Thursday, November 1, 2012

"The TV Commercials All Say ...... 'Depression Hurts' ........... I Say------'No Freakin' Sh*t!!! ....................."

Good Morning;
 So......not a good day today so this is going to be real short.
For some reason the depression came down on me like a load of bricks,
all of a sudden, with no warning.....WHAM! 
It felt like I had been kicked in the head and the gut, and the balls all at the same time.
I was on the subway headed to D.S.S. to see about my Foodstamps and Medical Assistance
when it hit and I thought I was going to vomit. A rushing and roaring in my ears, steadily narrowing tunnel vision, and I am told my face got red, then almost purple and I started gulping for air. As a couple of people came over to see if I was okay (a miracle in itself on the Baltimore Metro!!), the physical effects began to fade and the overwhelming mental and emotional gloom and despair just washed over me like Sandy hitting the beach at Atlantic City. This is not an experience I want to go through again. I got off at Reisterstown Plaza Station to get to the air outside to try to cool off and walked down to D.S.S.

Which I had forgotten had been closed for 2 days because of the storm, plus the 2 days of the weekend. At 2:00 pm. you could not even get in the building! I realized I had forgotten half the paperwork I had to submit anyway, so I just grabbed the application forms and took them with me.

Next I took the bus to Pikesville to the RiteAid to pick up prescriptions and walked in and out of the library. I didn't stay because there were no computers open and an anxiety attack was on the horizon if I stayed inside among a crowd.

It was bus, subway, and bus back to here and I just sat with the lights out to avoid any trick or treaters banging on the door. For some reason my guts began to cramp up as if I had a case of food poisoning and I hadn't eaten anything! I tried going to the bathroom but that did not help. I finally ended up taking one of my meds, which has the side effect of shutting down all intestinal an Immodium on steroids & crack!

I'm going to try to go to sleep now, I did not want to earlier, even though I was/am exhausted, I was afraid to be in bed lying down if the sedative/tranquilizer effects of my meds all kicked in at once and I ended going from a nap to a 'dirt nap'....unintentionally!!!

Anyway.....bedtime, and I don't care what happens at this point I am THAT damn tired.


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