"Play Ball........"

Hello Baltimore.........;

And everyone else too,

(And Reader # 800!!!)

GO ORIOLES

It's Opening Day at Camden Yards, and of course, it's alternately pouring down rain or about to begin pouring down rain, or it had just finished pouring down rain........

This is keeping with tradition, the two other majority options being snow, or temperatures some where within 2 degrees of freezing and windy...sunny and mild being the "freak weather occurrence"! After 11 straight losing seasons, the fact that this years prospects are not looking like much in the way of a pennant bid, is almost a blessing...no stress, no pressure, just a chance to do the best that they can with only moderate expectations for success and room allowed for improvement...

Gee, it would be nice if some folks would let others have their little victories, and celebrate their progress at their own pace, instead of imposing expectations and agendas with no consideration or allowances for the real world hoops and hurdles that they do not have to overcome...and WE do. It is all very well to have an opinion based on the facts of a situation, but when judgements are made on incomplete data, errors are compounded!!!

I guess you can tell someone pissed me off..LOL.

It started last night when I needed to make a phone call and there was not enough of a charge on my cell to complete the call, (FYI=it was to Rachel), and I asked a cashier who I see frequently, and who knows I am 'on the street' for change for the pay phone, from a $10.00 bill, (Also FYI, I had just purchased a juice with the last of my coin..before I knew that I had no charge), OR could I plug the phone into the wall long enough to make a call. Well.. she went off the hook, nastily making comments to the effect of, 'if I could afford a cell phone and minutes, I shouldn't be homeless, and if i had $10.00 bills I surely wasn't going to use "her" electricity, and she was not going to open the register,(it was already open for another customer when I asked) to give me change, and how I must be "scamming" someone to get that money.'.....and other assorted abuse... ????..WTF???...and then she threatened to call the police on me for loitering, (I was sitting at another business' picnic tables with food purchased there), and vagrancy...???WTF??? This is the first time I can say that the word 'flabbergasted' has ever been used by me in such an apt manner!!

Then earlier this afternoon, I am doing my usual wiping and picking up after people who should know better and would punish their kids if they left that kind of mess at the Starbucks and this Orthodox...'Frum'... Jewish man comments on my actions, and asks if I am the manager, I began to laugh and told him no, 'I just do this to earn my permanent table rights', and explained my situation a bit,(the Cliff Notes Version), and he asks if there is a pen and paper handy, and says "We're going to get you off the streets". I thought he was going to give me some information and some phone #s, so I went and got my pen and pad, more to be polite, and also because..who knows? He was making phone calls when I returned, and started asking me questions, some reasonable, some too personal, and some downright critical...(in situations where he had no right)...and some of the reactions to the answers I gave, (before I stopped), were invasive and derogatory, (for an example..when asked about family in town, I explained about the estrangements between my sister and my self [it's been 10 years or more since I last saw or heard from her, and she is somewhere in town], and my ex and my daughter, and..began to tell him that I had a grown married daughter, and he interrupts and says "what, she doesn't have a couch" and I begin to explain that it just wasn't a possible remedy to the situation, and he asks if she knows I am homeless, with this look on his face, that clearly showed his pre-conceived notions on the subject, so I left it, not even attempting to explain the realities of the situation, that even if my daughter and I were not 'on the outs' as it is sometimes referred to,that with her, her husband, a 4 year old and a 1 year old, all in two rooms it was not feasible for me to be there, and there are other complications which are nobody's business. But one cannot reason with a closed mind, and this began to parallel discussions, interviews, and conversations that I have had before with the JFS, JCS, and JAS, and lo and behold, when I started to explaim that I chose NOT to ask those organization for help, for reasons that I did not wish to elaborate on, all of a sudden there were prying questions. I then said respectfully, "Thank You, I'll continue to deal with my situation without the religious communities help"(interrogations and interference is what I have encountered, but I DID NOT sat that...) and politely walked away. (And right next to me, not 20 minutes later, at the adjacent computer, is the man...who is refusing even to acknowedge a common civility, by returning my hello....Q.E.D...seems to prove my case...LOL)

And to those who are wondering..I feel a certain sense of..guilt?..not exactly the word, but it is not exactly...remorse or regret either..but I think you get my meaning...,at not allowing myself to be "helped"?, just to get a room. BUT, from past experience, the sublimation that would have been required, or the false acknowedgement of beliefs the I do not follow, would be intolerable. Rather be homeless than a hypocrite!! It is not all high moral ground,.....you know I try to be honest here, even at my own expense,....giving up independence for shelter at the cost of certain rules and restrictions, is not an option.

It's funny, as I am writing this, I am answering an e-mail from my friend Anne...(another!! teacher!!...LOL)..and similar subjects came up.

I think of myself not so much as a homeless person, (though when I write as a 'voice' or an 'advocate' in the blog I emphasize the fact), rather than as "a pretty decent, nice, though kinda screwed up guy who is currently trapped in a temporary, though much longer than expected or desired situation, that leaves me deprived of a place to live, but if I wade through all the crap, much of which is of my own making, I'll come out the other side if not smelling like roses, at least with ANOTHER opportunity to re-make my life and return to the socio-economic level at which I feel I belong..if not deserve...if I just pull my head out of my ass!!"... try saying that in one breath...LOL If I really considered my self 'homeless', I think I would have a lot less trouble accepting help from some of the agencies and/or organizations out there that require a certain amount of 'submission', or 'surrender of independence'

I gotta go...outta time.DAVE