"Sleeping Weather........... Whether Or Not........................"

Good Afternoon;

What a perfectly lovely day outside! Another truly "Native American Summer" day........(it may be PC...but it doesn't flow...LOL!)

Last night after returning from the Starbucks where it was just more of the same-same, a little coffee, a little food, a little conversation, a little reading, and watching Josh working with pastels/chalk as he continued decorating the 2 blackboards with seasonally appropriate designs related to Starbucks drinks. He is an amazing artist with an eye for fine detail. The management wants his artwork, but has no real concept of the time involved in producing it, so he is always being rushed or called away to tend to the register or make drinks, etc. If you happen to be in the Mt. Washington Starbucks stop in and look at the two boards opposite the front entrance and check it out, (the menu board behind the cash register and the Gothic/Germanic writing below the drawing on the left hand board were done by someone else...you'll notice the difference). I wanted to give Josh some credit and attention because he should have a job where he can use his talent and his education, (MICA), in a more art related way. Maybe someone will read this and stop in and look and be able to help him out. I also want to give him my thanks for all the times he has aided me when funds were low and my 'tucker bag' was empty. At least sometimes a small fraction of the large amount of food that is wasted each day goes to a good cause. (And on the days there are bags of items, what I cannot eat and which will not keep finds it's way to folks who can use it....I'm just finishing up food from the 17th....thanks to the cooler weather.)

I was reading an article in the Baltimore Sun yesterday about Eastern Baltimore County churches coming together and creating a 'rotating homeless shelter' between them. 16 more beds and there is already a waiting list. One of the things that struck me as I read the article was the statement that "Baltimore County, like other jurisdictions, does not reveal the location of it's shelters". To get into one, (1 on the west side, and 1 on the east side that is for intact families and single fathers.....there was a men's shelter in Rosedale that closed this summer, I do not know if it was ever re-opened), entails jumping through hoop after hoop...and then being put on a waiting list. This is one of the most depressing and dis-enheartening feelings one can experience; 'yes...you qualify for a place....but we don't have one now',

(a similar and even worse thing to hear was when I was trying to get in to a rehab back in 2000, flat broke and having to leave the apartment I was living in in 2 days, with a $150.00 a day habit and at the end of my wits; 'yes we have a spot for you.....come back in 10 days to be admitted...', those were almost the longest 10 days in my life, the longest were the 10 days I spent on the floor of a jail cell in withdrawal 'kicking' heroin 'cold turkey', [almost as bad was the time spent in BBH in their quote-unquote 'rehab' during a supposedly 'medical detox'...HA!!!, after 3 days I left and kicked on my own! And this was what I had waited those 10 miserable days for?!]......sorry, a slight detour down memory lane...lol)

There is a link to the story in the post either above or below this one, (depends on how I hit the publish buttons.........lol!)

Anyway.....I was in the shed by 9:30 pm last night where I read for a while and then watched the other 2/3 of 'UP', the Disney/Pixar animated film on the portable, (and slowly deteriorating...lol), DVD player. It is a very sweet and funny movie which would have been much more enjoyable if the combination of the 'well loved' DVD and the crappy DVD player had not kept freezing the movie so that I had to constantly keep hitting the play button, and at times the rewind to see the video I missed while the audio kept playing. THEN, every so often the whole thing would lock up and I had to shut it off and turn it back on, go through the whole start-up sequence, (that cannot be fast forwarded past), go to the main menu, select 'scenes', choose the scene grouping, pick the last scene I saw and FF or RW to where it froze up at. This got real old after the 8th or 9th time...LOL! I got to sleep about 12:30 am. and slept, I mean SLEPT!!!, solidly and restfully, until 9:30 am. when Mr. Bladder said.."Get Up....Now!!...........Or Else!!!!!!!!".........lol! I took my morning meds and lay back down and it was 11:30 am. I got up and rolled and folded my bedding, got dressed and packed up and left the shed. I have put together a 'jury rigged' latch that should keep the door closed better than the wedges I have been using, when the wind blows. I have mentioned a number of times that I have found the door open when I have come back at night, but nothing missing, and I do not think anyone has been inside...(fingers crossed on both hands!).

What does have me annoyed and worried is the puddle on the ground and splashes up against the shed wall inside the overhang where someone relieved them self this morning. I heard all sorts of voices this morning at various times, (REAL voices...not the usual ones with the messages.....lol!), around the shed in the parking lots and from people walking past, (mostly on cell phones). The thing that 'pisses me off'...Ha!...is that where the puddle was is up at the end of the shed where I sleep. I'm going to have to pour a bottle of water and bleach, (I'll get some from Jenn tonight), all over it tomorrow. It must have happened right before I woke up because I did not hear anything or anyone, and the 'liquid' had not soaked in to the ground or evaporated yet. This is not a frequent occurrence, but it is not the first time, usually they go on the wall of the building next to the shed though. Well, at least I have a can of air freshener, and a 'Little Tree' car air freshener hanging inside...(vanilla!...lol).

I am about to head out to the picnic table behind the library and eat breakfast..(it's now 3:15 pm., and I'll probably be inside another 20 minutes after I'm done here on the blog ..lol). I am going over to Jenn's to babysit tonight, and spend the evening with my friends the Harpers, (Charlie, Alan, & Jake),....( You know.."Two And A Half Men..), and probably stay the night because Jenn and Tom will most likely be going out after her Home Group. Saturday was the 7th anniversary of her Clean Date and tonight she will be celebrating by sharing her 'Experiences, Strengths and Hopes' by speaking at the meeting.

Congratulations Jenn!! Keep taking it One Day At A Time,

Tomorrow I Hope to get over to JAI's Monument Street location to see the doctor who can refer me to a doctor who can give me prescription for my Buprenorphine, someone who, like Dr. Richardson, my PCP, will actually listen to my needs and be able to circumvent all the usual hoops formalities, and barriers that are normally standard procedure for someone coming into the program straight off the streets and requiring a full detoxification regimen. That is what has kept me out of any other means of acquiring my meds, the inflexibility and refusal to tailor a course of action based on actual situations rather than from criteria out of a manual that allows no deviation for reality. Of course I'll be fighting the anxiety and agoraphobia that always seems to overwhelm me when I have to walk into a situation 'cold'. Too many times have I laid out well thought out plans the night before, only to have them morph or metastasize into debilitating fear and anxiety with the light of dawn. Sometimes after agonizing over them during a sleepless night unable to force myself to crawl out of bed or he sleeping bag, but just as often after a sound sleep I would wake up ready to head out, shower and dress...and be unable to walk out the door. Fear, justified or not, can be a dream killer. As the acronym goes...FEAR...F*ck Everything And Run.

Okay...that covers more than I planned to...Times up now,

Gotta Run.......Later.......................Dave