Greetings all;
I want to touch on an encounter I had last night that illustrates a common misconception that some people have about homelessness, shelters, and 'choice'.
I was speaking with a 'friend of a friend' last night outside the coffee shop, because they needed to smoke. During the introductions, my 'friend's' friend noticed my sleeping bag and asked if I was homeless, I of course answered, truthfully, yes. He then asked how and why, but not knowing him at all, and really not feeling any connection or need to divulge personal details, I said (politely) that since they were about to leave for their NA meeting, there was not time to fully tell my complete story, he then asked for the 'quick and dirty version' so I relinquished with the 'Cliff Notes outline' - marriage disintegrates, no finances, pending SSI claims, no friends or family in any position to help- and of course came the inevitable question.."what about a shelter/mission"..I explained my disinclination to going to shelters, - their likeness in atmosphere and clientele to jail, the waiting in line (sometime for hours ) outside to get a bed, and the outrageous wake-up and get out hours, and some of the police and personnel discourtesies I have encountered. I also stated my personal desire for some measure or control and/or independent choice in my daily routine. I also said that I was not a fool, and that if there was extended bad weather, or I could not find anywhere to 'camp out' OR--That IF my health or safety were endangered, I would seek out a shelter for the night. He then told me that I was homeless by choice because I did not go to shelters.
First...a shelter is NOT a home..the word shelter is used all the time, without the qualifying preceding terms--"EMERGENCY" and/or "OVERNIGHT", very, very few shelters allow multiple night stays... ( and the ones that do ARE truly 'homelike' --but as you may guess, these are always filled, and with extensive waiting lists for every bed ), for the others, you may line up and sign in again each night on a space available basis, but you cannot leave belongings there or be sure of the same cot or mat, if you get in you are searched again each night, and herded like cattle in the morning. It can be demeaning.
Second...I do not qualify for many of the halfway or transitional houses out there, by way of either not meeting the standards of the facilities, (female, active addict/alcoholic, particular physical/mental disability specified for residence...etc.) or not (yet, if ever??) having required governmental certification.
Third...I sure as hell did not ask--desire--or choose to be forced out of my home by a combination of physical and mental illnesses and old legal baggage (finished and resolved!!!) which were used to manipulate the family court system by, a vindictive ex-spouse {my wife's children's father}, money hungry lawyers, and a (if not corrupt, then a 'biased' and 'partisan') supposedly neutral third party.
"CHOOSE HOMELESSNESS"...I think not!
Now on to 'judgement day', these 'folks' I was talking with, are both members of NA, (thus the anonymity) and the 'friend of a friend' asked if I had drug issues, and feeling I could trust him with this information (as we all know I do not hide it) I told him I was a dope fiend, in recovery. We of course got in a discussion of NA, do I go to meetings, mutual acquaintances..etc. I related my former deep involvement and subsequent disillusion with NA, specifically the people, and the hypocrisy, and my decision to step away. Let's just say that this person will never be a high stakes poker player. As I further explained that I had had 4 years clean, then needed to go to pain management, and the problems finding medications I could take that were effective and usable -to me-, and finally finding buprenorphine, and it's triple barrel efficacy on pain, depression, and addiction, his opinions became easier and easier to read. After I finished, his first staement was that if I needed help he could assist me in getting in a halfway house, if and when I got 'CLEAN', I thanked him and explained again that I was not using drugs, and did not desire to return to the lifestyle of halfway houses and relapse and being around addicts 24/7. He then stated "I'm not judging you....." and proceeded to judge me and pronounce sentence upon me!!! {If anyone questions why I cannot return to NA in good faith and truly expect to be accepted, this is the prime example, the next most infuriating is that so many I have met have betrayed trust, there is more, but that is between my God and me} I thanked them and went on my way to the library.
Oh Yeah.. by the way, this morning, my 'friend' comes in and tells me someone OD'ed at the recovery house last night. I tried to explain that that was EXACTLY the behaviors and lifestyles I was avoiding...that spiritual toxicity that i no longer participated in..... He says " This is what makes you stronger......" (paraphrase)????? WTF??? I'm looking for a place to be able to take a 4 1/2 year old girl, and I am criticized for not moving to a halfway house, which has to paid for also by the way, do not let anyone tell you they are all free. At best they will take over control of any DSS benefits received.
NEXT TOPIC
I was talking with someone about the food situation on the streets, take it from me, if a homeless person, ( qualifier--- single, mobile, reasonably functional ) tell you "I'm haven't eaten......" it is by choice or a lie, there area shitload of options, from soup kitchens, food pantries, friendly restaurants to dumpster diving and gourmet garbage. any one who has seen me knows I am actually overweight, (out of shape too, but that's a different story...LOL)........oops, times up..gotta go
bye..................Dave
No comments:
Post a Comment