Quotation of the Day

Friday, August 19, 2011

"Jimmy Carter Meets Charlie Sheen...............And..............Hef's Grotto Meets Ghetto......."

Good Evening;
Well I made it to the Baltimore Magazine "Best Of Baltimore" party last night. I ended up getting downtown to the Lexington Market Metro station about 45 minutes early because after I got to Jenn's to shower and shave and drop my bags off the clock I looked at was an hour fast.....hmmmm, little tiny fingers pushing buttons maybe....lol. I went into Lexington Market to escape the thunderstorm which had just arrived and wandered through for a while.....and remembered why I don't go there anymore.
As cool as the market can be with the amazing variety of meats and produce, and the delis and food stalls......having to run the gauntlet of drunks and junkies and beggars, being offered pills and methadone from the "recovering" addicts, "in the program", who are selling their daily doses to feed their other habits, and having to dodge all the little "Future Felons of America" and "Junior Crack Ho's" running in packs and having no courtesy or civility.....is it any wonder the middle class is not being lured back to the city?
Just walking down to the Hippodrome Theatre, 2 blocks down, I saw 3 people, a woman and 2 men...one of them in a wheel chair...go into the alley and/or parking lot and take a pee. The inner city is rapidly becoming a 2 class place to live....those too poor to leave, and those rich enough to live isolated and above the streets. I passed 2 different sets of belongings under the slight overhang of boarded up storefronts, where their owners sleep/'live', never getting too far away or out of sight for any length of time. Now these are some of the typical, long term, chronic and mentally ill homeless.
On the way back to the subway after I left the party about 10:15 pm., when all the other people left on Eutaw St. more than one block from the Hippodrome are either street people or street wise people, the tourists and 9 to 5-ers long gone, the area looks like a scene from either a zombie horror film or a post-apocalypse film. I was approached and offered body oils, jewelry, drugs, cigarettes and sex....of a variety of styles and flavors. And 5 people attempted to hit me up for money.

The reason I described leaving before arriving or being at the party is to emphasize the extreme polar opposites between what was going on outside and inside, a block apart.

There were about 2,000 guests, staff, vendors, volunteers, et al. there last night. The party was co-sponsored by Covergirl Cosmetics and I swear that at minimum.....MINIMUM! that more than 60% of the crowd were women....and 75% of them were between the ages of 21 and 39 in unescorted groups of 3, 4, or more! Most of them looked like models or Hollywood's idea of every red blooded American male's perfect woman.....almost all wearing...(and having the ability TO wear same)...a short, snug, formfitting, LBD, or it's equivalent in all the primary colors...and some version of FM heels. And the women who were a bit older or less fit were wearing clothing just as sexy and stylish that fit and complimented their particular physique. It was like seeing all the actresses who played the 'way too beautiful to exist in real life' hookers, actresses, waitresses, strippers, and teachers on "Two And A Half Men".......LOL!
What a huge difference from the obese females on the train wearing clothing too small and too tight, either revealing or emphasizing rolls of flab and stretch marks.
I'm not trying to be misogynistic or sexist, but I am an unrepentant male, (and latent lesbian....lol), who appreciates female beauty for it's own sake, believes that the acknowledgement of the fact is in no way improper, (as long as common courtesies and civilities are followed), and that PCers have done more harm than good.
After my heart returned to a somewhat normal rate and my breathing was under control, I started looking around for some familiar faces. I soon saw Evan Serpick, editor of Baltimore Magazine and one of the hosts of the party......and that was it! Other than seeing Duff Goldman, fromCharm City Cakes...aka the 'Ace Of Cakes' on the Food Network, I did not recognize a soul. Which was kind of a letdown. I hit the Bacardi bar, (one of 3 sponsored by a brand, the others 42 Below Vodka, and Cazadores tequila ...1 general full service bar...Noble Vintners wine bar...and Blue Moon beer bar), I started on the rounds of the 40 or so (+/-) food stations. OMG....to use a trendy abbreviation....sushi, steak, suckling pig, vegan pasties, cakes, and cookies...and regular ones too, raw oysters, crab and sun-dried tomato bread pudding, salads, salsas, pulled pork, shrimp salad sliders, meatballs in sauce, hot dogs wrapped in bacon....lots of dipping sauces, bruschettas.....and on and on......yummmmmmmm! I cannot remember everything I tried, I can only tell you that everything was from Best of Baltimore winners in various categories and the WORST thing I tasted was excellent. Ambrosia and nectar!

Evan had walked me back to the lobby to get a "Winner" badge to pin on my shirt, {look ma, I'm Charlie Sheen..............WINNING!......................LOL!}.........(about 3 dozen other people also chose to wear them...along with Staff, Volunteer, & Vendor tags), and I was approached twice by the photographer for Baltimore Magazine shooting the party, and by Elena Moscott Creator/Writer/Producer of an Internet site called "The Click On This Show", A Lifestyle Interview Series; www.clickonthisshow.com .
I was interviewed for a short little clip to be shown on their site....?????....sometime soon.
The anxiety and slight agoraphobia that I was feeling before and when I first arrived had been dampened...to say the least...lol!...by numerous return trips to the Bacardi Bar for "Oakheart", their new spiced rum, (think Captain Morgan....but smoother) and Coke and a judiciously timed dose of my prescribed muscle relaxer, so I was able to allow my gregarious alter-ego to surface and answer the questions and project the facade of confidence that hides the reality. After circling the lobby and , hallways, banquet and ballrooms dozens of times, and climbing and descending the stairs more times than I care to remember. I decided to call it a night and leave about 10:00 pm. As I said I had seen no one I knew, but I did have a few conversations with others wearing the "Winner" tags, the Owners of "Crush" restaurant, The Dirty Carrot vegan bakery, and also some folks from "The Single Carrot Theatre", Jessica and I'm sorry to say I cannot remember her fellow staffers name....[sorry guy :-( ].

On the way out I grabbed the commemorative pint glass with the logo etc. painted on, and a second one from someone who did not want theirs. There were people grabbing 5 and 6 at a time because the folks who were stamping hands and overseeing the distribution were overwhelmed...(or just did not care...???), but that was tacky and greedy. If there are a shitload leftover and anyone at the magazine wants to give me few....I would not turn them down though......lol.

I got back to Jenn's about 11:30 pm. and told her all about the party, it was nice and I enjoyed the free food and drink, and I was awestruck by the loveliness of all the ladies there, (and would have liked to be a winner in a more socially and financially impressive category so as to be able to have the confidence in my own mind to start up a conversation....lol), but it was kind of typical for my life, being among but not "of" the crowd.
Today I watched the kids for a few hours while Jenn and Tom went down to see their friend the tattoo artist. They are out in Hunt Valley now at the Free Friday Concert at the Town Center. I don't know if I am spending the night or not, but if I can...I'm going to, it's so damn humid outside.
I'll see you tomorrow,

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