Friday, December 21, 2012

"Insomnia ... Ignorance ... Idiocy ...&... Intra Ocular Induced Insanity ..."

Good Evening;
Well......I'm feeling kind of guilty, 
I did not go to the "Homeless Persons Memorial Day"ceremony this evening.
 I got dressed, bundling up as best I could with the limited cold weather wear
I have with me, and rushed out to Conkling St. and as soon as I hit the wide open
space once I left Dillon St. the wind hit me. It tore off my hat and blew it down the center of the street for 2 blocks, in the middle of rush hour traffic. As I waited for the bus to show I kept
shivering because the clothes I have just don't stop the windchill. Knowing it would be even
colder right on the water in the amphitheatre at the Harbor, I turned around and came back in here..... because I am not about to freeze my ass off right now while I can avoid it.
In 2 weeks I am going to be ending my stay here, and it looks like back out sleeping on the streets again!
It was the cap to a just a really pissy day.

 I was already feeling like crap today after not sleeping more than 40 minutes last night, seeing a bus make the left turn up the street as I came out to the bus stop..10 MINUTES EARLY!
Thirty minutes later the next bus showed up, also early, (
Leaving the starting point of the route before the assigned time, and/or arriving at stops along the route too early, [there is a slight leeway for en route stops], is one of the MTA's most stringently enforced driver prohibitions, time off/suspensions, or even dismissals for chronic offenders are not unusual.... and if you call and complain with all the pertinent data, they investigate. I've called!), and the driver became aggressive and ignorant when I asked why he was pulling out so early. He started playing games then, 'needing' to re-examine my MTA photo ID after looking at it once, then complaining about how I was holding it, ....and we had words.... before giving me my daily bus pass. Which I took from him after he plucked it from the printer in the fare box, glanced at, and handed to me, and stuck it and the ID in my pocket as I do 99% of the time. Something made me pull it out and check it over, just because. Good thing I did, after requesting and paying for a Senior/Disability pass...I ended up being given a "Students Cont. Ticket", aka a 'Transfer', which is for the public school kids, and does not cost anything! We had MORE words. Another phone call is being made to the MTA, with a request for a review of the video, 'cause it wasn't just me getting surly treatment, or being outright ignored and not acknowledged.

Then my meeting at HCH started poorly with the information that my Medical Assistance is not yet active, then I find out there has been a letter from D.S.S. that was sitting there for 10 days with no one notifying me. My already high anxiety level, and hypertension level too, because I can't get more BP meds until the M.A.  is reinstated....started going through the roof.
The possible long term temporary shelter my caseworker had mentioned turns out to be in the vicinity of Old York Rd. and 41st. St., an area I have no contacts in, no desire to be in and in the center of a couple major high crime, high violence, & high drug trafficking and use areas. (Verified by SpotCrime/BPD/& Sunpapers crime maps). And like I said, not one in which I am comfortable traveling through.
{When I mentioned the area to my friend Monkee, who lives on the edge of similar areas, even she said "Hell No! .. Not There!", and after doing some searching later on the Internet, and through someone who knew someone who had been through there...the reviews at street level
were not encouraging.}

By this time my right eye, the one with the lid that will not stay closed on it's own due to the shrinkage caused by the damage and subsequent emergency, not cosmetic, plastic surgery performed at Shock Trauma many years that of age related skin issues....
feels like it is being sand blasted with jagged shards of broken glass, while being sprayed with nitric acid as electrodes jammed into the optic nerve alternately deliver high voltage jolts designed to cause pain just below or at the scream threshold randomly mixed with high speed, high frequency pulses that produce vibrations and oscillations causing both rapid flickering of the previously mentioned eyelid and a blurring of any incoming light waves or particles contacting the rods and cones at the back of the retina....while also producing a side harmonic similar to that of a high speed dental drill....that travels back along the optic nerve into the primary visual cortex, creating a amplified sensation like that of a jackhammer shoved into the back of the head.
Which has continued all damn freaking day and is currently on track to become an 'allnighter' !

Anyway....the guilt is a distraction keeping me from removing my right eye with a claw hammer....
.....and the onset of pain induces insanity at least keeps me from dwelling too much on the guilt!


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