"Maybe Baybee....................."

Hi;

So I had someone ask me, "What's in it for you?", referring to a possible newspaper article about me, my life, and my blog.

Good question, and one that I never really gave much thought to seriously. I was told that if something is to be written, it would require some depth and that I would be allowing my life to be open to examination and public review, and was I willing to reveal myself in such a way...After a period of intense deliberation,(about 43 & 1/2 seconds), I said, "Hell, Why not, I'm a recovering addict, convicted felon, homeless, and writing a blog on the 'net that is both confessional and self analytical,(at times agonizingly and annoyingly so..yeah I know that), most of my life is already an open book or matter of public record for those interested or motivated enough to look...so....WTF, go for it." The only consideration I gave at the time towards compensation of any sort was the kick it gave to my ego that i might be interesting and/or relevant enough to be written about.....if you've read any of the past posts at all, you'll find the theme running through them relating to 'need/attention/loneliness/intimacy/transference/and substitution' in a fairly consistent thread. I also gave a stray thought to the idea of maybe finding a way to drum up someone's interest in my writing, nothing serious though.

Then I started thinking...(always a dangerous thing for me to do...like striking a match to look for a gas leak!!!), and began to wonder what can I get out of this, if I lay my life out for inspection and opinion? I am not talking about mercenary monetary compensation..(but to be honest....if I was offered, I'd take it, with NO qualms...but there is no "expectation of"...).

But.."What Do I Want", or maybe, "What Would I Hope For"...'IF'??

A place to live for Rachel and myself!

Maybe some practical help in getting my head out of my ass.

.

Maybe some direct help in acquiring some housing that is not so bound up with, "restrictions, 'rules', regulations, strings, ties, head trips, guilt trips, cults of personalities, personality conflicts, bureaucracy and hypocrisy", so that all sense of independence of freedom is lost and that living in an abandominium seems like a viable option.

Maybe some help in finding some way to go back to school.

Maybe some vocational training, and a way be able to live until I finish.

Maybe some assistance in getting my medical and psychological issues resolved...(yeah..right,...I'll settle for 'treated'...LOL)

Maybe someone willing to back me in some sort of business venture, (as to what???), that would allow me to become self sustaining.

These thoughts and ideas are coming randomly, in no particular order or priority, [Except!!! for the first one!!], as I 'brainstorm'...(or brainfart..LOL.

In All Seriousness;

What I really would like to find, is someone interested, and who thinks I may have, or be able to be, SOMETHING, worthwhile to develop, and is willing ti invest the time to "take me by the hand" and guide me or mentor me, until I can stand, or at least lean, on my own...

AND..I don't care how childish it may seem..i just can't do it on my own.........Dave