Thursday, January 19, 2012

"Feels Like A Monday.........'Recalculating'................."

Good Evening;

So...another cold night, but from 11:30 pm. until 6:30 am. it made no difference to me...once I finally warmed up the sleeping bag with body heat. Luckily I made the right decision at 6:30 am. and got up right away and trotted over to the Giant to use the restroom...instead of 'farting around'....which would have been just like the tagline for the TV commercials for Bill's Carpet......................... 
"You're Making A BIG Mistake!"............LOL!

After going back to sleep for another hour and a half I had an unexpected surprise that was as much of a shock as that first blast of cold air when I opened the door to the shed. There was a County police cruiser sitting idling in the parking lot with the officer either doing paperwork, or 'resting his/her eyes' just outside the shed door.
I continued with my normal routine of dropping my bags and re-threading the chain back through the holes and placing and locking the combination lock on the chain, picking up my bags, and heading off towards the Giant. There was no reaction at all from the cop as I did so and rounded the corner out of sight. Of course in my case the 'pucker factor' was in the mid to high range...but that is mostly muscle memory and old ingrained habit from a previous life and lifestyle. It is hard to forget, even though there is no reason for that reaction anymore.

After picking up some juice in the Giant....and washing up, (and checking my shorts....just in!), I dropped off prescriptions to be refilled and caught the bus to the train to East Baltimore to pick up other meds that were ready.
Then, the train to Mt. Washington and the coffee shop.
 When I got here I called the Psych. Dept. at Sinai to try to make an appointment for "Evaluation & Intake-(Outpatient)" using my referral from my Primary Care Doctor at JAI. I have to call back in a few days to find out when it will be...(since I don't have a current mailing address and appointments are mailed, usually). The deepening depression, and the shorter periods between ever increasing episodes combined with the incidents of anxiety brought on by the sense of a deteriorating grip on the ability to control the crazy thoughts that keep coming, and the seductive desire to just surrender to them...........well, if I don't attempt to see someone now....I'm never going to do so.  

And in an attempt to connect with one of the long time, long term anchors in my life, I also was finally able to have a phone conversation with my good friend AnnaMarie and we did a quick and dirty 'catching up' and made plans to meet next week for details and coffee at her place one evening.

And that's all I'm feeling like writing just now....


No comments: