"A Need Not For Pity, But For A Righteous Anger, At Our National Shame............."

Good Evening;

A link to a post by Joel John Roberts from "Poverty Insights":

/pity-goes-both-ways/

(Scroll down when the page opens,
there is a large blank white space where ads used to be.)

Later....................................Dave

"..........“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?” ― Ernest Hemingway..........."

Good Evening;

So....I'm still here at Jenn's after cancelling today's appointment's at HCH. At 5:00 am I had gotten about 25 minutes sleep total for the night and was shivering and could not get warm, and my feet and lower legs were numb/tingling-cold/burning-cramped/throbbing all at once. There was no way I was going to be showered, packed and ready to go in the 30 -45 minutes left before Tom would be leaving to go to work in Hampden. I called and left messages cancelling my appointments and crawled into the recliner and wrapped up and shivered in and out of a shallow sleep until my grandson went to school at 9:00 am., than crawled into his bed and piled on the quilts until I got warm...or nearly so. I finally fell into a period of solid sleep at 11:00 am. until 1:00 pm. and woke up warm enough but still feeling like 2 bags of dead mice. I'm staying here again tonight and tomorrow morning and riding back into Baltimore with Jenn's cousin Sydney who's living here in the attic and who works at the Mt. Washington Tavern. I cancelled the appointment with the psych nurse tomorrow too, because I won't be getting into town until after the scheduled time of the appointment, and because my only other transportation option would be again at 5:30 am..... and I plan to be in deep R.E.M. sleep then.... one way or another. Last night even Melatonin and Vistaril were of little help. Tonight I'm going to adjust the dosage times according to some research into the metabolization rates and also the reaction times and it's efficacy in combination with my buprenorphine.... as the saying goes... "timing is everything".

I'll see you tomorrow with the after-action reports....
“Oh God, midnight’s not bad, you wake and go back to sleep, one or two’s not bad, you toss but sleep again. Five or six in the morning, there’s hope, for dawn’s just under the horizon. But three, now, Christ, three A.M.! Doctors say the body’s at low tide then. The soul is out. The blood moves slow. You’re the nearest to dead you’ll ever be save dying. Sleep is a patch of death, but three in the morn, full wide-eyed staring, is living death! You dream with your eyes open. God, if you had strength to rouse up, you’d slaughter your half-dreams with buckshot! But no, you lie pinned to a deep well-bottom that’s burned dry. The moon rolls by to look at you down there, with its idiot face. It’s a long way back to sunset, a far way on to dawn, so you summon all the fool things of your life, the stupid lovely things done with people known so very well who are now so very dead – And wasn’t it true, had he read somewhere, more people in hospitals die at 3 A.M. than at any other time...” 
― Ray Bradbury, Something Wicked This Way Comes

Later...............................Dave

"Post SOMATIC Stress Disorder?..........................."

Good Afternoon;

Well.....it's Sunday afternoon and I'm here at Jenn's about to figure out the timing and logistics of when and how I am getting back in town today or early tomorrow morning. I have a doctors appointment at HCH at 9:30 am. and after that a meeting at 11:00 am. with my caseworker, Sean.  And then I'll be back there at  3:00 pm. Tuesday to see my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner to review my meds.

As for where I'll be spending my nights once I get back into Baltimore....well, that's the $64,000.00 question, isn't it?

Elana, expressed it quite succinctly in her comment to the previous post;

"We are getting old, and living like this gets old"

And my addition to that would be;

"and exhausting, too!!!!!"

Which is one of the main reasons I've slacked off on writing here as often as I used to, I'm not just tired of writing about homelessness, I'm also just so damn tired recently, as if with the approval of my S.S.I. there was a rider or attachment of mandatory 'Chronic Fatigue Syndrome'.

Anyway, it's time to check out Craigslist, since Tom had a DJ job last night and took the MiFi wireless hotspot and I haven't checked to see if there were any new listings yesterday afternoon or evening.

Later...................................Dave

"WANTED -- Room With A View................... OR NOT!!!!!.................."

Good Evening;

Well...... I had hoped by this time, a month after receiving the lump sum back payment of my S.S.I., that the title of this blog would be incorrect as regards my living situation.
No Such Luck!
I am over Jenn's again for a couple nights, where I have spent about 1/3 of the past month, the remaining 2/3 of the past month were spent on and off between my visits up here in the HoJo's motel in Pikesville. I felt sure I would find an affordable room share in an apartment or a rooming or boarding house based on the ads I was seeing while waiting for my money to be disbursed. But it seemed that as soon as I was in a position to pay for one, there was nothing available in either a decent neighborhood, (and I have been steadily downgrading my standards in that respect), or within my price range, or that did not require a years lease to be locked in.

Between burning up Craigslist 18 hours of 24, and getting more and more depressed, I have not wanted to write anything, either here or for the City Paper. My frustration and anxiety levels are rising in inverse proportion to my cash balance as time seems to be both at standstill and rushing past.

I HAVE to find a place in the coming week, I just cannot afford motel rates, even the dumps cost at least $50.00 a night!, and I realllllly don't want to sleep on the sidewalk anymore.....ever! I don't mind the outdoor sleeping so much, if there was a place near enough to do so I'd buy a tent and stay in a campground.... it's the sense of futility of having money but nowhere to stay!

Anyway, I'm going to try to make myself write more, for your sake Loyal Reader as much as my own sanity. I have been noticing the daily visits decline steadily over the past few weeks as I look at the analytics report from Sitemeter each week.

And if anyone hears of or knows of someone with a room to rent on a week to week or month to month basis, and as long as it's safe, secure, and clean... and in a neighborhood where an older white guy is not automatically looked upon as either a target..... or a potential customer...... please drop me an e-mail, or Comment below.

I'm focusing on the area in the North or Northwest area of Baltimore or the asjacent sections of the County in an arc approximately encompassing all or part, (in certain!!!  neighborhoods!) Towson, Charles Village, Hampden, Remington, Bolton Hill, Mt. Washington, Pikesville, Middle Park Heights, (ABOVE!! Northern Pkwy.), and if the price is low enough- which I'm not going to hold my breath on- Fells Point/Canton/Brewers Hill. Also possibly Reisterstown-OwingsMills-Garrison-Milford Mill, IF the place was with in 2 blocks of a bus line or the subway stations. But I'll consider other areas, if A)- I know the area, and B)- The price just can't be refused.

 Later...............................Dave

"Re-entering The Ether .... Or .... Here I Go Again, All Tangled Up In The World Wide Web! ....."

Good Afternoon;

So........., Yes it's been a little while since my last post. It's been a combination of lack of motivation, a case of my muse(s) being either AWOL, MIA, or just LITO, (Lost In The Ozone), and not being near a computer when I DID get the urge to write.
But......... the last reason is no longer an excuse, (as long as I'm near wifi)!
I took some of the lump sum money that I've been hanging onto for a place to live and spent it on a  Notebook laptop. I was going to get a factory refurbished Chromebook from Acer, the lowest priced unit I could find, for $172.00, but then I saw that there was a NEW, $299.00, ASUS Notebook for $199.00 on clearance.....AND it uses Windows 8 and supports not just 'Apps' but programming not available on the Chromebooks, and has more offline functionality too. So I should be here a bit more often, working around the search for a room or apartment.

I'm still looking for a CHEAP short term week to week or month to month place to bridge the gap until whatever housing benefits I am eligible for come through. And both the 'what' and the 'when' in that equation are unknowns at this time

It seems like all the ads for places that looked promising when I was still waiting for funds instantly vanished as soon as I received them! I have spent no more nights on the pavement since the 14th of March, dividing my time between Jenn's and the motel. I HAVE to find a room in the next week because if I don't I will have crossed beyond the financial point of no return of having whatever 'bundle' of 'first, last &/or security deposit' is required where ever I end up.

I am actually about to call and inquire about a listing for a room here in Mt. Washington that looks promising and just within the high end of my budget.
Cross your fingers for 'first time lucky' on this lead.

Later..............................Dave