Wednesday, December 5, 2012

"Minor Magazine Misunderstanding & Miscalculation Means Major Monetary Malfunctions & Melancholy Maladjustments & Mood Modifications......."

Good Morning; anyone I may have told that there would be a City Paper column in this week's, (Dec. 5th), apologies, it will be NEXT week, Wednesday Dec. 12th, (or the evening of Tuesday the 11th for the online version on the website).

I misunderstood Evan when he told me when it is going to run, not remembering that in the newspaper and magazine industry, lead times and deadlines needed for printing and publishing mean that 'this week' and next week' may have different calendar dates for insiders and 'civilians'

It's not that big a deal on it's own, but with my T.D.A.P. and M.A. benefits currently lost in the land of limbo known as "Pending" where time and space follow different laws of physics...(think Salvador Dali's "The Persistence Of Memory"....aka 'The Melting Clocks')....the extra week's delay in receiving the balance of payment screws me a bit. I must let you know that I DID get an advance from Evan, for which I AM most grateful and appreciative! But....being under the impression I would be getting the rest at the end of this week, not next week, I made payments, purchases, and plans in a much different order than I would have, leaving me without cash for both meds and Hanukkah for Rachel, for next week.

{And to head off  the few soulless trolls who seem to read my blog only for the purpose of finding something to criticize, obviously never having heard of certain things 
such as satire, sarcasm, self deprecating humor, and perception and perspective jump on me....... [and BTW, with all the profanity laced, vicious, vituperative screeds you two mouthbreathing asshats are vehemently screaming as you type, in a mixed spray of spittle, poor spelling/punctuation/vocabulary, food particles, and fetid, noxious's a miracle your computers don't short-out, explode, and melt down!]....I just want to say the following};

Yes, in the grand scheme of things, or even in the small portion of it that is my life, this segment of my cash flow situation is a relatively minor irritation, when looked at objectively.
I do have greater worries and greater blessings, some which balance each other out, some which don't. Shelters permanent, temporary, & absent; food; pain = mental health issues, physical health issues,
 doctors and caseworkers; family; companionship or the lack of same;
Sometimes the largest problems are so overwhelming they are ignored or hidden behind facades of normalcy. At many times the tiniest irritations become blown out of proportion, (in the eyes of people whose basic needs are more than fulfilled), causing pain or damage that belies their surface impression, even causing a ripple effect that extends into other areas of one's life, especially mental health.

I 'KNOW' that I have been lucky beyond belief with one hell of a lot of things that have come to me in the past 60 to 90 days, and that even though they won't kill me or harm me, (well the 'meds' and M.A. issues do have the potential to have a serious impact if left unaddressed long term,...but not at this moment), the things that are upsetting me right now still have the potential to cause frustration, sadness, & disappointment. Partly because living at this level has the strange dual effect of both hardening and inuring emotions and feelings to the point of callousness on one hand....and leaving those same feelings and emotions nothing but raw, exposed nerve endings and excessively vulnerable receptors on the other, able to withstand what others would consider incredibly painful situations while being brought to tears by things those without the same experiences and resultant empathy for cannot comprehend.

In this case, at this time and place, it's something that people may be able to relate to on their own level..... money and the multitude of emotional gradients involved in the variety of layers relating to it and/or the lack of it concerning... one's children, the holiday season, expecting and not having a certain amount, expecting to receive and not getting it at a certain time, spending and then finding out the information in the above, the constant revision of plans because of both of the above, the 'robbing Peter to pay Paul' readjustments.....and hanging over everything....the not knowing "if and or when". Plus the omnipresent 'Holiday Hype' that overshadows and permeates the fabric of almost everything this time of year. We are bombarded with the message, " must spend money to be happy, or there is something wrong with you"! And the building pressure as Christmas Day and New Years Eve of the forced gaiety and non-negotiable requirement to "Have Fun" mandated by Hollywood-Movies,    NewYork-Television,
& Madison Avenue-Beer/Wine/Liquor/Food/Bar/Restaurant/Nightclub Industries
(And for Jews Dec. 24th/25th are known as "Chinese/Movie Nights"
{Wonder what the Muslims do?}

Sorry for the convoluted sentences, I'm tired and losing focus. I hadn't meant to go off on this tangent today, just let you know about a week's wait for the City Paper piece...

to paraphrase 
John Gluck, Wally Gold and Herb WeinerWho wrote the song made famous by Leslie Gore
"It's My Blog And I'll Cry If I Want To"

"It's My Party........"                                                                                                                                                                            

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