Good Afternoon:
Have you played or had played on you, your practical joke for April Fools Day??
God, The Universe, or The Cosmic Muffin, has gotten me twice so far.
But first, thanks to Mary, for taking a chance and investing in trust.
As some of you may remember, just as a lark, I placed ads on Craigs List, in both Platonic and M4W personals, saying.."Who Wants To Date A Homeless Guy!!" I had quite a few responses, a VERY few were even legitimate..(you'd be amazed to know how many "petite, half-asian, young women..who, 'have never replyed to a personal ad before, but you sound cute', named..Brittany, Britney, Michelle, Michele, Dawn, Fawn, Cortney, Courtney, Corey, Lee, Li, and Leigh, not to mention the Olgas and Svetlanas..(3 and 6!!)[oops I mentioned them...LOL], there are out there..and they all have the same or very similar, myspace, and youtube sites and IM providers and 'usernames'......ROTFLMAO!!!. But I digress, Mary and I have been e-mailing for a month or so, some times wayyyy to many times, we tend to laugh at the same silly junk. She offered up the use of her shower and laundry room, and a meal, and yesterday afternoon I took her up on it. Now I know you are saying 'that's nice but we've heard this before', but what you have not heard is that Mary and her daughters Tracy and Samantha, live way the hell and gone, somewhere in the wilds of Howard County between Columbia and Elkridge. I took the Light Rail to the end of the line in Cromwell/Glen Burnie, and they drove 20 minutes or so to pick me up, and bring me to their house, and WERE WILLING to drive all the way to Baltimore!!!, Now I could not let them do that, out of fairness, and because of my desire for a bit of independence..(we all know what that means..LOL). We had a lovely visit, I am now all clean and shiny and my clothes aren't all stinky...and more importantly, Absolutely Nobody Was Dismembered...(on either side)!!!!
In the ebb and flow of the cosmic tide this is no big whoop, ahh, but to me, (and hopefully to them..I think I was entertaining), and to the KARMIC flow....'twas a tidal wave. Think about the level of trust on both sides that is needed in today's world, pick up a newspaper, watch the news on TV.....there are a lot of sickos out there...and Psychos, I'm glad the shower had a door..not a curtain...LOL.
AnyWay..Thanks guys...I had fun..and I am truly grateful for the vote of confidence.
Now.....April Fools.....
We left the house after I finished showeing around 11:00 pm. and I figured to catch the 11:28 train...well in my best Maxwell Smart manner...I "missed it by this much", and it pulled away from the stationas I was less than 4 feet from it....and to add insult to injury...the train was halted by a traffic device...3 YARDS PAST THE POINT WHERE THE DRIVER COULD OPEN THE DOORS!!!!>>ARRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!...so I caught the next train..AT 11:58 pm., meaning the subway was closed....I pored the schedules I had and realized that every possible route connection was 5MINUTES BEFORE THE TRAIN WOULD ARRIVE!!!!!>>ARRRGGGHHH...finally had to get off at Mt. Royal/Cultural Center, wait 40 minutes 'cause the 27 bus was late, meaning of course, I MISSED ANY REASONABLE CHANCE TO MAKE A CONNECTION!!!>>>AARRRGGGHHH!!!, (of course I could have waited for an hour at either Park Heights and Belvedere, or, Reisterstown and Belvedere, at 2:00 am. (NOT!!, I'm past that suicidal episode..and I'm not interested in buying any crack..(or assorted crap being passed off as crack...LOL),...so I traveled on to the Reisterstown Plaza Station, and walked up to Reisterstown and Clarks Lane, stopping by the Popeye's dumpster...it was already compacted...damn.....by this time it is 2:20 am., and I waited another 20 minutes for the M2 Bus, getting back to Pikesville at 2:55 am....so i walked to the Chevron station where they know me and let me in at all hours, another example of trust....the doors usually are not opened for anyone.....AND THERE WAS SOME SORT OF MAINTENANCE GOING ON AND I HAD TO GO "RELIEVE" MYSELF IN THE BUSHES!!!>>>AARRRGGGHHH!!!!...For a GUY this not USUALLY a big deal..BUT...You Get the Picture???...so it was after 3:00 before I even got into my shack, and 3:30 by the time I lay down.....it was a long, long trip!!!
That was the first ......
This is the second......
>>DISCLAIMER<<
IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY "'BLUE' HUMOR"
SKIP THIS!
I'M SERIOUS, YOU WERE WARNED!!
So, I'm having this really, really, I mean REALLY good erotic dream, not just sex but adventure, romance, and adulation!!!
AND THEN I WAKE UP!
(With the expected and appropriate physiological phenomenon as a result,
and I'm Talkin'..Bob Seegar...and Chevy Truck here!!!)
AND THE DESIRE TO ALLEVIATE AND SATISFYINGLY RECTIFY THE SITUATION
and then it hits me....
I somehow, someway, in some manner...had been laying and sleeping such that..
BOTH ARMS WERE NUMB!!!
FROM THE SHOULDER....
ALL THE DAMN WAY DOWN TO MY USELESS FINGERS!!!!
COULD NOT MOVE A MUSCLE!!
Of course all my little friends in my dreams said 'gee, that's too bad..oh well see ya',
'and we'll just take this with us'.....
NO..NO...IT'LL JUST BE A SECOND...AHHHHHH...SH*T...THE PAIN...THE BLOOD'S RETURNING TO MY ARMS AND HANDS..AAAHHHHH...
As the expression goes.."the Moment Passed"....
STORY OF MY LIFE,....A DAY LATE...AND..A DOLLAR SHORT
BIG GUY....YOU'VE GOT A WICKED SENSE OF HUMOR!!!
(ROTFLMAO)
If you're down here and don't think it was funny, sorry, I TOLD YOU SO!,
it happened to me and I think it proves the point,
"Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy"
Sigmund Freud
"If we weren't all crazy..we would go insane"
Jimmy Buffett
"Your Honor...I plead temporary insanity....."
Enjoy the rest of the day...Dave
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