Saturday, November 7, 2009

"Cold Feet...."

Good morning;
Nothing much new since yesterday really, except that I have progressed inthe past couple of weeks from sleeping;
outside the Sleeping Bag in shorts and a tee shirt,
to outside the S.B. in sweat pants and a tee shirt,
to outside the S.B. in sweats, top and bottom,
to inside the S.B. in shorts and a tee shirt,
to inside the S.B. in sweat pants and a tee shirt,
to inside the S.B. in sweats, top and bottom,
to inside the S.B. in sweats, with a heavier top with the hood up, and bottoms.
It was pretty cold last night, but I've stayed warm, except for my feet around sunrise, which is caused by a combination of piss poor circulation and sleeping on the 'pressure points', and my worn thin ,'religious socks', (you know...Hol[e]y). I have to get up to the St. Thomas Starbucks and see Rich, who may have a blanket in the trunk for me.I need to trade some 'food credit' for cash and buy some socks and also find a pair of decent boots for winter. I have been buying Target's house brand but have come to realize that the savings are not really worth it, they tend to make my feet sweat , then stay wet, which kills any heat saving properties they may have. Some things you just have to go 'top shelf'. I try not to be one of those people who.."Know the Price of everything....and, the Value of nothing"..
Which brings up a comment someone made to me the other day, about, even though I do my fair share of bitching, moaning and whining, I still have generally upbeat attitude, and a wicked sense of humor. Well, I told her part of that is a balance of fatalism and hope, but for the most part it is just trying to live as close to 'Normal', as I can afford and fake the rest.
In this case 'Normal' being a 'middle class, educated, with a sense of social conscious, urban/suburban' lifestyle. Kind of.....Spiritual, but with an appreciation for 'toys', the kind of folks who make good money at jobs they are good at and passionate about, not those who are passionate about the good money they are making. This is just a short generalization, and encompasses much more, but you get the picture, I avoid socializing with most of the 'street people' who I come into contact with, because that lifestyle and mindset is so damn destructive, and I have been there and done that. The same with MOST people in recovery who are heavily involved in the 12 step programs, it may work for them but, I had my fill. I'll take the message and move on, and I am not denying my material lack here, but only referring to the spiritual and emotional. If I am going to live in a will be of my own making.
I got MeatLoaf-'Bat Out Of Hell--III' from the library, and this is from
the song "The Monster Is Loose"
I've lived a thousand years in darkness
Banished all alone
Inside my mind with just my madness
Behind these walls of stone
I was falling apart at the seams
Holding my breath just to breathe
I tasted the sting of my tears
I was waking up stuck in a dream
Ran out of air, couldn't scream
Wasted away by my fears
Just to let you know what is going on behind the facade on
those days when 'Normal' is nothing but a distant mirage on a far horizon.
At times 'Cheerful Homeless Guy' only carries me so far.
Okay..outta time.see ya.........Dave

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