Thursday, February 5, 2009

"Too Darn Cold"- Apologies to Cole Porter-But Hot It Ain't!!!

Hi Folks;
"I HATE Cold Weather"!!! and sleeping in a minamally sheltered space does nothing to improve my already shitty frame of mind (yes I am cursing this post). I went to the "Disneyland On Ice" show with Rachel last night and had a wonderful time. She is the one true constant light in my life. After the show, on the train back to the Mount Washington Station where her mother was picking us up, she innocently let slip, as children often do, some information regarding her mother, who I can NOW consider my 'ex' in all ways except that I have not yet given her a "Get". Without going into too many details, I am now having to worry about who is sleeping in the house with my 4 1/2 year old, on top of all my other mental and emotional stresses. It is a huge letdown finding out that all the things one has been told are naught but mere lip service. The one thing I think I hate most in a person is hypocrissy, HEY I 'KNOW' I am a fuckup, and I've got lots of faults, and I may not be trying to correct all of them at this time, but I WILL at least admit them when confronted with undeniable proof. For years I allowed myself to be cast as the scapegoat, not anymore.
I have asked, pleaded, and even tried ultimatums to get my daughter to be taken to the doctor and/or the HMO, and the dentist ( The Health Care has always been in care of the ex, through work or I have no control), to no avail. Thank God Rachel has been healthy. Looking back I see the same patterns of behavior that occurred with her other 4 kids, and which she blamed (and being blinded by bullshit, I supported her claims), on her first husband. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say.
I am now placed in a position of urgency...I need to find a permanent place to stay so I can have a home in which to live with my daughter on a more long term arrangement. Somewhere to be able to more than just 'daddy' but a father also, and where I can have more leverage when it comes to things like school choices etc.
I apologize for the detour from the general subject matter of the blog, but it's my journal also....
I want to thank all those who are reading this, and the ones who have felt inspired to e-mail with their thoughts. I had installed the SITEMETER counter out of curiosity and ego, and it is fascinating to see where some of you are at around the country and the world.
To anyone in the Baltimore area:
As you all know I have been trying (and succeeding to a certain extent) to barter my services for shelter.
New Offer:
I am in a situation where I have no cash, but credit with which I can purchase food items......Here's the Deal:
I'll BUY the food and either cook for you and your family/household (within a reasonable size) or share the cooking with you if you want to collaborate on a meal (or are too much of a control freak about your kitchen too surrender it to me)...LOL {kinda}.....Your part of the bargain is a night [or nights], (depending on the expense), indoors and shower priveledges, and possibly washer/dryer access, that can be a bonus if you like my cooking..LOL
Maybe we can work out a housekeeping deal...I was a 'stay at home dad'.
And Liked It!!
P.S. Hello Saleesha..(did I spell it right?)
P.P.S. God Bless our troops, the Maryland State Police, our firefighters who are busting their butts in this cold, And...The IDF!! Shalom and L'Chaim

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