Saturday, April 7, 2012

"Passed Over Or Passed Out......................"

Good Evening;

Happy Easter & Chag Sameach Pesach
to everyone, choose as appropriate.
And for the Pagans - A Joyous Eostre
And not to leave out the Atheists - Bah, Humbug!
Well I'm sitting here in the coffee shop trying to claw my way up out of the pit of depression I've fallen into. Like the sand pit trap of an ant lion, every time I try to climb up the walls, the sand, which is at it's angle of repose, begins to fall back in towards the center, knocking loose my grip and tumbling me down to the bottom.

I have an invitation to a second Passover seder tonight that I really want to go to, but the anxiety and paranoia are outweighing the desire and motivation at this point. I just don't know anymore.....

I was back at Jenn's on Thursday night so I could watch Edward on Friday when Tom and Jenn took Devin to the E,N,&T doctors at Johns Hopkins on Friday, then back in town that evening. My sleep patterns and schedules are way out of whack as are my meds schedules, and this as much as anything else is contributing to the emotional and mental instability I feel right now. Add in the trip to the E.R. this morning when I fell in a certain store (which asked not to be named, and whose mgr. insisted on calling the EMTs, even though I told her it was due to no fault of the property, or employees...etc., just to cover herself with corporate HQ, so I went as a favor to a friend) when my right knee locked up then gave out, and I'm just a bundle of raw nerves.
After the radiology dept. finished turning me into a glow worm the consensus was that there were no breaks etc. and (as I predicted to the techs) it was the result of cumulative Degenerative Joint Disease, and a combination of the way I had my weight placed, and the angle of my knee, and my balance...etc., etc. causing bones and nerve endings that should not occupy the same points in space and time to meet. This had the predictable result of introducing Mr. Face to Mr. Floor, via a bounce of Mr. (left) Shoulder, which was weighed own with my duffel bag. (And when the doctor, a native of Guatemala, examined and rotated my shoulder, she said the sound and feel of the bones grinding in their sockets made her homesick because it was just like when her grandmother used to grind maize for their tortillas on the  centuries old milling stones in her Again, it was D.J.D. and not a new injury, but cumulative, 'progressive', (ha! not the kind of 'progress' I really, damage.

Anyway, as you've noticed I have not been posting as often or as much in recent weeks. Between the ennui, the lack of creative spark, the stress of not knowing when the shed is going to be leveled and the lack of success at finding alternate living space, being caught in the middle of Jenn's family drama half the time when I go up there, 
(make up a 5 element Venn diagram, Jenn, Tom, Grandmonsters, His Mother, & Me, [and sprinkle with randomly moving spots representing 5 cats and a dog] and while it makes a beautiful star or flower like pattern.....the convoluted social interaction intersections will make your head explode trying to sort them out.....imagine being part of them! again,.....ouch!),
and "the usual suspects" conglomeration of physical and mental issues, guilt, worry, fear, etc....well some days I don't want to write at all, some days I can't write but want to, some days I feel guilty about not being entertaining enough.....and on and on.

Anyway, that last paragraph-run on sentence got away from me and it's near closing time.....
And where did this bottle of vodka come from?
Really, someone must have stuck it in my bag while I was in the bathroom!
Waste Not-Want Not!



Frayda said...

We missed you at the seder on Saturday.

Frayda said...

BTW, you would have been the third person in jeans :)