Friday, November 30, 2012

"Confidences, Confessions, & Revelations......... AKA ....... Trust Times Two............."

Good Evening; least I don't have to worry about those pesky I.R.S. agents bothering me for the taxes on the $550,000,000.00 Powerball Jackpot I didn't win.

Wednesday was a 'do nothing' day. I never even left the apartment until after 8:00 pm. when I decided to walk down to the 7-11 to get a Powerball ticket, because if I didn't and my numbers were picked I'd have to shoot myself in the head.....and it's not time for that yet......LOL!!

So I showered and got dressed and bundled up because the temperature had dropped appreciably to just below 32 degrees. And I got 20 yards down the block to the corner,....and noticed that the bar sold Lottery tickets. 4 minutes later I was back inside here undressing and feeling like the little kid whose mother spends 20 minutes bundling him up in a dozen layers of clothes, only to have to go the bathroom as soon as she

Today, Thursday, I had 10:00 am. & 11:00 am. appointments at HCH with my S.S.A. caseworker and my Mental Health caseworker. The day started off crappy because I was woken up from a (very rare and much needed) deep sleep by the alarm from my phone. As many of you may remember, I am not a big fan of mornings, especially when I have been up half a dozen times the night before to go to the bathroom and had trouble falling back asleep each time....finally falling into said deep sleep 45 minutes before the alarm going off.....'snarl grumble grumble'! After burning my mouth on a too rapidly sipped mouthful of coffee, smashing my little toe on the table leg and having it swell up so that I had to put on the old sloppy boots, (but it wasn't too big a deal because I would not have to walk farther than from building to bus and bus to building....[HA!]......), and rushing out into the cold and up to the windy corner to the bus stop just in time to catch the bus. The bus that came down the street the other way 20 minutes later on it's way to the turn-around it was supposed to be at 30 minutes before. Another 20 minutes waiting and the bus showed up, which meant that I missed the connection on Fallsway and had to walk in the boots I wore because I would not have to walk.....OY!......LOL!

Anyway I made it to HCH only 10 minutes late, but that was okay because I had to wait for my caseworker to come down and get me. At about this time, when we got past the usual pleasantries, the day began to turn around, for the better.
We had a very productive session as she quizzed me for relevant information relating to my S.S.I. claim and the S.OA.R. expedited application program.
As I explained about how I was entering a downhill phase of the depression cycle and we discussed the effects of both internal and external stressors on the length and severity of the cycle. She was able to witness some examples of the confusion/memory issues/concentration lapses that occur, and I was also able to reveal an incident from my adolescence that I have never been able to talk about. I happened to have a copy of my self printed book of poetry I was planning on giving to someone else that I gave to her, as just a way to relate to some of the things we have talked about.

Pretty much the same thing happened with my Mental Health caseworker as he questioned me so as to be able to fill out a type of worksheet/qualification form relating to 'vulnerability' to determine eligibility for housing consideration as part of a program that also expedites the process for people who have been classified as 'chronically homeless' due to length of time on the street and a host of other things. We also discussed the whole M.A. and T.D.A.P.  situation from Monday, (as I also did with my other caseworker earlier that day). By the time we were out of time for today, and combined with the earlier opening up I had done......I was emotionally exhausted. Physically too.

He was able to get me an appointment tomorrow, (Friday), with the Intake department at 8:00 am. (which means I've got to try to get to sleep real soon!!). I may have to sit and wait for a while once I get there, but I won't have to stand in line for possibly hours and then get turned away because they have reached their capacity for the day.

It's time to go to bed, before I let the anxiety of not knowing who I'm supposed to be seeing get to me and keep me up. As I was waiting for my caseworker to come to the lobby to get me this morning I had the 'pleasure' of hearing some of the 'clerical' type worker who I think do all the initial intake interviews standing around talking to one another.....gossiping is maybe a better word, and whether it was fellow employees, clients, or a mix of both they were talking sounded inappropriate to me. Whoever they were, I'm grateful/hopeful they are not caseworkers/counselors. It's only my impression, but it seemed as if they had been clients themselves at one time....It gave me the same kind of negative feeling that the lower level employees/trustees/volunteers at the shelters did.


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