"Out Of The Blue..................."

Good Evening;

Well as per usual life is just like a Tilt-A-Whirl ride at the carnival, I keep spinning around in circles while being violently thrown from side to side, and am allowed, nay, Required! to pay for the privilege.....LOL

I was supposed to be with Jonathan from the Starbucks, in a Chick-Fil-A parking lot in Elkton Md. at this time,(Wed.) waiting for the grand opening tomorrow morning so as to be able to score a years worth of meals. It is reputed a fun party, with people following the openings like the Deadheads follow the Grateful Dead. Chic-Fil-A feeds and waters the crowd and if you are one of the first 100 to sign in, and do not leave the parking lot..you win. BUT....at 9:30 last night (Tue.), after leaving Annamarie's where I had just taken the first shower in 12 days...(THAT'S why you such low water pressure for an hour last night....lol), I was on the platform at the Lutherville Light Rail and had the 2nd ever Panic attack in my life, let me tell you..it was really scary, and I never want to experience that again!! If you have never had one..BE GLAD!!!, if you have..then you know where I am coming from. The uncontrollable shakes, the paranoia, the diarrhea, the vomiting...etc., etc., ....etc.

I was barely able to call Jon, and cancel out before I ended up crouched, hiding behind the Ticket Vending Machine. A pschyiatric nurse getting off duty from Shephard Pratt Hospital, came over and saw me, knew exactly what was going on, and helped me through the worst of it. After I stabilized a bit, I went back to Pikesville, via the train, and the train, then the bus, the hour and a half or so of travel time seemed to help also. Talking with some people in the medical field, I have placed the trigger on the stress of worrying about whether I would have enough meds to be able to go away, and whether I could find some more when I returned...and the fact of being totally broke, and having no luck getting immediate health coverage returned, after the D.S.S. screwup. (And other matters on which I choose not to elaborate at this time in this forum).

I scraped to gether my morning coffee cash and went to the Starbucks this morning late, (after 9:00 am.), and 3 people either asked me if I was sick or "what's wrong", I must have looked like hell. I was praying to myself..(well not to "MYSELF", but you know what I mean...LOL), for help to find a way to get some money to go find someone to get me some bupe, (I had taken the last piece this morning, so I was okay for about 24 hours), when Tony from L'il Tony's Pizza and Pasta in Owings Mills and his girlfriend stopped in for their daily dose of caffeine. We talk every day, and he once gave me Starbucks gift card, but I do not expound on my troubles to him, and generally focus on upbeat and positive conversation, As he was leaving, he walked back over to me and hands me a couple of crumpled up bills, and says, "Here Dave, This is for next month, take care of yourself"...out of nowhere, with no solicitation of mention of last night's episode!! I thanked him and put it away in my bag without looking at it......when I opened them up later..it was 2 $20.00 bills!!, call it miracle, call it coincidence...??? All I know is that my stress level and blood pressure both dropped double digits! Then when I could not get ahold of Monkee, and Longwind's phone was cut off and I headed down to his house and he was out of town, and I start stressing AGAIN.....I run into an old friend and drug buddy/runner who is now on the Methadone program, but had one bupe that he would sell me......again, relief just flooded my system........If this is God's way of telling me that keeping focused on not going back to dope is a "good thing".....I GET THE MESSAGE!!!.....ENOUGH WITH THE OBJECT LESSONS!!!..........(LOL).

I'm Outta Time......Dave