"Flying Solo..or..Hoping That When It Comes Time To Crash And Burn....Someone Will Be Around To Follow The Smoke Trail And Comb Through The Wreckage."

One last thought;

It can be a real kick in the face, when you're asked at discharge.....

"Is there somewhere you can go and stay and someone to look after you for a little while"........and you think for a minute,...and have to answer ..."no".

Next time you are with your family in your car, heading home...and see some pathetic looking homeless guy on the side of the road, imagine how it feels, on top of all the other issues he is dealing with, to be in a situation where you would have to answer that question...in the negative.

Then come back and talk to me about pain and loneliness!

(sorry...that had a specific recipient)

See you tomorrow........ Dave

"Little Ironies...or...'No Good Deed Goes Unpunished'..."

Hey..I'm Back for a second with some trivial thoughts and comments;

Monday morning I was talking to Mayor Sheila Dixon about Starbucks closings and coffee....Monday evening at the opposite end of the store I am being arrested.

Everytime I find a cell phone and return it to it's rightful owner........I end up in jail, the hospital, sick as a dog but unable to get to the hospital, or losing a place where i was sleeping...(going back to some events that occurred before I started the blog).

Whenever I tell someone something in confidence, with the expectation of privacy...it is broadcast, or revealed, as in "don't tell him I told you this..but......."....and when I WANT some information spread or disbursed...everyone is silent...LOL.

I was twice told by nurses today, that I "was the cleanest", and that I "was the best smelling" homeless person they had encountered.

Authorities cannot figure out how all the cell phones, guns, and drugs are getting into the prisons and jails...but as I sat in the "Bullpen" at the jail and the courthouse, people were laughing and bragging about it......anyone ever heard the words "undercover detective"...even if 85% of the stories are hearsay, and half are probably phony, too many are real, and the names of the guards doing this are well known BEFORE the busts and newspaper stories. Somehow..the proportions just don't seem to match up.

Hi Mary

If anyone who normally sees me in Starbucks does NOT see me there if a certain person is working,(or any other time I am usually there) and wants to get ahold of me for any reason..e-mail..please, or leave a comment here..or for those in the know...phone me,

I may not be in as much....circumstances, (and legal advice) may dictate an amount of avoidance. But PLEASE stay in touch..{you KNOW who you are folks..I need you guys}

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,later...............Dave

"Like Morton Salt......'When It Rains....It Pours!!!!'...or........SH*T HAPPENS!!!!....[and happens,...and happens,...and happennnsssss!!."]

Good afternoon;

First..my thanks and appreciation to Nurses; Patti, Mike, and Alex; and Dr. Muldrew;...and Kareem-my personal gurney driver...LOL..(forgive any spelling goofs please..it's been a long couple days), of NorthWest Hospital Center.

your kindness, courtesy, and compassion were a Godsend.

So...how was your day so far? I've had better..in fact I've had better, weeks, months, years, and probably previous incarnations!!

I'm sitting in the Starbucks this morning, around 10:00 or so, and I had just finished a lovely roast beef sandwich on a fresh baked sub roll with mayonnaise and tomato, and some Pringles, this is a frequent favorite meal, and about 10minutes later I started feeling dizzy, lightheaded, and extremely disoriented. I put my head down between my knees, as one is directed to do in such situations, and it helped for a minute. Then the symptoms became much worse and I went to the bathroom and became ill, which again helped for a minute.

Then.. I got really, really, dizzy, and I could tell my blood pressure was through the roof, by the edema in my legs, and the pounding in my neck. The dizziness became severe and I became very nauseous, even though there was nothing left, and I could not walk with out staggering...at this point I became scared as hell and asked the mgr. to call 911. They arrived and took me to the hospital, where I was admitted immediately to the ER, with a blood pressure reading of 220/109. I was given IV meds for nausea and to lower the blood pressure, which kept fluctuating up and down, still in the very high range. I've got to tell you this was very, very frightening, I mean I am a veteran of hospital trauma centers and ERs, and I have been through some pretty serious sh*t in my life, but I do not ever remember feeling so bad I was crying, (wishing I was dead, yes...crying, no). I felt like I was drunk, and hungover (at the SAME TIME)..and dope sick and in withdrawal, AND suffering from salmonella, all at once...and as I write this I am still a little woozy. At some point I must have fell out because I remember (vaguely) being injected with something and having oxygen administered.

After blood tests and Xrays came back..the official diagnosis was...."we dunno??", no direct cause or vector could be found for the effect! About 5:00 this afternoon I was discharged, with instructions to see my primary care provider..which at THIS TIME!, I plan to do in the morning...but we know how I can procrastinate..so we'll see. I'm going to sign off now..I feel a bit weird again/still...hopefully I will be back tomorrow, and able to catch you all up with the drama at the Starbucks that led to my 'visit' to the detention and court system Monday through Wednesday,

I guess a little background would include revealing that it involved, a childish fit of ego and anger, and an attempt at revenge by a false police report being filed against me.......Stay tuned...LOL

................Later.......................Dave

OH YEAH!! I found ANOTHER cell phone last night, in the bathroom at the Giant, and while I was shopping the owner's daughter and I talked and she met me as I was checking out, and as I gave her back the phone, she handed me $6.00!

May be I'll start a business...."Who Ya Gonna Call?----Cell Finders!!"

"What we have heahh bhoyy...is a failuh to communicate....."

Hello;

So sorry about the missing days, I'll go into more detail tomorrow, suffice it to say, that I was an unexpected, undesiring, and unhappy invitee to a State sponsored pajama party, and Harry Houdini hardware demonstration exhibition!

I've only got a couple of minutes, so....

Did you know that one of the OTHER things that can really mess with the attitude and ability to cope, of the homeless person, (or anyone else SERIOUSLY affected by the recession), is the fact the the Md. State Child Support Collection Dept. (not it's official name), keeps on adding and accruing interest, and late fees, and other charges..NO MATTER WHAT......!!!

AND!!....even if THEY make an error sending a summons to non-existent or former addresses, even though every other govt. agency has somehow sent their mail to the correct address.....it is YOUR fault!!...

So I am tired and dirty, and sore; and I was sick and in pain because I could not bring my meds.........and I am out of time...but I am ok and I will be back tomorrow..........................Dave

" Nature's greatest green is gold, her early leaf's a flower..........'

Greetings to all;

It's raining again, and another day is shot to hell...which is not always a bad thing, I am about as energetic as a three toed tree sloth..(say THAT six times fast!!...LOL) today. I really did some walking Friday and Saturday..which is good, what is bad, is that I used to do ten times as much and not feel it, of course I also was doped to the eyeballs....I think it's a pretty fair trade-off......LOL...!

OK, there is a walk and rally for homelessness awareness this evening around 5:00pm in downtown Towson...the rain has got me locked in so I am not going to make it, but if you are in the area witha car....stop by..(and let me know what went on).

I'm waiting to hear from Alfredo, if he got his phone, I saw he read the blog...wants my clothing and shoe sizes,I have not bought new clothes for so long I do even know them...it's usually been a process of..."here..see if this fits". I have always hated clothes shopping, even as a kid, I had one of "those" body shapes..EVERYTHING had to be altered, and then I hit puberty...HA!...and it ws welcome to ..Boys HUSKY World...and I swear that the designers who are given these sizes are being punished..so since sh*t rolls down hill...we 'chubbies' were never known as fashion setters...LOL. I remember this one matching shirt, pants and vest outfit, in purple, brown, and mustard yellow..yeah... Of course it was "the Sixties", and a lot of people in the fashion industry were fans of Dr. Timothy Leary.....hmmmmm..that does explain a lot!

Okay, to be serious for a minute. When Chris and I were downtown Saturday,we were approached by a couple, male and female, about in their late '20s or early '30s, looking like dirtballs, whose scam starts out with....."Excuse me do you know the address of a shelter or a soup kitchen?"....JUST SAY NO!!! and keep on going, these junkies ahve been doing this for at least 10 years, rotating in and out of jail and recovery houses as sentenced by a judge. If you stop, the lies start flowing, and it's hard to get away, people end up throwing money at them to escape. They did not know they were being overheard around a corner as they were counting their money, and saying "we've got $96.00 we only need an $104.00 more and we have enough to get high for tonight.

"TONIGHT"!! that is what set me off, I panhandle, you know that, and I will give somebody money to get well;... but just like the people who beg in places that allow homeless folks to sit out of the rain, with or with out buying anything...the only rule being NO SOLICITING,they ruin it for people who don't abuse the situation. Don't be conned!

I got to see Rachel Saturday morning and we played outside the Starbucks all morning. I sent her one of those animated E-greetings, and (with her mother's help) she picked out one and sent it back to me too. She is so funny!

Okay the connections are failing here right and left,,,gotta go .....Dave

"Can You Hear Me Now?.....or Reach Out And Touch Someone!!...."

Good Afternoon;

What a busy, busy couple of days!

Friday evening I hit the corner and saw Michelle on her way home from work at MICA, it is amazing that in the two years off and on that I have been on that street, we have not seen each other. I acquired enough to wash and dry all my laundry..(on the HEAVY SOIL cycle....I was in dire need!..LOL), and even to buy myself a beer as I was waiting..I don't remember how long it's been since I sipped on a beer.....when it's been so long, the flavor seems better.

Saturday, Christopher wanted some company on his trip to the tobacco store at Lexington Market, so he offered me his shower in exchange for my company....it also may have been self defense...I told you I was ripe...LOL.

We walked around the Harbor afterwards, and it felt so NORMAL, to not!! be carrying my sleeping bag and duffel around, and not!! getting "the LOOK".

I found a cell phone on the street and after I figured out how to work it called the most frequently called numbers and left messages asking them to cotact the owner and have him call me. He was already back in New Jersey by the time we made contact....

Hell it's closing time!!!

Real quick, I went to FedEx and got info for him, hecalled and pre=paid shipping...sent the phone back...doing the right thing feels good

said he'd send a gratuity.....and of course I said ok...but it was not until AFTER, I sent the phone back!!!!

yes ,I am proud of myself...LOL.......Dave..tomorrow!!!

"permanent Press-ure......"

Hey;

Hitting the great out doors;

see you all tomorrow;

24/7 laundromats are the place to meet some reallllllllly!! strange people in the middle of the night!!!!

Dave

"I Don't Have A Title "

Gut en Tag;

Yet another beautiful Spring day, I'll be heading out soon I just wanted to slip in a few thoughts and hellos.

As I was on the bus heading in town yesterday afternoon I ran into Mike/Leo on the bus to the Metro, and we chatted for a few minutes, and Again! he tells me of another run in with a cop, I pointed out that it was in a different area, and a different jurisdiction, and he says yeah ALL cops must have it out for him...I saved my breath.

When I was waiting for the Light Rail at Mt Royal station, an old guy, looking real beat up and down and out was asking people for any spare change, as he came closer I could see that there were mental health issues in his life. People either were saying no and brushing him off or pretending he did not exist. i felt both angry and guilty at the same time, angry for their treatment of him..and guilty for my own desire not to want to talk to him. As he walked past I reached into my pocket and gave him all my change, I really could not afford to do so, but I felt compelled to. What the hell, I had food and I could most likely, (I hoped) get at least 2 days worth of meds "on the arm" as we call it, 'cause my word and credit are good these days, where it matters.

So I end up standing on Mt Royal in front of the Gateway bldg. of MICA for an HOUR, and not one person stopped. I left because of a breakdown across North Ave. and I wanted to stay 'under the radar', while the police were there. It's just common sense and good manners, if you want to do something that is technically illegal, but can be overlooked..DON'T flaunt in their faces!

About 20 minutes later when the cops left i stood on the other side of North Ave. on the I 83 exit ramp, in the same amount of time I was given $21.00, (which paid my past bill for my meds, so I erased that debt, an have another 5 days worth at least).

OBSERVATION:

The cars leaving the city, between 5:30 and 6:30pm are mostly higher value and luxury class vehicles, and the drivers APPEAR to be 90% white ,upper middle class and upper economic level, middle and upper management, and executive types...(my opinion).. suburban, middle aged, home owner types. Most of whom choose not to see me, or surreptitiously read my sign when they think I am not looking. In general people who do not know..or THINK they do not know anyone who is or will ever be homeless.

[From past experience, the hours of 2:30-5:30 pm. have a broader demographic, and are much more likely to help out, with money, food, blankets and advice, and to acknowledge a nod and a smile with the same at least. I would judge by the cars and the dress that these folks are acquainted with at least the cold fingers of poverty brushing the back of their neck from time to time.]

The cars entering North Ave. are a much more varied lot and even those in Mercedes, and BMWs are apt to give, even more so are folks who are driving moderate or economy level vehicles, and to offer hope, blessings and word of encouragement.

Okay, next, I spoke with Md. State Senator Bobby Zirkin today, where else..lol in the Starbucks, and offered him the address of the blog, he suggested I contact Del./Dr. Dan Morehaim, so I e- mailed it to him also....who knows maybe my ramblings will help someone else out of a hole.

I ran into a woman on the bus stop at North and Greenmount about 9:30 pm. last night...(yeah I know, but the 13 bus got stupid crowded and the dumb-ass driver decided to put a wheelchair on LAST...so I got off until the next bus), and we were talking, and she said she had been there on the streets for a while previously, and we compared notes for a bit. Just before she got off the bus at Eutaw St., near Reservoir Hill, she wrote down her name and Phone # and said if I am ever really stuck to call her for maybe laundry and possibly a shower. This was an older white woman around my age, quite a surprise. Thanks Linda.

I e-mailed the blog to a couple job posts on CL for entry level writing jobs, don't expect anything...but...."one never knows...do one?"

I want to say Hi to Saleesha (???){I really ought to ask if this is the correct spelling..when one is hopelessly in love with the most beautiful woman in the world...the least he can do is spell her name right.....dontcha think?}

Well I'm outta here for now, I want to make the best of a Friday rush hour, because I'm going to the 24 hour laundromat tonight, and that'll use up the last of my fortune. I'm going to shower tonight or tomorrow, if I have to run through a car wash, it may kill me but I'll be a clean corpse!!!!

The library closes at 5:30 today so I probably will not be back...see you all tomorrow... and as always I thank you for reading, I hope you get some enjoyment out of it, and I am not averse to monetary showing of approval...LOL

AKA : DON'T APPLAUD.....THROW MONEY!!!

..........BYE NOW........................DAVE

"Growing Older But Not Up...Let The Winds Of Time Blow Over My Head............I'd Rather Die While I'm Living Than Live When I'm Dead"

HEY;

Look at that day out there, God's patented and copyrighted anti-depressant!

Illegitimis nil carborundum!

Absolutely nothing material has changed in my life at this point, and no major improvements are looming over the near horizon. I'm just 'riding the high' from making a slew of new acquaintances by e-mail, and some praise from some old and new friends about some poems I had re-printed, (April is National Poetry Month, and I may treat/subject everyone to another sampling....LOL)). I am going to go out and 'seize the day' ...........back later.........Dave

"April Showers...or The Return Of Noah??..........."

Hello;

It's been raining buckets, and I did not get anything done again today...EXCEPT!!, make a new online friend..Hi Jackie. For all the garbage that has come off of CraigsList, I have been blessed in my collection of new friends that I have acquired....I also have a lot of fun posting ads and watching the stupid folks come out of thae woodwork...(LOL).

The "slow" fellow came back into the coffee shop again today, and beagab asking people, very loudly and openly..no discretion here.., to buy him a cup of coffee. I gently told him that doing so would get him banned for soliciting, (and also that I really did not want his behavior to reflect on me and get me and the other homeless fellow who stopped in, in trouble with the management), got him a coffee and gave him some change. He's in the Code Blue shelter, I don't blame him for getting away for the day.

I watched one of the greatest comedies of all time today.."Some Like It Hot" with Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis, and Jack Lemmon...fantastic escape from the day.

I'm gone for now.....back tomorrow, hopefully with some thing relevant..or exciting anyway....(LOL).........Dave

"Hat Trick......."

I'm Baaacccckkkk;

yeah some days never seem to end ..do they...LOL

I actually would like to slip into my shed and lay down and read or listen to the cheapo beat up Walkman knock-off I still have from my free all expense paid visit to the Baltimore City Detention Center..also lovingly referred to as "Castle Grey Skull"...but there is a lodge meeting on Tuesday nights and they share a parking lot with the empty building near me, so I either have to wait 'til after 11:30 pm. or so, or "be very, very qwiet...like I wuz hunting wabbitts"....LOL

I was just informed by a prostitute that since I was not a registered sex offender, she would like that I joined a "dating site" before she would "f*ck me"..(direct quote!!..LOL), because she had some 'bad experiences on CL, though she KNEW that I was not that type of guy... gee, I don't know whether to be honored or insulted...LOL

I was thinking of letting Blogger put ads on my site to make myself a few bucks, but is such a pain in the ass, and the payouts are per 1,000 views...it would be easier if you all just sent me $1.00 out of the goodness of your hearts, and we'll call it even...OK?

Just E-mail me for a mailing address.....LOL.. NO SERIOUSLY!!..WRITE ME!!.....pretty please??????

Ok....I'm done for the night...got no choice..it's closing time..be back tomorrow.............Dave

P.S.........But in all truthfulness, I would like to have some correspondence with any one who is interested......DBC.

"Potpourri............."

Welcome to the second shift;

I've noticed something in the past few times that I have went out with my little sign and stood on the curb, there have been almost no more cases of redneck morons shouting "get a job" as they head on by, often throwing beer cans or empty crack vials at me...most were construction workers, more than likely laborers, not skilled tradesmen, (from personal experience, I have found that the more experienced workers, with some time in the trade, have been more sympathetic and tolerant, whether they chose to donate cash or not, they often shared their lunches and gave bottles of water on hot days. Their having lived through a recession before, they were more sensitive to the possibility that someone they knew could very well end up in the same boat I am, and talking to them I learned that they were themselves often only 3 or 4 paychecks away from being caught up in the mortgage maelstrom. I talked to a lot of these guys last year on a daily basis who were working on one project or another in town, and would pass by on the way home, often in northern Baltimore County, or Southern Pennsylvania, and they said that the first to go when layoffs started were the smug self righteous loudmouths who had no real skills other than a weak mind and a strong back. I actually saw one of those guys at the D.S.S. one morning, I was going to go introduce myself, but I decided, why kick a man when he's down, and just kept looking his way with a kind of half-ass grin.....(I know, I know...never said I was perfect...but...better to let him wonder 'WTF?', than rub his face in it).

There is one guy, I think, but I'm not certain, that he is the man who lives under the pile of 'debris' next to the Light Rail by the old Union Station..see earlier posts..He takes a lawn chair and places it facing a wall ,or a monument, or statue, in the Mt Royal/Cultural Center/U of B/State Center area. He is only inches away from whatever he faces, and seems to tune out the world, or is living in his own world that only intersects our world at intervals, I took some of the sandwiches that were given to me and left them behind his chair. He did not acknowledge me, and I was trying for stealth, so as not to be noticed and embarrass or upset him,...but I saw him reach back and take one and begin to eat it, all the while still staring at the wall, and having his own quietly mumbled conversation.

Hermits, monks, and Holy men, through out man's history have a tradition of being fed and cared for this way......kinda makes you think how thin the line between genius and insanity really is. Being prone to periods of self enforced isolation, and having experienced the social and cultural 'shunning' due to pre-conceived notions of what "Homelessness" IS.....I felt for this guy, sometimes you take escape, however you can manage it. Sometimes it requires chemical assistance. For some, the creation of a place no one can reach, inside your own mind that becomes more real than this world, is the answer......that's what got me through the surreal ghetto world of prison.

I'm back again, the Ex brought Rachel to the library for a few minutes, I had not seen her since last week due to the Passover holiday, and we played Dress-up Barbie.com, only..it's some Japanese site and the 'Barbies' look like typical anime teen age girls of the 'Sailor Moon' mold....she had fun though, and the outfits!!! especially on the princess models...Jeez....I gotta get laid when io start getting turned on by anime..(no matter HOW hot they are....Bad Dave..slapslapslap).[LOL]

So I registered Rachel's Enoch Pratt Free Library card with BCPL, now I can use it to sign on when I use up all MY sessions...that's a minimum of 6 hours a day on the computer if I can get the time, and on a slow day, easily 9 hours!! Unless Rachel's here of course. Now I've got no excuse NOT to babble..LOL.

Yeah, but if it does not rain tomorrow, I've got to get to the laundromat! I've had the money for a couple days, just not the ambition..nothing like waiting 'til you put on the last pair of shorts and socks...LOL!

I may even hit the corner again, it's the 15th..payday...I'll take any advantage I can get, it's time to make arrangements for the next weeks meds, instead of waiting until the last dose and stressing out. And I gotta admit, as I've said before, there is something attractive and seductive about standing out there and talking to people and then having some of them give me money, Hell, I can even rationalize it to the effect that I'm doing them a service by letting either fufill an instruction or commandment to perform acts of charity, or, assuage their conscience for whatever reason they may have. I just stand in silent appeal...no arms are twisted..nobody's gotta give anything....I just meet their eyes, smile, and incline my head in a nod of acknowledgement...and that is all I "EXPECT!!" in return.....anything else is up to you.

Oh..there is a new twist being added to the "ho-bots" who are replying to my CL ad..."Hi..My name is 'Bimborella' and I'm a little drunk...you sound cute...hit me up".......once maybe,....but 4 of the same exact message with different names...RRIIIIGGGGHHHHTTTT!!!

I'm out of here for now.....I may be back....it's one of those kind of days...LOL

seeya..................Dave

"How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?.............."

Hello again;

So I'm back behind the keyboard again and it's a good place to be on a rainy Tuesday afternoon. It has been a fairly uneventful couple of days, seeing my grand daughter on Friday night is a tough act to top. Last night I saw "Mike/Leo"..( still cannot get a straight answer as to his name), and talked to him for a while, I had a bag of food for him and had to go to my "hidey-hole" to get it and he would not follow me on to that particular parking lot, because he says he's afraid of getting a trespassing charge from the police. Now everybody and their brother walks across this parking lot from the food store on the way to Reisterstown Rd. He acts paranoid and carries himself in such a manner that if you were to see him, you'd almost automatically think he was looking for something to steal or looking over his shoulder to avoid the police. I tried to explain to him that he's trapped himself in a vicious circle, a self fulfilling prophecy as it were...'look suspicious...and..people will suspect you', but he tries to rationalize it by saying that he is looking out against being jumped...(in the middle of an empty lot, with sight lines of 200-300 yards?, in a 7-11, peeking up at the mirrors and security cameras?). I could not get through to him. I found out that he had been on the streets for at least 10 years, having burned through many, many opportunities to get off. It now explains a lot. I also acquired another piece of the puzzle regarding his accumulation of trespassing, 4th degree burglary, theft, and 'bannings', and the 'grain of salt' with which I had already taken such revelations, (which were ALL explained away as being in the wrong place in the wrong time, mistaken identity, or police harassment,) turned out to be a fist sized crystal of Na Cl...you can't con an old...

con(man). He wonders why the police look at me, and either say hello, occasionally engaging me in conversational questioning if it is late at night or some similar situation, or, basically ignore me as just a pedestrian. I neither love nor hate cops in general, and my first reaction upon being question, whether I (believe) am in the right or wrong, is NOT aggression, denial, and/or confrontation, just common politeness until I know the reason. Perception works both ways!!.

There was a fellow in the Starbucks this morning, homeless, and, it seemed, whatever the PC term is today..no disrespect is intended...mildly retarded, he had made purchases and was just hanging out for a minute, saying hello to everyone and explaining that he could not work to day because of the weather. The kind of sweet but annoying person that after a few minutes you wish would leave,(and unable to pick up on social clues), but too nice to be rude to. He had used up the last of the cash on a Starbucks gift card and was sitting by the door as I went to step outside. He asked me if I had any change to spare and I told him no...I then motioned him outside and told him that if he continued to solicit in the coffee shop, the manager would ask him to leave, and then gave him a dollar. He asked if I was at the city's Code Blue shelter last night, and said I looked familiar from there, I told him no, but I was homeless also, and did not want to see him banned from the coffee shop, and he was like a grateful puppy.....Sometimes I seem to collect the 'needy' like fleas....LOL...and sometimes they are just as hard to get rid of....I mean Geez, I'll talk with almost everyone...but not 24/7...LOL!!!!.I'm still waiting to be "collected" myself...HA!

okay time's up for now.......more later, maybe...........Dave

Short and Sweet.................

Good evening;

Another one of those days where I did not get to the blog until closing time.

A quick couple of comments, I took advantage of Easter Generosity and Guilt, and hit the corner yesterday afternoon, and got enough cash to take myself out for a hot meal and a few drinks last night. I was given a big bag of goodies from the coffee shop this evening and searched out some of the local Pikesville street dwellers and passed it all out, gotta keep it moving down the line to be able to recieve more my self. Ran into an old neighbor who said, " I heard you're blogging about being on the street"...ah FAME!!...LOL.................bye..Dave

"The Waiting Game........."

Hey;

Sometimes just hangin' in and hangin' on can make all the difference, in the twelve step programs there is an adage that says.." don't give up before the miracle happens", and like most of them it is overused to the point of meaninglessness, but every once in a while, it rings true.

I've got my meds, and thereby my sanity, peace, and positive attitude. I saw my 1 year old grand daughter for THE VERY FIRST TIME last night, and my 4 year old grand son, thanks to the kindness and generosity of my son-in-law Tom. The weather last night was so nice I sat around outside until afterr midnight,talking with my friend Mike fom the Giant, reading and watching Criminal Minds on the portable DVD player. I slept reasonably well and woke up in minimal pain..(for me), and all the leaks in my 'shack' were either just beyond my sleep area or did not start to drip until I got up. the Giant overcharged me by $2.00 and just paid me in cash, while allowing me to keep the item, instead of putting the difference back on my card. My friend Lyn walks in the coffee shop and slips a $20.00 bill in my pocket and wishes me Happy Easter. My friend Chris let me shower and shave at his rooms and gave me a new tennis duffel bag, ( and the one I have just ripped pretty badly this morning). Oh yeah, I threw a buck to the State of Md. on the Keno and walked off with $4.00.........Okay it is a better day, you think?

Gotta go Times UP..................DAVE

"My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love.............."

Good morning;

And I say that only out of courtesy and politeness;

This is one of those days where every little thing goes wrong, the weather is gray as is my mood as depression rolls in along with the clouds, the approaching storm front and it's changes in barometric pressure have my sinus cavities and head throbbing, I cannot access my needed medication until after 8:00 this evening because someone made an error and forgot to leave it out for pickup, I won't be able to see Rachel for a few more days, the self-centered, spoiled little girl who works at the coffee shop is starting to PISS ME OFF!! with her attitude of intolerance and obnoxiously rude over-polite phony courtesy (yeah it's petty of me, but damn it is annoying...LOL), I woke up way too early..fell back asleep for way too long and missed a ride and then I did not get out to do what I wanted to in the morning, I woke up feeling like I had a hangover (without the benefit of getting blitzed the night before), I hurt all over, I'm exhausted, and I need to wash my hair and shower and I cannot coordinate schedules with ANYONE!! And all this is on top of the "normal" daily issues of physical and mental health and shelter and money...etc. (hell the only thing I don't have to worry about right now is food..other than the fact that my diet and eating habits are currently a form of gourmet suicide)........sorry about all that, anybody wanna split a sh*t sandwich???...(LOL)........

Today..it is actually a good thing I'm near broke, (with the money dedicated to meds), because I am in the mood to do something stupidly, outrageously expensively, self-destructive!!..(if I could work up the effort).

I thank you for letting me vent, at least I have this outlet, so many folks out on the street end up trapped in their own heads, and that can be an inescapable prison, as I well know. So if you get a chance to engage someone homeless in conversation, give them a break if they ramble a bit, and also, don't be surprised if the conversation is both deeper and higher level than you may have expected.

I'm gonna go screw around on CraigsList and answer some e-mails, and thentry to hit the street for rush hour, for a while.

If I cannot get online Saturday, I willl be back Monday, because the library is closed on Sunday..Happy Easter to all to whom it is appropriate.

....................Dave

"Maybe Baybee....................."

Hi;

So I had someone ask me, "What's in it for you?", referring to a possible newspaper article about me, my life, and my blog.

Good question, and one that I never really gave much thought to seriously. I was told that if something is to be written, it would require some depth and that I would be allowing my life to be open to examination and public review, and was I willing to reveal myself in such a way...After a period of intense deliberation,(about 43 & 1/2 seconds), I said, "Hell, Why not, I'm a recovering addict, convicted felon, homeless, and writing a blog on the 'net that is both confessional and self analytical,(at times agonizingly and annoyingly so..yeah I know that), most of my life is already an open book or matter of public record for those interested or motivated enough to look...so....WTF, go for it." The only consideration I gave at the time towards compensation of any sort was the kick it gave to my ego that i might be interesting and/or relevant enough to be written about.....if you've read any of the past posts at all, you'll find the theme running through them relating to 'need/attention/loneliness/intimacy/transference/and substitution' in a fairly consistent thread. I also gave a stray thought to the idea of maybe finding a way to drum up someone's interest in my writing, nothing serious though.

Then I started thinking...(always a dangerous thing for me to do...like striking a match to look for a gas leak!!!), and began to wonder what can I get out of this, if I lay my life out for inspection and opinion? I am not talking about mercenary monetary compensation..(but to be honest....if I was offered, I'd take it, with NO qualms...but there is no "expectation of"...).

But.."What Do I Want", or maybe, "What Would I Hope For"...'IF'??

A place to live for Rachel and myself!

Maybe some practical help in getting my head out of my ass.

.

Maybe some direct help in acquiring some housing that is not so bound up with, "restrictions, 'rules', regulations, strings, ties, head trips, guilt trips, cults of personalities, personality conflicts, bureaucracy and hypocrisy", so that all sense of independence of freedom is lost and that living in an abandominium seems like a viable option.

Maybe some help in finding some way to go back to school.

Maybe some vocational training, and a way be able to live until I finish.

Maybe some assistance in getting my medical and psychological issues resolved...(yeah..right,...I'll settle for 'treated'...LOL)

Maybe someone willing to back me in some sort of business venture, (as to what???), that would allow me to become self sustaining.

These thoughts and ideas are coming randomly, in no particular order or priority, [Except!!! for the first one!!], as I 'brainstorm'...(or brainfart..LOL.

In All Seriousness;

What I really would like to find, is someone interested, and who thinks I may have, or be able to be, SOMETHING, worthwhile to develop, and is willing ti invest the time to "take me by the hand" and guide me or mentor me, until I can stand, or at least lean, on my own...

AND..I don't care how childish it may seem..i just can't do it on my own.........Dave

"I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues....."

Good evening;

Yeah, I'm back again............wordy bast*rd..ain't I??..

So I'm here at the library and it's almost empty, and will remain this way through Saturday night, may pick up again, a bit on Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday, but then it will be dead again 'til next Sunday. I just contracted a case of the 'blues', part of it is a 'letdown' effect from being hyped up and flowing with nervous energy about meeting with Jill Rosen, part is because it is Passover, the first Seder, and while I am not religious by any means, there are certain rituals and holidays and traditions I do enjoy. I met my Rachel here at the library this afternoon, just before I posted today's earlier message, and that is wearing off also, and I am not at a Seder with her. I want to be! The only real opportunities I had were at very or ultra orthodox households, and that just 'ain't a gonna happen!' as I am fond of saying. The only possible places where I would have felt a part of the 'family', happened to be logistically impossible.... que sera sera.....

This dis-connect is a common feeling out there on the street, many of us are estranged from family or friends, or simply have no one at all, (and yes sometimes it is our fault or our choice), but that does not lessen the loss or the pain. Well meaning people put together large community 'Feed The Homeless For Easter...(or Passover, though that is more a true 'open door' type of individual family or truly 'communal' dinner)..[or Christmas or Thanksgiving..etc.] at church or community centers, or gov't facilities. I've been to a few...never again...(or should I say "Nevermore"..this being E.A.Poe's final home)...for me, at least, it was as intimate as a feed lot at the stockyards, and about as aromatic, talk about depressing..."oh you poor folks, homeless on the holidays..here eat..{just don't be here on Sunday when I come to worship,,,and stay out of my neighborhood the rest of the year}".......ok I've maybe over played it a bit..but only bit.......holidays can kill................outta time....Dave

"When Do We Eat??"

Hello and welcome to all;

..."I'll open the door for Elijah"

I had a meeting to day with a reporter from the Baltimore Sunpaper, we had a nice long chat, well I babbled on, she was kind enough to indulge my ramblings. We are planning to meet again, watch this space for further developments, I don't know exactly where this is heading..I'm just going to hang on, enjoy the ride, and hope that I'm thrown free of the wreckage when the smoke clears...LOL.

To tell you the truth, some recent comments from friends and readers have begun to fan to life the tiny little spark of hope, that I have always kept smouldering as an ember of secret desire, into a small flame of possibility, that someday, somehow, I might be able to do THIS!, to write creatively, as a way of life, maybe even make a buck at it. I have been starting, or at least trying, to look at my options for "Life After Homelesscide", you know when I get to be reincarnated as a (semi) productive member of society.

The people I am meeting through both this little blog, in specific, and the whole mis-adventure of being "Residentially Challenged" (yeah..there's a PC term for everything...LOL), in general, are both encouraging and somewhat shaming me,(in my own mind), to attempt to make a little more effort, and to expend some more energy to find a solution to my issues.

And I do have the desire and the motivation..now if i can only work up the ambition and the courage....failure is a breeze, I know I can do and get away with that. It can be comfortable, in it's own small way. Succeeding, in and of itself is not that difficult always, either, what scares the sh*t out of me, is, well actually are, two things...having to repeat that success..and the 'what ifs' that go with it..w/i..it was a fluke, w/i...I can't keep it up, w/i...I let everbody down---again; and in my, at times, little child psyche, w/i...I embarass my self, w/i....they laugh at me.

Mix that up with depression, and general anxiety disorder, and all my good intentions and well thought out and practical plans are for nought. I am frozen in place and paralyzed by the debilitating PHYSICAL effects of fear and self doubt. It is hard to explain to those who have not experienced it, but I could sit down with you tonight and layout a game plan for tomorrow that is comprehensive, functional, and doable, figuring in places, times, transportation, and..'need of services' to be accessed, and by the morning, I could be raring to go, and actually dress and prepare for day, and in an instant..one little delay will come up, and then another will be rationalized...eventually the morning will be over, and all appointments will be missed...and a feeling of great relief will settle in....what I have not explained, is the shaking, sweating and sometimes uncontrollable vomiting, devolving into retching, that accompanies the former.

It is really much better, when through insomnia, and simple physical and mental exhaustion, I awaken,(after falling asleep 15 minutes before it is time to get out of bed), a total mess and just blow it,(the plans),off from the beginning, at least in most cases, in this situation I make an attempt to re-schedule.

Hell, maybe if I've got somebody following me around at times, I'll use the 'embarrassment' scenario in reverse psychology mode, and shame myself into not canceling out..LOL..(but seriously..I am wondering??)

Enough..I'm beginning to re-enter that circle in my mind again.

It is Peasch, (Passover), almost Good Friday and Easter.

The Last Supper was a Seder.

Escape from Bondage, Redemption, Salvation, Miracles.

Anticipating the Arrival Of....or Celebrating it.

Welcoming in those less fortunate to hear told the the story is not only a tradition, it is a Commandment.

Two powerful religions, on two of their most sacred Holyday periods.

................????.................

I, for all the crap I deal with, inside and outside of my head, are (for now) in a pretty damn good place, ...there are thousands who do not have the skills or abilities to go online and bitch, so at times, and this is one, I presume to speak for some..............

Please..just frigging acknowledge that homeless..bum/drunk/junkie/retard/phony/father/brother/son/veteran/dreamer/

FELLOW HUMAN BEING!!

Before you look away, make eye contact, nod back....

Give what you choose, where you choose, and how you choose..or not, it's ok.

But Please......LOOK AT ME..I EXIST!!

Chag SaMeach........God Bless........................Good Night....Dave

"Take The Money And Run...."

Hello;

And "How Bout Dem O's , HON!!!"

Orioles= 6 Yankees= 5

An Auspicious beginning..let's pray for some momentum..(about 90 game worth).

So I've been getting the silent treatment, and the cold shoulder from a certain counter person at a certain shop I frequent, and I have been running through possible situations in my mind where I may have offended. Turns out it is because, on one night just before closing I asked if this person could spare enough for a cup of coffee in the morning,($1.76), as I was going to be broke for a couple days it seemed, you remember those posts last week. Well after I left the store, I was passing the gas station on the corner, and had a strong hunch to play a Keno number... so I did...and won $25.00...not wanting to push my luck, I quit right then. I was sitting out side when the lender came out after locking up, and said to them that I had the money I had borrowed a few moments before, and wished to pay it back, I was refused with the answer that the tip jar had already been bagged and locked in the safe. So I was unable to return it, I then proceeded to go and refill my meds with the money, that being my top priority.

A couple days later, I encountered this person and realized that something was amiss, by her treatment of me, and the abrupt and terse answers to simple courtesies. I was refused in my usual offers to dump the trash and otherwise help clean up, etc. I just put it down to youth and a headache or a bad day. When this continued, and my shunning became overt when I brought a meal purchased with my Giant gift card, in to the shop and ordered a coffee and began to eat...If Looks Could Kill!!

Yesterday I found out through some one else what this was all about, and am no longer concerned about this persons attitude, in the fashion as before. First because, I made the attempt to return the money, Second because I regularly toss my change in the tip jar, amounting to much, much more than $1.76. Third because when I was out of cash a few days later in the week, it had nothing to do with previous matters. Fourth because if one is going to give someone else money as a gift, not a loan or advance, with no contract, one has no control over the dispersal or disposal of said monies, nor should their be any expectations that it be spent in a designated manner.

I am sorry, but if you choose to put money in my hand, knowing full well, I am currently broke and homeless, and I choose to alter my spending plans, by what right do you assume to dictate my actions, especially if I DECIDE my priorities have changed from a cup of coffee to staying clean, and the opportunity presents it self????

Okay....that is enough.....had to get some of it out because such intolerance and rudeness in one SO young and unexperienced in the realities and exigencies of life is, I believe, a major problem in our society, and perpetuate myths and untruths regarding the homeless. We have other needs besides food and your unwanted clothing. And, as I say, if one gives or chooses to donate to someone.as soon as the money changes hands, the right to control those funds are relinquished......and...as I have also said before.....if you want to control your donations...find a reputable charity that understands the REAL needs of someone on the street.....not just your perception...and if you don't want to give anything...more power to you..that is your right also...but don't go around telling me what I should or should not do.

Okay gotta go..............Dave

and to those

"Chag Sa'meach.....Enjoy your Seder's....and remember..'Why is this night different from all other nights....Ma NishTaNa Ha Lai La Hazeh........."

Where does an 800 lb. gorilla sleep....??..anywhere he/she wants to...LOL

Welcome visitor # 800 at 5:10 pm. today....your ISP is Paetec..!!

YOU WIN THE GRAND PRIZE:

ME!!

(don't worry...........I deliver!)

Reveal Thyself!!

rotflmao!!!

So, Rachel and I were here at the library for the animal show from the

Irvine Nature Center

We saw a toad, an eastern box turtle, a hognose snake, a Madagascan cockroach, and a millipede..and got to touch them all..and listened to the young woman, Stephanie Tomasello,(I think I'm in LOVE!!..I also think I may have gone to school with her father....oh God I'm so old...LOL) who was the presenter tell stories...all in all, very cool!

It's closing time....See Ya........Dave

"Play Ball........"

Hello Baltimore.........;

And everyone else too,

(And Reader # 800!!!)

GO ORIOLES

It's Opening Day at Camden Yards, and of course, it's alternately pouring down rain or about to begin pouring down rain, or it had just finished pouring down rain........

This is keeping with tradition, the two other majority options being snow, or temperatures some where within 2 degrees of freezing and windy...sunny and mild being the "freak weather occurrence"! After 11 straight losing seasons, the fact that this years prospects are not looking like much in the way of a pennant bid, is almost a blessing...no stress, no pressure, just a chance to do the best that they can with only moderate expectations for success and room allowed for improvement...

Gee, it would be nice if some folks would let others have their little victories, and celebrate their progress at their own pace, instead of imposing expectations and agendas with no consideration or allowances for the real world hoops and hurdles that they do not have to overcome...and WE do. It is all very well to have an opinion based on the facts of a situation, but when judgements are made on incomplete data, errors are compounded!!!

I guess you can tell someone pissed me off..LOL.

It started last night when I needed to make a phone call and there was not enough of a charge on my cell to complete the call, (FYI=it was to Rachel), and I asked a cashier who I see frequently, and who knows I am 'on the street' for change for the pay phone, from a $10.00 bill, (Also FYI, I had just purchased a juice with the last of my coin..before I knew that I had no charge), OR could I plug the phone into the wall long enough to make a call. Well.. she went off the hook, nastily making comments to the effect of, 'if I could afford a cell phone and minutes, I shouldn't be homeless, and if i had $10.00 bills I surely wasn't going to use "her" electricity, and she was not going to open the register,(it was already open for another customer when I asked) to give me change, and how I must be "scamming" someone to get that money.'.....and other assorted abuse... ????..WTF???...and then she threatened to call the police on me for loitering, (I was sitting at another business' picnic tables with food purchased there), and vagrancy...???WTF??? This is the first time I can say that the word 'flabbergasted' has ever been used by me in such an apt manner!!

Then earlier this afternoon, I am doing my usual wiping and picking up after people who should know better and would punish their kids if they left that kind of mess at the Starbucks and this Orthodox...'Frum'... Jewish man comments on my actions, and asks if I am the manager, I began to laugh and told him no, 'I just do this to earn my permanent table rights', and explained my situation a bit,(the Cliff Notes Version), and he asks if there is a pen and paper handy, and says "We're going to get you off the streets". I thought he was going to give me some information and some phone #s, so I went and got my pen and pad, more to be polite, and also because..who knows? He was making phone calls when I returned, and started asking me questions, some reasonable, some too personal, and some downright critical...(in situations where he had no right)...and some of the reactions to the answers I gave, (before I stopped), were invasive and derogatory, (for an example..when asked about family in town, I explained about the estrangements between my sister and my self [it's been 10 years or more since I last saw or heard from her, and she is somewhere in town], and my ex and my daughter, and..began to tell him that I had a grown married daughter, and he interrupts and says "what, she doesn't have a couch" and I begin to explain that it just wasn't a possible remedy to the situation, and he asks if she knows I am homeless, with this look on his face, that clearly showed his pre-conceived notions on the subject, so I left it, not even attempting to explain the realities of the situation, that even if my daughter and I were not 'on the outs' as it is sometimes referred to,that with her, her husband, a 4 year old and a 1 year old, all in two rooms it was not feasible for me to be there, and there are other complications which are nobody's business. But one cannot reason with a closed mind, and this began to parallel discussions, interviews, and conversations that I have had before with the JFS, JCS, and JAS, and lo and behold, when I started to explaim that I chose NOT to ask those organization for help, for reasons that I did not wish to elaborate on, all of a sudden there were prying questions. I then said respectfully, "Thank You, I'll continue to deal with my situation without the religious communities help"(interrogations and interference is what I have encountered, but I DID NOT sat that...) and politely walked away. (And right next to me, not 20 minutes later, at the adjacent computer, is the man...who is refusing even to acknowedge a common civility, by returning my hello....Q.E.D...seems to prove my case...LOL)

And to those who are wondering..I feel a certain sense of..guilt?..not exactly the word, but it is not exactly...remorse or regret either..but I think you get my meaning...,at not allowing myself to be "helped"?, just to get a room. BUT, from past experience, the sublimation that would have been required, or the false acknowedgement of beliefs the I do not follow, would be intolerable. Rather be homeless than a hypocrite!! It is not all high moral ground,.....you know I try to be honest here, even at my own expense,....giving up independence for shelter at the cost of certain rules and restrictions, is not an option.

It's funny, as I am writing this, I am answering an e-mail from my friend Anne...(another!! teacher!!...LOL)..and similar subjects came up.

I think of myself not so much as a homeless person, (though when I write as a 'voice' or an 'advocate' in the blog I emphasize the fact), rather than as "a pretty decent, nice, though kinda screwed up guy who is currently trapped in a temporary, though much longer than expected or desired situation, that leaves me deprived of a place to live, but if I wade through all the crap, much of which is of my own making, I'll come out the other side if not smelling like roses, at least with ANOTHER opportunity to re-make my life and return to the socio-economic level at which I feel I belong..if not deserve...if I just pull my head out of my ass!!"... try saying that in one breath...LOL If I really considered my self 'homeless', I think I would have a lot less trouble accepting help from some of the agencies and/or organizations out there that require a certain amount of 'submission', or 'surrender of independence'

I gotta go...outta time.DAVE

"It's A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood...."

Hello Everyone:

I got online just intime to logoff!

I spent the day outside...did not accomplish a damn thing..but I don't feel guilty about it today.....LOL. It is that pretty out.

I'll be back tomorrow, with something to rant about or ponder thoughtfully...(HA!)....It is Supposed to Rain!!..of course..it is "Opening Day at the Yard"...........bye...............Dave

" Blast From The Past................."

Good Afternoon;

It is another beautiful day outside, and I am in a surprisingly good mood for no special reason, this is most likely a result of, first-the weather, second-for the fifth consecutive night, actually getting a decent, solid sleep, and not waking up worrying about the cold, I actually "slept in" for 4 of those days, not hitting the coffee shop until after 8:30 am....and boy did I catch it this morning from some of my friends and some of the staff, the consensus of their comments being..where have you been, and, don't do that again!!!..LOL. But in all seriousness, the 'warm and fuzzy' feelings I received, from their concern really struck a chord, to be thought enough about, and enough so that folks are asking about me, if i have been seen, am I OK, etc.... is a boost to self-esteem, and an impetus to move forward, inspiring thoughts to the effect of "if these people care enough about me, don't I owe it to them AND to myself to care about me also?"...Baby steps maybe, but it has also spawned thoughts such as,"Damn..I like writing this blog...what do I do when I get out of this situation, what can I write about and what do I have knowledge of that people will want to read. Getting ahead of myself possibly, but it is looking forward at least.

The funny thing is..for some reason most of the people who seem to care the most are all women..Married women...HAPPILY Married women!!!..LOL..as you've heard me say before.."story of my life...a day late...and a dollar short..."..LOL

This is cool..while I am writing this I get an e-mail from Facebook asking "are you THAT Dave from Milford Mill High...'74???"..(of course it is from a married woman...LOL..must be happily..it's been 30 years..I was at the wedding!), it is from old friends from school who are now out in San Diego, who I have been thinking of recently. Hello Heidi and Terry!!!! That is twice for Facebook!...Coincidence....I'd rather call it synchronicity and serendipity.

Observations;

Went out to the corner where Howard Street turns into 395 at Conway St., in front of the Camden Yards Light Rail Stop, on Tuesday afternoon, because I was out of meds and need to pay for more, I have been out there a few times before and had no hassles. Well this time I was out for about 45 minutes and a "Downtown Partnership" uniformed employee (they are a cross between a rent-a-cop and an information directory..[who do not know SH*T about where or what in the city], chases off a crazy fellow from the other corner who is ranting and raving at the cars, and cursing those who do not give him anything...{I've got no sympathy..or empathy, sorry, assholes are assholes, homeless or not..he was crazy NOT mentally ill!}, and motions to me to come over to him..across 8 lanes of rush hour traffic..I don't think so! I just got back on the Light Rail and headed up to North Ave....(oh, I did have 3 people stop in the whole time I was there, if you're curious..43 cents...$1.00...and...$5.00). So I stayed at Mt. Royal for an hour and 15 minutes, until it started to rain and six or seven cars stopped and I got another $8.00 and a bag of uncounted coins. So I had enough to cover meds for a few days, which also lifts a huge weight off my mind.

The things I wanted to comment on are;

1)-- these so called 'helpers' from the D.P. seem only to exist for the purpose of running off 'unsightly' people from the tourist areas. I have asked them for directions to both attractions..(while with Rachel, all clean and presentable), and to shelters and 'Healthcare For the Homeless' and to "Baltimore City Homeless Services", and to other such locations.......with my sleeping bag and duffel bags, and in neither situation did I ever get correct information, or most times even civil answers.

2)--while I have been out on the street curbs and corners the past few times I began counting cars, and people using cell phones and texting..all at 'rush hour traffic'.....of a total count of approximately 4,000 cars, trucks, AND MASS TRANSIT BUSES!!!, over 2,900 were on a cell phone, of those 1,700 were texting!!! I did not make any scientific survey, and do not know if these numbers are consistent throughout the day and night..(but I am going to expand my time frames to get a feel for it)..or if 'rush hour' and folks heading home are more prone to "I'm Leaving now..and What shall I pick up for dinner'..type calls. But with all the debate and maneuvering going on in the political arena and the newspapers, this is more of a issue than I had thought. When the woman almost hit me a few weeks ago, I had written it off as "Pikesville!!!!!" and, when it happened in the 'hood, as "ghetto" problems, seems to be more widespread.

Especially!! on the buses!!, more than half the drivers in a two week period, on routes all over the city, were on the phone for more than 60% of the time I was on their bus...and a third of those were texting, if not typing while driving, ALL observed were READING while the bus was in motion. I am going to start noting, route #s, bus #s, block #s, times, and when possible, badge #s....and keeping track for a more factual, and less anecdotal report or article. I also plan to try to observe the speedometers and record that information, and if I can talk someone into getting ahold of a radar gun...and making both random and scheduled readings... OH YEAHWhen Rachel and I were on the subway (Metro) Thursday, we sat in the lead car looking out the front window, AND into the driver's cab...HE WAS READING THE PAPER...AND TEARING OUT COUPONS!!!...In the aftermath of the California commuter train wreck not so long ago, it turns out that the driver was texting......are these trains so sophisticated that they do not need drivers??? if something was on the track, or in the tunnel ahead, and the driver is not looking forward..what happens?? Did someone not get killed just recently, on the above ground section in a short tunnel at Sudbrook on the Metro??? FYI>>We moved to the rear car..safest place in a head on wreck!!!!....OK I'm DONE for now...

WATCH THIS SPACE FOR MORE DATA!!

Well, obviously I have no lack of topics or opinions...LOL,

but, man the title of this blog is just so Cool...!!

Thank you again for reading me..I'll try to be back tomorrow..Sunday..

But...you know how busy the library gets..............Dave

Weather Report---"Heavy Weather"

Good Day..(for ducks);

The weather kept me in to day so not much is new.

Hello everyone, I spent most of yesterday and last evening with Rachel, we had a lively time, and I even got to go to McDonalds for the first time in..?? Ha, I actually can't remember when. She had 95 cents in change that she had been saving to give me and was insistent that I have some money in case I needed anything, I told her we would spend it on her at the dollar store, and she says "No Daddy that money is for YOU!!", what an incredible little girl she is. We were catching the bus by Johns Hopkins, and this kid-white, mid teens, soiled ragged baggy clothes, stuttering and shaking- comes up on a bicycle and stammers out that he had not eaten for a day and a half, and could we help him,(now he WAS probably homeless, but I am pretty sure that drugs played a main role in his story, even so the kid was a mess), Rachel looked at me and tugged on my hand and whispered "Could we give him some of the money?", and I gave him all the coin in my pocket, a buck and a half or so, and she and I got on the bus and talked about homeless people and being poor, (at a level she could relate to of course), and she comes out with, "Ha'Shem wants me to give my money to people who don't have anywhere to live because I do"....,and goes on to tell me about "the Mitzvah of Tzedukah"!, This is a 5 year old who does NOT go to one of the orthodox schools where this is indoctrinated into their thinking before it is able to be comprehended, so it is ritual with no meaning, this is a kid who has heard about the concept of charity and made a decision to give to the needy. She's not yet 5 years old, and if it sounds like I'm proud and doting over my daughter...damn right! It is people with this kind of mindset, who give me hope, and help me keep my head above the sea of sh*t that I at times feel I am mired in. Rachel said to me "Daddy if people help you, then I should help people too, then when they have money, they can help people because one day someone might help me"....She'll be 5 in May!...

At the other end of the spectrum....On the bus was a woman about 28, her 15 year old daughter, and HER 1&1/2 year old son, the baby started to cry, he was tired and it turned out later that he had pinched his hand badly in the stroller (that was not folded up and placed to the side, but left to block the WHOLE aisle..but that's another rant!), and the mother starts yelling at the child to "shut up or she'll beat him", and things such as, "you understand me, and don't try to fake me out",..the grandmother starts yelling at the daughter, and says "don't let him get away with that, slap him upside the head", violently stuffs a pacifier in the poor childs mouth, and then..SLAPS HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD!!, all the while yelling into her cellphone about how the POLEECE kicked her door in because her son had a warrant out on him for shooting someone, and she was trying to hold them off so he could sneak across the roof, and how the person he shot deserved it because he had 'disrespected' her son by not lying in court and taking a charge for him.??????..well it turns out the baby..remember him..had a smashed and possibly broken finger, from being thrown around in the stroller... I've got no solutions or other answers to tell my daughter about what and why...other than...some people are not nice..and some are "not healthy" in their minds...

Gotta Go...closing time.............Dave

The Children's Hour(s)........

Hi All;

I am spending the afternoon with Rachel today, at the library and elsewhere. So I may not be back online tonight.

ONE THING I would like to throw out for your consideration is former Gubernatorial Candidate Doug Ganslers recent talks and revelations about his decision to drop out of the race for Governor due to his fight with DEPRESSION, the affects on his family, and the way it affected his thoughts and limited his actions and ability to function. If this common and frequently occurring, insidious disease can be THAT debilitating to a man in his economic and social position, imagine the effect it has upon those of us also struggling just to survive from day to day.

..................Later................................Dave

TRIBUNE TRIBUTE

To whoever has been burning up the "Tribune" internet access to view this humble 'mishegas'....and you know who you are...(I figger its gotta be, K, or J, or A, or D,...or possibly P, in decreasing order of probability..with an error margin of 25%...'cause them's the folks I've 'writ' to..LOL..but seriously, Thanks a lot,..............................................................................Dave

"Long Distance Runaround........aka...Crazy Train.....""

Good Afternoon:

Have you played or had played on you, your practical joke for April Fools Day??

God, The Universe, or The Cosmic Muffin, has gotten me twice so far.

But first, thanks to Mary, for taking a chance and investing in trust.

As some of you may remember, just as a lark, I placed ads on Craigs List, in both Platonic and M4W personals, saying.."Who Wants To Date A Homeless Guy!!" I had quite a few responses, a VERY few were even legitimate..(you'd be amazed to know how many "petite, half-asian, young women..who, 'have never replyed to a personal ad before, but you sound cute', named..Brittany, Britney, Michelle, Michele, Dawn, Fawn, Cortney, Courtney, Corey, Lee, Li, and Leigh, not to mention the Olgas and Svetlanas..(3 and 6!!)[oops I mentioned them...LOL], there are out there..and they all have the same or very similar, myspace, and youtube sites and IM providers and 'usernames'......ROTFLMAO!!!. But I digress, Mary and I have been e-mailing for a month or so, some times wayyyy to many times, we tend to laugh at the same silly junk. She offered up the use of her shower and laundry room, and a meal, and yesterday afternoon I took her up on it. Now I know you are saying 'that's nice but we've heard this before', but what you have not heard is that Mary and her daughters Tracy and Samantha, live way the hell and gone, somewhere in the wilds of Howard County between Columbia and Elkridge. I took the Light Rail to the end of the line in Cromwell/Glen Burnie, and they drove 20 minutes or so to pick me up, and bring me to their house, and WERE WILLING to drive all the way to Baltimore!!!, Now I could not let them do that, out of fairness, and because of my desire for a bit of independence..(we all know what that means..LOL). We had a lovely visit, I am now all clean and shiny and my clothes aren't all stinky...and more importantly, Absolutely Nobody Was Dismembered...(on either side)!!!!

In the ebb and flow of the cosmic tide this is no big whoop, ahh, but to me, (and hopefully to them..I think I was entertaining), and to the KARMIC flow....'twas a tidal wave. Think about the level of trust on both sides that is needed in today's world, pick up a newspaper, watch the news on TV.....there are a lot of sickos out there...and Psychos, I'm glad the shower had a door..not a curtain...LOL.

AnyWay..Thanks guys...I had fun..and I am truly grateful for the vote of confidence.

Now.....April Fools.....

We left the house after I finished showeing around 11:00 pm. and I figured to catch the 11:28 train...well in my best Maxwell Smart manner...I "missed it by this much", and it pulled away from the stationas I was less than 4 feet from it....and to add insult to injury...the train was halted by a traffic device...3 YARDS PAST THE POINT WHERE THE DRIVER COULD OPEN THE DOORS!!!!>>ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!...so I caught the next train..AT 11:58 pm., meaning the subway was closed....I pored the schedules I had and realized that every possible route connection was 5MINUTES BEFORE THE TRAIN WOULD ARRIVE!!!!!>>ARRRGGGHHH...finally had to get off at Mt. Royal/Cultural Center, wait 40 minutes 'cause the 27 bus was late, meaning of course, I MISSED ANY REASONABLE CHANCE TO MAKE A CONNECTION!!!>>>AARRRGGGHHH!!!, (of course I could have waited for an hour at either Park Heights and Belvedere, or, Reisterstown and Belvedere, at 2:00 am. (NOT!!, I'm past that suicidal episode..and I'm not interested in buying any crack..(or assorted crap being passed off as crack...LOL),...so I traveled on to the Reisterstown Plaza Station, and walked up to Reisterstown and Clarks Lane, stopping by the Popeye's dumpster...it was already compacted...damn.....by this time it is 2:20 am., and I waited another 20 minutes for the M2 Bus, getting back to Pikesville at 2:55 am....so i walked to the Chevron station where they know me and let me in at all hours, another example of trust....the doors usually are not opened for anyone.....AND THERE WAS SOME SORT OF MAINTENANCE GOING ON AND I HAD TO GO "RELIEVE" MYSELF IN THE BUSHES!!!>>>AARRRGGGHHH!!!!...For a GUY this not USUALLY a big deal..BUT...You Get the Picture???...so it was after 3:00 before I even got into my shack, and 3:30 by the time I lay down.....it was a long, long trip!!!

That was the first ......

This is the second......

>>DISCLAIMER<<

IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY "'BLUE' HUMOR"

SKIP THIS!

I'M SERIOUS, YOU WERE WARNED!!

So, I'm having this really, really, I mean REALLY good erotic dream, not just sex but adventure, romance, and adulation!!!

AND THEN I WAKE UP!

(With the expected and appropriate physiological phenomenon as a result,

and I'm Talkin'..Bob Seegar...and Chevy Truck here!!!)

AND THE DESIRE TO ALLEVIATE AND SATISFYINGLY RECTIFY THE SITUATION

and then it hits me....

I somehow, someway, in some manner...had been laying and sleeping such that..

BOTH ARMS WERE NUMB!!!

FROM THE SHOULDER....

ALL THE DAMN WAY DOWN TO MY USELESS FINGERS!!!!

COULD NOT MOVE A MUSCLE!!

Of course all my little friends in my dreams said 'gee, that's too bad..oh well see ya',

'and we'll just take this with us'.....

NO..NO...IT'LL JUST BE A SECOND...AHHHHHH...SH*T...THE PAIN...THE BLOOD'S RETURNING TO MY ARMS AND HANDS..AAAHHHHH...

As the expression goes.."the Moment Passed"....

STORY OF MY LIFE,....A DAY LATE...AND..A DOLLAR SHORT

BIG GUY....YOU'VE GOT A WICKED SENSE OF HUMOR!!!

(ROTFLMAO)

If you're down here and don't think it was funny, sorry, I TOLD YOU SO!,

it happened to me and I think it proves the point,

"Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy"

Sigmund Freud

"If we weren't all crazy..we would go insane"

Jimmy Buffett

"Your Honor...I plead temporary insanity....."

Enjoy the rest of the day...Dave