Thursday, September 30, 2010

"God Willin' and The Creek Don't Rise.............................."

Good Evening;
So I just left the shed a few minutes ago for the first time to day except for a brief run to the Giant to use the bathroom and shave. Every time I wanted to leave it was or began to rain so hard that there was no way I was going out into for no real reason. I just lay back down and read or watched the DVDs I have out from the library, and watched the water pour in through the holes in the roof in the lower part of the shed. I was up all night until after 5:00 am. anyway adjusting and readjusting the water runoff systems I have in place where it drips over or near me, so I was not in the mood to go anywhere anyway. This is the longest I have ever stayed in there at a stretch, from 10:00 pm. last night until 5:45 pm.this evening. The only reason I am out is to stop by and pick up some meds and then stop at Jenn's and grab some of the food in the fridge, since I am out of everything, cash and stamps, and will be out of a bus pass tomorrow, until I get my little bit of cash on Saturday. As you can probably guess, I'm not in the best of moods today, and it's a toss up whether I was better off staying in or trying to go out and see people. I don't know if it happened or not, but the landlord and facilities maintenance people at Mt. Washington Mill where the Starbucks is at were preparing for flood waters by blocking off all unused or rarely used doorways with aluminum I beams and silicone sealant, and if flooding is imminent the whole area is evacuated, so I probably would have been out of a place to do anyway.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

"Back To School....Back To Sleep....Back To Basics..........(burp.........'scuse me!)............"

Good Afternoon;

So I left here yesterday and went over to Prologue and my caseworker was in a meeting that had been rescheduled at the last minute so we had a quick talk in the lobby. Shelly gave me a bag of school supplies for Rachel and we made a note of the new court date (which I just found out about, the night before!!, and god only knows how long it sat and would have sat at the place where I get my mail if I had not called and asked!, but that's another, and tentative arrangements for a transportation and documentation. I then took a shower and remembered why I don't like to use the shower there. It had no exhaust fan and is situated in the geographic center of the building on the ground floor, so you cannot get dry for all the moisture in the air, I have to go out in to the public hallway to dry my feet and put on socks and shoes. Also it is a disability access shower, with no rim, only a 'bump' at floor level, and is poorly constructed so all the water splashes and spills out in to the rest of the room. Annoying enough that I avoid it except for urgent needs...or memory lapses.

I called the 'ex' and asked if Rachel was home and she said yes and come on by, so I did. I spent about 3 hours over there with Rachel and her mom, and 3 of her other siblings, (from the 'ex'es' first marriage), the cats and the dog. It was a pleasant few hours and we both needed the time together. And I needed the fresh brewed coffee!!

After I left there I went over the Starbucks and sat and read. (I forgot to mention that I was given a bag of 'marked out' sandwiches on Monday night, 3/4 of which I sent home with Jenn to put in her fridge for me when she gave me a ride back to Pikesville Monday night.......another example of either "one door opens when one door closes", and that horseshoe that is stuck up my....LOL!!...since that afternoon I had spent my last bit of funds on food for the day.) I took the early bus back and was laying down and asleep by 11:15 pm. I woke up at 1:00 am. thinking it was dawn again, then fell back asleep until 9:00 am., the longest period of uninterrupted sleep I've had in weeks. I ended up getting out of the shed about 11:30 am, having dozed in and out again.
I'm heading over to Jenn's to get a cup or three of coffee and something to eat, (and she answered my e-mail with an affirmative and the word.....'meatloaf!'....meaning either she has made her famous "Bacon Wrapped Meatloaf"....MMMmmmmm!!!!,.............Comfort Food Extrordinaire!!!!...........or.....get over there like "A Bat Out Of Hell!"......LOL!
Later ......Dave.
P.S....To 'Drackar'.....until recently the volume of hits per day were not worth the trouble, the projected returns being only a few dollars a month...Thanks though for the thought.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

"Indigestion, Immodium, Insomnia............"

Good Morning;
I just stopped by the library on the way to my meeting at Prologue to check my e-mail and had a few minutes to spare so here I am.
Last night was Another strange sleep pattern taking it's turn at driving me insane, (and we all damn well know that it only takes a short putt!!).
I made sure I used the bathroom at the gas station about 11:15 pm. before I went to lay down and ended up falling asleep about Midnight. I woke up around 2:10 am. with the worst acid stomach and heartburn and took a handful of Giant brand Tums and fell back asleep pretty quickly, at 4:40 am. I was awakened by the sudden and urgent need to get to the bathroom and rushed over to the gas station and Daniel unlocked the door for me and I barely made it. 30 minutes later when I was sure the Immodium had taken effect and I would not again have to scramble over in a mad dash against the clock and Mother Nature, hoping the restroom is empty, I went back and lay down....and "BING"...wide awake. I tried to read and fall asleep but I finished my book first and finally fell asleep at 7:30 am.....and was awakened by the alarm at 8:30 am....GGRREEAATT!!!!
Well I'm on my way now.....back later today.......

Monday, September 27, 2010

"Sleepless In The Shed.........With Seattle's Weather Though......................."

Good Afternoon;

So tracking backwards...woke up to rain, went to sleep to rain, woke up to rain, and it looks like a trend for the next day or so also. Having been so dry and so hot the wood and assorted fibers making up the roof of the shed have contracted, thereby creating new temporary leak spots until the materials swell up and close off the access points. A couple of these are old friends and I can pinpoint and anticipate their locations, and deal with them in whatever manner is suitable. The others seem to wait until I fall asleep and intermittently and irregularly drip on any exposed skin, OR the water droplets hit the shelving somewhere above me causing them to splatter into many smaller droplets which spray on me at random, sort of like a 'daisy cutter' bomb, or a 'jumping jack' landmine anti-personnel devices....or a MIRV!........LOL!

Anyway, to recap the weekend. I spent Friday night on Monkee's couch and could not get to sleep, (even after I turned off the laptop and the cable TV), as it was so hot and stuffy in the house. I had the fan blowing on me but all it really did was dry out my eyes and my sinuses.

I fell asleep after dozing in and out for hours about 7:00 am. and got up at 10:00 am. She came downstairs shortly afterwards and we talked for a bit and I e-mailed Jenn askimng if I could come over and shower, and if she was doing any laundry. She said to come over after 11:30 am. and by the time Monkee and I said our goodbyes and did the ..."Oh yeah and one more thing....." bit.....a half dozen!, it was 12:30 pm. by the time I left. I got to Jenn's about 1:30 pm. and she asked me if I minded watching the kids for a bit while she ran to Target, met her friend Shannon for lunch and then went to the Giant. She told me I could do a whole load of my laundry on her card, (the complex'es washers and dryers use a reloadable debit card instead of coins), and eat lunch as a She eventually got home around 8:00 pm., just a wee bit later than I expected..LOL!! I had played with, read to, fed, washed, and put the kids in pajamas and to bed by then, and had showered and did my laundry too. We talked for a while and I caught the 11:30 pm. bus back to the shed, and got the bedding set up and lay down to read, and again dead tired and near exhaustion could not get to sleep. I must have fell asleep about 4:00 am., because the downpour and thunder woke me up at 4:30 am. I dozed in and out for few hours and woke up and took my meds at 7:30 am. and the rain was still coming down in buckets. I fell asleep until 9:00 am....still pouring. I read and dozed and just lay there until 2:30 pm. when the rain finally took a break. The combination of weather and depression and the exacerbation of my back pain from the rain and Monkee's couch and being stuck in the shed with no reason to get up and no place to go, and the fact that even if I did I would have gotten soaked juts getting to the bus stop all sort of fueled the 'Who cares, why bothers, WTFs' that seemed to enshroud me. I finally forced myself to get up and out and I stopped at the Giant to washup and use the bathroom and get something to eat and make a cup of instant coffee, (the hot water in from the sink faucet is back up to HOT!, not quite where it was,'ll do), and caught the bus to the train to the train to Mt. Washington and walked over to the Starbucks. From the time I got out of the shed until almost 7:00 pm. I probably did not exchange more than 2 dozen words with anyone, and what we did say were the normal formalities involved in an order/purchase/transaction at the register.

Drew, a college student and employee at Whole Foods next door came up to me in the coffee shop and mentioned that he saw the Fox 45 story and we got to talking about Fells Point where we have both worked, and memories of some of the places down there and how much it has changed and lost it's avant garde/bohemian flavor and surrendered to 'gentrification' and 'yuppie-ism'. After that, silence again reigned supreme. Which did nothing for my sense of isolation and loneliness.

I caught the early bus back to the Plaza Station this time instead of sitting out back on the patio and caught the 9:50 pm. bus back up to Pikesville, and stopped in the gas station to use the bathroom. Daniel said he saw the story when Fox45 aired it again on the Friday morning early newscast, and we laughed about that. I was in the shed again by 10:15 pm., after stopping by the 'Dunkin Dumpster' for a couple bagels and donuts.

AGAIN!! I could not get to sleep, (and I drank De-Caf!! at the coffee shop!), and ended up finishing my last book from the library, re-watching Danny Kaye in "The Court Jester"...(The vessel with the pestle and the flagon with the dragon and the chalice from the palace!!! of the funniest bits in one of the funniest movies he ever made....and OMG!!! the "Murder She Wrote" old lady, Angela Lansbury, was incredibly hot when she was younger!!!......LOL!!, sorry I forgot the PC police don't like that.....LOL!!!!!!!), and then the DVD from the Jimmy Buffett "Live In Hawaai" set, and then listening to both CDs form the set....and then I was left alone with the voices in my head. Not really what I needed! I don't know when I at last passed out, but at 5:45 I had an urgent summons to get up and I put on my ratty old sneakers and grab the umbrella and swim over to the gas station and use the restroom....just in time. I moved some drip catching/diverting paraphenalia around when I got back to the shed, and changed my socks and tee shirt and lay down and read a while from a John D. MacDonald 'Travis McGee' novel ,('The Dreadful Lemon Sky'), that I have not read for a while and that I had forgotten was in the shed. Read until 7:00 am. when I took my meds and tried to go back to sleep. Dozed in and out and on and off again, not restful, no REM sleep in days, and the only dreams I have are either shattered, beyond attainment anymore, or nightmares, flashbacks or hallucinations.

Oh well......., I got up and went to the Giant, washed up and shaved, and spent the last $3.45 on the Foodstamps I aplogize, there so $0.01 left on it, on a sale package of discounted deli and bag of chips. This is my last 'store bought' meal until the 2nd of October. Actually it is a 'Combo Meal' because I am using the bagels from the 'Dunkin Dumpster' for the bread of my!

I'm out of here as soon as I get some more reading material and maybe some music and DVDs. I'm heading over to the coffee shop most likely after that. I have to get out of here before I go off...there are 3 loud, annoying, mannerless, gay, black, 'Manwichers' in here crowding over everyone else's shouldrs and swinging their arms and doing the '2 snaps up' thing all over the place while watching their 'buddies' on Facebook and YouTube. The rudeness and cursing, (and hypocrissy as they also are watching some 'hellfire and damnation' charismatic preacher and "gettin' mah praise on...snap, snap, snap", while having hissy fits and "no she dih-int"-ing over somebody's comment/outfit/pose). It's a library!!!, there are little kids right next to you!!!

Mow I gotta go..the 'ex' is here for the card she never picked up weeks ago...that now has no money on it!!!


Saturday, September 25, 2010

"What's In A Name?........................ Everything!.........."

Good Morning Again;
One thing I neglected to mention in my last post that may describe not only my love but my respect:
My darling Rachel's middle name is Michelle!
sweet dreams..................Dave

"Talk Soup"..............&....................... 'Major Love, In A Minor Key'.............."

Good Morning;
It's a few minutes after midnight and Monkee and I have been running our mouth's for the past 3 hours catching up on all the things we have had no real time to talk about in the past few months. The Metro subway is closed so she said I should just crash out on the couch since her 'friend' hasn't called and his 'window of opportunity' has just been closed, locked, the shade pulled down, and the storm shutters bolted........LOL!!!
We are sitting here listening to the neighbor's rug rats, porch monkeys, and yard apes, and even a curtain climber outside running up and down, and in and out!!, of the street. They are even coming up on the porch and shouting in the window to/at her.
Curfew??......curfew?.........."we don't care nuthin' 'bout no stinkin' curfew!".
Where are the parents you ask?......Inside watching TV, (and I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, because this IS the 'hood', right down the street from one of B-more's many 'crack corners', and the odds on one of the other alternatives is a lot higher than you or me hitting the Powerball jackpot!), sleeping,....happy the noisy little brats aren't in the house bothering them.
And C.P.S. wanted to remove Rachel from her mother's house because of a temporary utility cutoff???? What's wrong with this picture?
Well I made it to the Starbucks before Michelle and we spent almost 4 hours exchanging the latest news, reminiscing, laughing, philosophizing, gossiping, identifying and delineating the city's/country's/world's ills and comparing our ideas on how to solve them....and trying to wrap our minds around the concept that it has been just short of 11 years ago that we first met, (and at the same time expressing amazement that we have not known each other always), and how we knew from the moment we met that a very special, rare and unique connection existed between us, which was almost physical in it's occurence. Call it 'love at first sight', but a spiritual, not romantic thing, "agape" as it is known as. And it was not through lack of desire on my part, but a combination of circumstance, timing, and moral & ethical constraints which prevented a typical or predictable relationship from developing. The next thing we realized we had shared more intimate feelings, deep personal revelations, and soul baring confessions of hopes, dreams, fears, and desires than most people who had been married for years, that we were soulmates and friends for life, and that if the time ever came for us to be lovers in the physical sense, we'd know it instantly and intuitively....but it wasn't then. (or Now..). Which in it's own way was a very liberating thing, to have someone you can trust 100%, who you can tell ANYTHING...and not be judged, without the complicated and sometimes convoluted dances of ettiquette that being lovers sometimes requires.
Anyway, 'you had to be there',
And Michelle................Thanks. the Grace of God, the kindness and generosity of a dear friend, and the courtesy of Monkee I now have the meds to last me until the 2nd of October when I'll (hopefully...knock wood) get my little bit of monthly cash. I should be able to stretch the couple $$ left on my Foodstamps card, supplemented with a trip or two to Jenn's and offering to cook, and any 'mark outs' from the sandwich case, and of course the handy dandy donut and bagel recyle stop...the "Dunkin Dumpster" if neccessary. The phone has 1 minute left on it and I'm not answering any calls, so it's my watch and beeper until the 1st of the month, (and I have to put some cash opn my other number next month or lose service), and I have one Quarter and a handful of Pennies in a baggie that is the day's 'floor finds'.
Well the little brats just went inside and I'm going to rack out on the couch too.
I just want to close by remarking on what a lovely thing it is to be trusted, with someone's house or apartment, their laptops, with the knowledge that you are believed in, with their children, with their secrets.
Next time you see a homeless person, look beyond the label and see the human being.....with a lot of the same experiences, strengths, hopes and dreams, and fears that you never know, you may see someone you know...or would like to know.

Friday, September 24, 2010

"WBFF FOX45 - Cover Story.....Like Ivory Soap---99 & 44/100 % .......Accurate!"

Good Morning;

So I went over to Jenn's apartment yesterday evening about 8:00 pm. to shower and watch the TV piece on Fox45, and to get myself in the proper mindset I watched the new CBS show "$&*% My Dad Says".....LOL! Hey I can relate on the recieving end and now that I'm an old fart....on the delivery side too....LOL!!!

Here is the link to the site and the story:

(You may have to keep clicking on the 'thumbmail' photo, or the larger main box on the left a few times to bring the video up....or it could just be the libraries computers)

It has a few discrepancies, but no major bloopers.

First; I have 25 'Followers' who have signed on to the blog, as can be seen by the list on the left, and about 100 visitors who read on a regular or semi-regular basis....NOT 'thousands'....(boy do I wish...then I could monetize and have ads and make a few pennies from Google!....LOL.)

Second; I have had about 7,900 visitors/'hits' at this point.

Third; The 'mice' do not "run by"...LOL, I am having a contest of will with 1 mouse right now, and in the nearly 2 years I have been there, it is the only rodent I have encountered.

Fourth; If you have been reading some of the older posts in the archives, you will understand that my life, though no damn picnic is not as bleak as may be inferred from watching the video.

To borrow a quote from the Christian Bible, (Mark 8:36),

"For what shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his soul"

Yeah, I may be Jewish, but then so was Jesus, and good philosophies have no boundaries!

Gotta run now, I'm meeting Michelle at Starbucks at 1:00pm. and I'm late.

Later.....probably saturday...


Baltimore County plots long range plan to end homelessness -

Good Morning;

Here is a link to the Baltimore Sunpaper with an article that may be of interest to you....(obviously it is to me.....LOL!), sent to me by me my long lost but recently found friend Craig:


Thursday, September 23, 2010

"Weasels Ripped My Flesh.......(With Appreciation And Apologies To Frank Zappa)"...........Or........"Attack Of The Amphibian Menace From Venus" .

Good Afternoon;

Another spaced out night of sleep patterns, I fell asleep reading around 11:20 pm. and woke up at 12:30 am. thinking it was near dawn. I went back to sleep and woke up at 2:30 am and could not get comfortable nor back to sleep until sometime after 6:00 am. I then went in and out until closer to 11:00 am. when I got up and went to the Giant washed up and shopped for food for the day and shaved. I was in the store for over an hour putzing around, talking and kibbitzing with people I ran into. Everyone kept asking about the TV spot and when it would be on. I am getting anxious, excited, and apprehensive, not having seen a preview myself, and not knowing if I will come off looking foolish or not. Ridicule being one of the fears and triggers that set off my self destructive trends and nose dives into the depths of truly deep depressive episodes, I am a bundle of nerves behind a facade of nonchalance in public, inside it feels like a 'boogle', (really, it's one of the terms for a group, or 'gang'....see wikipedia!!!..LOL!), of weasels trying to gnaw their way out throgh my stomach and my skull.
Speaking of wildlife, being on the streets and moving around a lot on foot, I see a lot of different animals, especially at night, that would surprise most people in an urban setting. Within the City Limits of Baltimore I have seen deer, foxes, a coyote, egrets, herons, skunks, hawks, falcons, vultures, and beavers and otters. Not mention the rabbits, squirrels, rats, and birds everyone sees. Crossing the bridge on Smith Ave. over the Jones Falls from Falls Rd. into Mt. Washington Mill I have looked over the parapet and seen Red Eared Slider turtles and raccoons, 8 or ten types of fish from tiny hatchlings to a monster catfish onone day after a flood.
Last night I had a bizarre experience on the back patio pof the Starbucks in Mt. Washington. I had gone outside and dried off one of the benches after the brief thunderstorm around 8:30 pm. and was sitting lookin at the full moon ducking in and out of the breaking cloud cover when I glanced down and saw a toad sitting on the coping around the patio and staring at me, or throughme or past me at the moon. I thought nothing of it as I see a toad or two occasionally out there. When I looked again there were 6 toads sitting there, not moving a muscle and just staring. Well I thought that this was a bit strange but maybe after the hot day, the rain had brought them out. I sat for an half hour or so just looking at the patterns of reflected light on the clouds and the full moon and the planet shining brightly near it in the sky, (Venus or Jupiter..???). I looked around and nearly jumped out of the chair, there were at least 2 dozen toads of all sizes ranged around the edge of the patio in a half circle staring! I stomped my foot a few times and even tossed a balled up piece of paper towards them....and they did not move!!! Talk about eerie!!! I got up and carefully stepped over and around them and walked...very cautiously!!!...down the hill through the grass to the side walk, and there were more toads hopping towards the patio! As I walked away I swear they all turned their heads in unison watching me as I left!
WWOoooOOOooOO!!!!! Freaky, huh?

Surprisingly enough I did not dream about this last night, though I did have one hallucinatory nightmare about alien amphibians invading! And no these were not the bigass Cane Toads from Florida that excrete an LSD like ooze from their skin that some people lick, (and those in the know, collect and boil down to crystalline powder that they mix into a drink....or so I've heard, of course I would never have tried that, nor the cow pie 'magic mushrooms' picked fresh from the pasture while still wet with the morning dew.....LOL!!!), to get high.

Well I'm out of here for now, I'm going to head over to the coffee shop and fix my sandwiches and kill some time before heading over to Jenn's to watch the new William Shatner show-"*&%$ My Dad Says" the new show adapted from a Twitter account that went viral, shower, and then watch the 10:00 pm. News on Fox 45, (channel 15 on her Comcast, yours may be different), and see if I have to disappear or not depending on whether how I am portrayed in the Cover Story.


Anyway, Thanks to everyone who has been reading and following my little "exercise in exorcism", (yeah I know, it may be growning old , but I like the phrase...LOL!), there are 7800 hits now, not bad for something I started without a clue about blogging and on a whim after hearing a show on blogs and blogging on NPR..(WYPR...Baltimore)..almost 2 years ago, that basically spread by word of mouth.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

"Is It Safe?????...................."

Good Afternoon;

Okay who turned up the thermostat on the Sun?!?

It's getting hot again, I am so done with temps. over 80 degrees!

The shed was stuffy when I was finally able to force myself to get moving about 11:00 am. today. Both on the physical and mental/emotional level it was a strain. I am recovering a lot slower than usual from all the walking Rachel and I did on Labor Day and the strain/sprain/pull/wrench or whatever it was that I did to my lower back sometime that day at the State Fair. What used to heal in 4 days to a week is now taking 2 to 3 weeks or more. I could not sit up today, I had to roll over on my stomach and push myself up on my knees and hold onto the walls to stand, while all my joints creaked, crunched, popped and cracked in a complimentary chorus like a sound track to a low budget Hong Kong Kung Fu film extravaganza.

The fog of depression that keeps fading and thickening and thinning and building up again all about me seemed to sap all motivation and desire to move this morning, blanketing me with a crazy quilt of 'why bother', 'what's the point', and 'who care's'. Eventually the boredom and bladder overcame the enervation and ennui to the point where I got up and out and over to the Giant.

After I used the restroom and then purchased something to eat I ended up talking to Carol, one of the cashiers, for 30 minutes or so. As we were standing by the doorway, it seemed like 3/4 of library staff came in amd out of the Giant on their lunch I treated myself to Sushi, (pre-packaged, but made fresh there at the seafood counter every day), because the collection of Giant gift cards I have been collecting had enough combined value between them that I could! (At the self service registers there are frequently discarded gift cards with cash values fo $1.00 or less left by people who have used them and do not feel like dealing with the tiny amounts left on them.....I always pick them up, and form the floor and the trash can also when I see one being thrown out, and call the "1-800" number on the back to get the balance, mark it on the card and save them up. Since the cards are what is known as 'bearer instruments' in financial terms, there are no P.I.N. numbers needed.) Today I had a 3 way combo with shrimp, eel, and tuna rolls, plus a "Black Forest Parfait" from the bakery's reduced rack. Yummmm! And tomorrow I get to feast on the leftovers of the roast I cooked at Jenn's and the Rockfish covered with a crab and cheese stuffing crusted with crushed Ritz and Triscuit crumb coating......Double Yummmmmm!!! Like I've said before, except for a couple days a month, I usually don't have a problem with finding food, (now the healthiness of my diet 3/4 of the time is not going to be heralded in 'Men's Fitness' or 'JAMA'!, since for the most part it consists of various items slathered in mayonnaise and shoved in a bakery roll of some sort.), and eating is the last real pleasure I have left, so I try to make it as enjoyable as possible.

I was lucky, blessed, and grateful enough yesterday to find someone who gave me a 'bupe', so I am still in need and stressed about getting enough to last until the 2nd of October, but I now have 2 more days to search, and before I have to worry about the physical issues related to abruptly stopping the medicine without a gradual taper time.

I also made contact with my case worker from Prologue and scheduled an appointment for next week, and am going to pick up some school supplies for Rachel also. I have been in contact with my friend Michelle, who needs dental patients to practice on at the school she is attending, for cleanings and examinations, in order to get clinical time and credits towards her graduation. We are meeting for coffee Friday afternoon and to set up a time for me to come in and have (what's!), of my teeth cleaned, and which through love, generosity, (knowing my cash flow and M.A. situation), and generally a severe lack of available bodies volunteering, she is going to pick up the fee, which while greatly reduced is still beyond my means at the moment. My circle of true and intimate friends may be extremely small, but we are willing to bleed for one another. (Which I may be doing if she slips with the dental pick.....LOL!)

Okay, time's up again.........



Tuesday, September 21, 2010

"Close Your Eyes Tight And Keep Repeating-----"There's No Place Like Home, There's No Place Like Home, There's No Place Like Home"................."

Good Afternoon;
I just got the word.....
Thursday night on the 10:00 pm. newscast on Fox 45 Baltimore,
there will be a story on "The Blog & I".
Also to be seen on after then under 'Cover Stories'.
Well I got to Jenn's about 5:30 pm. yesterday with a splitting headache and an aching back, so of course Edward was in full hellion mode. I got him in bed by 7:45 pm. though and was able to finally sit down after cooking a small bottom round roast for dinner. I took an OTC decongestant and some ibuprofen and ended up staring at the TV for an hour without knowing what I was watching. I ended up coming out of the doze in time to watch the season premiere of "Two And A Half Men", which I think is one of the funniest shows on TV. I also ended up watching the new version of "Hawaii 5-o"....Eeehhhhhh..... I'll stick to classic reruns of the original, like the movie version of "Miami Vice", some things don't transfer well out of their era.

I started out trying to sleep on the couch but woke up in agony, I sat up and turned the TV just before Midnight and saw the close of the first half of "Famous, Rich, And Homeless" on 'Green TV', (channel 113 Comcast), which I have seen a few times before and the final segment, which I had not. Talk about a group of clueless, out of touch, spoiled, rich folks!

One thing that was interesting is the British, (and Scottish), approach to 'Homeless Hostels', as opposed to mass shelters with a 10 to 100, (or any number in between), men in cots, on pads, or the floor, these are buildings with single occupancy rooms, with doors that can be shut and locked, small but private. Some with bathroom and shower, some with just a sink. Bed, lamp, dresser, shelves, electrical outlets and electric kettles or hot plates, clean but worn maybe...but better than the stockyard/prison feeling at 'Code Blue'!

I ended up switching to the lazy-boy recliner around 2:00 am. and eventually fell asleep I was woken up about 7:30 am. by Jenn getting Edward up and fed and ready to go to school...and her and Tom bitching at one another. All in all I thought it expeditious if I just pretend to be asleep until Tom left with Ed, when I got up and went to the bathroom and then got the coffee made. I watched the news and fixed Devin her milk and gave her breakfast and we played until Jenn, (who is not feeling well right now), got up. I showered, ate, caught the 1:00 pm......and here I am. The sinuses have begun draining and the pressure in my head has lessened. The cloud surrounding me seems to be a bit thinner. The big external stressors are still no cash expected until the 2nd of October, and having used my last 2 mgs. of buprenorphine, with no new source in sight.

I have to try to track down Mike, from the Giant, who was at the doctor's office when I called, and then I'll probably head over to the coffee shop and kill the evening until it time to lay down in the shed. This may be the last cool night to sleep for a bit, the temperature is supposed to be 88-90 degrees W-T-F, and like the letters state...WTF??? Autumn begins tomorrow!!

I guess that's it for now.............Later


Monday, September 20, 2010

"Somebody Get The Bees Out Of The Room So The Damn Buzzing Will Cease!!!!!

Good Morning;
What lovely weather outside, and what a contrast to the clouds, fog and haze I feel surrounded and enveloped by, inside and outside my head. The only positive thing is knowing it is there, awareness that it is the clinical depression, and hopefully...having the strength to outlast it again, this time...before surrendering to the inevitable.

I noted in Friday's about the onset of this bout of depression, and Saturday's nice weather seemed to counteract it a bit, but when I got to Jenn's to watch the grandkid's things seemed to be slowly but steadily increasing to the boiling, bursting, breaking point. Add in Edward's snotty attitude and on and over the edge behavior, (a lot of which was from the allergy symptoms PLUS the cold or flu which he repeatedly shared with me by spritzing me with the backspray of his [partially] covered sneezes, and the 'sneak attack' coughing fits that always seemed to be delivered in the middle of a close-in conversation or by half chewed food projectiles while chewing. Yeah I know...I was there.........Yeeeccchhhh!!!!

Saturday night I slept poorly and in a really bad position and woke up early Sunday AM. on the couch with my hips and my face directly on un-padded or barely covered portions of the frame, with the aches, pains, bruises and contusions to match. Not to mention the total numbness and immobility on my left side which had me worried that I may have had a small stroke, (which happened to my father twice, once going unnoticed due to a whole slew of other medical issues......some of which I also have to worry about...ain't heredity wonderful), and last but not least, the 'crease and dent' on the left side of my face and head from the arm of the couch where the pillow had slipped, that is only now beginning to fade.

I spent the night because I was needed to watch the kids on Sunday also so I got a booster shot of whatever Ed has that kept him out of school on Friday. Sunday morning I not only woke up with the external bodily deterioration but with a sore throat that felt as if someone had tried to choke me with a mixture of barbed wire and broken glass, washed down with battery acid, which is still with me today. The fog in my head also began to develop texture and expand, pressing outwards against my skull to compliment the invisible orchestra of miniature percussionists playing "The Anvil Chorus" on the outside! So as you may have guessed, Sunday with a 5 year old 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Psycho' and a 2 year old whose giggling laugh almost..BUT NOT QUITE!!!..reaches frequencies beyond human hearing, and whose decibel level will cause hemorrhaging in the ears!

I ended up showering and leaving when Jenn got home around 6:00 pm. As I was leaving the apartment complex and heading over to the Subway station there was no one on the road or at the station or bus stops, it was really eerie, as if the population had disappeared from the face of the earth. It was over 20 minutes before I saw another person when the train pulled in, and another 15 minutes before a car came by. As I have said before Sundays are the worst day of the week for me and have been forever. With the depression hanging over me, the physical discomfort, and the rapidly developing cold/flu giving me that fuzzy stoned/stupid feeling, the sense of loneliness and isolation kicked in real bad. Leaving Jenn's with nowhere to go and nowhere to be, aloof and alone....
the emptiness kicked in hard. I had no cash to go anywhere else so i just rode the bus to the coffee shop and sat until they closed an hour later and then sat out back and read and wrote for the next 2 hours in the semi-light/semi-dark of the nearly full moon slipping in and out of the clouds and the pink/orange reflection of the sodium vapor lights of the city off the cloud cover. I got back to the shed about 11:00 pm. and read for a bit until the book began hitting me in the face as I kept falling asleep. At which point the med's side effects and the insomnia and the pain in my swollen joints and the osteo-arthritis moved in to keep me awake the whole damn night!!!
I fell asleep around 7:30 am., finally...and slept and dozed an hour at a time until the latino lawn and grounds crew working the shopping center today parked their trucks in the lot next to the shed and took their morning 'burrito break and mariachi music festival'....LOL! I was forced up andout around 11:30 am. and went to the Giant to wash my face and try to find someone to trade me food credit for some OTC cold/flu meds, (which I did, so now I have 'medicine head' from the antihistamines, and everything I hear is filtered through a low buzzing in the background).
I am supposed to watch the kids again tonight for Jenn, but I don't know if I am staying the night or not. Part of me wants to for the convenience, coffee maker, and cooking facilities....but, part of me does not because of the sleeping options and the 'smelly dog'.
I guess you'll find out tomorrow........LOL!
I also have to relate a very...mystical??, existential??, spiritual?? experience I had on Friday night after sundown, which was the start of Yom Kippur.
Times up...

Saturday, September 18, 2010

"It's Alive!!!!!!.........."

Good Morning;
Just a quick hello, and then I have to split...I'm late for the bus. I have to get to Jenn's to watch the grandmonkeys and do my laundry....but the laundry seems to somehow spontaneously come alive and has a mind of it's own....I knew I shouldn't have waited so long to wash those socks........LOL!!!
It is a beautiful day out...I could live with this kind of weather all year long!
See you....???????????

Friday, September 17, 2010

"Oh The Fools On The Bus Go Round And Round........................"

Good Aftenoon;
Well the MTA has been living up to it's usual standards, in regards to efficiency, driver courtesy, obvious but not provable racism; and passenger manners, civility and sanity. When the driver stops the bus 8 feet before or beyond you and then stops right in front of passengers of their own ethnic background...regularly, but not every time.....Hmmmmm?
The screaming and shouting old crazy guy, both drunk AND off his psych meds who is going to kick everyone's ass, (and is ignored by the driver), who then proceeds to stand in the doorway and not let the doors close and starts to rap about how 'bad' he is, and how he is a 'gang' all by himself....then drops his cane and falls on his face on the curb, still bragging....LOL!
The driver of the #77 bus who is pulling out of the loop at Old Court Subway Station and is signaled by the driver of the #53 bus who is pulling in at the same time that there are passengers who want to get on the #77, and who sees the passengers rushibg across the loop towards him waving, who stares at them and keeps on driving away, (and the #77 is on a once every 45 minutes to an hour schedule).
The driver of the #13 bus who will not look anyone in the face, who physically looks away, and then calls the people with senior/disability passes back up to the front of the bus to show them to her.
The little thuggette/junior crack whore who is sprawled across 4 seats on the Subway train, during rush hour, and will not move her legs so an older, (very much so...80's?), disabled woman may sit down in the designated senior/disability seat, and the adults who just stare, neither chastising nor offering their seats, [which I did], but at the next stop fuss at the girl to move when a 16 year old slut with 2 different age babies comes on the train.......oh and by the way, the older woman and I were the only white folks on the train. And did I mention that there was an MTA employee in uniform who sat through this and said not a word?

Yeah, fun day on mass transit in the "city the bleeds"

I eventually got to Monkees, and she has only enough for the next 4 days, so the fun begins again this month. The depression had faded to a sort of fuzzy gray blur inside my head. I'm hoping that some coffee will help, lukewarm, instant though it will be. I have to eat something too, I just have not gotten to it yet today. Ihave some roast beef I hope is stil viable, that has been in and out of refrigeration since yesterday. As I was about to go over to the coffee shop I met Jenn and the grandkids in the Giant and she told me I could come over and hang out for a while. She was making a shrimp and scallop in bernaise sauce with a mashed baby redskin potate topping, asort of seafood shepherd's pie, and had a piece of steak leftover for me too, so my roast beef got put on I showered and read and played with Devin, who was wide awake while her brother was sound asleep. "Hello Kitty's Hello Halloween" got another multiple mega-reading, and ofcourse we had a .. "Tea Par--ee", as she calls it, dropping the 'T' I left there and ended up at the bench in front of the First Watch....and we are back around to today's first post. I am heading out now to the Starbucks to kill the evening and then back to the shed tonight.

Tomorrow, Saturday, I have to be at Jenn's at 10:00 am. to sit with the kid's during the day while Jenn and Tom.....???, I don't know what They are doing, it may just be a ploy to escape and leave me to my doom.

Jenn said Edward stayed home from school today, and had lost his voice for the better part of the day...oha Yeah...!!! today!!!! he loses his voice.! Story of my life, a day late and a dollar short!

Okay, time is up here again, if I get out of there before 4:00 pm. tomorrow, I'll be back, if not...probably Monday.


P.S. The Good News Diary:

I stopped in Dugans Liquors, good guys patronize them, to ask how they made out on the Sunday's they were allowed to open before the Jewish High Holy Days, which I told them about, my good deed for that day. They said not too bad and gave me a free half pint as a 'commission' or 'finder's fee'...Lol!!!

"Remember When Depression Was Just A Hole In The Ground........................."

Good Morning;
Well like the fog that began to coalesce out of the air last night as I sat outside the First Watch cafe trying to read but unable to keep my mind focused, so that I reread the same sentence 15 times without knowing what it said,....the black clouds of my depression began swirling in ever tighter and denser circles inside my head. The feeling of being trapped within an ever decreasing space, with the air becoming fouler with each ragged breath, and the inner darkness closing in and my peripheral vision fading and disappearing until only a long, dark, narrow tunnel of sight remained, with a distant rumbling in the background and a persistent roar of steadily increasing volume in my ears that kept building and building until the next thing I knew.....I was huddled in the shed, with the rain pouring down in buckets, half sitting, half laying in a semi-fetal position in the darkness of the farthest corner, the door wide open and the wind and the rain blowing in.
I have no memory of leaving the bench, walking to the shed, of the rain beginning.
I was damp but not soaked, so I must have came in before the downpour began, and I had my bags with me.
I closed and barred the door and lay out the blankets and sleeping bag and lay on top of them alternately shivering and sweating, hot, then cold, then hot again. The noise of my blood pounding in my head and a feeling that a constricting band was being cinched tighter and tighter around my forehead, and an overwhelming sense of impending doom made me want to scream out in frustration, agony, and impotence. This was underscored by an irrational feeling of raw, naked fear with no visible cause or vector. the hell was your night?
I must of fallen asleep at some point after the rain had stopped because I have faint recollection of the drip...drip...drip of the water from the newest leak slowly diminishing from a running flow to a intermittent splash. The next thing I knew it was 8:30 am. and I was slapping at the off button on the alarm on my (currently empty of minutes) phone. I was to meet Rachel's mother at the library about 9:00 am., and when I finally called her close to 10:00 am....... She had forgotten about it and did not have the car, and I won't be able to get over there myself to see Rachel either, until next week. I now have wasted over an hour and missed meeting with someone who owes me some cash, and who I cannot catch up with again until he gets back in town next week....and now I have to rush out to see Monkee before she goes to work so I can get my meds...if my credit is still good.
And the computer just gave me the 5 minute warning....which is really effed' up because I had 30 minutes left on the timer....yeah it is that kind of a 'morning after'...
I hope to be back later this afternoon..............

Thursday, September 16, 2010

"The Junkman Cometh.....and Goeth!..............."

Good Afternoon;
I want to apologize to the couple folks who tried to e-mail me and received no reply. I have started to get a whole slew of spam recently and my filter is set to 'high', so you may have been deleted to the junk file. If you write again, include the word 'homelesscide' in the subject box....
Thanks for writing...and......
'Sorry 'bout dat!!!'.....Dave

"What's An Oprah?..................."

Good Afternoon;

Well I was in one of those philosophical fantasy discussions at the Starbucks yesterday evening with a friend, some acquaintances and some chance met folks at the adjoining table who we dragged into our conversation. You know the type of thing I mean, a combination of George Carlin's bit about trying to stump the nun's at Catholic school..."could God make a rock so big He Himself could not lift it", the perennial question asked by Bert Parks to the Miss America finalists..."what would you do to change.......?", the "If I ruled the world....." ego/power trip, and the " If you had $XXXXX, (at varying levels), what would be the first thing you would do...." query, [done in a 'speed chess', or 'top of the mind' style]. And after someone mentioned Oprah Winfrey's recent giving of free trips to Australia to an studio audience of 300 people. (which is being funded by the Australian Ministry of Tourism to the tune of $2.8 million (U.S.) dollars.?????), and her other gifts such as cars and scholarships and cash to unsuspecting people , we played..."What would you ask Oprah for?", also with no time to think about it.

(We had to write our answers for the "speed rounds", so we would not influence the others with our ideas.)

We had a lot of fun and a lot of laughs, and some interesting thoughts, comments and ideas flying around.

What surprised me most is some of the things that came out during the 'speed round'. One would think that in my situation housing, money, & employment would be the immediate focus. I guess the subconscious, when unmuzzled and allowed off it's leash bullies it's way to the forefront though!

The two most prominent things I would ask for both had to do with my daughter's and the combination of guilt/responsibility/honor that is all twisted up in my subconscious mind.

Okay, to the point;

If I was offered a finite sum of money to be immediately would whatever amount it would take to walk into the courtroom/child support office and resolve the arrears I owe, (that have stopped accruing since my daughter turned 18, over 10 years ago), and make it 'go away' as they say, forever. This is a 'debt of honor' I guess you could call it, that I want to repay, (and understand that it is to the State of Md.....NOT!! to my ex-wife or my daughter, who received all the monies due them, plus what I spent when my daughter was with me), I'm would not even worry about the monies that were deducted from my paychecks that have mysteriously not been accounted for.

The other 'quick reply' desire would be a trust or scholarship to guarantee my youngest daughter's schooling, both now and in the future.

Of course I know this all fantasy game playing but, hey, you never know who might read it and like John Beresford Tipton from that old TV show..that ran from 1955-1960, "The Millionaire", send out his own Michael Anthony with a check for $1,000,000......LOL!!

Anyway...I ended up sitting outside the library until after Midnight last night reading, (again), Tim Dorsey's "The Stingray Shuffle" and laughing so hard I thought I did myself an injury my chest was so sore. It is a hilarious book in a series set in Florida featuring the most twisted, lovable and righteous serial killer ever. He is Serge A. Storms, 'Floridiana' fanatic and history buff and the books are a travelogue and trip down memory lane of a long gone, neglected and maltreated, and/or vanishing Florida. Having been to many of the cities, towns, attractions, historical sites and landmarks noted in the book, it is just neat to say.."yeah, I've been there, or done that, or saw it before it was demolished...." the writer is an insane genius!

I ended up laying down and trying to sleep around 1:00 am., and shortly after I fell asleep the mouse came out to play. After 20 minutes of me banging and beating on the shelves and walls he decided to call it a night and I went back to sleep around 2:30 am. I woke at 8:00 am. and ate a handful of Tums and took my BP meds and lay back down for a few minutes, planning to be here at the library about 9:00 am. when they opened....HAH! At 10.30 am I was awakened by the vibrations of some morons badly distorted and out of tune sound system from a car parked in the lot across the street. What is it with these geniuses that they cannot tell the difference between volume and fidelity? I looked out at the car and it was the typical ghetto clone Crown Victoria, a former cab or cop car, repainted and jacked up with 22 inch rims and tires, differing from every other one of the same car in the city only by minor details of paint or some dumb name or slogan detailed on the side or rear...."originality, the missing link?".

Anyway, I'm here and about to leave to go and shave and eat something. I stopped at the Giant for some more Instant Coffee and had a cup with the now lukewarm water from their sink, I have to find out who in the area has a 'hot pot' or is not afraid of lawsuits and has their hot water heater turned up to 'Scald!!'...LOL!

I'll see you later......Dave

P.S. The title of today's post is the marketing slogan used by WJZ Tv 13 when Oprah Winfrey was first coming to Baltimore in 1976 to anchor the evening news, she then spent 5 years with Richard Sher hosting 'People Are Talking' before leaving for Chicago in 1983...I love useless trivia...LOL!

Someone last night actually suggested I send her a letter outlining my story, with links to the blog and the magazine articles and the upcoming TV story and see what response I get....EHHHHHHHH???!!!

I don't think I told her to go ahead and write if she wanted to, but I just couldn't go that route. Shameless self promotion is one thing, and sending out a link as a joke is another, as is trying to get attention to a cause or the plight of the homeless as a whole....but there has been so much fraud recently with the fake cancer lady and the "homeless veteran" who had 3 house and some organization or charity built him another....that's one limelight I'll steer clear of.

For the somewhat the same reason I tried to tell a woman who was talking to me yesterday about going to this Rabbi or that Charity in the Orthodox and/or Ultra-Orthodox Jewish community....How can I ask for or take money from a group I really have no interest in joining or participating in or with, and whom I think is way too rigid and insular. It would be under false pretenses, and as I've said before, I am self acknowledged foul up and f*ck up, but I try real hard not be a hypocrite.

Okay..that was another tangent...isn't writing in real time free association fun boys and girls.....LOL!!

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

"Ecclesiastes 1:2.........................."

Good Afternoon;
Just one more thought before I head out.
I was in the bathroom at the Starbucks shaving the other day and had my shirt off to keep it clean and dry when I looked at myself in the mirror that is larger and tilted forward more than most to accommodate wheelchair patrons, and got a glance of my body that I have not seen for while, not having access to a full length mirror. All I gotta say is....I gotta lose some weight!...and get some muscle tone back!
The diet of easily handled, prepared, and consumed, high in carbs, foods I tend to be eating due to my current lack of refrigeration and regular cooking facilities; and... the lesser amount of exercise I have been getting due to no longer walking as much or as long because of both my pain issues and not being out on the corner panhandling anymore AND my notoriously slow metabolism, has caused the 'middle age spread' to morph into the 'Battle of the Bulge'...and I'm on the German team........LOL!!!
They say the camera adds 10 pounds...........GGrreeeeaaattttt!!!
That's not the Michelin Man or the Good Year's only me.
I really gotta lose some weight.
(And don't even bring up 'Male Pattern Baldness'!)
{And I am really embarrassed about my teeth, the upper front 2 are rotting away, and Medical Assistance only covers cleanings....What a help that is!!.....NOT!!!! My only saving grace there is that my normal, natural smile is with closed lips.}
The thing is, I hate exercise for exercise sake....whatever isn't hurting is usually either ready to fall off, or was just torn or broken and is still numb because the shock has not worn off yet!
[One of the reasons my addiction to dope and coke lasted so long before anyone noticed how far gone I really was is that I did not look as physically devastated..(think Keith Richards..LOL) some junkies do, due to the slooooowww rate of my metabolism. Basically, I looked in the best physical shape in my adult life, (well except for the time spent in Florida, when 'beach consciousness', when i was in the middle of my addiction!]...Irony anyone...LOL!

" Gremlins In The Electronics....Ghosts In The Machine....&....'Gypsies In The Palace'.........."

Good Afternoon;
Okay what is up with the computers at the library??? 3 times I have either signed on and been kicked off for no reason, kicked off in the middle of signing on, or not even been allowed to sign on because the log-in box was not on the screen.

Oy Oy Oy!!!!!!......LOL!

I just finished with FOX 45 News, and I had fun doing what I do best....talking about myself......LOL!!!

Look for the story to appear on the 10:00 pm. news next Tuesday or Wednesday, it will also be available online at under the 'Cover Story',....{I don't see that area, I'll get back to you, maybe she meant 'Feature Story'},.. area. Kathleen and Dave were very empathetic and were great to work with. I'm sure the editing will make me seem more coherent than I feel I looked and sounded........LOL! There were shots of me typing, and answering her questions while I wrote the blog, and reading parts of it aloud. We went to the shed for some interior shots also. We then went to the shade of some trees in the Giant parking lot and took some staged shots of me eating and drinking lunch, and some more Q & A on life, backstory, the blog motivations and beginnings, and, (and I hope this looked good and gets edited into the story), me reading the title poem from my book, "TaleSpinner", which more or less sums up why I write!

As I was leaving the library to do some outside shots of me going in and out and back and forth of the library and the shed...(AKA a 'Perp Walk'...........LOL!!!), a woman stopped me and said she had just been reading my blog, (we made a bit of a commotion in the library with the camera and me talking and reading some of the blog out loud), and said she was with a new online news service from AOL called '', (as in "your community" that was for local news in outlying communities of bigger cities, featuring Pikesville.... [see ]. She asked if she could do a story when the site was ready to come online in 6-8 weeks or so. Pretty Wild!!

I forgot to mention that last night I stopped by the 'Dunkin' Dumpster' and picked up some donuts that would keep well and stay intact for breakfast, which I offered them, and which they politely declined. I was hoping that they would take one and then I could spring the news that they were...'Reclaimed Food'...........but no such luck...LOL!! The food they showed me taking a bite of happened to be 1/2 an Italian Cold Cut Sub from Subway that Daniel at the gas station had given me, he had a whole bag full to share. I also spoke about the different places I get food when the cash flow drops to zero and the Foodstamps are, the dumpsters with 'clean' food, the 7/11 that I am sometimes able to get the marked out sandwiches from, and the other store where I occasionally sweep the lot up for the owner and get some food items in return.

Now it time to eat for real, so I am heading over to the Starbucks and probably spending the rest of the day there, (not having the cash for anything or anyplace else....[I asked Tom about any possibility he needed a hand on any of his jobs, but right now he is waiting for invoices to clear so he can get paid from his customers, so money is tight]......), unless I meet someone there who wants to take me out...I'm in the mood for a cold beer......LOL!


P.S. Someone here mentioned the possibility of a 6-8 week housesitting job they were willing to share with me, if the owners approve. I just hope they are not familiar with Jimmy Buffett's song which is the last phrase in the title for this post............ROTFLMAO!!!!!

"Fame But No Fortune................"

Good Morning!:
I am here at the Pikesville Library being filmed by the crew from FOX45 for ANOTHER! story on "The Blog and I"
Kathleen Cairns and Dave ??? the videographer are going to follow me around for a while and get some shots of my day, and we'll most likely sit and talk about my backstory and the motivations for writing the blog.

Perhaps this will reach out and touch someone who is able to offer me shelter...NOT 'A Shelter'!!, and maybe some sort of Gainful, meaningful employment. I would say 'screw it to the S.S.I. claims in a heart beat if I could find something that was not minimum wage scutwork.

Last night I slept weird again for the first part of the night, having to rush to the gas station about 1:00 am. Then I slept like a rock until the alarm on the phone woke me at 8:00 am. and I hit the snooze until 9:15 am....I did NOT want to get up, and I'm out of coffee and cash. I did not have time to do more than wash up in the Giant before I came over here to meet them, so my eyes feel like they are packed with sand.

I went to the coffee shop in Mt. Washington yesterday afternoon and then to Jenn's about 7:45 pm. to shower and shave. I then stopped at the gas station spent a dollar on Keno, played for an hour and left with my original dollar. That's it for now, we are heading out to look at the shed and maybe the Starbucks....

I'll be back later...............Dave

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

" SLEEP!!!.....The Final Frontier!!!.........."

Good Afternoon;
These are the voyages of the starship Insomnia.
It's continuing mission: To seek out 8 continuous hours of uninterrupted R.E.M. sleep, not induced by chemicals, alcohol, or passing out due to total physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. To drift quietly into the restful, dreamless state of peaceful mind and body renewal and rejuvenation, untroubled and unawakened by extremes of heat and cold; trespassing humans, rodents, insects, birds, and reptiles; floods, deluges, and drifts of rain or snow; the loud and intrusive sounds and scents of nesting birds, DPW employees, jackhammers, backhoes, pumps, generators, diesel trucks idly idling for hours; wannabee skate punks & ghetto escapees & fleeing shoplifters; gunshots, screeching tires, car crashes, police sirens, ambulances, helicopters, and fire engine airhorns. To dream seamlessly & smoothly, unaffected by medications, aches, pains, age, urgent summonses from the bladder, and apnea.
To boldly go where it seems I have not gone for ages, and ages, and ages!
So I did some late night remodeling, some midnight modifications to the shed last night and early the's not like I could sleep or anything anyway.
After Jenn and I left Mt. Washington where she picked me up after her homegroup, we went and wandered the Giant in Pikesville and talked while she shopped. When she left I sat outside First Watch Cafe and read for a while. I noticed the wine shop owner taking a stack of clean cardboard boxes to the dumpster and I grabbed dozen or so for the shed. I needed them to replace my 'carpeting' where the recent rain, (on top of the dry spell which had caused the wood to shrink), had opened up a slew of new cracks and holes, soaking the old cardboard and turning it to mush. I had enough left over to begin to 'panel' the walls on the inside, starting the 'winterization' process and trying to combat the falling insulation and deteriorating outer walls, which are being eroded by weather and vines growing on, in, and through the wall and the chain link fence that it is nearly flush with on that side. (Mother Nature reclaiming her own!) I also had the excuse of neatening up the place so that if the TV folks decide to film the inside, I don't look like a slob....(or too much of one!).
It was another weird night of reading, sleeping, waking, and spacing. I ended up getting up and out about 11:00 am. and hitting the Giant, then over here to the library. I am stopping at Jenn' sometime this evening or tonight and taking a shower, then heading back to the shed. I'll probably head to the coffee shop shortly to sit and eat. I am supposed to meet with the reporter from the TV station tomorrow, (Wednesday, 15th), morning.......updates as they come in.
That's all for now,

Monday, September 13, 2010

"...."I Don't Like Sundays".......&...."Of Mice And Meds".......(With Apologies To Bob Geldoff & John Steinbeck)................."

Good Afternoon;

So I left Jenn's Saturday night and caught the 11:30 pm. bus, after showering, washing clothes, cooking dinner and just hanging out with the cable while they were gone. I went into the shed and went to sleep about Midnight and was woken up at around 4:00 am. by the very heavy rain beating on the roof. I went back to sleep and was woken up again around 6:00 am. by the sound of running water, (and by the subliminal effect this had on my, to find the roof leaking in MORE places. I rearranged and put up some more water diversion devices made of scraps of wood and whatever so that the new leaks also fed into the holes in the walls as much as possible, and ascertained that the leaks that I did not fool with were well below my sleeping area.

I went back to sleep and woke up about 9:00 am. with the rain still pouring down, this set the tone for the rest of the day until I finally got up and out at around 2:00 pm. when the rain stopped enough to go outside and wait at the bus stop. One of the problems and reasons I don't like Sundays is that there is no longer anyplace to go in the mornings without having to jump on the buses and/or trains. The Library will be opening again in a couple weeks, but not until 1:00 pm., so unless I have plans, the tendency is to try to sleep as long as possible.

Sunday has always been a bad day for me, as it is for most single folks I have found, especially those who like me are basically loners. It is traditionally a family day, and if you have no or are estranged from your immediate family, and do not have a circle of friends in similar situations, (which I once had, but time and distance have scattered us to the ends of the earth), you are pretty much screwed. Especially if you are older, (and not in a good place financially!), the difficulties in meeting people increase exponentially.

I ended up at the Starbucks about 4:30 pm. and there were no seats to be found, after waiting I saw a woman at one of the large tables by herself and asked to share her space. She agreed and I sat there while she was on her laptop with her work spread across 75% of the surface and read for 30 minutes until a single opened up. From then on it was musical chairs until I finally arrived at the back corner table that is 'mine'. I had a piece of steak left over from Jenn's and made a sandwich and had 'break-fast', literally around 6:00 pm.

The coffee shop closes at 8:00 pm. on Sundays and it was too wet and cool to sit outside afterwards, as I usually do, in shorts. I caught the buses back to Pikesville and stopped in the gas station then hit the shed about 10:00 pm. I read for a while, in the sleeping bag for the first time, and fell asleep with the lantern on. I woke up at 11:46 pm, (and every 90 minutes after that..THE WHOLE NIGHT LONG!!!), to the sound of a mouse scrabbling across and under the cardboard which makes up my mattress and scraping and screeching his tiny, little, incredibly noisy claws on the pieces of metal shelving behind my head....and we will not even mention the bubble wrap he was f*cking around with!

It became a dominance game between us all night and most of the morning. His weapons were size and stealth...mine were size and using a big damn stick to beat on everything in sight to try to scare the little bastard to death, since I could not get close enough to smash him flat!!! I guess it ended as a draw because I fell back asleep and woke up and got out about 11:00 am. I then hit the Giant and came here.
Add to all this brouhaha the 'occasional' side effects of my meds of sleeplessness and restlessness...and it was not a fun night. There were times I was ready and wanted to go back to sleep and just could not. I lay there half spacing out and the time passes but sleep is an unattainable goal. The end result is an aching back, fuzzy eyeballs, and a head full of mush....what a way to start a day! Between the dampness, the osteo-arthritis, the degenerative disc disease, the way my body stores stress, trauma, and depression, and what I have been told is Fibromyalgia.... I feel like 2 bags of dead mice!!!

Anyway, I'm out of here for now, it's after 1:00 pm and I want to get a real cup of coffee, if I can afford one, I have less than $3.00 cash left. Well, I'll see who's working at the Starbucks. maybe I can get my free 'refill' And I better eat something before the acid eat away my stomach lining.


P.S. Thank goodness for 'SpellChecker'!!

Saturday, September 11, 2010

"Tikkun Olam..................Bit By Bit........................"

Good Afternoon;
First off, did you take a minute and offer a prayer, or even just a moment of silence or quiet reflection for the victims of 9/11 and their families?
So...I met Jenn at the Giant yesterday and as she shopped I was the segundo and rode herd on the little dogies..(oops an overdose on Louis Lamour's Western!), and I asked if I could stop by and shower and do a load of laundry. She said she was about to ask me if I could come by that evening and watch Devin while she was at soccer with Edward, so that worked out well....except for the fact that she got so excited after I said I felt like cooking something and we got so involved in shopping that I forgot to get my dirty laundry from the shed when we I played 'Tea Party' with Devin and read, and read, and read, and read her the new/old 'Hello Kitty - Hello Halloween' book I gave her, (New Dumpster Diving Tip: the white RECYCLING dumpster behind the Pikesville library is full of discarded but still good books of ALL varietys...get 'em while they are still there, it is almost full and soon to be emptied!!!), and made Linguini with crab and shrimp in a Four Cheese Alfredo Rosa sauce.....the consensus: Damn I'm Good!!!! When she got home from soccer and chaperoning Edward and his 2 little lady!, (I foresee BIG trouble for Jenn and Tom by the time he hits his teens!), she asked if I could watch the kids again in the morning while she went out to get a dress and shoes for Tom's HS reunion tonight. Then she sweetened the pot with a bribe and said I could finish watching 'Oceans 11', (the 2001 remake...good and technically, but no match for the Rat Pack version when it comes down to sheer Style),...and spend the night. Well being a typical woman, (yeah, yeah....lighten up all you PC, she did not get back until nearly 2:00 pm. and was supposed to be at her mother's in Westminster with the kids by 1:00 pm., (and I have to be truthful and place most of the blame on Burlington's fine and competent customer service people), so I fed and washed and dressed the little darlings too. and did not get out to get my clothes to wash them as planned. So I am here now at the library killing time, and am going to go to Rite Aid to pick up my prescriptions and then to the shed to get the clothes and then to the Giant to get some more Powerade and some deoderant....and then back to the apartment after they leave for the reunion to wash and shower, and then slide out before they get back so they can have night alone for a change. I don't mind 'camping out' when the temperatures are like they have been, so it's all good.I have to call Rachel and find out how her holidays went, when I talked to her Wednesday night she was really excited and wired up from all the company over for Rosh Hashana dinner. My own High Holy days have been very low key so far, introspective and private, as is one of the main tenets of the holiday. A review and inspection of the past's years moral course and an attempt to atone and make plans of amendment for the lapses, involuntary hurts, mistakes, and deliberate negative actions made over the past year. And of course, asking forgiveness both from those wronged and of God.
The principles of Teshuvah, which means 'return' and is associated with the concept of repentance, and Tikkun Olam which means 'healing or repairing the world', come into play now more than ever. Although one may not be in a position to make big, earthshaking changes in the world, or even in one's own life. The simple things, the little day to day actions and attitudes towards others and our own selves and lives, andd how we all interact can start a chain reaction. Pass it on, pay it forward, the golden rule, call it what you will, simplistic as it makes a difference.

My life may be far from what I dreamed it would be at this point, but it is a far, far, reach away from where I have been. Knowing that the people I love and respect, love and respect me for WHO I am, not what or where I am, makes the situation I am in much more endurable, (and I do bitch and moan at times as you well know if you have been reading for any length of time), many of my stumbling blocks may be of my own devisng, but.....I keep on stumbling forward.

May the New Year be Sweet, Happy ,and Healthy....


Friday, September 10, 2010

"News Flash! ........................................... Film At Eleven!....................."

Good Afternoon;
So.....I just got off the phone with the local TV reporter and we are meeting up next Wednesday morning so they can film me at work and
She wants to interview me for some background and basically do 'A Day In The Life' type story. I'll fill in the blanks about which reporter and whichstation and what channel and network and when it is due to be aired after "it's a wrap,...and the film is in the can" as they
Who knows what might bump me out of the schedule; hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, world peace...[don't hold your breath on that one..LOL!], or a squirrel on water skis!

Jenn just texted me and I'm going to meet her at the Giant, and then I'm heading to the Starbucks, (unless she needs a guard for the 'grandmonsters', see you tomorrow.

I can't believe it's Friday already.


"Things That Go Bump In The Night.........."

Good Afternoon;
What a night for sleeping! Once I finally got all the creepy crawly vines that were blowing back and forth against the side of the shed snapped off and tossed over a fence that! I kept falling asleep and waking up thinking either that someone was trying to get in or that there were animals in the walls chewing through the insulation. It did not help that I am in the middle of a book featuring magical, mystical elemental creatures, sorcerers who control the weather, and an intelligent but evil dog....OoooOOOOooooOOOOOHHH!!......LOL!
I left here yesterday afternoon and headed over to the coffee shop, and was able to get de-caf before they stopped making it for the day, it made a difference in my sleep pattern for sure. Once I did get to sleep around Midnight I did not wake up until 8:00 am. when I was forced to answer the insistent & persistent messages from my bladder. I took my daily meds and lay back down for a 'minute'....and slept until almost 11:00 am., definitely 'Sleeping Weather'.
I went into the Giant to use the facilities and wash up and make my cup of instant coffee, (both Starbucks and Nescafe have a decent instant now, in single serve tube like packages), and found out that the hot water from the sink, which had been extremely hot and perfect for making coffee, was now barely hot. It still was warm enough for the coffee and sugars to dissolve and blend..but...not as satisfying. If you don't need the cardboard 'coffee cozy''s not really hot enough.

Anyway, I'm here at the library now and about to leave and go out to the payphone, (I really need minutes for my phones, but have no cash left this month, but that's okay, the time spent with Rachel at the State Fair was worth much more than we spent!!), and try to call the reporter from the TV station. The Noon news is over and there is not another newscast until 5:30 pm. so maybe I can reach her.


Thursday, September 9, 2010

"Long Time Gone.....Saddletramp Rides Again!........................And.............Plop Plop Fizz Fizz..................."

Good Afternoon;
Many thanks to you, Loyal Reader, and to the large batch of new visitors to this little 'Exercise in Exorcism' here, the 7,500 mark has been hit and passed. I know it's not a lot compared to the pros and big time blogs, but it still boosts my ego and self esteem that some of you think I have something interesting to say...(at times.....LOL!!).

I know that the latest surge is from a long lost friend who contacted me on Facebook a few days ago with the "Are you the Dave who....." question. It's been since the mid 80's since Craig and I last talked and we had a lot to catch up on.

(!!!----FLASHBACK----!!!....There were three of us that used to hang around together back in the day who all became father's the same summer, (Shall we politely put it....'unexpectedly'!), at the same time someone sent us a newspaper article stating..."Marijuana Use Lowers Sperm Count".....LOL!!)

Limited as the medium is using the 'Messaging' function we back and forthed for a good while and plan to keep in touch. He must have posted and or referred a bunch of folks to the blog, who seem to have referred others. Which is the only advertising ever used here, word of mouth, other than the interest generated from The Jewish Times, and Baltimore Magazine articles. As most of you know those brought me into contact with long lost and unknown relatives and shed some light on my roots and a whole 'nother side of my family I never knew about. They also put me in contact with an outreach organization that is working with me on my S.S.A. claim and other things.

Well, today when I sat down at the computer here at the library to check my e-mail, what do I find buried in the junk mail file but a note from a reporter at a local TV station who wants to meet and discuss a possible story about the blog....(and me to I assume....LOL!!!)!!!

As soon as I am sure this is legit, I'll have more details.

Even if it does not pan out, what a hoot!! Another couple of minutes of air time.......without the words or phrases, "wanted in connection, warrants issued, anonymous tips, arrested, or sentenced".......ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!
(it's an inside joke)

Anyway, when I left here yesterday I stopped at Jenn's to drop off my bags and grab a bowl of the Shrimp, Steak, and Smoked Sausage with Diced Tomatoes w/Garlic Basil & Oregano in Rotini......MMMMmmmmmm!!, and headed over to Penn Optical, (AGAIN!!), to the appointment for an eye exam and new glasses. This time I went to the York Road store in Govans because I could not get an appointment at the Mondawmin store, (where I was told 'Walk-ins Are Welcome??!!??), and was told by both Penn Optical and JAI that sibce it was the same chain, I did not have to come back in for a new referral, but could just scratch out and write in the other store's address. Of course when I got there, they were having none of it!

Let's hear it for Incompetence In Action

Bus, Train, bus and bus to get there, standing in the hot sun,and the same back, except at rush hour and I had to wait as 2 busses were so overcrowded that I could not get on...

So I made it back to Jenn's and listened to Ed tell me about his day at school....gee I wish I was back in Kindergarten, any curriculum that has 'Nap Time' and 'Finger Painting' as mandatory subjects is all right in my book! I walked over to the Metro and got on the bis to Mt. Washington and sat at the Starbucks and finally got around to eating breakfast, (at 6:00!), and was craving a sweet and something dairy.....(and we know what a bad thing that is prelude to).....and decided to go for the better grade of yogurt with the 6 active cultures, it was great....BUT!!

I sat outside and read until the light went off out back and caught the bus back to Reisterstown Plaza where I had to get off the bus because of the nauseating odor of this woman's perfume, it smelled like the disgusting odor that wafts out of the black womens' beauty salons where they use lye and all those other harsh chemicals...overlaid with the aroma of rotten fruit! Well by the time I caught the next bus to Pikesville and the gas station I was in agony and severe gastric distress, I barely made it to the restroom. This set the tone for the rest of the night, with repeated trips back to the bathroom. I don't know how I was able to be in such a situation, or why...but even the buprenorphine, [which acts as an inhibitor to motility, like Immodium and Lomotil, (and also other opiates/opiods...which is why so many junkies end up hooked on laxitives too)], I have been taking was overpowered. Needless to say, it was a rough night. I rolled out of the shed around 9:30 and went to the Giant to wash up and by that time the effects of what ever had hit me had dissipated.

I got up at one point just before dawn and threw on my old shoes and stepped out side, and with wind blowing it was actually cold! It is really nice outside now and I am heading over to the coffee shop and thinking about what to eat that will be the least irritating to a tired and aggravated digestive system.

See You Tomorrow.........


Happy New Year----L'Shana Tovah

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

All's Fair....................."

Good Morning;

So just to catch up briefly since Saturday...
The friend I was hoping to meet had to postpone, (she's an ER nurse and it was a night of craziness, multiple injury trauma, and mandatory overtime), but serendipity took over and I ran into an old, old, unrequited,'secret love'. We talked and laughed, (especially when she told me she thought that I had been gay because I never asked her out, and that she would have willingly done so!!!), and cried, (see previous .......LOL!!!!), and caught up on the past 20+ years of life,loves, and lousy timing. we ended up sitting out back of the Starbucks until nearly 1:00 am. when I had to catch the last bus that would let me make the very last bus I could catch to get back to the shed. The romantic angle is not an option anymore, but it felt really good to finally clear the air, and a better late than never ego boost knowing that if I hadn't been so damn passive and shy...( yeah shy, around certain people anyway.....and this was way before the anxiety and panic attacks started to occur).

Anyway, I had a rough night sleeping again on Saturday night, ankles and back hurting, and i could not and did not get up on Sunday until after 1:00 pm. when I had to catch the bus to get to Jenn's to watch the grandkids. I spent the night on the couch and aggravated the back issues because I could not get the jury rigged padding to stay in the right places.

On Monday morning I talked with Rachel and her mother and made arrangements to be picked up and dropped off at the Light Rail around 1:00 pm. We arrived at the Maryland State Fair around 2:00 pm and as we walked in the gate, had our pictures taken, (watch for them soon, as I am going to replace last years Fair pics at the upper left with this years as soon as they are posted on the Front Gate photo website), and headed into the cow barns. Rachel was able to milk a cow and we wandered around looking at the live stock exhibits. She saw chicks pecking their way out and hatching from eggs, and got to touch hour and day old chicks. We saw newborn piglets and kittens, which I could not pull her away

Then, after standing in line, (the bane of any Fair, carnival, or amusement park), seemingly forever, we purchased $20.00 'all-you-can-ride wristbands....and we hit the rides!...Oh my aching back.....!! The first ride is always the carousel, but the next was the 'Super Shot'..... Oy Vey!! There are 12 seats spaced 3 on a side around a square column that rises 100 feet in the air....then Drrooooopppppsssssss! Check it out at the link below. It is a blast!!! (click on Super Shot picture for full view)

Then (mercifully) back to the kiddie rides we were waiting in line for the 'TeaCups' I said she may have to go on it alone, as Daddy was too big...the couple behind us said that there little girl wanted to ride it also, (and her Daddy was not thrilled about folding, bending, and mutilating himself to fit!), and did they want to ride it together?

Well from that point on for the next hour and a half these 2 little girls were joined at the hand as they rode every ride together. Her name was Marisa and they were from Havre De Grace where her dad is a DVM. at an animal hospital, who, it turns out went to Milford Mill, and the same junior high and elementary schools 2 years ahead of me, and lived near childhood friends of mine....small world! The girls had a great time and they both wanted to ride the 'Starship 4000', so you know who went with them! (click link above and go to Thrill Rides) This is a enclosed spinning upside down truncated cone where you stand/lean back against inclined boards that are on rollers and which suddenly slide up and back as the whole ride spins faster and faster, with enough speed that you can feel your face distort from the 'g' forces produced by the centrifugal force! Think astronauts in the centrifuge!!

Brad and I took turns standing in line as place keepers while the girls rode the rides. We went our separate ways when the old folks..US!.. needed to sit down and rest out of the sun...(and I now have a slight sunburn on the top of my head due to leaving my hat behind and a buzz cut After a $5.00 Mountain Dew...(what a gold mine these concessions must be)...

Rachel and I went to the race track to see the horses and she got to pet one of the Track Marshall's thoroughbreds on the muzzle...these horses really are humongous, as Rachel said!!

We bet a few dollars on the last 2 races, 2 horses on the 9th race, which we watched right at the fence at the winning post. Seeing these beautiful animals running full out and straining with all their might from only a couple feet away is such a thrill; the noise, the power, the dust, the excitement!!! well worth the $4.00 we

The 10th race we watched from the stands, again right above the finish line, but high enough to see the whole racetrack. She was able to see the horses break form the starting gate and head down the back stretch and around the turn and all the way down the homestretch..cheering our 3 horses on. We had a winner this time, the favorite, #2---BluBoy, which Rachel picked because of the name, which paid us $3.80 on a $2.00 we were only down $6.20 for the day, but it was well worth the money to watch her experience her first race and develop a memory that we will be able to share.

It was back to the Fairgrounds and another set of rides, then a walk through the Farm Building to look at all the prize winning veggies and fruits, etc. Rachel charmed the young lady who was the 'Honey Bee Queen' and was promoting and handing out samples of all sorts of local honey, so completely and thoroughly that I was the beneficiary of some residual flirting from

We then hit the Midway for a bit, where she "won" a stuffed black panther with blue eyes at the 'Fish Pond', (which she named "Eda Tika Parkenstine...?????!!!....LOL!!, and went through the house of mirrors and the funhouse. After that we ate at the Maryland Foods Pavilion, again..what a racket!!!.., and finished up with a final ride on the carousel. There were these 'Relaxing Foot Massage' devices scattered throughout the Fairgrounds, put in a quarter and sit on the seat placing your feet on a metal plate and it vibrates enough to shake your fillings out, I could have saved alot of money by letting her 'ride' these all day and night, she loved them.LOL!! We stopped and saw the animals in the pens by the Md. Foods Pav. on the way out, and across the way is the 'Deep Fried Treats' stand, the last, (or first) thing you see as you head out, (or in), last year we got the Battered And Deep Fried Oreos, and they were outrageously delicious. This year we got the combo with a couple Nutter Butter cookies also....and to be nice about it...they were...okay at best, but not gooey enough and the dough was too chewy. A bit of a let down really.

After the train back to Mt. Washington her mother picked us up and dropped me off at the gas station, where I washed off some of the dust and sweat and then hit the shed, which was reasonably cool. Yesterday, Tuesday, I was supposed to stop by Prologue and get some school supplies they have donated for Rachel, but I had REAL BAD night Monday night, in such pain that I could not get to sleep until morning. Enough that Even the 'bupes', and my muscle relaxer prescription barely took the edge off it. I got up and went to Jenn's because I was out of clothes and needed to wash and shower. I left there about 6:30 pm. and came here to the library. When I got up to leave , my left side and lower bcak had frozen up so that I could hardly walk. I limped down to the shed and crawled in and lay down about 10:00 pm.

I had found a long heavy duty extension cord lying by the side of the road a few night ago which I snatched up on, and which I strung across to the outlet on the building next to the shed last night. Iused it for the small electric fan I acquired a while ago.

Times up gotta go.