Good Morning;
Today is cool, gray, damp, and gloomy, and so am I. Whether it is emotional backlash or overload from the wonderful week I had, or just the
'karmic.."other shoe"..' dropping, I have no idea, but I felt the depression cycle start to sputter and stall in it's upward path and begin to drop and nose dive into it's 'crash and burn spiral'. It was just a gradual sense of gloom that began to pervade my thoughts and the feeling of being in an pressure chamber with the setting set to 'gradual increase' rather than a full bore, all at once overpowering slam upside the head. The incidences, acts, and events that would normally be considered 'triggers' actually occurred AFTER the wave or depression washed over me, so this is natural or organic, interior as opposed to exterior, or influenced.
I felt it coming on, and up to this point, other than a sense of melancholy, the only negative side effect has been to "self medicate" by way of Whole Foods....ie....Raspberry Blackberry Cheesecake with a Filbert Crust, Organic Chocolate Truffles, and Roast Beef so rare that you can't put the sandwich down because of the possibility of it just getting up and walking back to the barn!....Welll, it's all certified organic at least...lol.
My phone died yesterday, finally. I guess 4 years for a disposable phone is worth the $15.00 it cost, but with it went my flashlight, my watch, and ALL the phone numbers stored in it, about half of which are not written down.
AND a positive balance of around $8.00, which may or may not..(most likely NOT!!) be transferable. I bought a new phone last night, but do not have $20.00 to activate it, it should have had 10 free minutes on it, but?????
I actually have $20.00 but there are priorities involved, such as Coffee, Food, Socks, and a Flashlight and Batteries. I have the money to spend because I spent time with my daughter Jenn on Monday night and we went food shopping and did a trade for cash, which I had planned on using to take Rachel out, and to pay for my Meds and my arrears for Meds..(which WAS taken care of, at least in part. I am good for a week with my 'bupe', and no debt; I still have to deal with D.S.S. and Jai Medical to straighten out my blood pressure meds). I printed and mailed Anne her copy of my book of poems and amazingly it got there in half a day! I got an e-mail from Paul asking for some sizes of jeans and boots that I have to reply to and I also got an e-mail form Michelle M., pledging that we would never lose contact so severely again, and in an example of the beautiful synchronicity that runs through my life, like an underground river beneath an apparently barren desert, or a vein of gemstones or precious metals through the hardest, densest, most impenetrable rock, she told me that she also had been almost simultaneously thinking about an evening we shared, and a song that played that night for the first time, which I had reminisced about in one of the first e-mail we exchanged since regaining contact. So you can see how this slide into the valley of depressionland is a bit more manageable...at least for now...than the past few.
outta time..........Dave
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