks' too.)
If Anyone else wants to refer me to the "Make Money..Post Ads On Google" garbage out this reply to Neil.....
(the highlighting is mine....obviously!!!....ROTFLMAO!!!!)
Hi Neil; Thanks but NO THANKS!!!!...IT IS!! A SCAM!!
I checked this one out long ago...........LOL..................Dave
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Friday, October 30, 2009

"Hello........Sshh..Sshhh..Sshhhh..SHAKE, RATTLE, AND ROLL......!.............."

Good Morning;
No winner yet..(see previous!

Yesterday I left here with Allan and we were going to Boston Market for the chicken special, well the one next door was so packed that the line was literally out the door. We went out to Owings Mills where there were only about 45 people waiting in line and went in. The line was barely moving and I started to feel really hot and flushed and began to shake. The room seemed to close in and press down from the ceiling on me. My field of view narrowed to a type of tunnel vision and I told Allan I had to leave, I could not stay without getting sick. I felt as if I were going to pass out and began to hyperventilate. I just made it outside and Allan said I looked like hell, and told me to take it easy, and asked if I was OK as I was shaking fairly badly. We got in the car and I calmed down by the time we got to the Target.

This is what I am talking about when I try to describe the anxiety and panic attacks that come over me when I try to go to an interview or am waiting to fill out yet another set of forms in some agency. It happens most when I have to meet with new or strange (and usually, bored, uncaring, and unhelpful) intake or evaluation personnel and/or govt. bureaucrats. It usually does not hit me so bad in restaurants, unless there is some sort of confrontation, but I do not wait in lines or queues longer than 8 or 10 people or 10 or 15 minutes, (unless one is asked by a maitre'd.."Would you like to wait at/in the bar/lounge"......just for reference to No. 13, see previous!).

I do not like the after affects....(effects?, I've always had trouble with the proper choice), it is a truly physically debilitating and mentally exhausting feeling to experience. But.. in a way I am very glad that some one I know, (with a medical background...EMT/ambulance), was able to see, and vouch or verify that I do suffer from these attacks, and that they can be, if only for a short, intense period, truly disabling.

After we went to Target so he could look for some gauze bandage for his foot, we took a ride to Mt Washington, where I stayed at the coffee shop. I had one last coffee coupon and some leftover sandwiches from 3 days ago that I sorted through and found some which I trusted to eat. I also have the 1/4 loaf left over of the sourdough bread given me by the bakery girl who I helped with setting up her tent at the Farmer's Market on Wednesday evening.

I sat outside until almost 8:40 pm., when I got a chill and came in. For a good part of the afternoon I kept nodding off while trying to read, one of the reactions to these anxiety/panic 'incidents'.

I needed and wanted to take a chance and go down to the corner, but between nerves and exhaustion, I never made it. I have to do something today, I have no food and no money and no meds....SH*T!!!

I did take a little quiz offered by the editor of Baltimore Magazine. They are traveling the city looking for the 'Smartest Neighborhood' in Baltimore. I got the best score out of anyone who took it there yesterday, getting 2 wrong..(I got confused between an Oligarchy and a Plutocracy, and the handshake question has a logical twist), if I can get permission, I will post the whole test, it is not very long and is multiple choice. I showed the editor my poetry and he seemed impressed, and I gave him the blog's address. He said he may contact me if there is any writing work available that I may be able to do on occasion. THAT would be a treat!

So..I just ran into Richard Dalcin..(see his link at left), and he gave me some coin, now I have enough for coffee. Allan is here, if he has any change, I can get something to eat

I really have to go out for at least $10.00 this afternoon, food and coffee I can scrounge, dumpster dive, or do without, until Monday..(when I am hoping to get a hold of a few dollars).. but my meds will not wait that long without major discomfort and even MORE anxiety.
{Not yet....the tension mounts...who will be the lucky winner....(geez I hope it's one of my more 'affluent' loyal readers!!!....LOL).....stay tuned...}
Okay, it's almost 1:15 pm. and I've got to get some coffee, and then hit the corner to raise some cash. DAMN!!! I just realized that I have to make a new sign, the 'good' one I had, (with all the colors and covered in clear plastic tape to make it waterproof), got left on the side of the road on October 1st, remember..."Black Thursday", when the 'boys in blue'....(though actually they were in shorts and tee shirts, etc...)....stopped to chat and invited me for a ride and a 'lost weekend'. Now I've got to make a new one, this time it is only going to be a 'quickie' with a black laundry marker on whatever white cardboard I can locate. I really don't want to do this,..........damn it!
I'm going to see if Allan is still here and if he is going near Mt. Washington....(He is...),
Somebody come visit tonight!?!?!.........Please????
See you Saturday.......................Dave

"Lucky Number 13 Wins!; YOU May Already Have Won......................OR.......................You Break It.....,You Bought It!......"

Good Morning;
Well, you' ve almost done it.

The 'hit counter' is reading 2,987. That means the 13th visitor from now... 10:57 am. ... October 30th 2009 ... will roll over the odometer to 3,000 visitors!

Like the pretentious posters in the Starbucks say, "Good Job You!"...LOL

To find out if you are the 3,000th visitor, scroll alllll the way dowwnnnn to the very end of the page, and in the left hand corner you will see a blue box with yellow numbers, if it says '3,000'........Ta Da......YOU WIN!!

I hear everyone out there excitedly wondering, 'Is it me??', and 'Did I Win??', and 'Just what IS the amazing and awesome, magnificent and magical gift that is being presented to the one lucky winner, soon to be the object of envy of all the other boys and girls??'
Well, I'll tell you.... a lot of cogitation went into the choosing of this once ion a lifetime opportunity. The judges and the licensed, bonded and secured, and insured agents who will assist in the determination of the winner and act as neutral and impartial observers to eliminate any possible taint of fraud or tampering...(kind of like the United Nations Commission on Human Rights, but Without the anti-Israeli bias!). The management tried to get the well known and famous Insurers and Fiduciaries, Lloyds Of London to oversee the details, but for obvious financial reasons they were not available, so the less well known, (in fact they tend to shun publicity of any type and strive to remain out of the public eye), but equally Infamous organization, Guido's Of Little Italy, is providing 'protection' to ensure an honest count.

But I digress,....

The chief judge has decided that the penultimate prize would be an opportunity to meet and greet, wine and dine, and schmooze with the author of this little blog. Yes!! An ALL EXPENSES PAID..."Dinner With Dave"...(at a restaurant to be chosen at the dicretion of the judges)

I, (I mean HE), determined through rigorous research that this 'chance of a lifetime' would appeal to the loyal readers who religiously follow the trilas and tribulations of our hero, and, is something they could afford. (Oh...did I neglect to mention that the expenses are to be paid by the winner...hey I'm broke, you knew that!)

Of course the ULTIMATE prize would be a weekend at the beach!...(bet you thought that I misused the word penultimate, didn't you?...or did you?, most people don't actually use it properly.....LOL).

(I don't know if there is a single word that describes a situation Beyond ultimate, but the Prize would be the weekend at the beach...with a lover.....!)

{Okay, I'm back. Had to check the hit change yet.}
So I'll check back later and look at my statistics and see from where and from what ISP the winner came. I don't have any more personal information than that, other than the browser used and the time zone, so you've got to comment or E-mail me if you are #3,000.
Start saving your pennies, pay down your credit cards.........I'm hungry for a real meal!....LOL
P.S. I've got a nice new pair of jeans and a button down shirt, that's as formal as I can get right now, unless of course, you really want to go somewhere fancy and want to buy me a suit.....oh, and I'll need dress shoes to go with it too......LOL!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

"Punkin' Chunkin' Good.........................."

Good Morning;

Nothing really new to talk about today except for the bizarre little scene that I watched last night as I sat out on the patio at the Mt. Washington Starbucks. A guy, white, between 25 and 40, scruffy looking and shifty in his actions, comes from behind the buildings next to the Jones Falls and goes in to the recycling dumpster and pulls out a large cardboard box and unfolds it to see how long it was in relationship to his body. So far nothing strange, I do it all the time when I am 'refreshing' my But this guy promptly walks about 15 feet from the dumpster, steps up and over the low stone wall bordering the river and proceeds to lay down on his box out of sight in the weeds on the narrow, flat ledge of the stream bank. If this was under cover of trees or bushes it would not seem so odd, but this under the open sky and appeared to be some sort of attempt at concealment, and he kept sitting up and looking around at random intervals, and at one point got up and walked along the stream towards the parking lot, where there is more tree and bush growth, then came back and lay down again. The other couple on the patio and I looked at one another and remarked on his behavior. At this time he walked up towards us on the patio, looked at the door into the coffee shop and saw the sign saying that the door was locked at dusk...( went into the cul de sac of the buildings and out and around the other side and across the parking lot past Whole Foods. I went in and gave a heads up to the young ladies who were working, Ashley and Veronique, to be very observant when they left the building after closing up. I had to leave to catch the bus then, and when I was crossing the Light Rail lot, there, coming down Smith Ave. was this guy. I watched for a second and saw him go over to the Light Rail platform and then lost sight of him as 2 trains pulled in. I just caught the bus, so I could not tell if he got on the train or not. I'll see when I go to the coffee shop today whether the girls had any problems or not.

My personal philosophy falls some where between "Stop Snitching" and "Big Brother IS Watching", I tend to observe and ignore most actions on the street, unless I feel endangered, or there appears to be potential for harm to an innocent bystander or victim, or when an action infringes upon my (admittedly variable, to meet situations and circumstances) sense of justice or propriety. But, when you feel a 'bad vibe', and something seems suspicious, the first instinctive gut reaction is usually right on the money.

Okay, now to the lighter side.

Some one sent me an attachment to an e-mail that contains a really cool short power point slide show of some amazing carved pumpkins, I can't figure out how to import it so I went to this guy's website and it is even more fascinating, and with a much larger content and variety.

His name is Scott Cummins and the URL address is,

Be sure to check out the gallery, (click on at upper right hand side of home page), and the Frequently Asked Questions...(FAQs)... some of his answers to silly and/or dumb questions are great.
Allan is here is and if he has not left yet is going to buy me lunch at Boston Market, (this week only there is a "$1.00" .." ONE DOLLAR ".. special of a 3 piece dark or Quarter white meat meal with mashed potatoes and cornbread, look for coupon online, copies are OK.
........later .................Dave

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

" SSDD......................... Chapter Tres...."

Good Morning, Again;
“`We be of one blood, thou and I,'
Mowgli answered, `. . . my kill shall be thy kill if ever thou art hungry.'”
"The Jungle Book"--Rudyard Kipling
So here it is the last week of the month, the time when some of you can most relate to what we on the streets go through the other 3 weeks.
A week til pay day, the fridge is nearly empty, as is the pantry, pretty much. Lotta beans, lotta pasta, lotta bread are now making up dinners.The rent is due, and the mail man brings another 'necessity bill' each day, as the billing cycle ends. and you hope that B, G, & E will give you the extra 10 days...again.. so the check will clear before the turnoff comes.
The wallet is empty and the ATM keeps denying the attempts at withdrawal. Maybe the prescription has run out and can't be refilled until after the 1st of the month..(Gotta love those HMO regulations) you have to scrape up some cash for a half a dozen doses. And, of course, (Insert Appropriate Holiday Here), falls in THIS week.
So, maybe you borrow from the boss, or get a 'payday loan' at some exorbitant interest rate, or see a loan shark. Perhaps you 'max out' a credit card, or rely on the overdraft protection feature of your debit card, playing one 'due date' against another, or mis-date and/or "forget"..(wink wink).. to sign a check, or put the electric bill's check in the bank's envelope, and pray for 'grace'. When things get tight you can pull out the mortgage or the car's finance agreement and a calendar and try to calculate just how many days..(or months?)..late you can get away with.
Sometimes the 'Friendly Neighborhood Pawn Broker' may be holding that 'extra' TV or DVD player, or jewelry, etc., which you have every intention of redeeming at the first opportunity, or at least paying the interest, 'for a month or so' until you can 'get out from under'. just a common everyday case of 'Robbing Peter To Pay Paul', it happens to the nicest folks.
Been there, Done that, and we All have the tee shirts.
Okay, now multiply that stress and anxiety and worry by 3 (more weeks a month)!
granted We don't have mortgage, rent, or B,G,& E, but then again you have a bed, heat hot water, electricity, a TOILET!, a kitchen...and safety, security, privacy, and a place to leave your possessions.
I also don't have a car payment, gas, or insurance to concern me, but you are also not sleeping in your transportation with foul mouthed and foul smelling strangers as it travels the city streets on cold, wet, snowy, nights.
It has been said that most folks are only 3 pay checks or 3 house or rent payments away from the street; from conversations and anecdotal evidence I can say that is pretty much a true statement, there are a lot more 'Nouveau Homeless' out there today.
Call me a trailblazer, a trendsetter, or just 'ahead of the, curve', (this constant thumping inside my head Proves that I 'March To The Beat Of A Different Drummer'.........LOL).
SSDD:--- Same Same Different Different
Maybe we are more alike than you believe.....or WANT to believe?
I"ll see you tomorrow most likely.............................DAVE
P. S............See the New York Time--Tuesday 10/27/09
Front page picture--"Trading a park bench for the Broadway stage'
Article-- Page A-22 --"From No Home To Back Home On Broadway"

"SSDD....................Part Deux.........."

Good Morning;
It's been raining for the past two days and a night and the dampness and grayness is not helping with the end of the month blues. I spent yesterday in the Starbucks, with no money at all, and if it was not for the coupon for a free coffee and the free refills, and the 2 day old pastries I had I would not have eaten all day. Thanks to Molly, Rachel..(NOT mine..), and Patrick and their kindness and generosity, I now have some marked out sandwiches they gave me at closing time, for the next 2 days or so. I have one more coupon, so I'll be heading thee after I finish here. I have to resupply my reading materials and see if there are any classic..(free).. DVDs I have not seen here at this library.
WARNING: Bitching and Whining Ahead, Read At Your Own Risk!
Okay, so I'm sitting in the coffee shop after another one of those conversations where someone has just shot me down in flames and broken my dreams...and isn't even aware of the fact! Why is it always that when I am at the most in need of affection and intimacy on a physical level and I am at the lowest point of having anything 'material' to offer, when I am unable to even take care of my own needs beyond the most basic primitive levels; that I seem to meet people on an intellectual level, to even be attractive to some? Is it because I offer no possible threat of involvement, due to socio-economic lack, and my own self deprecating moral code, (twisted as it may be), that I am finding myself surrounded by attractive , intelligent and friendly women. Who, totally innocent of any possible guile or motive and also totally clueless of any idea that I may have feelings that could extend beyond simple friendship and camaraderie, begin to confide and confess intense and personal details of their lives and their loves, thereby ruining any possibility that I could tell them that I DID have a romantic attraction to them. And we will not even BEGIN to discuss the ones who are either too young, too married, or too gay! Sometimes, BFF can mean Big F*ckin' Fool!! Hell I've even had a hooker crying her eyes out on MY shoulders! You'd think that after 35 years I'd be used to hearing as a compliment, in one form or another, "Oh, that's not a guy, that's Dave..."
As usual;
Same Sh*t Different Day

Sunday, October 25, 2009

" 'SSDD'.........And I Don't Mean 'Single Side Double Density'.................! "

Good Afternoon.............FINALLY!!!;
It's 4:10 pm. Sunday and I've just gotten on a computer here at the library, there were 26 people waiting when I got here an hour and a half ago. Geez, what are are these people homeless are something??, don't they have lives??..................LOL!!
Anyway.... Rachel and I went to the movie matinee yesterday, ($5.00 before noon, can't beat it!), and saw "Cloudy, With A Chance Of Meatballs", very cute, well worth the money. We walked up to the St.Thomas Starbucks and got a big healthy salad for lunch..(or sa`lad as SpongeBob would call it)..I'm lucky enough to have a child who likes to eat food that is good for her as well as junk food, and who will try anything, since she knows she does not have to eat it if she does not like it. Yesterday, Giant was pushing fresh seafood and was cooking sauteed scallops with lemon,...yup, she loved it,....a developing gourmet palate in a pre-school! After we played checkers to a stalemate,(try getting a 5 year old to quit chasing your king around the, we had some ice cream and her mother picked us up, as it was pouring again.
They dropped me off at the Light Rail, as I was going to Monkee's to get my meds, as I had arranged with her earlier...I Thought!!
I got there and she was gone for the night, and had NOT left a package for me as we had agreed upon. You're thinking..'Oh No', right?
Well, this is how God takes care of fools, drunks, and little children...and on occasion...Me!
As I was getting off the Light Rail, (in the sunshine that hd broken through the end of the rain clouds), I ran in to Sean and Jillian, from the corner where I was panhandling, and he asked where I had been. I told him the whole warrant and arrest and jail and court story, and he handed me a bupe, and said to just give him a few bucks next time I have it. Now this is Before I get to Monkee's and I am think ing, 'Great, now I have an extra!' Little did I know! So the only thing I was out was the wasted travel time. Thanks to the man upstairs, and through him, Sean. AND, I had money for food and coffee for another day and a half.
"Gratitude", .."Don't Leave Home Without It!!"
I'm out of time, and I may not get back on, so I'll see you tomorrow....Dave
P.S. And if you got the SSDD reference, you are an old fart like me, at least 4 generations of storage media behind the times.....LOL!!
Actually, I'm going to use it again, with amore social commentary...D.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

"Cloudy, With A Chance Of Meatballs;..When The Moon Hits Your Eye Like A Big Pizza Pie????.....OR.........THANK GOD!!! It's Not...'Raining Men'.."

Good Morning;
Crazy weather forecast, ain't it ,doc!!!!
I'm off to the movies with Rachel this morning. Weather is too 'iffy' to try to do something with a lot of outside time or travel. Probably go for an ice cream cone afterwards, and maybe the library, unless there is a major change in the 'liquid sunshine quotient'.

Friday, October 23, 2009

"Numbers Game.................................."

Hello Again;
I just looked at my hit counter, 88 more hits and that's 3,000 visitors!!; and in 31 more days it will be the First Anniversary of this little "Exercise In Exorcism"!!......
One Small Step for Mankind....One Giant Leap For A Man!!
See Ya!!.........Dave

"A Little Cheese With That WHINE ???????....................."

Good Afternoon;

It's starting to rain steadily now, it looks like another wet weekend. I was going to take Rachel down to Patterson Park for the Halloween Lantern Parade tomorrow, but I think we'll just hit an early discount matinee on Saturday morning instead.

Thanks to a friend I have money to do laundry tonight, so that's my 'hot date' for this the....'the psycho-freako-cracko-drunko-Latino-combo'....

Yesterday I had to go to meet Monkee early, and since Mt. Washington is easy to get to first, I stopped for coffee and atmosphere, and never made it off the patio to go to the library. Both the weather and range and content of the conversations I enjoyed were wonderful. And it seemed to be my day to hit it off with younger women....of course they all were under 5 years old though....LOL!!

There is an interesting comment from James on the "Service With A Snarl....." blog from a few days back. It's always nice to have one's experiences and opinions confirmed. Vindication is only a small victory, but right now, they are the ones that really matter. Thanks James, and I do remember her, (how could I NOT!!!), say hello for me. Thanks for reading, I will keep fighting, and I do admit sometimes I AM fighting myself as much as the system, but at least I can recognize the fact and make choices, there are some out there who not only can't see that, but don't have the luxury of an outlet like this little "Whine Festival" here.
More on the topic of 'Obstructionism' also in future posts.
It's getting to be closing time and I have to call Rachel, so I'll see you ???, maybe tomorrow, maybe Sunday.
Thanks all for reading......................Dave

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

"Here Come Da Judge...................Or..............But Your Honor---The Devil Made Me Do It!.....................""

Good Afternoon;
Well obviously I'm free at the moment. I was 'kicked upstairs' to Circuit Court, to a REAL judge, on November 17th....Grreeaaatttttt!
These people are so clueless, the hearing 'judge', Master Farmer told the guy in front of me to bring in $1500.00 in 6 weeks, the guy gets $185.00 a month in Foodstamps, and $185.00 a month in Temporary Cash Assistance from the Department of Social Services, (sound familiar??), and is raising 2 kids at his parents house and trying to pay for another 2, plus this case, and was just released from doing mandatory community service while NOT being allowed to work. Oh Yeah, he has never earned more than minimum wage in his life.
I listened to this man ridicule and denigrate people and tell them to "get a couple jobs". The child support enforcement/court clerk woman had an attitude and a chip on her shoulder towards everyone and we were all in the wrong...NO MATTER WHAT!!!! And all she said was "I want money", or "Send him to Circuit".
Granted some defendants were trying to scam or wriggle out, and they had the ways and means to pay, but many, many more just could not meet the unreasonable amounts first requested then demanded.
I'll say it again..."Can You Say CLUELESS, Boys And Girls?"
I've got to catch a bus and try to catch up with Allan, my bag is in his car.

"Service(?????) ...With A Snarl...........OR............Public Servants Aren't!!!.............."

Good Morning;
Another beautiful fall day, that's 2 in a row.
That is one of the reasons I did not make it to the library yesterday. I went to D.O.R.S., (Dept. of Rehab. Svcs.) in the morning for what I though was an intake or evaluation, but was only a mass form filling marathon orientation/cattle call. Now it's a 2 week wait to see if I am eligible to be evaluated for access to services, (and according to the website, even 'IF' accepted, there is a 6 - 12 month wait for placement.
Okay, in the title of this organization is the word 'service', seems to me they left out the word 'self', for all the assistance the worker wanted to give out. I was asked, "What do you expect/want from D.O.R.S.?", a legitimate question, I answered.."Some sort of retraining/training to enable me to get employment I am physically and mentally and emotionally capable of, and will allow me to live independently."..Good enough so far..."And assistance and/or referrals to get housing and medical insurance and any S.S benefits available"....Not so good answer.????...why???, "You should have that before you come here"...not according to the website, they may not 'provide', but the are supposed to 'refer'. Next, "What do you want to do?", ..."Anything!!!", .."No, you have to tell us what you want.",......"But aren't you supposed to do evaluations to determine capability and give guidance and vocational counseling to help me figure that out...If I could do it my self...I WOULD NOT BE HERE!!!!!"....."Hem, and can leave now, you're done today, look for a letter form a case worker/counselor...if you qualify!! about 2 weeks...Goodbye."
I'm not holding my breath...I've heard this song before. It is not so much the run around, but the attitude of the certain segment of society that is filling the mid and lower levels ..the client contact levels.. of the gov't. social service agencies, state and federal,..[in Baltimore, my evidence is local and anecdotal through personal experience and observation], and City Hall, and the DMV, police and the MTA, and most of the rest of the bureaucracy also). Female, black, and semi-literate. I have experienced subtle 'reverse racism' at times, but mostly they are abrupt, unhelpful and arrogant, and loathe to volunteer the tiniest helpful detail that is NOT formally required by law...
Like most stereotypes, the characters seen on TV or in Tyler Perry's plays and movies, that are so decried by some, HAVE to have a basis in truth somewhere, exaggerated or not. I am reminded of the cold war depictions of Soviet bureaucrats, impediments to everything, with a multi-copy form to be filled out to be able to fill out a form asking permission to fill out a form. Then having to do it all over again because of a misspelled word or undotted 'i'.
Anyway, I was on the bus crossing the Light Rail stop at Cold Spring Lane around noon and we hit a red light so I hopped off and jumped on the train and went up one stop to Mt. Washington and my coffee fix..(not even a cup of bad coffee at D.O.R.S., c'mon, there is usually always an urn brewing in the dayroom/waiting area of these places..???....)..and sat outside the whole day just "wallowing in the wonderful weather" 20 minutes before close when I finally got a little cold. Then, back to the shed.
I am on my way to Towson, for a 1:00 pm. court date, so if you don't hear from me for a while, I'll be locked up for being broke and homeless and owing money.
no 'Debtors Prisons' in the U.S., that's right, now they just use, "Contempt Of Court".
I have $10.00 in Food Stamps, and $6.00 in cash, (my appeal for donations did not seem to work, maybe I should of had a picture with my sad 'puppy dog eyes' all teared up..?.............LOL).....don't think it's gonna
Oh look, Allan's here,....of's dry out....LOL.

Monday, October 19, 2009

"99 Luft Balloons, The 21 Balloons, 5 Weeks In A Balloon, The Red Balloon, and, The Balloon Edgar Allen Poe......."

Back again;
How about the latest out of Colorado?
A freak show complete with a shiny silver balloon!!!
Except for the trauma to the's great......................

"Assorted Bits And Pieces Remembered Right After Signing Off, And/Or In The Middle Of The Night.......AKA..........I Wish I Had A Laptop And WiFi!..."

Good Morning;

So I didn't make it here yesterday, it was only Noon and too early for the library and too cool and wet outside to wait around, so I went to St. Thomas for a 'little while', which ended up being 8 hours...(lol), that's the curse of being too far out with no car. The day was totally non eventful...and dry!

A couple of things....
I forgot to mention about the fun I had wandering around in the rain on Thursday night when I left the gas station to go into the shed. Just as I'm leaving, a cop car pulls up and parks next to the fence, 'showing the flag' as the saying goes, in the wake of the recent robberies...(I found out the Wachovia next to the gas station was robbed the same day)..., no big deal as it concerns me on that some cases virtue IS it's own reward.

BUT!!!.....and this did mess me up for a while.... he parks next to the part of the fence that has a hole in it, facing right at the door to the shed....Grreeaaattttt!!!,'s after 11:30 pm., the Giant is closed, as is everything else around, it's pouring and blowing, every bench around is soaked, under cover or not, and I missed all 4 possible buses. I ducked in and out of doorways for 30 minutes wandering back past the edge of the fence to see if the cop has left, until I finally get inside, just as another one rolled around the I slipped in between the shadows, barred the door, checked MY area for leaks, no water, thank goodness, but I'm seeing a lot more light where insulation has slipped and the outer veneer has rotted or fallen. Time to hit up Giant for some more boxes, and maybe get a hold of a roll of thick polyethylene sheeting and a staple gun, and do my Tim (Allen) Taylor - 'Home Improvement' imitation. The consensus among most forecasters is for a colder winter due to the 'El Nino' this year.....Grreeaaattttt!!!

Social commentary....

Friday night, I am at the Reisterstown Plaza metro stop, waiting to catch the # 59 bus, and because the night before it almost zoomed by me on one side of the station, I went across the street to the side where it HAS to stop, not just speed on by. Dumb Move!!, there are a couple of ghetto garbage, gansta thug, blunt smokin', ass showin', crotch around the knees morons drinking and cussing and yelling and arguing under the first bus shelter, so I go to the further one. They come over and circle around me, each from a different angle, with obvious intentions, and I, with no display of subtlety at all, pull an "object", (insert 5th Amendment here!!!), out of my bag designed to discourage them and make them reconsider their actions. This, combined with the fact that I am no small guy and I am wearing a blue denim coat that was a souvenir of a 'state vacation', known to all who have also been there as a Big Ben, caused a visible alteration in their attitude. They decided to stop and shoot the sh*t with me instead....Grreeaaatttt!!!.... One begins telling me how he just got out after 6 years and then got locked up 8 days later by his girl. He tells me he 'beat on her', no remorse, no guilt, just annoyance that she called the PO-lice. And get this, he was meeting her to give her some money later that night!?!!??? The other guy was just kind of quietly drinking, but the first one was a mess, ranting at anyone who passed by, and starting to mess with me, and then backing off when his buddy pulled him back. He then goes over to one of the concrete pillars, drops his pants, (the rest of the way), and proceeds to take a crap..right out in public. About 15 minutes later he comes over and asks if I have any tissue or napkins, telling me he needed to 'wipe his ass'. The other guy looks at me behind his back and shrugs, as if to say..'hey, I'm just here by myself..he's not really WITH me' that point the bus showed up and I left.

On the bus, a woman is on her cell phone talking about this asshole, and when she starts telling about him taking a dump, she happens to see me look up and she asks if I saw it, and goes off the hook, ranting about..."How in an age when a black man can be elected president, stupid 'niggas' bring down the rest of the countries level of opinion to reflect the ghetto minority, and they should be hunted down and eliminated, not by politicians or police, but by the black community itself".....As she put it.."Put the CIVIL back in civil right first". And before anyone starts yelling racist, she was black; and as I've said before, ignorant is ignorant, eliminate stupidity, no matter what color.

As a side bar, what is with the upswing in the amount of people spitting everywhere? White, black, brown, male, and female, old, and young. Go to the bus stop, subway, or light rail, and is f*cking disgusting. Ghetto attitude and jail culture pervades the lower levels of society, manners mean weakness, and common decency is denigrated.

When I was in BCDC for those few days, I heard the same story a dozen times in a population of 36 people.

"I was locked up for..8-10-12-9-18-29(!)..etc., years, and I was only out on the streets for...the shortest was 3 days- the LONGEST!!! was 3 months!!!..???????

Department of "CORRECTIONS"???
And that is not counting the number of 'dropped' charges, or time served rulings.

I read all the solutions, answers, and proposals in the newspaper, both articles and editorials, from people with all sorts of degrees, and absolutely no concept of how people at street and/or poverty level think or believe.
You'd think that these 'eggheads' would at least ride a bus and listen to the conversations of the people actually affected.
Can you say.."Clueless", boys and girls?
And this relates to crime, drugs, homelessness, and mental illness.....
just as I titled my little book...
one has to see......

"Insanity From The Inside"

(See post = Poetic License - Sunday Feb. 8th..[poem..'Inner Vision]..)
(And post = Just This Little Chromium Switch Here - Thursday May 7th...[book info]..{Mailing address}..)

Enough of that.
I am supposed to go to D.O.R.S. tomorrow morning, I'm not holding my breath though.
On Wednesday I am supposed to go back to court, with some money, in the $500.00 range..yeah right.. I'm not optimistic.

E-MAIL (Above And At Left), OR COMMENT (Below, click on the word comments at the bottom of post), AT ME OR OVERNIGHT FED-EX TO THE MAILING ADDRESS, (In 2nd Post Noted Above)

And YES, I AM soliciting for money this time!..
(Sorry if it bothers anyone, but hey, y'all been reading me for free for 11 and a half months!!.....
(except for the 4 people who were inspired to send a know who you are....Thanks!!)
I'm out of here for now, I'll be heading out to Mt. Washington to the Starbucks after I find some thing to eat............see you tomorrow............Dave

Saturday, October 17, 2009

"How Long Can YOU Tread Water?????......................."

Good Afternoon;

I think I'm waterlogged!
37 days and nights to go....(until the sewers back up)...."RIIIGGHHHTT!"

So I stayed in the shed just lying there until 10:30 am. this morning, after crawling in at 10:30 pm. last night. About 9 hours of that was actual sleep time, interspersed with bladder interventions and reading and spacing out until the back said..'that's it, you're getting up now'.

I hit the Giant and am here at the library praying the rain will let up enough for me to travel crosstown. I'm headed to Monkee's to pick up meds, and then up to Mt. Washington to the Starbucks to plant my self until closing, unless someone comes by with a better offer. I'm going to try to dry out my sweat shirt, it's not sodden but very damp and even though I hung it up in the shed, the atmosphere inside is almost as saturated as the air outside.

I was hoping to find Allan at the library and cadge a ride, but I have not seen him for 2 days, he must be busy with "the Girlfriend", who at time will remain a mysterious blond, (like Suzanne Sommers in 'American Graffiti', only in a Prius...not A '55 T-Bird...LOL). I tried to get Monkee to meet me in her car at the Metro station to save the walk in the rain from the bus stop to her house, but she is down with the flu..(NOT H1N1..!), and is not leaving the house. Ah well, I've got another sweat shirt clean in the shed if needs be.

Friday, I met Rachel and her Mom and 'friend' at the Giant in the morning and she shopped with me and we had an ice cream while they shopped. Rachel charmed Carol the cashier who helps at the self service registers, to the extent that when I went into the Giant this morning, she was effusive in her compliments and amazed at Rachel's intelligence and personality....(yeah, I'm a proud daddy,...and why not???!!). They dropped me in Mt. Washington and I sat out the rain in the coffee shop. I tried to help a woman dry out her laptop, unsuccessfully, and we had a nice conversation ranging in content from Poe to Sci-Fi to animal oddities to ecology, conservation and extinction of species. I helped Ashley (formerly of "OUR" Starbucks in Pikesville) with the trash and she gave me some's the time of year for the 'Cream Cheese Filled Pumpkin Muffin" again...YUM!!!
I closed the Starbucks and took the bus, and the bus 'home'.

NOW...The juicy details of yesterday...

While in the Giant, I saw what I thought was ANOTHER cell phone in the basket I grabbed off the rack. Turned out to be a woman's ID and credit card wallet, loaded with plastic and a drivers license and insurance cards and registrations...
Giant did not have a White Pages phone book, and I was not ready to waste money calling 411 yet, and they were ready to leave, so I went to the Starbucks and used their phone book and phone..(I'm out of minutes)..which of course would show up on caller ID as "Starbucks". This was around 12:20 pm. or so. I reached her husband and told him I found his wife's wallet, and he asked if he could kiss He asked where and how and I told him and informed him where I was and that I was unable to come to him due to the fact that I was homeless and had no transportation, etc. And yes I was angling for some sort of thank you present, but I never asked, suggested or demanded, nor did I place any sort of conditions, and I gave him my real name. He said he'd be there in about a half an hour. An hour or more later he called the Starbucks and talked to Nelly the manager, she told me he said he was on his way. I wasn't going anywhere so it really made no difference. He also must have queried her about me in some way. He showed up near 3:00 pm......and was trailed by a city cop! He comes over and asks if I'm Dave, and we go through the whole rigamarole of how and what and where....yadda, yadda , yadda, and he takes the wallet from me and goes through it checking that all the credit cards are there..(damn skippy they were!).. and again asks somewhat suspiciously why I was at Mt.Washington if I found it at Pikesville. It was on the edge of rudeness, but not quite there yet. I explained (again), about the lack of a phone book and my ride leaving..(I almost asked him what was his problem? I was doing him a huge favor, and saving HIM unknown amounts of time, money and grief, and why should I inconvenience myself with transportation on a rainy damn day!...but I held my He told the cop that everything looked okay and that it was not a scam, (and she gave me a sympathetic, and then thanked me and asked if he could give me something and pulled out a twenty. I acquiesced immediately, without my usual pride vs. pocket disclaimer this time, and he left. I was not sure whether to be annoyed or amused at the irony of the example of the aphorism made famous by Clare Boothe Luce.."No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"!.............LOL!
Yesterday actually turned out to be a day of financial windfalls, The $20.00 just mentioned, the $7.00..(plus the free sushi)..when the wrong price scanned at the Giant..(Right Price Guarantee!!...gotta love it...AND take full advantage of it), plus when Rachel and I bought a scratch off lottery ticket from the machine..(which was not a, there were two more unscratched tickets in the slot..(which were also, but she had fun), and then I looked on top of the shelf next to it and saw 2 scratched off tickets discarded there, and checked them out of habit. One of them was a winner..$3.00! A total of $30.00 for the day, small potatoes maybe, but a good day for me!
Times Up.........Dave

Thursday, October 15, 2009

"Breaking Weather (Balloon) Updates..............."

Good Afternoon;
Rain, cold, and Rachel was up with a cough last night..plans changed. We just played at her house, I showered, and I am out of here to the Mt. Washington store soon.
Back to the library in the morning, see you then........Dave

P.S. a letter from D.O.R.S., initial appt. for intake eligibility (or not), on Tuesday 10/20/09.
I am beyond any expectations at this point, ....BUT....?? we'll see. maybe I'll get lucky enough to get a lift over to Argonne Drive,( it's on one of the lousier bus routes in this town).

P,P,S, .............anyone see the balloon fiasco in Colorado this afternoon?.. At this point the kid's whereabouts are still a mystery! Damn I miss TV and cable/satellite access!

"Play Misty For Me..................."

Good Morning;
It's cool outside, chilly and damp, gray and dreary. A cold mist permeates the air, not quite rain and not quite fog. What they call 'a nice day' in the Pacific Northwest, no wonder they either grow and smoke really, really good weed...or commit suicide so often out!
I'm heading over to Rachel's in a few minutes, not sure what we are doing yet, if anything. It all depends on whether the 'Ex' can trade for some food credit, and if much. I wanted to go outside, but if I can find a discount matinee, we may look for a movie, and then scrounge the Giant and put together a 'fun' lunch, picking and choosing this and that on a whim.
I'm hoping to take a shower and get my head shaved again today, the 'pepper' is losing the battle to the 'salt'. I just put the clippers on the next to lowest setting..'designer stubble'..and it's harder to tell.
I ran in to Allan yesterday as I was leaving here and he dropped me at the Mt. Washington coffee shop, then showed up 2 hours later and we sat and talked and wandered through the Whole Foods and the little bitty Wednesday evening farmer's market outside. Ashley gave me some mark outs for taking out the trash for her at closing, then I took the bus and the bus back "home".
The depression has subsided a little, the pain and noise inside my skull has lessened to a dull continuous roar and pounding irregular thud, it may not sound like much of an improvement to you, but at this time I no longer feel the desire to walk into traffic or drive spikes into my ears to try to make it stop and silence the screams echoing around in my brain...which can be quite distracting and annoying...don'tcha know..... I'm hoping that spending some time with Rachel will help, it usually does.
As for the rest, all the usual crap still pertains.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"As I Was Saying................"

Hello,I'm Back;
When asked if I was bipolar I replied with my standard response, "Hell no, I've never had sex with a penguin or a polar bear!"....which either gets a big laugh or causes people to remember reasons they have to leave...Immediately!
But in all truth, I feel like 2 bags of dead mice, I slept poorly, woke up cold, and everything that does not hurt is just numb. The feelings of hopelessness and despair rolled over me this morning like a fog bank, I could damn near see and feel their touch, and the emotional sea change was a physical event. I really don't need this shit right now with the money worries, approaching cold weather, and the f*cking legal garbage coming up.
I really don't even want to be here but I hoped that writing would help to exorcise some of it to an extent. But the asshole next to me is the dirtball who does not know about the wonderful world of personal hygiene and is also a 'hand roller', who STINKS and REEKS of smoke and half burned tobacco, and whose fingers are so coated with tars and nicotine that the keyboard needs to be washed after he uses it......f*cking gross. (Sorry about the gratuitous use of profanity, but I'm in a really bad place right now, and I just don't care!)
Got an e-mail from one of the organizations I applied to for ANY sort of assistance, (housing, psych, job...etc.), and got a "Thank You for your interest......yadda, yadda, yadda, we foresee no openings until August 2010......"
I'm seriously considering taking a certain drastic action so as to be sure of getting put in the critical/urgent/immediate category. If such action does not, or works too well, at least I'll never know!
I've got to get out of here, I need to find some money, and a way to go out with Rachel this afternoon or tomorrow before I lose it totally. I may even take the chance and hit the corner, screw the possible consequences, I need some cash in my pocket.
Hopefully I'll be back here tomorrow in a better mood..........Dave

"THE 300";...=..."Against All Odds"?...OR...Just A "Pyrrhic Victory"...AKA...SMACKDOWN!!....Socrates...Vs...Joseph Heller................."

Good Morning;
Ten (10) Months--
Two Thousand, Seven Hundred and Eighty Two (2,782) Visitors--
Three Hundred Posts--
"An Unexamined Life Is Not Worth Living" meets "Catch 22"
It's one of THOSE days, I've been trying to keep an omcoming depressive slide under control and in perspective, and thought I was doing a good job of it, until someone asked me last night if I was bipolar, because I had seemed so manic the past few days....maybe I was a little bit overboard in my attempt to manage it ??..
Times up...........later .....Dave

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

"All The News That Fits.........We Print!.................."

Good Morning;

So it's Tuesday, and I forgot that the library was closed on Columbus Day and now my timebase is all out of whack,...all sorts of things, such as the D.S.S. office were closed...(which I am lucky I realized BEFORE I went to the 'Scheduled Return Date' that I was assigned last month. Seems to me that the morons there could look at a REAL calendar rather than some generic 'xx number of business days from today' calculator program, but that's just me expecting competence from the entrenched civil service, 'can't be fired', ghetto attitude bureaucracy here...I really should know better)...but the buses were on a normal weekday schedule, as opposed to a holiday/Sunday schedule, which adds to the confusion....ANYWAY....

Working per;

I went up to the St. Thomas Starbucks in the morning, only because a #59 bus stopped in front of me as I came around the corner, and spent a few hours there repeatedly answering the question.."where ya been?", (which you, loyal reader are already caught up, and spoke with Allan (who was as surprised as I was that I was, and then left to go to the Mt. Washington store so I could sit outside..(keeping my dirty mug so as to get my free refills....mama didn't raise no dummies...[psychotics and neurotics yes, but no]. I was sitting on the rear patio, and when I went in for a refill, through the window to the front patio, I saw an arm frantically waving 'hello', it was my oldest daughter Jenn who had been sitting out there while I was in the We talked for a half hour or so ubtil she had to go open up the church for her meeting at 7:30 pm. My grand daughter Devin had been in the hospital last week for an infection and had to have a drain put in the wound. This has also happened to Edward too. That damn MRSA is a real bitch of an infection, and it is truly surprising how prevalent it actually is, and how it can lay benign for long periods of time, with some people never getting ill from it.

From there, I left a little after closing, and went by train and train and bus back to Pikesville, taking the 'scenic route' to kill time. As I got off the bus in front of the gas station, the police chopper was circling with it's spotlight on and thee were 4 cop cars with their flashing 'Oh Sh*t' lights on, and a couple of detective cars there. As I was crossing the lot an officer told me I could not go in right now, but that no one was hurt..(I asked). I went past my shed and peered at the door to see if my 'tell-tales' were undisturbed..(they were)..the last thing I need is to have some one hiding out in there. I slipped in and barred the door and went to sleep...(with one ear and eye other worry was that some cop would also think some one was hiding in there.)..and got up about 7:15 am.
2 days back..Sunday;
I slept a bit later, and then went to the Giant and picked up some salad and some really nice looking steak..( ya gotta get there fairly early, when the butcher just puts the $$$ off reduced price sticker on, you can save BIG money if you take advantage of ALL the discounts and bonuses..I ended up paying $1.99/lb. for 1$11.99/lb. Angus Beef!)..and a loaf of day old garlic bread..(if you're gonna toats it anyway, may as well save a buck!). Anna Marie met me at the train station in Lutherville and I jumped in the shower and threw my clothes in the washer, (and ended up trashing 2 pair of shorts that were so threadbare as to be almost transparent and a bunch of socks, none of it would have survived another wash anyway, and the season has changed), and made it upstairs to just see the end of the opening kickoff. We yelled, screamed, and moaned at the TV during the first hafl, cooked during half time...(when did halftime get so short, I could not even get the steaks broiled, RARE!!!, and ended up OVERCOOKING them a bit trying to watch 'just this one play', in the third quarter. (We ended up damn near losing our lunch in the last 22 seconds of the 4th quarter....typical Ravens!). WE sat and talked and watched TV until dark, and on the way back to the train she asked me to go to the new Giant in Timonium with her, where we had a blast as she bought all sorts of Halloween and Thanksgiving decorations and lights...(one of her weaknesses she is able to indulge as she is allowed to deduct it as a business expense)....{she has run a licensed daycare for the past 20+ years, and is now raising the kids of kids she raised}. I took the train and the bus and the bus back to my little hidey-hole...(and I may have to start looking to re-locate, there was some one coming out of the empty office building Sunday morning!!, and I noticed today that a certain pole, an extension for a paint roller was missing, I'm not sure when it went, but not more than a few days ago. So SOMEONE has at least opened the door, and it has been 'un-wedged' a few time, but sometimes the wind will do that so I am not sure which time. My extra and dirty clothes and sleeping bag have not been taken, though my old broken boots, which I should just throw, MAY have moved once. GREAT just what I need, MORE stress and tension!).
Alright times uo now and I am going to Mt Washington and eat my sandwich...Outside! I have to run by Monkee's later and I hope to see Rachel tomorrow.
Still in desperate need of cash!!!!...will trade!!!
see you later.......Dave

Saturday, October 10, 2009


Hello, back again;

There are empty computers here so I jumped back on for a minute. I am in need of cash; again, as usual, I have $150.00 in food credits and no more cash.

Anybody need anything from the food store? If we could do a trade, (dollar for dollar, no charity is asked), I can meet you. Call me on my cell. Or meet me in an hour (4:00 pm + or - ) at the Mt Washington coffee shop. Or somewhere tomorrow morning. (Or e-mail me, I'll check it Monday [or sooner if I can] and we can meet later in the week.)

Sunday I am going to Lutherville on the train to spend the day with Anna Marie, wash clothes and shower, and watch football and 'tailgate' in the driveway. (See this is that 'NORMALCY' thing, I was talking about in the previous post)

The library is open on Sundays now, so I may be online tomorrow, I missed last Sunday, due to 'circumstances beyond my control'...LOL.

Allan is here, so maybe I can get a ride to Mt Washington. I've got a salad waiting for my lunch and I've got enough $$ on me right now for coffee and a bit of 'Russian Rocket Fuel' to put in it. (Since I think it will be 'foosball sans biere' tomorrow)
{I'm really in the mood to sit around with a bunch of folks (not just guys) and chug down a bunch of beers, and laugh and talk a little to loud and get a little silly and stupid, but, unless YOU invite me, I've got nowhere safe to do this, [Not that I would EVER try to use this forum to bring a guilt trip down on anyones head, as I sit here all alone and saddened at the thought of my freindless existence.........hee hee hee!!]....and for financial reasons, a bar is not in the picture right now.}

See you later, (again), ..............Dave

"Tom Sawyer "HEARTS" Becky Thatcher................................"

Good afternoon;

It's a kind of gray and dreary Saturday, with the rain undecided whether to start or stop. I puttered about in the Giant for an hour or so this morning and saw Mike, the 'Fishmonger' (I think that is the first time I have ever used that word in it's proper connotation, for the first time in a while, (though I did hear him the other night/morning around 2:15 am. buzzing around and around the parking lot in circles on his scooter, turns out he was trying to see if I was in the 'shed' and would come, and we chatted. I'm just playing on the computer until I go to the Mt .Washington Starbucks later on.

I notice that there have been 2,750 visitors to my site since it started in November, all by word of mouth, or accidentally stumbling over it, or my little slips of paper with the address on them. No big deal really, except to me when I see that each day there are about 10 or 12 visits by the same folks, and in toto, 85% of the visitors tend to return at least at irregular intervals.

Thanks folks, for what it's worth, you all make me feel that I have some purpose, and something, even if it is just my silly attempts at humor, to say. It may not mean much in the grand scheme of the cosmos, but in the microcosm that is my helps keep sanity from intruding and dragging me back to the cold hard reality of how depressing living on the streets can be. In the 12 Step programs there is an often overused and misinterpreted phrase..."Just Fake It 'Til You Make It"..., well, in my case, in this situation, it is saving my ass. I figure if I keep on associating with those at socio-economic strati well above mine, maybe some of it will rub off, or at least I can grab some crumbs as they But seriously, I have seen too many people become so weighted down and overwhelmed by their own perception of their lack of self worth due to monetary reasons, they begin to avoid, totally, those who would accept them as equals on an intellectual level. (Luckily, my at times over-inflated ego blinds me to my own realitty......LOL). I obviously have my bad days and weeks, (as I have inflicted upon you often enough), but there really is an underlying vein of hope that threads it's way through this blog, and that keeps me going. It is fed by many sources, some major, such as Rachel, and my love for her, and Jenn Tom and my Grandkids, the gifts and donations of those many unnamed drivers....(who I will NOT be seeing much anytime soon, thank you Baltimore's finest), and the Gratitude I feel towards them. Some minor, like the simple satisfaction of splurging on the better quality Deli meats for a sandwich, just because I can sometimes, or NOT spending the money because someone gave me a bag full of mark-outs and pastries. And the ability to recognize and appreciate the 'little blessings'.

Which brings me back to all of you. Seeing the traffic on the site counter, and sometimes the comments and e-mails in response to certain posts, (and BY THE WAY....WAKE UP OUT THERE!!!!, how about a little more stimulation?, some feedback?,.....even complaints, insults, bitches and moans are the old standup comedy standby..."I know you're out there...I can hear you breathing!!!!!!"...............LOL). Anyway..........Thanks.

Let's see, Friday...I went out early to Monkee's to pay her off and get a few day's supply of my meds, 'on the arm' as it were. It is a good thing being trusted and having credit...(where it matters, in the real world). I then had to go down to 6 St. Paul St. to the MTA Transit Store to get my Monthly Disability Bus Pass because the vending machines at the train stations had the passes removed already. (Last weekend's 'mini-vacation on the County' messed up a lot of my timing.). I then went out to Mt. Washington to Whole Foods and the Starbucks and sat outside on the back patio for hours. It was a truly awesome day, with perfect weather. Windy, sunny, leaves changing color, and the quality of the light......when I took of my glasses and looked out over the Jones Falls..(the river, NOT the expressway...LOL), it was as if I was in the middle of a French Impressionist painting, ala Pointillism.
"Un dimanche après-midi à l'Île de la Grande Jatte"
(1884 by Georges Seurat)
"Friday afternoon at the coffee shop"
(2009 by Me)
Allan stopped by for a minute to say he would not be stopping by...(really...LOL), and then later on about sunset, he stopped by..(LOL)!
We talked for a few hours and were sitting outside around 9:15 pm. when this lovely young stopped by, and we told her they were closed and she asked if the Starbucks minded people just sitting out there after they were closed. We laughed and told her no, that's what we do all the time, and asked her to join us. She did, it turns out that her 16 year old daughter was at a dance at The Waldorf School, and she lived out near the Pa. line and needed somewhere to kill a few hours. Now I looked at her as we were talking and started doing some figuring, if her daughter was 16, and if she had a baby at 16...then she would be..32, which seemed realistic because she looked in her late 20's to me...(and I admit I am not the best at guessing ages...if I worked at carnival, it would go broke..., and it is really hard in todays world anyway to tell a woman's age),...boy was I wrong!!, she was 44 Years Old!, and beautiful and sweet and nice, and funny and interesting, and articulate, and entrancing, and enchanting. (Infatuated you say...MOI!!...never happen, I believe in "Love At first Sight"!!......LOL).. (And did I mention she lives out in the back of beyond......AND is involved with someone..............SIGH!!!! story of my life...)...{But can still read the blog and write me, right??..and I can worship you from afar??.....LOL}. But seriously, you are a lovely person, and Allan and I hope you enjoyed our company as much as we enjoyed yours.
I'm outta time..............Later.........Dave