Good Afternoon;
Well...To use my favorite descriptive line....."I feel like two bags of dead mice!". My nose is running the "Mucous Marathon", my throat fells like a tube of 30 grit sandpaper wrapped in barbed wire, the buzzing in my head has me constantly ducking and looking around for low flying airplanes, and the ringing in my ears has me grabbing for my phone every 2 minutes. I'd have to get better to feel like sh*t! It is somehow appropriate in an ironic, darkly funny way that today is my granddaughter Devin's birthday.....and SHE gave ME all this as a gift!....(LOL!,....NOT! it hurts to laugh).
Of course the weather decided to get crazy and cold and I am still dealing with my 'normal' issues and ailments, (and you know...it's pretty effed up when daily pain and living on the knife edge of sanity is considered 'normal')!?!
And I am still trying to handle the emotional 'collateral damage' known as the "Seven stages of grief" from Lisa's death and the shock of the information I received from the lawyer yesterday,
...(Friday, I was on my way downtown on the Metro to pick up tickets to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey Circus for Rachel and I on Wednesday the 30th, opening night...[half price special, 2 $26.00 tix for $26.00!]....and I had the cash for them because of Stuart's,{Stewart's??? sp.?} generosity at the Starbucks the other night. I had asked him if I could borrow a couple dollars, thinking $5.00 or so, until the end of NEXT month when I should be a bit caught up....and he pulls out a $100.00 bill!!!, I told him it may take me longer to get this much back to him, and he said , don't worry about it, pay it back as I can!......[and then last night at the gas station, when I went to buy my losing $312 million dollar jackpot MegaMillions lottery ticket...{Ya gotta play to win....but hell I KNOW the odds....lol!}...the video screen that shows the Keno was down and not showing the games, so on a lark and to prove to a big mouth know it all in the station who was blathering on about how the game was a ripoff and and that it could not be played if the screen was not showing the current game, I bought a Keno ticket, waited about 3 minutes for the game to cycle through and as luck, fate, kismet, or karma would have it, checked my ticket in the 'automatic ticket validator' right in front of his fat face and handed the ticket to Daniel to be cashed for $25.00.......LOL!, Shut the loudmouth 'EXPERT' right up!......Ha!],...
{ sorry about the lack of cohesion and coherence here today }
and this past Tuesday, (which I apologize for seeming to be only hinting at or teasing about,...but I am not ready to write about at the moment).
I am torn between feeling guilty about not wanting to come in here to the library and write the blog, and letting down all you folks who have told me how much you look forward to reading my ramblings....
And resentment at feeling I have to come in and write it at times, and trying to be witty and clever when I really want to just tell the whole world to 'back off!', and 'leave me the hell alone!'....
Especially at times like right now, when I feel like sh*t, physically, emotionally, and mentally, and am at a low spiritual ebb also.
Anyway, I am out of here today, I apologize again, and depending on what time tomorrow, (Sunday), I get to go over to Jenn's, (I am monstersitting in the evening, and spending the night), I amy be back....if not....see you Monday.
Later....................Dave
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