Sunday, March 4, 2012

"Sunshine, Barbie, & Rachel..........................."

Good Evening;

Well....what started out as another pissy day at the bottom of the depression "gravity well" with emotional pain on a par with the physical pain has mellowed a bit on the emotional side of the equation. Part due to the cyclical nature of my   particular MDD, as it begins the uphill climb to 'neutral', part due to getting a few hours of morning sunshine, and part due to Rachel's being dropped off here to the coffee shop and spending a few hours with me. We had some hot chocolate and pastries and talked and played an assortment of different Barbie games on the computer.Mostly dress up or makeovers, Rachel seems headed for a career in either the fashion industry or interior At least the animated

Yesterday evening and all last night and into this morning I was feeling overwhelmed by feelings of hopelessness, uselessness, and despair, (as you may possibly have guessed from the previous!), and even more by a yearning, aching desire just to be able to "go home", partly in the sense of an actual physical structure, but in a greater sense a search for somewhere, a place, a community, I feel is out there but which I have not yet found. Yeah, I'm confused about that

Sleep was evasive and elusive last night, my lower back has had me nearly in tears recently, even laying flat. The pressure on the sciatic nerve from the tumor must be increasing, and I've put a call in to the doctor requesting a referral to the general surgeon, who said when it starts affecting me to call him. 

Tomorrow night I am getting picked up by Jenn after her meeting and heading to Monkton to watch the grandmonsters on Tuesday and Wednesday, so that's laundry and shower time too.

That's about it for now....

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