"Doing The Right Thing.................Regardless! ........."

Good Morning;

Well..... I'm still here, and still waiting on word about my apartment in Hampden. It was supposed to be ready for inspection by HABC on this past Monday, but....?? Twice before issues related to construction and/or materiel forced a postponement.
Got my fingers crossed!

Here is a link to another Joel John Roberts essay from "Poverty Insights",
about the media's preconceived notion that the "Homeless" are all without morals, or honesty, despite all their own stories and reports of examples to the contrary.

(And there is a LARGE blank/white area before the text starts, so please scroll down before you exit thinking it's a bad link)

http://www.povertyinsights.org/2013/09/23/found-and-lost/

Later.............................Dave

"Hiatus............. And/Or................. Hibernation"

Good Morning!

So.... if anyone has been wondering... yes I'm still alive and well! I just have not been inspired to write anything at all recently... like for the past month and a half. Still waiting to hear when the apartment in Hampden will be ready, and inspected, so I can meet with the landlord and the caseworker from HABC and I can sign the lease. Hopefully any day now.

I'm still back at Jenn's and things are a whole lot less stressful since she tossed her husband out for good. I've been earning my keep bigtime since she both got a full time job AND took on 13 credits as a full time student at BCCC.
She works the midnight shift and I've been putting the grandmonsters to bed  most nights and also picking them up from school in the afternoon, plus the usual cooking and laundry, etc., etc., etc.

As soon as I get settled in my new apt. (if not sooner) I'll be back with more.

Later..........................Dave

"Apartment Follies...... Round Three; ........ And..... Ouch, Ouch, Ouch....."

Good Afternoon;
Well it's a 'helluva day in the neighborhood', to butcher Mr. Roger's greeting.
I feel like two bags of dead mice again, it's one of those 'perfect storm' situations when ALL my meds are out at the same time, and I can't renew until AFTER seeing the doctors again.... and the earliest appointments were a week after the meds ran out, plus I'm out of bupes and my supplier for them is in the hospital.
 I see the docs on the 5th of August, if my BP doesn't explode my heart before then.

Free Advice : Don't Become; Old, Crippled And Crazy!

But tomorrow is 'check day' and I hope to find a temporary source when I head in town in the morning.
I am here at Jenn's and I have to meet with the caseworker from HABC about 2:00 pm. to get my voucher extension approved. If I can work put the time factor I am going to meet the owner or agent of an apartment in Hampden that I hope to get into. They are about to begin to put in a new kitchen this week and hopefully the HABC inspection process will be able to be done as soon as that is finished, and NO OTHER fixes are needed. I am hoping for  September 1st move in date, to take advantage of another month's S.S.I. payment to put together down payments for rent and utility.

More as it develops.....

Later...............................Dave

"Again.... The Light At The End Of The Tunnel Turns Out To Be The Headlight Of An Oncoming, Out Of Control, Locomotive......"

Good Evening;

Well..... somehow I kind of expected this kind of shit to happen.
Just when I thought that the last of the idiocy was over, that I might actually be moving into an apt. with in a few weeks.... I get kicked in the balls by fate again. The woman in the leasing office I had an appointment with this morning, at the building I thought I was nearly cleared to enter picks up my application and the first thing she says is,

 "Oh, Dave.... you're only 57!"

.... Well yeah, with a disability determination, a voucher, and S.S.I., like the requirements state....

"Oh.. I must have missed that, we only have openings for the OVER 62 apts."

Suck my nuts!!!

Well at least I have to give her credit for trying to help after this major letdown.
The building, (and the next two mentioned also), are Harry and Jeanette Weinberg Senior and Disability Living facilities, the first one, was called Manhattan Park.
The leasing agent there called the Weinberg Place bldg. and told me to call the leasing agent there after 3:00 pm, (this was at Noon), so all afternoon my ulcer was getting a lovely workout as I tried not to build any hopes that would be shattered..... which they were because  it turns out that my voucher cannot be used in that bldg. because it is classed as "Public Housing"... which is a level below what I am eligible for!
Because these are all H.U.D.  buildings the allocation and category process for which units can go to who or which agency or what type of payment method is a bureaucratic nightmare written in stone.... No Exceptions... logical or not.

This leasing agent gave me the number of yet another building in there circle, Weinberg Manor East, (which happen to be right next door to the last place I lived with Rachel and the 'ex', before and after shit all blew up, and even after she moved out and I was squatting in the garage or the basement.... oh the crazy circles of Smalltimore....lol..... ['cause I gotta laugh to keep from crying right now..... or slitting my wrists and calling it quits].....), and which I was not able to talk to a human but left what is probably a crazed, semi-coherent, frantic sounding voice mail, and a rather more rational e-mail immediately afterwards.... and which I have not yet received a response.... I'm hoping that it is because it was close to or after business hours.... (PLEASE!!! Be that reason.....lol).

So.... anyway I'm about as happy as one can expect right now, and barely hanging on to what little faith or sanity I have left.

Oh, and topping it all off, I'm sleeping out on the street somewhere tonight..... and the weather is actually supposed to be fairly cool tonight....
which is again to be expected, because I only have tee shirts and shorts with me..... and no more money until the 1st of August.

Thanks for letting me bitch and moan....... lol!

Later............... Dave

"Too Damn Hot To Think Of A Cute Title........................."

Good Morning;

So..... Hot enough for you? -- It's not the heat it's the humidity! -- Dewpoint/Heat Index/Real Feel Temperature/Heat Dome/Code Red Alert/Heat Wave!

All just synonyms for:
"Extremely Hot Weather Sucks!"

I've been here at Jenn's since Saturday afternoon, July 6th, when she asked me to come back up and watch the dogs and cats for a few days while she and the kifds went camping with a friend of hers and her kids, at Cunningham Falls, near Thurmont, Md.  You may be wondering why I said yes after my reports of the rising tensions and stresses that hot their bursting point bat the end of June, forcing my decision to leave here the previous weekend, with no intention of returning any time soon...
Well, the major external stressor, her husband Tom, the perfect poster child for an "Anger Management Outreach Drive" is gone. She enforced the already extant restraining order after letting her determination slip and her guard drop as he gradually worked his way back into the house bit by bit and room by room as all the old habits reasserted themselves and the "reforms and rehabilitations" vanished into thin air like the illusions they were and the verbal and psychological abuse and manipulations began to resurface. On his birthday, July 3rd, things again crossed the line, luckily I was not there and my daughter was strong enough to handle it... again, this time... So far I've tried to refrain from any active involvement, but.... DV is DV.
Any Inferrred Implied Insinuated Extrapolations Are An Intellectual Exercise, Loyal Reader.
(wink wink, nod, nod)

So Jenn and I had a talk about money, --I have none; Food Stamps, --what I have will be contributed; and other contributions,-- cooking, feeding the kids, watching the kids so she can get re-integrated with her support network, cleaning, etc.
We are both calmer and saner, with the ability to discuss issues or problems, or grating on the nerves behaviors again active and not suppressed under the overlying rage that was coloring our relationship.

As I am writing this I just received a phone call from Sean at HCH telling me my Photo ID from the Md. MVA finally showed up in the mail there. I was at the MVA on the 3rd of July and told it would take 4 to 7 days....
HMMMM......in my world 19(th) minus 3(rd) equals 16!
... now I can finally get to the Apartment bldg. with my paperwork and IDs on Monday to start their processing. I still have to get that paperwok back to HABC for their processing afterwards.
I found out yesterday that even though my HCVP Voucher has an expiration date of 08/06/2013 on the paper I am olding in my hand,.... it actually expires on 07/24/2013 and I have to get to HABC before then to get an extension.
 God, I fucking hate gov't. bureaucracy!

Anyway, I need to go up to the kid's bedroom, one of the 2 rooms in this house with A/C, and lower my core temperature back down to somewhere around 100 degrees...... LOL....(NOT!!!).
This old farmhouse is miserably hot, with a sheetmetal roof, and the extended heatwave has not allowed it to cool off below 85 degrees minimum...INSIDE....AT NIGHT!

Later......................................Dave

Good Afternoon;
So....another excellent essay by Joel John Roberts of Poverty Insights;

http://www.povertyinsights.org/2013/07/09/dont-call-me-crazy-just-because-i-am-homeless/#idc-container

Reminds you of this doesn't it?

********

Inner Vision

********

Don't tell me about MY reality

*Don't try to delineate MY illusions

YOU have not walked in my shoes

*YOU have not lived in my skin

----

Where YOU see a crazy man

*Talking to himself on the bus

I see a kindred soul

*Crying out for solace to a deaf world

----

YOU may have some sympathy

*But you'll never understand

YOU see only the facade

*I see Insanity from the Inside

----

Where You see a diamond

*Sharp edged bright and beautiful

I see a house of mirrors

*Trapping me in the midst of endless reflections

----

So DON"T tell me about MY reality

*If I can't define it

How the Hell can YOU

*Blinded by the light of your ego

--------

dbc...1/11/00

Later..................................Dave

"NOT A Happy Camper.......... Again!..............."

Good Evening;

Well, I'm back on the street, sleeping outdoors until everything finally comes together with the Voucher, the Apt., my Birth Certificate, and my MVA Photo ID.
Hopefully no more than a month.

Last night was spent sitting either behind or in front of the Pikesville library at the picnic table of park bench.... tonight ???

Things reached a point of no return at my daughter's, and for a variety of reasons it was better just to slip away into the humidity rather than emulate the pop-up thunderstorms that are a trademark of summer here. Better to shut up than blow up.

More will be revealed....

Later.........................Dave

"Any Port In A Storm........."

Good Afternoon;

So anyone have a place in or near Baltimore on the bus/train line where I can crash tonight.

I need to get to another meeting with my caseworker/therapist tomorrow at 2:00 pm. and I have no ride into town in the morning, but I do tonight. I'm NOT sleeping on wet pavement or benches!

Write me here, email me, hit me on FB, call my cell phone, [..if you don't have it yet, write me here and we'll exchange information... ;-) ..]

Later.........................Dave

"Stress.......... Respite........... Stress............ Relief............ Joyful Shock........... Mild Depression............ Steadily Building Alternating Anxiety & Anticipation............ Shot Through With Undertones of Hurt And Anger.......... "

Good Evening;

Well............ It's good to be on nice terms with the ex-wife...AND her live-in boyfriend!

 Thursday evening I caught a ride to the Timonium Fairgrounds Light Rail stop with Jenn as she was on the way to her homegroup meeting..... it was a very quiet ride, with maybe 30 words spoken from the time we left the house up in East Bumf*ck, (Upperco), until we arrived at the L.R., where by necessity some communication was needed to discuss my getting back on Friday.

(The tension here at her house is really getting to the point of extreme discomfort, especially as there is little attempt , or reciprocation of any attempt, to communicate. Plus the weather is again about to get hot, humid, and nasty....and I'm here in the rooms without A/C....... and I'm pretty much trapped here due to the collapse of the arrangements and promises made, and having absolutely no cash left after laying out an ungodly amount here. Plus the the basic reason why I'm here has been twisted beyond the original decree..... and I've got to leave this alone now before I say too much.)

But I digress.... I again stayed at Rachel's mom's Thursday night, (same as last week),  after stopping at Monkee's to pick up meds for the next week. Rachel was asleep but when I got up at 6:00 am. she was curled up on the couch watching TV. We got a chance to visit  over coffee before I had to catch the bus to the train to the bus to H.C.H.

I had a meeting arranged  with the Social Work Dept. to get documentation and a money order to be able to get my Birth Certificate without a current/valid photo ID. After some initial confusion because the woman I actually saw was not the woman I was slated to see, the Dept. head, who had the exact details of my case, which varied slightly from what she usually dealt with, and reversed the order in which they normally send people to the MVA and Vital Records. But once I insisted they check the fine print on both websites, my concerns were addressed and off I went. I took the bus, train & bus out to Reisterstown Rd. Plaza near the apts. where Jenn used to live, where Maryland State Vital Records has an office. If my visit there was to be described by a movie title....... "Gone In 60 seconds" .........would be an uncontested winner!! In, up to the window, drop the paperwork and money order, staple, stamp, stamp, take a receipt, and out the door!! Now I wait a week to 10 days (Hopefully!!!) for it to be mailed out to H.C.H. which is my mailing address and the agency vouching for my identity. Then, off to the MVA,  which also mails out the photo ID,... to H.C.H. again. Then, about 2 and 1/2 weeks from now I can finally get to the apt. bldg and fill out their paperwork and submit to their background checks, then I have to take the approved rental application to H.A.B.C. so they can inspect it, then they negotiate the rent between them, and I can move in.

My H.C.V.P. voucher expires on August 6th and I am drowning in anxiety about the dwindling time window..... "tick....tick....tick....tick" AND  'tic....tic....tic....tic'

Anyway, even though I lost out on the security deposit assistance that was available but expires as the money runs out on June 30th with the end of the fiscal year, I should have enough with my July S.S.I . payment, though with the other 2 pre-arranged payouts I have to make in early July, I may be dining at the Dunkin' Dumpster until August............. LOL!

More info as it arrives...........

Later....................................Dave

"Blinded By The Light?..........................."

Good Afternoon;

Well......... Another great essay by Joel John Roberts from "Poverty Insights";

http://www.povertyinsights.org/2013/06/18/come-out-of-the-shadows/

Later..................................Dave

"Bureaucratic Vicious Circles............... & ............... Bench Bunking............"

Good Evening;

Well...... After a run of 2 months, 3 weeks, and 1 day, I broke my vow and was forced to spend Friday night sleeping on the street, actually the metal bench outside the Pikesville Library. On Thursday night I spent the night at my ex'es, (Rachel's Mom's), apt. with her, her boyfriend/partner/significant other, and her 2nd oldest daughter, my former step-daughter, who lives with them, Rachel was at the beach at the Md. Bar Association Convention with her Bubbie and Zaidie... It's a strange complicated dynamic, but why should this aspect of my life be any simpler than any other?......... LOL!! I'm just happy we get along and I'm able to crash there in a pinch for something important like this, (that has an impact on Rachel too), and that we all get along socially.

I had come into town from out here in East Bumfuck on Thursday night because I had to get a copy of my birth certificate and get over to the apartment building I am trying to move into to start the paperwork. It's going to take at least 20 days from the time I turn it in to HABC for inspection and approval, and probably a week for the apt.complexes paperwork to go through.

Well... I got to Vital Records, filled out the paperwork for a copy of my birth certificate, (which costs $24.00 now!!!), and handed it in, then waited an hour. Then,... I was called to the counter and told that my ID had expired and the other ID was no longer accepted... A STATE ID!!!! Which I was supposed to be told in the first place. They said they could mail one.... in about 2 weeks, if I went and got a letter from where ever I wanted it mailed that it was okay for me to get my mail there.... um I don't HAVE another 14-17 days to waste! I got my money back and left.

 So.... it was early enough that I went to get a new ID, knowing I would not have enough money for the both certificate too, (but I couldn't get back there until Monday at the earliest anyway... so that was moot.), and had another fun experience.
Without my birth certificate or other papers I don't have available easily or at all  I can't get another ID at the MVA.
Catch 22?

I have to call HCH and talk to my caseworker tomorrow, Monday, morning...EARLY, and see if I can come down for a walk-in appt. on Tuesday to get help with an ID and Birth Certificate.... ASAP!!! If so, I'll ride in on Monday night when my son-in-law leaves here to go 'home', (don't!  even!!  ask!!!.. I can't get into that here and now), and spend the night... ??????, who the hell knows?!?

I got my voucher on the 6th of June,and between being trapped up here when I needed to get into town and having spent most of my cash in the past 2 months on household expenses here, and money lent out that is not being repaid as promised... I am out of cash and starting to feel like I'm not just stuck, but fucked.
The living situation here has become untenable, and the day to day tension can be cut with a knife.

I've got to stop here....... too much emotional investment to be objective......
it's family............... 'nuff said.


Later...........................Dave 

"Dream On........... Ramblin' Man....... "

Good Afternoon;

So........wouldn't it be Awesome if I could convince the HCVP/Section 8 people to apply the rent voucher to a monthly payment on one of these:

A Home Never Away From Home!

Later........................................................Dave

"One Small Step!...... Hoping It's A Trend, ........ Praying It's A Landslide!! ......."

Good Afternoon;
Well I'm sitting here filling out an application for an apartment in one of the Harry and Jeanette Weinberg Senior & Disabled Living Apt Bldgs., (I did tell you, Loyal Reader, that I received my HCVP voucher last Thursday... didn't I? .... YAY!!!! )
When I saw this (see link below) pop up on FB!

Connecticut Passes Landmark ‘Homeless Person’s Bill Of Rights’ Law

A very important piece of legislation, passed at the proverbial 'Eleventh Hour'.
This makes Connecticut one of only 2 States that have enacted a Homeless Person's Bill Of Rights and recognized that discrimination and abuse are ACTUAL issues that have been practiced by police, bureaucrats, hospitals, and governments.
One more State awaits their Governors signature, and 2 more are in the wings with pending legislation being drafted.
(And I'm not a gonna tell ya who....click the link and read the Think Progress article!!)


Back soon with reports on my housing quest...

Later............................Dave

"Once A Day......... Every Day, ..............................More Or Less............................."

Good Morning;
So....... Thought you guys might get a laugh out of this, considering the drop off in frequency of my posts. At least it took me 4 & 1/2 years to get to this point.....LOL!
Chuck & Beans

Later..........................Dave

"Assorted Rambling ............................ & .............................. A Sordid Ranting ..............."

Good Evening;

Well........ Tomorrow, Thursday the 6th, I have a 2 & 1/2 hour meeting at HABC, (Housing Authority of Baltimore City) to pick up and learn about to to use/redeem my HCVP voucher.
The Housing Choice Voucher Program is what is/was formerly known as Section 8.

I went past HCH today to see Sean, my caseworker/therapist to my pick up my mail. I need the letter from HABC to get into the session, and there was a letter from D.S.S. informing me my Medical Assistance came through, with my disability declaration; and my Food Stamps were canceled and re-instated, reduced from $189.00 to $31.00 per month.

And of course the S.S.I.  was approved back in March.

And the dates on the letters from all the different agencies involved and the eligibility/award dates are so screwed up and sometimes 4 to 6 MONTHS, or more in one case, apart it is amazing more people don't die not knowing they had been approved for their benefits but not notified!

After hearing so much hype for so long, months and years, about how approval was just around the corner and the promises of instant change, the reality has been that there was no sudden "poof" of improvement, but sometimes only a new set of bureaucratic hurdles, or the incredible frustration of having more money than I've had in years, but just never enough at once to both have immediate respite from sleeping on the street, AND the ability to access or acquire a stable long term place of my own.

Add in the worst and longest bout of depression in many years, fueled by the 'after Xmas letdown' reality that I was/am still homeless with cash in hand, that it seems there is always one more step or obstacle between me and a 'home' of my own.... plus the accumulated stresses of first watching my money dribble away to motels, then what started out as a brief interlude at my older daughter's turned into a steadily more agonizing, soul sucking travail of 2 months and counting as I ended up staying (trapped without any transportation) in the middle of nowhere to help her with money, and aid with the grandmonsters, as a 'domestic nightmare' unfolded and hit the fan, complete with restraining orders and court appearances. And then the carefully thought out plans became pipedreams as the object of the issue gradually eased back into the daily routine and the patterns and behaviors began to revert to their old norms. Feelings of frustration, anger, disappointment, and even betrayal began to overwhelm me as the main reason I agreed to stay out in east bumfuck, the absence of a personality...... was no longer in abeyance, and like a slowly coalescing fog of ectoplasmic matter, became an increasingly visible presence. And that's as far as I want to take this thread, let's just say blood is only thicker than water up to a certain point, then it's sink or swim........ and I'm drowning.


I'm at the motel in Pikesville tonight because there was no way to get from Upperco to Southwest Baltimore City in the morning and if I miss this meeting the housing vouchers are voided, hell!!, one can't even be a few minutes late!!!!!!!

The one bright light, as usual, was the day I spent with Rachel, first at Amazing Glaze painting pottery bowls and mugs, the with sushi from Whole Foods out on the Starbucks patio in Mt. Washington. It was a late Birthday outing, (that has been delayed because of unreliable rides that were promised, [also resulting in postponed and yet to be rescheduled doctors and therapists appts.],  and lack of cash that had to be diverted.... robbing Peter to pay Paul, the interfamily version), and we bth had a blast, and both miss each other terribly.
The immediate need is to find a place to live near the City and public transportation, then search for a place that will accommodate Rachel as a frequent visitor and overnight guest.

After tomorrow's meeting in the morning, I have all day to kill until 8:30 pm. when I need to meet Monkee, so I don't know if I can make it back out to the country that night either, I have to contact my niece who live's with Jenn out there and see if she will be going home at all. Hopefully I'll be able to meet her some time between 10:00 pm. and when the bars close at 2:00 am.
She's still at that early 20's party age.

Anyway..... there is still more to catch up on, but I'm tired of thinking about some of this shit.

Later.......................................Dave

"One Picture...........Sometimes Inspires A Thousand Words!........................."

Good Evening;

Well........ this link from "Portraits Of Boston" taken from the the "Teabonics -- WTF Happened To The Republican Party"
Facebook page has a lot to say about attitudes......

http://portraitsofboston.com/post/51642418820/hey-man-take-my-picture-i-cant-do-it-its

Read the conversation......

Later.......................Dave

"Say Whatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt??????????????????...................."

Good Afternoon;

So.......A link to the silly side of Homeless folk;

"Did I Read That Right??!!!!"

Later..................Dave

" Where In The World Is "WOTS"..................................."

Good Afternoon;

So.... If you were wondering where to get your copy of
"Word On The Street"... aka "WOTS"

http://wordonthestreetbaltimore.wordpress.com/2013/05/30/wots-vendors-will-be-at-charles-village-festival-this-weekend/

Later.................Dave

"Be A BBQ Angel.... Whether Giving a Gift Of Food Or Foodserving........"

Good Afternoon;

Well.......I'll be here soon with lots of interesting news to report...
--- past,  present,  & near future ---
(Yesterday's court date - Housing - S.S.I. - Foodstamps - M.A. - et. al.)

WATCH THIS SPACE!

For now... a link to WOTS, about the need for help with the
Homeless Persons BBQ on July 27th

http://wordonthestreetbaltimore.wordpress.com/2013/05/30/upcoming-need-volunteers-for-the-wots-bbq-for-the-homeless/

Later.....................Dave

" E Pluribus Nada........"

Good Evening;
 A link to a cartoon and a column from POVERTY INSIGHTS:

http://www.povertyinsights.org/


Later...................Dave

"200 Mile Per Hour Reality Check..............................."

Good Afternoon;

Well.... The recent tornado in Moore, Oklahoma illustrates how Homelessness can hit ANYONE! While usually not as instant and tragic, we can all be vulnerable to events beyond our control.

And though thoughts and prayers are 'feel good' ways to help, tangible efforts actually help.
the link below is to The American Red Cross Disaster Relief Donations page.

Give-- Money, Blood, And Life

Perspective, a cure for self absorption?.... Not Always!
Check out this slimy piece of shit, a Senator from Oklahoma who refuses to authorize disaster relief for his own damn state without playing political games. Tom Coburn is a worthless waste of oxygen, wish he had been in Moore, instead of the school kids killed when their school building was demolished.

Sumbag Politician

Later..............................Dave

"Toothache.....Infection......Pain.......Misery To The Nth Power......."

Good Afternoon;

Well.......... Both the 104 degree fever and my thermometer broke yesterday.
And it's a damn good thing because I was down to my last 2 painkillers... which I normally break into 4 separate 2 mg. pieces and take a daily dose of 2 mgs. with an occasional increase to 4 mg. on a bad day. The pain and infection that started in my lower left jaw, spread to the upper left jaw and cheek area, and then increased in intensity logarithmically as it settled in the  gums above the broken upper front center incisors, roof of the mouth, nose and sinus region. 
It was the worst, most intense, debilitating pain I have ever felt!!

At the peak it took 4 of my 8 mg buprenorphine sublingual tablets to dull the pain to a bearable level. That is 32 mgs. of a painkiller that mg. for mg. is 
40 times more powerful than Morphine!

The really weird thing is that I have never had pain that was not caused by instant injury or trauma that did not steadily increase as the efficacy of the previously ingested pain meds faded either quicker or slower depending on various factors such as severity of pain and dosage amounts etc.

This pain came back like someone shoved an electrical cord in my mouth and flipped the freakin' breakers! It literally reappeared out of nowhere and could stop/drop me in my tracks! F*ck that!

If the level of pain had increased to the point where it required yet another 8 mg. 'bupe', or I was out of them and stuck out here in the middle of nowhere,
.......well, to euphemize in medical/psychiatric terms; --
 "Ideation would have become Action!"
Yes it was THAT painful.... and the Loyal Readers know all my experiences with surviving "Shock Trauma/Sinai ER7/'near death experience'/'grab the f*cking paddles-charging-clear-again.......again........'/flatlined-clinically dead" pain quality/quantified situations..... more than once!

Anyway..... the fever, and simultaneously the pain broke early Friday afternoon, along with the thermometer. Which I dropped in the sink as I was looking in the bathroom mirror at what I thought was just swollen tissue above the gum line......and which turned out to be a pocket of infected blood, pus, filth, and corruption that burst under my none too gentle manipulations.
And while this nauseated and scared the cowboy shit out of me.... it also relieved the last of the pain and pressure as it drained and I repeatedly rinsed my mouth with Listerine..
....(and squealed like a little girl at the lovely burning sensations......lol)!

So I need root canal work in at least 6 places, encompassing who knows how many of my messed up teeth...... just a bit of free advice boys and girls,....

....."Among the multitude of reasons NOT to do Heroin that you are or will be bombarded with, obvious and not so much so..... one that does not get a whole lot of attention is that besides the incompatibility of good oral hygiene and a junkie lifestyle..... dope in and of itself will suck the freakin' calcium from your teeth, leaving them with the structural integrity of a damn sugar cube!"

I'm still here at Jenn's in the wilds of Northern Baltimore County..... AKA East Bumf*ck!... and this helped in dealing with the situation....... while presenting a whole 'nother set of  sanity challenging issues that I can't even elaborate on here, for obvious reasons of confidentiality and ???????!


The PREAKNESS is about to start, more soon,
Later............................Dave

"Just Checkin' In........................So You Know I Haven't 'Checked Out'....................."

Good Morning;

So..... it's been 5 days short of a month since my last post.... Even with the spotty wifi access I have been dealing with when I am here at Jenn's that I could blame part of the absence on..... the real reason has been a major episode of classical clinical depression. A definite yes on 13 out of 15, and one maybe, on the Burns Depression Checklist;
http://www.uhs.berkeley.edu/home/healthtopics/PDF%20Handouts/Depression%20Check%20List.pdf
(I'm not going to tell you the actual score.... but it was up there!)

Life has gotten even more complicated and it of course had to happen just about the same time as I started receiving my S.S.I. benefits, even though  it's a totally unrelated brand of bullshit, and what's coming off the fan and spraying me is actually collateral damage from other's explosions and implosions.
(I can't go into details now because of confidentiality issues, but more will be forthcoming in future posts as time and distance allow.)

I went to my interview and application session at HABC, (Housing Authority of Baltimore City), for my HCVP, (Housing Choice Voucher Program formerly Section 8), vouchers on Monday with a representative from HCH who drove me over and dropped me off afterwards at the Light Rail. I should hear from them in about 4 weeks.... the search for a place is about to begin next week when I go back to HCH to meet with my caseworker. For the past couple weeks and at least until the end of May, I have been and will be, here at Jenn's...... (for reasons that will be explained later, as stated above).

Anyway..... I'm still alive, if anyone was wondering, and I'll be trying to post more in the future.

Later............................................Dave

"A Need Not For Pity, But For A Righteous Anger, At Our National Shame............."

Good Evening;

A link to a post by Joel John Roberts from "Poverty Insights":

/pity-goes-both-ways/

(Scroll down when the page opens,
there is a large blank white space where ads used to be.)

Later....................................Dave

"..........“I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?” ― Ernest Hemingway..........."

Good Evening;

So....I'm still here at Jenn's after cancelling today's appointment's at HCH. At 5:00 am I had gotten about 25 minutes sleep total for the night and was shivering and could not get warm, and my feet and lower legs were numb/tingling-cold/burning-cramped/throbbing all at once. There was no way I was going to be showered, packed and ready to go in the 30 -45 minutes left before Tom would be leaving to go to work in Hampden. I called and left messages cancelling my appointments and crawled into the recliner and wrapped up and shivered in and out of a shallow sleep until my grandson went to school at 9:00 am., than crawled into his bed and piled on the quilts until I got warm...or nearly so. I finally fell into a period of solid sleep at 11:00 am. until 1:00 pm. and woke up warm enough but still feeling like 2 bags of dead mice. I'm staying here again tonight and tomorrow morning and riding back into Baltimore with Jenn's cousin Sydney who's living here in the attic and who works at the Mt. Washington Tavern. I cancelled the appointment with the psych nurse tomorrow too, because I won't be getting into town until after the scheduled time of the appointment, and because my only other transportation option would be again at 5:30 am..... and I plan to be in deep R.E.M. sleep then.... one way or another. Last night even Melatonin and Vistaril were of little help. Tonight I'm going to adjust the dosage times according to some research into the metabolization rates and also the reaction times and it's efficacy in combination with my buprenorphine.... as the saying goes... "timing is everything".

I'll see you tomorrow with the after-action reports....
“Oh God, midnight’s not bad, you wake and go back to sleep, one or two’s not bad, you toss but sleep again. Five or six in the morning, there’s hope, for dawn’s just under the horizon. But three, now, Christ, three A.M.! Doctors say the body’s at low tide then. The soul is out. The blood moves slow. You’re the nearest to dead you’ll ever be save dying. Sleep is a patch of death, but three in the morn, full wide-eyed staring, is living death! You dream with your eyes open. God, if you had strength to rouse up, you’d slaughter your half-dreams with buckshot! But no, you lie pinned to a deep well-bottom that’s burned dry. The moon rolls by to look at you down there, with its idiot face. It’s a long way back to sunset, a far way on to dawn, so you summon all the fool things of your life, the stupid lovely things done with people known so very well who are now so very dead – And wasn’t it true, had he read somewhere, more people in hospitals die at 3 A.M. than at any other time...” 
― Ray Bradbury, Something Wicked This Way Comes

Later...............................Dave

"Post SOMATIC Stress Disorder?..........................."

Good Afternoon;

Well.....it's Sunday afternoon and I'm here at Jenn's about to figure out the timing and logistics of when and how I am getting back in town today or early tomorrow morning. I have a doctors appointment at HCH at 9:30 am. and after that a meeting at 11:00 am. with my caseworker, Sean.  And then I'll be back there at  3:00 pm. Tuesday to see my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner to review my meds.

As for where I'll be spending my nights once I get back into Baltimore....well, that's the $64,000.00 question, isn't it?

Elana, expressed it quite succinctly in her comment to the previous post;

"We are getting old, and living like this gets old"

And my addition to that would be;

"and exhausting, too!!!!!"

Which is one of the main reasons I've slacked off on writing here as often as I used to, I'm not just tired of writing about homelessness, I'm also just so damn tired recently, as if with the approval of my S.S.I. there was a rider or attachment of mandatory 'Chronic Fatigue Syndrome'.

Anyway, it's time to check out Craigslist, since Tom had a DJ job last night and took the MiFi wireless hotspot and I haven't checked to see if there were any new listings yesterday afternoon or evening.

Later...................................Dave

"WANTED -- Room With A View................... OR NOT!!!!!.................."

Good Evening;

Well...... I had hoped by this time, a month after receiving the lump sum back payment of my S.S.I., that the title of this blog would be incorrect as regards my living situation.
No Such Luck!
I am over Jenn's again for a couple nights, where I have spent about 1/3 of the past month, the remaining 2/3 of the past month were spent on and off between my visits up here in the HoJo's motel in Pikesville. I felt sure I would find an affordable room share in an apartment or a rooming or boarding house based on the ads I was seeing while waiting for my money to be disbursed. But it seemed that as soon as I was in a position to pay for one, there was nothing available in either a decent neighborhood, (and I have been steadily downgrading my standards in that respect), or within my price range, or that did not require a years lease to be locked in.

Between burning up Craigslist 18 hours of 24, and getting more and more depressed, I have not wanted to write anything, either here or for the City Paper. My frustration and anxiety levels are rising in inverse proportion to my cash balance as time seems to be both at standstill and rushing past.

I HAVE to find a place in the coming week, I just cannot afford motel rates, even the dumps cost at least $50.00 a night!, and I realllllly don't want to sleep on the sidewalk anymore.....ever! I don't mind the outdoor sleeping so much, if there was a place near enough to do so I'd buy a tent and stay in a campground.... it's the sense of futility of having money but nowhere to stay!

Anyway, I'm going to try to make myself write more, for your sake Loyal Reader as much as my own sanity. I have been noticing the daily visits decline steadily over the past few weeks as I look at the analytics report from Sitemeter each week.

And if anyone hears of or knows of someone with a room to rent on a week to week or month to month basis, and as long as it's safe, secure, and clean... and in a neighborhood where an older white guy is not automatically looked upon as either a target..... or a potential customer...... please drop me an e-mail, or Comment below.

I'm focusing on the area in the North or Northwest area of Baltimore or the asjacent sections of the County in an arc approximately encompassing all or part, (in certain!!!  neighborhoods!) Towson, Charles Village, Hampden, Remington, Bolton Hill, Mt. Washington, Pikesville, Middle Park Heights, (ABOVE!! Northern Pkwy.), and if the price is low enough- which I'm not going to hold my breath on- Fells Point/Canton/Brewers Hill. Also possibly Reisterstown-OwingsMills-Garrison-Milford Mill, IF the place was with in 2 blocks of a bus line or the subway stations. But I'll consider other areas, if A)- I know the area, and B)- The price just can't be refused.

 Later...............................Dave

"Re-entering The Ether .... Or .... Here I Go Again, All Tangled Up In The World Wide Web! ....."

Good Afternoon;

So........., Yes it's been a little while since my last post. It's been a combination of lack of motivation, a case of my muse(s) being either AWOL, MIA, or just LITO, (Lost In The Ozone), and not being near a computer when I DID get the urge to write.
But......... the last reason is no longer an excuse, (as long as I'm near wifi)!
I took some of the lump sum money that I've been hanging onto for a place to live and spent it on a  Notebook laptop. I was going to get a factory refurbished Chromebook from Acer, the lowest priced unit I could find, for $172.00, but then I saw that there was a NEW, $299.00, ASUS Notebook for $199.00 on clearance.....AND it uses Windows 8 and supports not just 'Apps' but programming not available on the Chromebooks, and has more offline functionality too. So I should be here a bit more often, working around the search for a room or apartment.

I'm still looking for a CHEAP short term week to week or month to month place to bridge the gap until whatever housing benefits I am eligible for come through. And both the 'what' and the 'when' in that equation are unknowns at this time

It seems like all the ads for places that looked promising when I was still waiting for funds instantly vanished as soon as I received them! I have spent no more nights on the pavement since the 14th of March, dividing my time between Jenn's and the motel. I HAVE to find a room in the next week because if I don't I will have crossed beyond the financial point of no return of having whatever 'bundle' of 'first, last &/or security deposit' is required where ever I end up.

I am actually about to call and inquire about a listing for a room here in Mt. Washington that looks promising and just within the high end of my budget.
Cross your fingers for 'first time lucky' on this lead.

Later..............................Dave

"Dealing With PTSD...... But From The OPPOSITE Side Of The Mirror!...................."

Good Evening;
Well.... right after my last post on the 14th I got a text from Jenn saying he mail got there and she was sending something down to me in Mt. Washington by way of her cousin, (my niece through marriage # 1), who works at the Mt. Washington Tavern.........

HALLELUJAH!!
It was a portion of my accrued S.S.I."back benefits" from S.S.A.!....
And of course in typical 'Dave's Lack-a-Luck' style I got it 2 minutes after the banks closed,
and there was no check cashing store open I was able to get to in a neighborhood where I wanted to wait on a bus stop with 2 Grand in my pocket....lol!
So... I ended up sleeping on the library sidewalk with the check tucked away in my shorts...lol!
 
I'm over Jenn's and have been here since last Wednesday night, and spent the 5 nights before then, Friday the 15th through Tuesday the 19th in a motel. I'm looking for a cheap week to week or month to month room while waiting to find out about what housing assistance I will be receiving.

I went and bought needed socks, jockey shorts, jeans, and even a pair of boots and sneakers, all on sale and clearance priced......and under $100.00!! Of course if I had went shopping with only $100.00, none of it would have been on sale....lol!

I really have not been in a mood to write in the past 2 weeks, now that I have my S.S.I., and actually have money in my pocket. I have not been able to find a cheap room in a decent neighborhood, where there were dozens available when I could not make the rent. I'm also
going through a type of 'post-partum depression' too, kinda like the after holiday letdown one experiences when the tree comes down and the tinsel is gone.
A large part is that it still hasn't sunk in yet, and until I actually DO have a place, ANY place to call home, it probably won't be able to. And I keep waiting for the dream to end, to wake up and find out that it WAS just a dream, and I didn't really get anything.

I know it is strange, but for a long time all I had to hold onto as an identity and a defense against totally losing ALL hope, was this image of  "the Homeless Blogger", that through
their honest and innocent  praise and encouragement, a lot of people helped me build as a facade. And now.....I have to figure out...... What do I do, and where do I go, next?

More Soon,
Later.....................................................Dave

{And now I've also got to delete the disclaimer to your left real soon......lol!}


""Pressure" Relief.....At Last!............."

Good Morning;

So....Made my appointments at HCH yesterday and talked with my caseworker/MH counselor about housing options. We are still weeks maybe months away from getting the Section 8 vouchers approved so I think that my best choice will be to rent a small, cheap furnished room or possibly apartment on a weekly or month to month basis until everything is settled and I can make a rational decision without the immediate overwhelming pressure to find shelter hanging over me.
More as that develops.

I spent a good 40 minutes with the doctor and got my BP meds, muscle relaxer, Zantac, and iburofen 'scripts filled...hooray!! Then went to the Phleboto-Vamps and gave enough blood (for tests) to float the Titanic. My Medical Assistance is STILL not active but I was placed in the PAC program (without my knowledge or any notification by mail as is required....great work D.S.S.....NOT!!!!!!
The M.A. should kick in with the S.S.I. benefits, but may take months I am told.
The doc also mentioned that she was scheduling my follow up visit next month with one of their doctor's who CAN write a 'script for the Buprenorphine, and who MAY be able to understand that I don't need to come in every damn day for a single dose, and write the prescription for 30 days, which is the onlyway I'll deal with them concerning the matter.

Still NO MAIL!!! at Jenn's.


Later...........................Dave

"So THAT'S Why It's Called 'Snail Mail'...................."

Good Morning;
(For some reason this did not get posted on Wednesday...stupid library computers!)

Well.......The waiting game continues, if it wasn't way the hell out in East BumF*ck, I'd be camped out at the base of Jenn's mailbox! Relying on S.S.A. via the U.S.P.S. for monies approved but not yet disbursed/received is a classic example of,
.........."frustration"......... lol!

'Just Be Patient' you say? Revel in the anticipation? Ummm, Hello! 'Delayed Gratification' is not in my vocabulary! This is Dave, remember, formerly a "factory sponsored player" for the "Team Cocaine" franchise..........LMAO!

Anyway, today I have an appointment with both my mental health/housing caseworker and then with a Medical Doctor at HCH, at 1:00 pm. and 2:00 pm. respectively. I have a bunch of questions about housing options available to me, and the further role of HCH in my life after I end up with housing...(soon, very effing soon, I hope!!)... and access to their services.

Stay tuned for more updates and a real post once my nerves chill out a bit. I can't really think to write or attempt to be creative just now.

Later.................................Dave

 

"The Fat Lady Is Practicing Her Scales......... Concert Date To Be Announced!!!!.................."

Good Afternoon;
Well..... It's been a busy week. I went over Jenn's on Tuesday to escape the snowstorm, (and up there in the country it really DID snow!), and stayed until Friday afternoon. I'm heading back out there this afternoon with Rachel to monstersit the grandkids tonight, then back here to the library to sleep on Sunday.

On Thursday I rode in with Jenn and Devin to her speech therapy appointment. Just before we stopped in to the S.S.A. offices at Reisterstown Road Plaza to take care of one little detail.... .........................a teeny tiny bit of paperwork that needed to be completed.
Which just happened to be......
THE CULMINATION OF 6 YEARS OF BUREAUCRATIC HELL!!!!........

MY APPROVAL FOR S.S.I. BENEFITS!!!!!!

FUCK YEAH!!!!!

7-15 DAYS UNTIL I GET A CHECK IN THE MAIL,
AND I'M FIGURING A MONTH UNTIL I AM IN (PERMANENT) HOUSING!!
More info to follow in the next post, I've got to hit the buses now.
There's a lot of weird thoughts and emotions rattling around in my head right now,
and I've still got meetings at HCH on Wednesday the 13th to see about housing qualifications, and I'm supposed to see a medical doctor there too. Now I'm wondering where and when my services will be continued, and if I should stay with JAI?


Later.....................Dave

"All Right March, .....Enough With The Lion....I'm Ready For The Lamb!................"

Good Evening;

So.... Cold, Windy; Cold, Windy; Cold Windy, Cold, Windy.
Library-Starbucks, Starbucks, Starbucks, Library.
Library Sidewalk, Library Sidewalk, Library Sidewalk, Library Sidewalk.
That's 4 days of Weather, 4 days of Daytime Locations, 4 days of Where I Spent The Night.
And now you are caught up on my past 4 days from Friday morning through tonight, (Monday).

Tomorrow, Tuesday, at some point in the afternoon I am going up to Jenn's hopefully ahead of the coming snowstorm, to spend a couple nights and days. Then on Thursday Jenn is coming with me to a meeting at the Reisterstown Road Plaza Social Security Office, (details to follow after).

Tuesday will be partly here at the library, then maybe partly at the coffee shop, then possibly on the Light Rail to Hunt Valley, depending on where and when I am meeting Tom for the ride out to their place.

I realized one thing this weekend at the coffeeshop where it was a continuation of "alumni weekend/old home week" as much as I loved the apartment in Canton, I really needed to be out meeting and talking to people to combat the insidiousness of my own particular brand of mental illmess. It's a delicate balance between comfort and crazy and creativity inside my head.

Later............................Dave

" Comments....... Kind Words...... Confessions....... &......... Klutzy Me................ "

Good Morning;

Well.....First I need to say "Thank You!, Elise", for the lovely comment and birthday wishes you sent me as a COMMENT to the previous post, ("Birthday Wishes NOT Birthday Fishes....."), the personal contact means a lot and I truly appreciate the time and effort you took.

 [ -- Damn! Damn! Damn! -- ]
  { ---  Elise...So Sorry....I accidentally deleted your comment as I was trying to remove your email from public view and I cannot undo my error. If you could please repost your comment on the same post and share your story with everyone that would be great, and anyone still struggling can see that there is hope.
(and e-mail me in private if you don't want your e-mail address to be public,
 my e-mail address is in the Header at the top of the blog page,
I would appreciate it, and again..... sorry about this.) --- }

One thing I do have to say is that while I am now clean with a quite  respectable number of years of sobriety to cushion me, I too still feel the consequences of nearly 30 years of cocaine and heroin addiction. I have never denied my part in the many and convoluted circumstances that led up to and more damagingly, have kept me being homeless for this long. While drugs themselves no longer have any 'direct' effect on my life their long term usage stripped me of my safety net and most of my family, and have left indelible and irreversible damages on mind, soul, & body. And as time goes on and many of the physical, emotional, and mental trauma has faded and lessened, I will never be totally free of their memories and scar tissue.

So I am happy you have gotten the chance to stop the destructive slide so early. All recovery is good recovery!
And I would love to meet you and your fiancee for coffee some time....write me.


Well... between my grandson, my son-in-law, and getting soaked on Tuesday, ...
I have a lovely case of chest congestion. You know the type, where the cough is known as 'productive' in medical terms.... but the mucous is so thick and heavy that with each hacking, chest wracking, (but satisfying!....lol), cough that occurs there is an
uncontrollable and instinctive reaction to double check the chunk of phlegm, just to be sure there's not a hunk of lung attached!

Wednesday night was warm and I sat up and read until, near 2:00 am. and slept like a log...well as well as a log with prostate issues may have slept...lol, only getting up once between 3 hour sessions of real solid sleep. Thursday dawned a good bit colder, and windier and Thursday night was much colder and I slept poorly. Plus I could not get my 'pillow' folded, wrapped, and rolled right, it was either hard as a rock or too damn high for my shoulder, (in which I somehow ended up with a pulled muscle in my sleep a couple/three nights ago!), and kept kinking my neck.... so I'm tired and sandy-eyed just now.

Anyway, I have been in the library Wednesday, Thursday, and I'm about to leave here soon a s it closes early on Friday.  I'm on my way to the Giant to scrounge something to eat with my last $3.00 (until tomorrow's TDAP!!!), and then to the Starbucks.
(I really need to find another laptop or a tablet soon, the weather is changing and I want to get outside more, and the craptop I have has given up the ghost at last.) 
Later......................................Dave

" Birthday Wishes.....NOT Birthday Fishes!!...Pisces Or Not!..."

Good Afternoon;

So.......  "Happy Birthday To Me!"
Yeah yesterday was another one down the tubes!....lol!
I had appointments with my HCH caseworker and then with the contract doctor doing
the exam/eval. for the S.S.A. D.D.S. for the State. Which went amazingly well, Dr. Mercado was a wonderful person and even though 'technically', strictly neutral, gave me hope and a positive vibe.

I went up to the Starbucks in Mt. Washington as the rain began to pound down, and John gave me a ride back to the library after the coffee shop closed. Which turned out to be not a good thing. The whole area where I sleep was just soaked and impossible to even think about sleeping at I had some cash that I was saving up towards a pair of boots and part was also going to Monkee......wellllll, the boots are again on hold and Monkee is deferred until the weekend when I hope to get my little bit of TDAP money....
Because....(He Rationalized....)....It's My Birthday Damnit....And I'm Sleeping In A Motel!

Which I did, from 10:00 pm. until 11:00 am. (at a rate of $5.00 per hour!)....
problem is that I forgot about my appointment with the Psych doc at HCH at 10:00am.

damn...outta time......!!!!
Later.........................Dave

"Cold, Dry,Cracked, & Bloody x 10 vs. Smells like Ass, Squared ........................."

So...... This is a typical 'clusterf*ck'!
I'm here at Jenn's out in West Bumf*ck and the boiler won't prime or light, which means no hot water for the shower and load of clothes I came up here for!
The clothes are in a cold water wash and I have been doing some 'ghetto engineering' to keep
the new washer drain hose my son-in-law installed from leaking, splashing out, and basically in the drain pipe!

This is after I had to take a "whore's bath" with 2 pots of water boiled on the stove.
The reason I even bothered with all the hassle is because I have appointments with HCH and a doctor who contracts out for Social Security Administration Disability Determination Services..
and my pants smell like ASS!..... imagine what my ASS smells like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is one of the problems of having only one pair of jeans at the moment, and having to sleep in them because it is now too damn cold to switch into sweatpants out in the weather, and my ass is just too damn big to try to wriggle into them while under the covers/in the sleeping bag!

The clothes just went into the dryer and I need sleep desperately. Last night was cold, windy, and my fingertips are cracked from the cold and all the moisture being sucked out by the cardboard I lay down and then pick up again each day to sleep on.

Oh Well......there's no heat, but it's indoors tonighat least!

Later..................................................Dave 

"The Hobo Life Ain't No 'Big Rock Candy Mountain' Anymore......................."

Good Afternoon;

So..... A letter/comment originally sent to the Baltimore City Paper
in response to the HomeLessCide column "Back To Abnormal"....:
(link to it is in the third post back before this one)

Dave (May I call you that?),

I read your column faithfully. Now, I’m not your typical City Paper reader. I’m a conservative-leaning moderate living in Central PA. Let me say up front that I don’t know at all what it’s like being homeless and I hope your day comes where you don’t have to lug all your worldly goods around and wonder where you’re going to spend the night. If I were homeless, though, I don’t think I’d spend my winters in Charm City. Sometime in early autumn I’d face south and head for the Caribbean (Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Florida). I understand that you have family in B-mo, but you have to take care of yourself. You could face north in early spring and be back in Maryland by June. Good luck, guy, things will be better. Stay warm!

Chuck Spiroff

Thanks for the support Chuck, there are homeless people who do "follow the sun", but that open up a whole new set of challenges. If one does not have any knowledge of, friends, or contacts in a new city it is infinitely more difficult to both simply survive and learn the ins and outs of that city's go/no go zones. Services are harder to access and in some cases not available to transients, or who at least have a longer waiting list behind long term familiar faces. Transferring any benefits may take almost the whole time one would spend at the new location, and then it's time to move North and do it all over again.....every 6 months. Plus the mere logistics of travel and transport would be well nigh impossible. For those who have a source of income that will sustain them, it may be feasible, but walking into a strange city 'cold', broke, and alone, with issues of anxiety, paranoia, and depression? And as you mentioned, I have family here that I am not about to leave.

Besides, with any luck and the blessings of the gods, be they major, minor, old, or new, I am at last in the 'fast track'.. (of course we are talking "Government Fast Track" as in 'Hurry Up And Wait' where molasses and snail racing are considered high speed concepts!!!! ........LOL).. and nearing the point in the neverending application cycle where I will actually get to deal with a human, face to face, as opposed to computer generated, form letter, automatic rejections and dismissals. Another jurisdiction means a new S.S.A. office and having to re-start he whole process, and I already LOST 2 YEARS!! because a former 'service provider' dropped the ball.

Anyway, I'm here at the library, about to head out to the bus and over to the coffee shop in Mt. Washington now, so I'm not stuck here in Pikesville with nowhere to be once the library closes at 5:30 pm. The rain has stopped it looks like and it is not TOO cold and it does not look like tonight will be too bad either. Last night was damp, drizzly, and foggy, but only chilly not bitter and I think tonight will be similar.

Not to say I don't want someone to come by and say " Jump in the car and crash at my place for a while"!!!!!!.........LOL!!!
Later............................Dave



"Who Let The Dogs Out?.......'Woolfe!! .....Woolfe!!'............."

Good Afternoon;

A quote I was asked to share....:

To admit authorities, however heavily furred and gowned, into our libraries and let them tell us how to read, what to read, what value to place upon what we read, is to destroy the spirit of freedom which is the breath of those sanctuaries. Everywhere else we may be bound by laws and conventions—there we have none.”
-- Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)
Later.......................Dave



"Winter Wonderland My Left Nut!!! ........ CWS!!!!!....."

Good Evening;

So.... It's that time again......

Dropping down to 28 degrees with an 18 degree wind chill, and me without my shed.

COLD WEATHER SUCKS!!!
Bed, Couch, Recliner, & Floor space gratefully accepted!!!

Call me!

After 2 nights with Rachel at Jenn's, (even with my son-in-law sick as a dog and a bitch of a stereotypical 'under the weather male'), it is not looking like a fun 3 or 4 days back out here on the sidewalk! a 'Perfect Storm' effect of short library hours, precipitation, wind, cold, and lack of ....'off street parking'.....(lol)!

Later..............................Dave

"Back to Abnormal - Columns - Baltimore City Paper"

Good Afternoon;

Here is a link to the latest column in the
Baltimore City Paper;

Back to Abnormal - Columns - Baltimore City Paper


Later.................................Dave

"Auld Lang Syne....................."

Good Afternoon;

So...I made it to my HCH appointment with my mental health/housing caseworker and was told all the paperwork was done and sent in with all the "i"s crossed and "t"s dotted to the housing agency, and now we are waiting for an interview date. Still not letting my hopes take flight though.....too may experiences as a 'clay pigeon at an expectations skeet shoot' to put much credence in anyone's...."soon, very soon now!" talk.

While I was at HCH I ran into my S.S.A. caseworker and also the Speakers Bureau Coordinator, who is also involved with the fledgling 'Word On The Street' (W.O.T.S.) street newspaper (and blog) distributed by homeless folks who get to keep 75% (?) of the sale price. She had some release forms for me to sign for a couple of my poems being published in the next 2 (Quarterly) issues.  I also ran into her at the Starbucks at Mt. Washington over the weekend/Monday as well as Jeff Singer the retired Director of HCH who helped me get in contact with the caseworkers and counselors I so desperately needed but could not access due to the debilitating anxiety that I could not get past to 'cold call' as a walk-in with no previous contact or introductions.

It seemed to be 'old home week' at the library, Giant, & coffee shop from Friday to Monday as I ran into all kinds of people I had not seen in months, and in some cases a couple years, who have aided me on this journey to get assistance. I had not realized how much I missed actual human companionship and conversation when I was at the cat sitting gig, too much talking to the TV......LOL!!

I dodged a bullet twice as regards precipitation this week, and only once had to truly feel a touch of cold while bundled up in the bag and blankets. Sunday Night Was COLD and Windy!!!

Today Tom is picking me up here at the library this afternoon, then we are grabbing Rachel and heading out to Jenn's where I am watching the grandmonsters tonight while jenn and Tom go to a meeting Jenn is chairing. Rachel will get a chance to play with Ed this afternoon and Devin while Ed is in school tomorrow.

I think(!?) there will be a new column in the City Paper in Wednesdays edition, more as I find out.

And winter is on the downswing......let's hope the Grouindhog was right this year!!!

Later........................Dave

"Long Green With a Short Fuse?......................"

Good Morning;

So ..... this is in reply to Becky624's comment on the "Helter Shelter" post:

Becky..... WOW! That is quite a limited range of options. I'm pretty sure that there  are a few more choices available to anyone.

I know that for Section 8 housing, once you are approved, you can live anywhere, at any residence, within the jurisdiction of the adminstering agency, (City, County, Etc.), that accepts the Section 8 payments. That could be a regular apartment complex, (some of which are required to have 'mixed income' levels, if built with any Federal or State funding), straight up all subsidized unit complexes, what used to be known as 'the projects', or single family homes, or houses made into apartments or rooming houses. Even some 'residence motels' accept it.

Of course 'marrying rich' is not an option I'd refuse.....(depending on her 'pre-nup').... 'cause love and money are not always incompatible!.....LOL!     ;~)

Later.............................Dave

"Helter Shelter............"

Good Evening;
Well....here is a  story from the "Word On The Street" street newspaper....
seems like my reasons for avoiding the City's Shelter aren't so bizarre after all!

A Newspaper About Homeless In Baltimore

• By cyberbunny7300 Uncategorized

HELP THE 83 HOMELESS ENCAMPMENT

HELP THE 83 HOMELESS ENCAMPMENT

BONNIE LANE

There is an encampment of wonderful homeless people under 1-83 diagonally from the city’s prized, Housing Resource Center (HRC), Baltimore’s biggest shelter. Some of these “campers” I’ve known for a while and some I just met in their home today. 

tent at 83 camp

Mr. Nate also known as the camp mayor greeted us and offered us seats. A pleasant gentleman, Nate said he camped by choice. He camps because of the horrible conditions at the HRC.   “I’m a grown man and they treat clients like children.”  Nate said his case worker came to the camp last week and told him about the pending eviction of the camp on February 26th.

Mellow & Mr. “Mayor” Nate

Mellow talked with me next. “I lost my job.  That’s what caused me to be homeless.  I have kids. They are in Montgomery county and being taken care of. I’m out here struggling for them. The shelter doesn’t allow a man to work. You are out at 4:30 or 5 am and you have to line back up at noon.  At least, I can look for and do some work being here.”

I left the camp with a lot of my mind and many questions. Why are these people being evicted? Why now? I am still waiting for the answers.  I called the Mayor’s Director of Policy & Communications and left a voice mail. 

Later on Wednesday, I returned to talk to the campers with the social work student, Kait Mc Donough and two fellow homeless advocates Tony & Shakazulu. This time there were many people waiting to talk with us. Mayor Nate had convened a camp meeting. One of Mayor Nate’s questions was, “How come no one official from the city has come to talk to us yet?”  I told him that I didn’t know why and I would keep asking the city until I got an answer.

Point blank the system has failed these homeless people as well as thousands  across the country living in encampments like this one.   Charles and Tracy Jones granted me an interview to tell their side of this tragic story. “We’ve been here camped since Jan 29, 2012. We were both at BBH (Baltimore Behavioral Health). BBH started charging $300 a person to stay. That is $600 and our $185 TDAP checks aren’t enough.” said Charles.

Charles & Tracy Jones

When I asked the couple about staying in the city shelter, Tracy said, “I did it before and I didn’t like it. There’s too much stealing. I had my medication stolen. They separate couples. You have to sign in at noon. If I have a doctor’s appointment I have to choose between it or a shelter bed.  They pat you down and frisk you.”

Charles had a job as a carpet installer and Tracy worked as a bartender/server. The housing authority has failed Charles Jones. He was on the section 8 waiting list since 2007. In May 2012, he went into their office on Pratt Street to learn they had made a computer error. The error was they were sending his mail to the right street address with the wrong zip code. This caused Charles to be removed from the list because he hadn’t replied to two notices.  Charles housing application has been withdrawn and he now is waiting for a hearing.  “Everywhere I turned a door is slammed I my face. I’ve been fighting with the housing office on Pratt since 2007.”

Charles and Tracy have four children between them. Their children are ages 2 5, 5 and 11. The children are split among multiple family members until this homeless couple can secure housing.  They thanked me for helping them tell their story. I left the camp again full of questions which I intend to ask until I have the answers.

Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake stated, “Homelessness is unnecessary.” at the recent 75 Journeys Home press conference. My questions to her and her office are: Why this encampment eviction? Doesn’t it make these homeless people even more vulnerable? Does the city intend to provide real housing for these people? The shelter fills up most days at noon. Where should they go? How does this help Baltimore’s ten year plan to end homelessness?”

Main tents at camp 83

I will be writing updates on this story as details unfold and probably questioning the Mayor’s Office in person.  Myself, I am committed to helping save the 83 encampment. If you wish to join me in the fight to either get housing for these people or save their camp, email me at explosive7300@gmail.com

                                    Later.....................................Dave                                       

"Another Night In Paradise.............."

Good Evening;

So....After a dry day at the library......
A wet night has begun, it's rain mixed with snow at the moment, and about 35 degrees. The sidewalk outside the library is dry enough in my sleeping corner so that the cardboard I already have will suffice as ground cover/insulation/mattress. The extra cardboard I snagged today can be used as a windbreak, or an awning or tent like structure if it starts getting windy and blowing the precipitation inward. The low temp. is not supposed to drop below 31 degrees so cold is not a major issue tonight. I just wish their was someplace really close to hangout for a while after the library closes at 9:00 pm., (and 5:00 pm. on Fri. Sat. & Sun.!!!), lugging my bedding and baggage is a bitch.

There is nothing exciting to mention, other than my meeting on Friday at 1:00 pm. with my mental health caseworker at HCH, I'm hoping I can stash at least one bag somewhere for a few hours to avoid dragging both on the bus, especially as I'll be coming back during school letting-out hours and or rush hour.

Later.................Dave