"What's the BUZZZZZZZ.........OR............From Apiary to Aviary.....Again!.........."

Good Afternoon;

So I just met another long lost relative. My cousin Harriet, (granddaughter from my Grandfather's hidden first marriage), stopped by the library with her son Mark(c?), and we met and talked for an hour or so.

It helped a bit to have someone to talk with, and has been a factor in lightening my deeply black mood to a dark gray. The clinical depression is also bottomed out for this cycle and is beginning the long slow climb up the steep and slippery slope towards 'neutral buoyancy'.

I seem to have caught up on some much needed sleep, and although the time slept was increased only slightly, it was apparently much more restful, raising the mood level from 'suicidal/homicidal' to merely 'shitty'....(LOL).

The idea of a 'road trip' is growing stronger and more intense each and every day.

The destination varies from minute to minute, (or from psychoses to neuroses...lol), there are times I want to head south to Florida and try to hook up with some of the 'boat people' I used to know, at other times I want to just start out with a bus ticket "west" and just roll with it....and on the really dark days I think about going to Ocean City, starting at the beach, and walking east. This isn't planned as a permanent departure as of yet...(except of course the hiking trip to France....lol)...there is still Rachel here in Baltimore.

I just have to get away from this place for a while, (on something other than a 'State sponsored vacation'!!....LOL!). Keep watching this space for more updates as of June 7th, when a decision will be forthcoming. With out a passport or driver's license available, limitations arise as to both destination and mode.

Last night I closed the library and wandered over to the Dunkin Donuts and filled a bag with a few friters. apple buns and a bagel from the dumpster. That is today's meals as of this point. I spent $1.25 out of my last $1.97 on a cup of coffee, (the machine was broken yesterday and I never did get any coffee), so I am down to 72 cents in liquid assets. (and a can of diet orange soda....lol).

When I went into the shed about 11:30 pm. last night I used up almost the whole can of Wasp and Hornet spray, soaking the insulation and the backing paper and sticking the nozzle down inside to soak down the nest/hive. The buzzing got insane for about a half an hour, then at random intervals as latecomers returned to the site, finally silencing completely about 1:00 am. I was watching "Two And A Half Men" on the DVD player until the battery died, and then i either fell asleep or passed out due to the toxic fumes. When I rapped on the paper this morning there was no noise behind it at all.

Although......a New group of birds decided they wanted to try to take up housekeeping in one of the other gaps in the walls of the shed this morning around 5:00 am., perhaps because of the lack of bees? I banged and slammed and threw things at the roof until they stopped coming back, about an hour later.

Who knows what will await me when I return tonight, if they took advantage of the absence of distractions to establish squatter's rights' or not.

I guess I am going to just stay here at the library as hot and humid as it is outside. It is now projected to be in the low 90's tomorrow and Thursday, so that looks like the plan for the next few days....just f*cking lovely, between the heat and the fumes and the waterbugs, the shed should be delighful.

I guess I'll call Jenn and see if I can scrounge a meal tomorrow and kill some time there possibly, Iknow I'll be sick and tired of donuts by then, and it's too hot to go stand in line at one of the soup kitchens. 8 and 1/2 days to go until I see if my money came through.

I'm done for now...............later.....................Dave

"The Birds And The Bees???"............And...."Somethings Gotta Give"......."

Good Afternoon Again;

So I also had a visit from red ants last night, they looked like the fire ants I know from Florida, but I was not about to let myself get bit to test the theory! Why this spring after 16 months in the shed of only having a single episode of insect problem am I now being overrun? Could it be that the baby birds falling into the walls and dying, (around the same spot as the hive), have attracted these unwanted guests? The shed is starting to deteriorate much more rapidly, and everytime it rains hard the walls where the trees and vines are growing through open up more and more. It is a real bitch because of the location of the shed . It is pretty much centrally located in the area where I spend most of my time, other than the coffee shop, and that is becoming less and less a desirable destination anyway.

It seems somehow fitting that this is happening now for some reason, I have sunken into a black depression and it is being exacerbated by outside events, situation and influences. Hitting rock bottom financially with 8 days to go before I even know if I'm getting any more cash, out of Foodstamps and food of any kind, the projected weather forecast of temperatures in the upper 80's and high humidity, 'bupes' for only 2 more days, not being able to take Rachel out, and her being sick on top of it all is bearing down on my mind. Someone special having a birthday and not being able to do something special for her bothers me. And of course the imagination works overtime to produce and manufacture scenarios and situations that may or may not occur, but which keep springing up in any case. And of course the 2 really big things that are eating me up, the conflicting or at least contrasting feelings of deep and painful loneliness, paired with the ever increasing desire just to have a little place where I can be safe, secure, minimally comfortable......and,........alone.

The Baltimore Magazine story had a line about..."showing signs of real mental illness", well this is what they were talking about. This and the increasing incidence and severity of anxiety/panic attacks. I isolate as much as possible when these are imminent and I have the opportunity, so the majority of them are unseen. But they are coming more often with no warning. I am just so tired of everything right now, and the effort of keeping up the facade is becoming too much.

What scares the most is that I losing my sense of humor, even in the blackest of times I could find something, even if it was ironic, to laugh about....it is becoming harder. and the temper is getting shorter. I need a change, or a break, or a rest, or something, and damn soon, I think.

Out of time, I'm done for today. Ithink I may stay and close up the library, I really don't feel like bussing it today.

Later....................Dave

"Buggin' Out!..........................."

Good Afternoon;

It's one of those confusing weather days, one minute it seems comfortable, the next it's humid as hell. Massive banks of cloud drift across the sun and the breeze picks up and sitting in the shade I begin to think about changing out of my shorts into jeans. The next instant the sun reappears, the wind drops and I am soaking wet again, and when I walk into the A/C in the library I get chilled. A totally schizophrenic day to match my schizoid mood.

I left the library Saturday afternoon and ended up by default at the Starbucks. It was 5:00 pm. before I finally got around to eating a meal for the day. I left there as it began to rain, just before closing, and went over to the Light Rail, planning to ride the train for a while to kill time. Whne the train had not arrived 34 minutes later I just took the bus back to the Plaza and then the next one up to Pikesville and sat outside the First Watch and read 'til midnight befor I hit the shed and lay down. Only to promptly get up and deal with anothe batch of waterbugs/roaches. Another sleepless night ensued and I eventually crawled out around 12:45 pm. to catch the bus to Jenn's where I showered and watched the kids until about 7:45 pm. It was too late to go anywhere so I went back up to the bench outside the First Watch and read again until about 9:30 pm. when I tried to go to sleep, being totally exhausted, in body, mind, and spirit. As I was moving a bag around to put the dirty laundry in it, I bumped the insulation and heard a loud, angry, buzzing as of a massive amount of bees, and out from the side of the paper covering the insulation, (Paper backed fiberglass strips that fit between the studs, and the outer wall. There is no inner wall.), there appeared a half dozen big, fat, bees.

I had a hell of a time trying to swat and crush them without banging into the sides of the shed and attracting some more. Eventually I got them and rushed over to the Giant at 1 minute 'til closing and went to get a can of wasp and hornet spray, (it also makes a hell of a Mace!!!), and had only $3.00 and the spray was $6.35, and there was no one in the store I knew, not even any of the employess, from whom I coul;d borrow the missing $3.36......I called Jenn and they had no spray. I was not a happy camper to say the least. I quietly crept back into the shed and the nest or hive was silent, so I lay down and made a supreme effort all night NOT to bump anything. I read for a bit then fell asleep for an hour and have been up since. I just lay there with no reason to get up until about Noon. Iwent into the Giant to use the facilities and when I was coming out Tom was coming in. He bought me a can of insect spray, and I'll try it later this evening.

liz dropped off the replacement bag for me on her way past and I have to transfer my stuff to it from the duffel.

I'm out of time now.......later......Dave

"From ..'Night Of The Living Dead'...........To..........'Dawn Of The Dead'.................."

Good Afternoon;

So after I left here yesterday I stopped at the coffee shop and sat out on the back patio just spacing out and at times nodding off from lack of sleep, waking up abruptly when I either smacked the back of my skull against the brick wall behind me or damn near snapped a vertebrae when my head fell forward towards my chest. Coffee didn't help, neither did a Coca Cola, (until I wanted to sleep, many hours later..THEN the caffeine kicked in!), so I ended up taking an unwanted 'power nap'.

While I was sitting there a bit later, (in the early evening), I saw a large, long billed, long legged grayish blue bird fly across the grass and along the Jones Falls to perch on a branch overhanging the river. I went over to look at it and we stared at one another across the stream. It spread it's wings and fluffed up it's feathers and raised the long yellow feathers on it's head that made up it's crown, in either a territorial or mating display. What an amazing sight, and within the city limits too. I just looked on Google and identified it as a "Yellow Crowned Night Heron". This was the highlight of my day and along with sitting in the shade as evening fell and painted the sky with a pastel palette, helped to lift me somewhat out of the black mood I have been in.

I left there about 8:00 pm to head over to Monkee's to get my 'bupes' for the next 5 days. We talked for a while and I went back out to North Ave. to wait for the bus. This is a part of my old stomping grounds when I was using and it is always interesting to watch the interplay and social dynamics of the people on the streets and on the bus, and also their reactions and actions toward me and any other white folks who may be around. It is pretty much a given that almost any white male down there at 10:00 pm at night is either looking for drugs or a cop, females have additional categories of 'baby mama' and/or 'ho', and sometimes there will be white folks who are just totally lost and clueless as to where they are. The majority of the 'locals' will usually just ignore you, or talk about 'white boys' as if you were not there, with an insulting or confrontational attitude, and then there is the large minority of mostly younger people who eye you as a predator eyes up it's prey, calculating whether the risk is worth the possible profit, and sometimes just whether they can get away with senseless violence for it's own sake.

I could not sleep so I ended up riding buses and the Metro all over the city, watching and listening.

I had a couple conversations with people, one of which was with another homeless guy who also refuses to lower himself to the level of the available "EOS" or Emergency Overnight Shelters" that most outreach organizations and well meaning but clueless Samaritans point toward at first mention of homelessness. He had also some of the same experiences I had at one of the missions, where, if you start to fall asleep in the overcrowded, overheated room during the hell and brimstone, damnation sermon you must sit and listen through before you are allowed to enter the mess hall or the dorm...you are put out on the street. He also told me of experiences he had at a detox center run by BBH, (Baltimore Behavioral Health), where while on a combination of powerful medications , (Seroquel, Klonapin, Clonidine,...among them), given him by the center, he nodded off during class or group counseling and was immediately accused of being 'high' on 'street drugs'. Having gone through this same detox back in 2000, and leaving it to go cold turkey and do it myself, I could relate to his misery.

I watched as the 'normal' riders thinned out and the destitute and derelict lingered, catching as much of the coolness while they could before the subway closed at midnight, or bus routes began to shut down at various times through the night. The passengers remaining on the train looked like zombies or the TV/movie stereotype of a refugee shown fleeing war or natural disaster.

I finally got to Pikesville and stopped at the gas station, then since I STILL could not sleep, sat on the bench in front of First Watch and read for another hour or so. When I did get into the shed I used my little portable battery operated fan for the first time to try to counteract some of the heat that builds up during hot sunny days. As I was rearranging the cardboard mattresses and laying out the blankets and sleeping bag for padding, I encountered more of the big fat black waterbug/roaches and tried to spray the air freshener, (the smell of the decaying and decomposing birdies is almost but not quite gone), to either kill..HA!!..or keep them away. Of course now I could not sleep because every little scratch and skritch had me turning on the flashlight and grabbing a shoe looking for the little bastards!

I ended up getting about 3 hours sleep and then just lay there, overcome and enervated, by ennui and inertia, lack of motivation and direction, and this cloud of depression that is enveloping me.

When I did get up about Noon, feeling like two bags of dead mice, and like something died in my mouth, I wandered through the Giant for an hour, and shaved, which can be almost as good a shower in a pinch, brushed my teeth, and grabbed some of the low budget bologna and day old rolls for meals, and....here I am. I'm just about out of time, and I'm going to the Starbucks I guess. I have $4.00 to last me the next 10 days, so I guess it is 'dumpster dining' on some nights. I'll be able to get something at Jenn's tomorrow when I stop by for a shower and maybe babysit the grandmonsters for a while. As I said before not getting that extra bit of marked out stuff from Starbucks really makes a difference. If nothing else comes through this week, I may be back out on the corner of I-83 for a few days, the first time since last October, and that was only a day or two.

We shall see what we shall see!

I still have one copy of the poems printed up..$10.00 if anyone wants it.

I am seriously thinking about purchasing a month's worth of meds and getting all my refills from the pharmacy and as soon as I can just stick out my thumb and see how far south or west or maybe even north I can go. The Foodstamps are good across the country, as is the cellphone. I should have about $100.00 cash if I don't buy my monthly bus pass and only put the minimum on my phone.

I need to either immerse myself in the ocean, or sit on the top of a mountain.....or both!

Like the timeless and deeply meaningful philosophy expressed so succintly by

Otter and Boone in one of the darkest moments of the seminal male bonding movie and anti-establisment classic........."Animal House", when things are at the bleakest and blackest and all you have left is hope and faith, when everything is gone, even the stuf you didn't steal..when the man has even taken the bar!

There is only one thing left to do......

Road Trip!!!

The library is closed Sunday...see you Monday.....maybe........Dave

"Outside Looking In..............................."

Good Afternoon;

Sorry but no funny anecdotes today. I'm too exhausted in body, mind and spirit.

I slept poorly again last night, partly due to the heat that the shed holds from the day, partly from the insomnia. I'm so tired of not having a place to just sit and just have somewhere to 'be'. Somewhere I don't have to get up and leave everyday just to fulfill the mimimum requirements of existence. I am tired of hurting all the time. It is getting to be an effort to crawl out of bed, such as it is, everyday. All I want is to be able to get up and NOT go anywhere for a change.

Right now I have the basic needs, (except for shelter),--meds, food, and phone,--covered for another couple days, (or at least the money set aside), and a couple dollars extra in my pocket. After that, who knows?

It's getting hot early today, not extremely so but enough to make being in the sun uncomfortable to sit and eat lunch. With the Starbucks in Pikesville closed there is no place close to be able and sit and just kill time. I'm getting tired of riding 2 buses each way to go to Mt. Washington now that the crew has changed so much, the atmosphere has gotten much less carefree and 'family' like; except for Ashley and Veronique there is no one still there from a year ago.

I am so damn drained from the afteraffects of Wednesdays anxiety attack I can barely think straight to write, and it is too much trouble to try to be clever or humorous.

Keeping up the facade is becoming a burden,

always being alone, even in a crowd, is killing me.

Waiting for answers is killing me.

Sh*t times up

later........Dave

"Aches, Pains, and Financial Gains...................................."

Good Morning;

Another sleepless night, or more accurately day and a half. I tossed and turned and every time I fell asleep, I woke up either stiff and in pain, or with a terrible headache. Then when I did eventually drift off into REM sleep a truck backed into the fence that the shed is up against showering me with crud from the walls and ceiling and knocking my water bottle off the shelf onto my face. A true 'rude awakening'.

I am on the way to Jenn's to shower, hoping that will help to relax me and also pull me up out of this black mood I have sunken into. I'm also going to wash ALL my clothes since I had a run of good luck last night on the Keno, betting a dollar, which was 1/5 of my total cash and winning $25.00 on that game, and also on 2 of the next 3 games, plus $2.00 twice. I played for an hour and walked out $60.00 richer than I came in. That is money for meds, food, and phone for the rest of the month, and well timed too, as I have only a few bucks left on my stamps and a few minutes left on my phone and 2 days of meds left!

I'm out of here for now. I am going to see if Liz is in the office at Prologue, and whether she had any luck with the bag, while I am on the way to Jenn's.

Later................Dave

"Clean And Serene".................

Good Afternoon;

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

So, a little bit of venting, some emotional and spititual exhales, and a few deep calming breaths, and a couple dozen repetitions of the above plus a little bit of needed medication, and 45 minutes of conversation with my cousin Harriet, (who happened to be in the library, and when I went to cancel out..we started to talk...lol), and a chance meeting with Evan, (editor of the Baltimore Magazine), and his 3 and 1 and 1/2 year old sons and I am in a better place.

I sent an explanatory letter to Liz by e-mail and an apology, and now I'm out of time again.....

later....Dave

"Non Compos Mentis"..............

Good Afternoon;

So that was quick, wasn't it?

A 12:30 pm. meeting and back at the library on the computer before 1:00 pm.!

The reason for my rapid return is; that when I got to Prologue and Liz came downstairs, she had with her the partner with whom she shares an office and the company car, and told me she was coming along, did I mind. Well, I'm already having a bad day as it is and I automatically said sure, so I would not have to deal with any confrontation or uncomfortable questions. To tell the truth I DID NOT want her to come along, because I was already in the first stages of an anxiety attack and for some reason my first impression of this woman just rubbed me the wrong way. And because I am not comfortable with strangers in a situation where I need to be able to open up and expose my thoughts, needs, fears and feelings. I expected it to be me and my caseworker, with whom I have established a bond, and also, I felt, a sense of trust and friendliness. The time I have spent with Liz has been as much social interaction as it has been therapeutic and business oriented. By the time we walked out to the car to unload all the stuff in my bag I was just about to go full goose gonzo into a panic attack, so I just told her it was a bad day fro me and I was going to split. And if she was going to go to the Walmart, she could do whatever she wanted about the bag..(after I showed her the seams)..that she and Walmart could agree on...trade, exchange, refund, at this point I didn't much care.

I am on edge today, now more than ever. I do not know why I could not come right out and say that I was not comfortable with someone else along during 'my time', but I could not, it was easier and less painful just to run. Was I, Am I wrong to feel this way??, I don't know and at this time I don't care. Am I overreacting?, Quite possibly. Should I have said something then? Most probably. Will I say something to Liz later? Good question? I don't know right now. Between the lack of sleep, the depression that has overtaken me so insidiously and deviously this time, (I did not feel it coming on like I usually do, and so was unprepared to use the normal diversionary tactics that seem to lessen it's affect and duration), and the f*cking loneliness that has me in it's grips, plus the case of the full blown paranoia and anxiety that is tearing me to shreds inside right now and the feelings of physical nausea that have my stomach in knots, I don't really give a damn.

I may blow off my plans to get together with my cousin Harriet later, I'm not sure if I can deal with that right now. I may just go sit somewhere by myself and see if this runs it's course by itself. Then again I may get a six pack and head out into the woods. The only thing I know I am not, (at this point, this moment, Just For Today as it is said, but that is all one can ask for anyway), going to do is go score some coke or some dope. Not because I don't want to, but because I have not reached the point where the desire outweighs the consequences. And because I really don't think there is any decent stuff out there, from what I have heard anyway.

For anyone who has met me and wondered about what I am talking about when I mention mental, emotional or psychological/psychiatric issues...you should be in my f*ckin' head today!! I usually try to stay out of the public presence when I feel this coming on, but I was blitzkrieged today, with no idea that the anxiety/panic would escalate to this level. I feel like a volcano about to erupt, or a boiler with a broken pressure relief valve ready to violently explode. The urge to hide is competing with the urge to hit something or break something...animate, inanimate...whatever.

I know that seeing Rachel was a two edged sword today, both joyful and painful. The pain coming from the shortness of our time together and the feelings of inadequacy that come form not having any money to do something and not having a place where we can live together at least part of the time.

Okay, I've got to go now, this place and the people here are closing in on me it feels like. I think I saw Harriet too, and I have to either see her or call her and tell her it is not a good day to hang out.

Sorry to unload on you all...but WTF!, it's partly what this blog is for, a way to try to preserve what little sanity I have left!

Later ...Dave

"Dial 'I' For Insomnia.....Isolation.....&.....Incomplete................."

Good Morning;

Well another night has passed and I woke up way too early. I was up at 3:45 am. thinking it is about 6:00 am. or so. I finally was able to fall back asleep about 8:00 am., when the phone rang 30 minute later. It was a number I did not recognize so I let it go to voice mail, as I was listening to the message from my newly found cousin Harriet, my other phone rang..(okay, some of you are saying "what is a homeless guy doing with 2 cell phones?"...well I'll tell you. One number is a phone I've had for about 4 years, the other is a SafeLink phone that delivers around 64 minutes a month provided free by the U.S. government to poor folks who receive Foodstamps , disability or social security.....and I'm about to get a third phone through someone who is eligible but does not want one and is going to let me use theirs, since my original number is a pay by the minute phone...as are the Safelink phones if you want to add more minutes...), and it is Harriet asking if I want to get together today.....lol. We are going to try to meet after my meeting with my Prologue caseworker Liz. Liz and I are going to Walmart to return or exchange my new bag which has torn already.

Then when I am in the Giant, brushing my teeth and washing up the phone rings again, and it is Rachel telling me to come to the front of the store. She was there with her mother, and Carol..one of the cashiers..told them I had just walked in. We visited for a while and I may see her later this afternoon, after i meet with Harriet.

Last night I left the Starbucks at closing and spent some time with my favorite bus driver, (again a lovely, friendly and compatible woman.........happily married....continuing the theme of the last post......lol), and stopped at the gas station before entering the shed. There was a man out side by the pumps trying to scam customers by saying he was homeless and hungry. I know for a fact that he is living in a boarding house nearby and is a crack head and a drunk. I mentioned this to the manager and he, (who knows me, and a few other of the real homeless folks in Pikesville, and let us use the bathroom and sit inside for a while on cold or hot nights), chased him off the premises. It only takes one jerk to ruin a situation for those who do not abuse their privileges.

I read for a while then turned the lantern off and just lay there thinking and spacing for a long time, unable to sleep. it is a toss up which is the more painful lack in my life right now, a residence or a companion. It is not sex that I am so desperately longing for, [though that is a factor...(although my libido is at such a low point right now that an 'erection' is nothing but the way the Japanese choose their heads of state!!!............LOL!!!)...], but companionship of the opposite sex, physical contact of a non-violent nature, and just the opportunity to wake up and occasionally not be alone.

As I have said in one of my poems, the lack of 'caresses not coitus', is what is killing me slowly.

Okay I've got to leave for Prologue now and meet Liz, who of course would also be a perfect fit as a 'Friend', but of course, is happily married....lol. Luckily we have talked about transferrence in a clinical/professional client/provider relationship, and worked out any possible conflicts.

See you later.................Dave

'Right Place----Wrong Time...............As Per Usual............"

Good Afternoon;

Sometimes life is like a song....

In my case:

I been in the right place but it must have been the wrong time

I'd have said the right thing but I must have used the wrong line

I been in the right trip but I must have used the wrong car

My head was in a bad place and I'm wondering what it's good for

I been the right place but it must have been the wrong time

My head was in a bad place but I'm having such a good time

I been running trying to get hung up in my mind

Got to give myself a good talking-to this time

Just need a little brain salad surgery

Got to cure my insecurity

I been in the wrong place but it must have been the right time

I been in the right place but it must have been the wrong song

I been in the right vein but it seems like the wrong arm

I been in the right world but it seems wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong

Slipping dodging sneaking creeping hiding out down the street

See me life shaking with every ho' I meet

Refried confusion is making itself clear

Wonder which way do I go to get on out of here

I been in the right place but it must have been the wrong time

I'd have said the right thing but I must have used the wrong line

I'd have took the right road but I must have took a wrong turn

I'd have took the right move but I made it at the wrong time

I been on the trip road but I must have used the wrong car

My head was in a good place and I wonder what it's bad for.

Thank You, Mac Rebennac AKA;

Dr.John The Night Tripper

It seems that every time I hear about a program or an opening or a grant for housing..it is the day after it closes, or is filled, or has expired.

Not only that, can someone tell me why every time I meet the woman who would make the perfect companion,

AAAHHHHRRGGGGHHHH!

Why do I always end up next to the most annoying people at the computers here at the library!!! The old biddy next to me is sitting and popping and cracking her gum at the rate of 30 snaps a minute!! And it is not the typical young brainless baby's mama, but some old white woman! And on the other side the evil old bigoted, racist, white haired witch just sat down..............AARRRGGHHHHH!!!!....On and On and On........I'm about to lose it today!!!!

(sorry about that)

she is either gay or with someone else, (happily, damn it!), in a long term relationship.

Yeah, well, if you could not tell, being alone is getting to me at the moment. It was exacerbated by a surprise visit at the coffee shop in Mt. Washington yesterday evening of my friend Michelle, artist, professor at MICA, mother of an adorable little girl, faithful supporter...and all, around wonderful person. Oh yeah, and married....lol!

But seriously, she is a good friend and we had a chance to catch up a bit on each other's lives. And she also rang in with the opinion...."You ought to write a book!", Again, I tried to explain my fears and self doubts about having the ability to write a continuous, coherent manuscript....but, being a teacher, she shot me down and cut me no slack in that direction....lol! I do think I have enough stories to keep a reader interested and amused, but not the skills to put them in the proper form.

I am going to try to find a way to get ahold of an old laptop, maybe if I had the opportunity to sit and write without having a time limit and so much distraction, I could do it. I'd like to, I know that. We shall see what will arise in the next month or so.

I left the Starbucks with Jenn after her meeting last night and we puttered around the Giant for an hour, then I hit the gas station and gave the State it's $2.00. I went into the shed and watched "Jeeves And Wooster" on the DVD player until the battery died and went to sleep about 2:00 am.

This morning I woke up to rain and ended up dozing on and off for an hour at a time until I finally got out of the sleeping bag around 12:30 pm. I went into the Giant to use the restroom, shave and brush my teeth and then get something to eat. It was a zoo, it was so crowded the store manager and the major department managers were on the registers and bagging groceries...you would think there was a snow storm headed for Baltimore... all the milk, bread, and toilet paper being sold.....lol!

Oh great now the crazy deaf woman sits down on one side and moves the computer all the way to the other side of the desk and turns the screen so it can't be seen, and begins her mumbling...while on the OTHER side of me the hip-hop girly boys are watching YouTube dance videos and 'vogueing'...until they will be thrown out....AGAIN!....I repeat....AAARRGGHHHHH!!!

Anyway, I've got to go eat something, it is 4:30 pm. and I have not had breakfast yet, except for a cup of coffee and a handful of honey toasted pecans.

It must be the rain bringing all the crazies out today...but what is bringing them all over next to me!!!???!!! I mean, I'm lonely, but not THAT lonely...LOL!!!

Later.....Dave

"WeakEnd Update..................."

Good Afternoon, Again;

Well I spent 3 nights inside last week, Wed., Thur., & Fri., at Jenn's doing some babysitting. I left Saturday afternoon to run down to Monkee's to get my week's worth of meds, forgetting that it was Preakness Day until I got to the Metro station and the train was both late and packed. Then when I got to the Hopkins station the connecting buses were running every other scheduled bus, because so many buses were being run on lines servicing the Pimlico Racetrack. I got back just in time to see the race on TV at Jenn's, (I broke even, or a little bit ahead, by balancing bets on the favorites and by taking a 16-1 wager AGAINST! Calvin Borel, {riding the Derby winner Super Saver}, that wiped out all the losses! I could not refuse the odds the guy gave me, and besides, he is an arrogant jerk and it was a pleasure watching himtry to weael out of his bet and then have to pay me in front of a room full of witnesses....rotflmao!!!), I knew my worst possible loss would be $5.00 and my highest possible win could have been $370.00, as it stands, I believe I am the cost of a six-pack of National Boh Ice ahead...lol!

When I left Jenn's after the race, I took the Metro to the Light Rail to Mt. Washington to the Starbucks, looping around most of the traffic leaving town. There were a few 'infielders' on the trains, you could tell by the bright pink complexions....seems nobody brought the sunscreen...lol.

When I left the coffee shop you could see the thin slice of the crescent moon and the reflected dim shadow of the full disk of the moon, and just above it was the planet Venus, in the opposite corner of the sky was the planet Mars shining redly and the planet Saturn could be seen as a pale yellow point in the sky. Plus as I got off the bus at the Plaza Metro station the International Space Station could be seen crossing the sky. All in all a pretty spectacular display!

I ended up reading for a few hours in the shed by the light of my new lantern and fell asleep about 2:00 am.

Sunday, I slept late and I went to the Starbucks around 1:00 pm. and sat out on the back patio until closing at 8:00 pm., and it was still full daylight. This early daylight savings time is good about this time of year.

I had a conversation with a woman with whom I had been passing the time of day with for the past year. She came and sat outside and asked me, "It was you in the Baltimore Magazine, wasn't it?", I laughed and said yes and the Jewish Times too. We talked about the causes and and effects of homelessness, and the rise in both quantity and visibility over the past 30 years. I tried to explain about shelters and the truth versus the public perception of them.

I sat outside the First Watch Cafe and read until about Midnight and went in and watched a video until 2:00 am.

Well the 6,000 mark has been broken, according to Sitemeter, I just want to say Thanks, and 'keep coming back'......(LOL!)

Later.......Dave

"Rainy Days And Mondays Always Make Me Round..................................."

Good Afternoon;

So, it's raining and I'm kind of bored and I went to the Giant hungry.

Now I'm coming down with a terminal case of the munchies...lol.

I've got nothing to get done today, which is a good thing because I have the motivation of your basic, "Dazed And Confused", "Half Baked", "Pineapple Express", pot head.............LOL!

(without the weed!!!)

Out Of Time....Later...Dave

"Generation Next..............................."

Good Afternoon;

The underlined words below are a link to a very good YOUTUBE video that is like a reverse palindrome....Watch, Listen and Read....there is hope for the future!

Lost Generation

Thanks, Janis, for the 'forward'.

Also, see the comment on the previous post, it answers my question as to why the sudden increase of hits from the UK.

The concept behind the distribution of the 'Big Issue' is a good one that has been used in the States at different times and places also. At one point, the Baltimore Sun being sold on some street corners were donated papers to homeless folks as a way to make some cash, but it mostly went to drugs. I do not know if it still being done now or not.

I'll be back a bit later........Dave

"Birthday Pizza..................Birthday Cake........................."

Good Afternoon;

Welcome to the newest 'Follower', Lindsey, thanks for reading.

So I have spent the past 2 nights at Jenn's and since I am babysitting the grandmonsters again this evening, and early tomorrow morning, I'll be there again tonight.

Yesterday I took, (Jenn drove), Rachel and Jenn, and Ed and Devin to CiCi's Pizza Buffet over on Rt. 40 West just past Rolling Road. $5.99 @ for adults & $2.99 for kids under 10 years old, and $1.99 for kids under 3 years old, and drinks are $1.79. Everything is all you can eat or drink. The pizza is good for the price and there are also soup, pasta, cheesy bread, and a salad bar on the line. There were about 10 different types of pizza, including 'macaroni and cheese topped', w/ and w/out ground beef. There is also an 'apple pie pizza', gooey chocolate brownies and cinnamon rolls for dessert. Less than $30.00 for the 5 of us. There is also a small arcade in the back, with a few claw machines..(only the candy one pays off every time)..and a basketball toss and a race car game.

We walked over to the "DOLLAR TREE" across the lot, and Rachel went to town and got herself 11 different gifts and had a blast choosing.

Circumstances, 'iffy' weather, and a smaller budget than I wanted changed the plans I had in mind for her birthday, but we stopped at the Giant and I bought a heart shaped cake with red and orange roses and pink and purple accents on the white icing and we took it back to Jenn's where we sang Happy Birthday and ate it.

Her mom called right after and was able to pick her up, so that saved a bus and a train and a bus ride to Towson ..(and back for me).

As I said the day was not quite what I planned, but turned out to be a lovely day anyhow! Rachel and I are going to keep an eye out for the next show that is coming to town, (or movie), or event or exhibit at one of the museums or facilities in the area that she really wants to see and then save up for it and then just the two of us attend as a special delayed treat.

I am also talking with Jenn about taking everyone on a weekday excursion to Sandy Point State Park, as soon as the Bay water temps. are in the comfortable range. Rachel and I and her mom took a trip there a year and a half ago and she still talks about "going to the bay".

I am just killing time for a few hours, just to get some sunshine and take a break from the kids before returning to Jenn's this evening. I'll be gone from there by noonish tomorrow and back in the shed in later in the evening.

There has been a regular spate of hits on my little 'exercise in exorcism' here from the British Isles, logging in directly to the site, with no referral, other than a direct search for 'homelesscide'. There have been enough to trigger my interest as to whether it is a 'loyal reader' traveling or a local, (or local), who have taken an interest in our blog.

Speaking of interest, there has also been a continuing visitation from referrals out of the http://www.homelessincharmcity.com/ site that is published by a group of Towson University students examining homelessness in Baltimore.

We are only 39 visits away from 6,000 hits, a mere drop in the bucket compared to many sites, but hell, a truly amazing number to me, as is the fact that I have done this for 518 times!

I finally received my Medical Assistance card in the mail earlier this week, nearly a month after i was told it would be mailed out immediately, and 10 months after I became eligible, (but of course had no idea for 9 of thiose months..thank you D.S.S.), and I still have not gotten the M.C.O./H.M.O. information package comparing the different plans. I was able to renew my prescriptions without any problem last week, using my old M.A. card, which is exactly the same, as I informed the person in the membership office so they would not have to send a new one, but they insisted it would be different....yeah right....bureaucratic inefficiency in action.......lol!

I have to see Liz next week, if she is back from an emergency leave of absence, and get her to take me back over to the WalMart with the receipt for my new bag....which is splitting along some internal seams, I knew that it was too good to be true....SOMETHING had to go wrong....lol!

Okay I'm out of time for now, I guess I'll see you all tomorrow,.....if I survive the kids another day and night...lol!...or unless I find something interesting to do Saturday, then I'll be back Monday.

Later.........Dave

"Counting Blessings..............."

Good Morning;

Good Morning;

The above line is the font called 'Webdings',

mirroring the salutation above that.

No reason except curiousity to see what it was......lol.

So it rained like hell last night, technically early this morning, I woke up at 4:30 am. to 'visit the tree' and was forced to use the emergency backup system...lol!

I have been waking up early and then getting depressed recently due to the fact that there is really no place close, convenient, and comfortable to go to, so I have either just lay, (lie?), there until either 9:00 am. when the library opens, or more often until the back, bladder and boredom force me to move. It is a bit easier on days when I have an objective, somewhere to be, someone to meet or something to do...in most cases.

Today I got up about 10:15 am. and went to the Giant for coffee and to wash my face, and I ended up grabbing a package of steaks that was mis-priced and mis-labeled saving almost $6.00 a pound!

Jenn asked me to come over this afternoon and babysit the little darlings while she and Tom take his godfather out to dinner, (this is father of the young man who took his own life 2 weeks ago; he has also lost his wife, and 2 of his closest friends, one who had a stroke while at his dinner table!, the other being Tom's dad, all in the past 6 months. It is things like this that help me keep my life in perspective, and no matter how much I amy seem to whine at times, I am truly grateful for the blessings I have been given and the people in my life.), to try to show him love and support. From what I understand he is an episcopalian priest and a truly amazing and loving man.

I am about to go to Jenn's and drop off the food and then go down to the Central branch of the Enoch Pratt library. I am probably spendin the night at Jenn's and we are all going out for Rachel's birthday somewhere. I may not be back online until Thursday night late, or Friday.

Later......Dave

"Robots Rules Of Order.....OR.....Send In The Clones..........................."

Good Afternoon;

Well I am farther along in my quest to acquire enough cash to do something special with and for Rachel on her birthday Thursday, but not as far along as I would like to be. I tracked down the 'ex' yesterday and gave her the gift card to use at the Giant, and this morning as I was at the coffee machine in the store I ran into her doing some shopping, (alone Rachel was at the house of the family she stays with when her mother is at work), and I ended up with $42.00 when she was done. Because they are staying in the hotel with only a microwave and a small refrigerator there is not that much need for groceries. I want to raise another $40.00 to $60.00 if I can or we are going to have to revise our plans.

(There are still copies of my little book of poetry left at the affordable price of only $10.00 each. Every copy freshly baked and delivered daily, and signed by the author with apersonal endorsement to the purchaser! Every dollar helps!)

I am picking Rachel up at her mother's workplace on Thursday morning, or if I am staying at Jenn's, (still only a tentative plan), she may be dropped off there. Depending on the weather we may take all the kids out for a picnic in the park later that day.

It was nice wandering the Giant talking to the 'ex', almost a repeat of last night when I was doing the same with Jenn after her homegroup meeting and she gave me ride back to Pikesville.

I went to the Mt. Washington Starbucks after I saw Rachel's mom yesterday afternoon and just hung out and read and talked for a few hours.

At one point I took my personal insulated metal travel cup up the counter for a free refill, having added my 'secret recipe"...lol, of sweetener and sugar and flavoring, and the young woman barrista at the counter takes and rinses it out with hot water! I said no please don't ever rinse my cup, and she said it's company policy and she MUST do so, (she is not stationed at this store but has substituted here frequently enough to recognize me as a regular customer), and I commented that others did not rinse it without asking first, once requested not to...and I also mentioned that since she had looked into the cup and had seen the powdered and granulated substances at the bottom, which were obviously freshly added and not dregs or residue..why would she even rinse and dump it in the first place, again she parroted..'company policy', and added 'some people just can't follow company policy'..to which I replied...."SOME people are not mindless robots", and walked back to my table. Needless to say, for the next refill I waited until she was working the espresso machine and someone else was at the register....lol. This is one of the reasons I am frequenting the establishment less than I was before..(nicer weather is another, as is the faulty heating/cooling system..[which seems to be stuck on 'broil'...lol]..,it has also been too crowded recently and harder to find a seat)..the leaving of certain employees has changed the atmosphere there also, no one seems to be having fun anymore. Whether my praise and appreciative comments for the courtesies extended me that I related in the JT and BM articles had a negative 'trickle down' effect or not I do not know for sure, but it seems to illustrate the aphorism; "no good deed goes unpunished".

While I was sitting there reading the newspaper, Dave from Whole Foods came over and we got into a discussion about politics and how it sometimes bizarrely affected national and state borders around the world. Some of those little gouges and bulges not determined by terrain or rivers. Just as he was about to leave my phone rang and it was my first girlfriend Patti, calling from Florida. She was on the way to the beach to cool down and escape from family...(parent and sibling)...and boy do I relate to those feeling...LOL. we talked for almost a half hour, cell phone to cell phone, using up most of my minutes but accruing no long distance charges, one of the greatest boons of the cell phone age! When she gets back in the state we are going to hook up. When I asked what she was up to she mentioned that she has had the urge to travel since she took early retirement from teaching a few years ago. A few seconds later she asks me how long I could sit in a car, I replied, "how far ya goin'?, my Independence Card works anywhere in the country!"....... We are going to talk when she gets back....who knows, you may be reading "Homelesscide-- Life on the Interstate".....LOL!....from Public Libraries around the nation...and seriously, it isn't like I'm NOT packed up and ready to go.

As I was sitting reading I saw this familiar little blond haired head toddling across the floor and recognized Augustus, Kristen's son, and looked up to see her in line. I walked over to say hello and she told me that they were on their way over to sit with me as soon as they got their drinks. I was thinking about and mentioned to Kristen that it has been 10 years since we first met and how amazing those 10 years had been. It is really wonderful to watch a girl change to a young woman and mother. We were talking about Jenn and the grandkids and Rachel and her mom, and how some women are just naturally and instinctively good moms, and how surprising it is when someone who you never thought would be the maternal type turns out to be and want to be a 'Mommy'.

She asked me a few moments later what I thought made a woman a good 'Mommy', and I tried to define it and had trouble putting some of the inherent and intrinsic values into words. When we left the coffee shop to each head our separate ways, there was a guy playing a soprano sax..(that's the one that looks like a metal clarinet)..and we watched Gus dance and hand the guy a $1.00 bill. As we said goodbye I pointed to Gus and told her 'That's what makes good Mommy, whatever you're doing, keep doing it'. Her eyes got moist and told me I was sweet, I got embarrassed and gave her a hug and left, before I opened my mouth and dined on my foot, sans condiments...lol.

I wouldn't exactly call it 'unrequited love', but more "an unexpressed depth of feeling due to an acknowledged non-expected return of the same, there-by best remaining unvoiced", yeah...that's as clear as mud ain't it.

Usually, being old, fat, bald, broke and 'residentially challenged' frees me to express thoughts and emotions that would normally be restrained or repressed, having expectation of reciprocation allows for a refreshing honesty that mostly out weighs the hidden heartache. Telling someone the secrets of ones heart for the purely altruistic reason of hoping to bring them a boost to their own ego or self esteem is mostly worth the pain. .....mostly, but once in a while..it isn't.

Yeah...well, this is not the direction I was headed when I sat down at the keyboard today....lol! Good thing I am out of time. Depending on how hard it is raining, I'll either sit here and read or go to the coffee shop...I know, I know, but there really is nowhere else close to go.

See you tomorrow.........Dave

"Drain Bamage......................."

Good Afternoon;

I don't know what's up with me today. I can't seem to wake up and I'm sinking into a quagmire of the blahs, the blues, externally induced and influenced depression, and an enervating and de-motivating funk. I went into the Giant this morning and it was nearly impossible to even make a simple decision on what to get to eat, (and this was not due to monetary constraints, or just being tired of the same old selection this time), it took me over an hour of wandering and vacillating to finally buy something. I feel forgetful and my mind feels like it is wrapped in a big ball of cotton, similar to a pot buzz, but without the euphoria. I am hitting so many wrong or extra keys, or just missing them altogether as I type this that it is taking 10 times as long as usual. Thank goodness for Spellcheck...lol!

It is similar to a 'fugue state' aka 'disassociative amnesia', but so far no unexplained travel or disappearance....(damn, I could really use a 'road trip' about now!), remembering simple things is a chore and an effort, and I'm spacing out with no warning and not realizing it or having an awareness of it.

I know some of my depression ans anxiety is from the fact that Rachel's birthday is on Thursday, she will be 6 years old, and I do not know whether or not I am going to have the money to do something special with her and buy her a gift that she really wants. I was supposed to be trading some food credits for cash with the 'ex', having spoken to her about it a couple of weeks ago, and explaining the reason why I wanted to confirm that she would be amenable to it and would set aside the cash, but now she is seemingly avoiding the subject, so I do not know what is going on. This is consistent with previous behavior, making a promise or commitment that I or someone else takes on good faith as a certainty, and makes plans or arrangements predicated on her coming through, and she does not because it is 'inconvenient', or waiting to the last minute to tell me she won't be able to do what she had promised...or she won't answer the phone or call back until it is too late, leaving me in limbo, not knowing what is going on.

I am going to try to track her down when I am done here at the library and get a definite response one way or another. There is also mail for me from D.D.S., I asked her call me when she was back at the house Friday morning and I would meet her there and pick it up, or if she would not be there long, to call me and open it and read it over the phone to me....well it is Monday and I still have not heard back.

I am also fretting about how fast my money has already gone this month, with no extravagant expenditures. Most of the cash has gone to the usual necessities, bus pass, phone minutes, meds, food; some went to the two laundry fiascoes at Jenn's. (the unneeded detergent purchase, the need to do towels and only having a $5.00 bill to put on the card, and the other time I also only had a $5.00 bill), a bit went to food I shared with Jenn and Tom, and my one splurge on a burger at Jilly's and the $5.00 on the "Keno To Go". Not getting that little but of extra food from the coffee shop make a big difference. Oh, and I also sent off 4 $5.00 money orders to some of my causes, NCHV, Lupus, AHA, and one other which has slipped my mind..(see what I mean about the forgetting things)..and for the life of me I can't recall it....and I'm not about to root around in my bag for the stub at the moment to check...lol. Thinking that I had a confirmed trade caused me to be a little more free with my cash than I normally would be this early in the month.

Now I'm trying to figure out some sort of hustle for the rest of the month.

I left here Saturday and went to Jenn's, planning to wash and shower and get in and out in an hour or so and enjoy the great weather, but I ended up having to do towels first, and then I cooked some sausages and hash browns for lunch, and Tom came home and we talked for a while, when he left I got sucked into a show on the Discover Channel called "Tuna Wranglers", about commercial tuna fishermen in Australia....(where I really want to visit for an extended time), and Jenn came home with the grandmonsters and asked if I minded watching them while she did her food shopping...it was 10:30 pm. before I rolled out.....lol.

Sunday I went down to see Monkee in East Baltimore because I never made it Saturday, and ended up at the Starbucks about 11:00 am. I sat out on the patio talking to a large group folks who stop there most Sundays after 'church', (all I know is that they have a 'swami' as a leader...it is very interesting group of mostly white upper middle class people, and they say it is sort of 'universalism' theology), which is on Falls Road just across the river from the coffee shop. I am curious to see and hear their services, I may go one Sunday at 11:00 am.

I ran into John Erby and we talked for a while, and I was witness to a 2 car accident when this young woman backed into the only car around her for a hundred yards in any direction. She must have been a hurry, (and most likely on the phone, but that is only an unsubstantiated opinion), and put it in reverse, she was in an SUV with a trailer hitch that center punched the license plate of an Audi A4....(Owwww.....ooh that's gonna hurt her pocketbook....lol)....!

I gave the Audi owner, John, my name and cell phone #s for the insurance companies, if it get's that far. They arranged for the woman to first have an option to pay out of pocket if the damages were less than the deductible. the reason I am going into detail about this is to show that there are still decent folks like John, who are willing to give someone a break, instead of shouting for a lawyer at the first scent of a dollar sign.

I ended up closing up the coffe shop and catching the bus back to the Plaza station. There is the same bus driver every Sunday on the 27 route and he looks out for me at the stop, most other drivers come around the curve at full speed and sometimes don't even stop if you are not standing almost in the street waving them down. I was getting off the bus at the gas station when a Jeep stops in the middle of the street and a guy says "you want to go for a ride", I at first did not recognize my friend Mike, but after blocking the whole road I finally did and hopped in...lol. We cruised up to Reisterstown and he returned a vacuum cleaner and we stopped at "The Cow" ice cream stand, and he drove me back to Pikesville to the gas station where I donated my nightly $2.00 to the Maryland State Lottery.

I went to the shed and sprayed some more air freshener cover the lessening but still noticeable odor of the decomposing avian examples of Darwin's law of "Natural Selection" aka "Survival of the Fittest"....

I watched an episode of "Jeeves and Wooster", (it is still strange to see Hugh Laurie in this comedic stereotype as the rich, slightly clueless, English fop and then to see him as "House"), then fell asleep for about half an hour. I woke up and could not get back to sleep so I read for an hour and finally fell asleep around 2:00 am., waking up every hour on the hour until 7:00 am. when I fell back asleep until 9:45 am. and spent an hour doing what normally takes 10 minutes. I then left the shed and we are back to the top of the page.

I'm out of here in a bit and over to find the 'ex', then probably to the Starbucks, where I hope the wind is going to die down a bit because I want to sit in the sun and possibly take a 'power nap'.

Later I'll catch up with Jenn after her meeting and get a ride back to the gas station.

Later....Dave

P.S. Thanks Frayda, for the tip.

P.P.S. To whoever had stopped by the Starbucks one day last week asking for me, sorry I missed you, I just have not been frequenting it as much.

P.P.P.S. Sorry about the spacing of the paragraphs and the line breaks, sometimes this program gets a mind of it's own and won't let you correct it!!

The same with the occasional odd color change...not the ODD colors, that's me.....lol! I'm talking about unexpectedly within line or paragraph.

"This Too Shall Pass"...........OR.........."I Thought Toxic Gasses & Biological Weapons Were Outlawed By The Geneva Convention?".......

Good Morning;

I'm on my way over to Jenn's to do laundry, and make breakfast, (I found some really neat Bratwurst sausage from Johnsonville(?) that are made into large burger-like patties, (fresh and raw not the brown and serve kind), instead of the typical short fat links. A little honey mustard and a potato bread bun and I'm set to go! And of course I'm cooking them in beer because the grill is too dirty right now.

Then it is down to Monkee to congratulate her on becoming a grandmother for the second time..(that she knows of...lol!)..[which is occurring literally as I write this according to the phone call that just got cut short.....lol!], and to grab some meds.

Speaking of meds, my prescription was filled with absolutely no hassle yesterday at the RiteAid, from either the pharmacy or the M.A. verification people.....sign this, and this, and this...initial this, and this, and this, and out the door. That's a first!

I ended up sitting outside the Md. State Troopers Assn. office building and store, (embossed clothing, logo mugs and gifts, etc.), by the bus stop yesterday, in the little pocket park/plaza talking to 2 men from the neighborhood and sipping a beer...(the store was closed, and the offices were empty....lol). I had thought that these 2 guys, (a salt and pepper team), were homeless, from appearance and the fact that they are always sitting there in the park. One guy, (? name escapes me), always has a backpack and his dog Josie with him, and the other Jeff, usually has a bag or carry-all of some type. They are both nice enough guys and Jeff offered me a drink and asked if I ate today, or needed anything.

It turns out they both live down the street, one guy is on some type of disability and lives with his family, and the other owns 2 houses, one of which his ex-wife lives in, and is an ex-Marine and a present day drunk. It just goes to show that appearances can truly be deceiving.

The weather is a good deal warmer today and the threatened T-storms never showed...which is drag because I could have used the wind and the downpour to help rid the shed of a certain funky odor that is permeating the upper end where I sleep. It turns out that The peeping of baby birds that I thought I had heard for only 2 days and the scrabbling noise within the insulation between the walls or roof, and the subsequent absence of bird sounds and related noises was not my imagination. Seems that either some predatory animal ransacked the nest and feasted on some of the chicks and knocked others down into the gaps in the insulation, or the dumb birdies fell out themselves, unable to crawl out and eventually giving up the ghost to remain entombed in my abode! The recent warm weather and nice hot spring sunshine causes the wood of the shed to hold the heat, and as the little feathered corpses begin the process of mummification I am being treated to a host of interesting odors and smells as the fluids and internal organs desiccate and solidify. Oh Joy! I was also visited last night by a couple of those big black insects we used to call 'waterbugs', you know what I mean, the thumb sized roaches that don't run when you turn on the light, but kind of look at you like a 'wise guy' and make you have second thoughts about trying to hit them with the shoe in your hand!! I gently encouraged them to do an 'Elvis', and "leave the building", and rearranged some of the cardboard to extend out a few more inches to the walls, it won't keep them out, but maybe they'll be satisfied to stay below it, kind of , 'under the radar' as it is said....lol!

So when I was in the Giant i grabbed a can of the $1.00 air freshener and tonight I'll use that and my new fan until the smell finally dissipates.

It's just like when there is a mouse in a mousetrap that has gotten stuck out of reach behind the stove or in the wall, the stink will fade away and the critter will just be a dry little husk that one day you'll find the cat and the baby playing with.....lol!

Okay, gotta run, I may be back this afternoon, if not...see you Monday

...................Dave

"Back On The Track.............................."

Good Afternoon;

First to continue the train of thought that ran out of track when I had to run out yesterday;

So I helped Barry (RainMan) get the Wonton soup he was craving and talked with him about his situation and tried to get him to take advantage of the benefits HE can easily qualify for. I asked and he knows about Prologue and went down there to use the shower and the washer/dryer the other day when he came out of the ER in a set of disposable scrubs because the clothes he was wearing were infested with lice, (I knew there was a reason behind my intuitive tendency to keep few feet of space between us when we have talked and don't shake hands....lol), the infected sores and scratches and itching of same are what sent him to the ER in the first place, but refuses to accept their help in acquiring assistance from D.S.S or S.S.A., for some really confusing and incoherently illogical reasons. (The same results came up at the bus stop when I was talking to Donell, another homeless guy who frequents the library, and today in front of the Rite Aid when I went to drop off my prescriptions for refills, with yet another homeless man who frequents Pikesville and panhandles in the area. (Just Local FYI, Barry is white, and Donell and the other fellow whose name escapes me are black.; Also, for Local FYI there is a methadone clinic across from Prologue, so every morning there is an influx of outsiders to Pikesville, between them and some of the Developmentally challenged clients of Prologue who are bussed in each day for the day program, and have permission to leave the building. They look homeless but aren't, and leave either after getting their meth, or when the van leaves in the afternoon.)

Anyway, I tried to reach out, as a way to give back, but only hit 1 for 3....and that one was pretty much only a walk......lol.

I had to get to Jenn's last evening so they could get to Tom's homegroup and I watched the kids. I got a text after the meeting ended asking if I minded if they stopped for a bite to eat, since Devin had already crashed out and Edward was only a short way from dreamland, I said go ahead and then jumped in the shower. They brought me half a cheeseburger from Golden West Cafe in Hampden and said just stay the night, so I crashed on the couch. Between MickeyD's at lunchtime (with a sundae for dessert), and the burger they brought me and the bowl of oat squares cereal and milk, (even though it was Lactaid?!?)...I did not get must sleep last night. I ended up being awake when Jenn left at 4:45 am to go to the gym, and at 7:00 am. when she got back I was still awake. I walked up to the Giant and back and lay down about 8:00 am. and had just fallen back asleep when Devin woke up saw me, and began berating me for being such a sleepyhead and yelling at me to get up and let her out of 'baby jail'...lol!

After a very inactive morning and afternoon, I jumped in the shower again about 1:00 pm. and left about 2:30 pm. to drop off my refill, had the conversation with the big guy laying in the doorway by the RiteAid and came here. I guess I'm going to head over to the Starbucks, because I've nothing else to do tonight and no one to do it with if I did.

Tomorrow morning Jenn and Tom are going to the funeral of his 'little brother', and I'm stopping by and doing some laundry, ( it turns out that there was a full jug of laundry detergent there last Sunday when I bought another one...just not in it's usual place...lol), and shower......again..(hey I get them while I can!!).

I guess I'll be here sometime tomorrow afternoon, or maybe for a few minutes in the morning..... see you later..........................Dave

P.S. .....I've got minutes on both phones, if anybody else is at loose ends this weekend and wants to call me......D.

"Pennies From Heaven"...... OR ..... "Paying It Forward, Pays Me Back"

Good Afternoon;

So why do I always end up next to the weirdos and wackos here at the library? 4 possible computers open and I get assigned either next to the evil old witch who sneers under her breath at each and every other person who sits next to her, making racial and religious slurs..against the Yeshiva boys and she is Jewish herself...LOL), or to the strange woman who moves her bag of trash every time someone she does not like sits next to her...(which is about 89.9% of the population..lol)...and talks to herself, and herself, and herself...lol!

Anyway....I slept lousy again last night, it is one of those occasional bouts of lingering insomnia that afflict me every so often for no obvious reason. They are similar to the insomnia of withdrawal and are most likely due to the changes/damages in my brain from years of addiction. It may be years between occurrences, or a few weeks; and may last a few days or a couple weeks. I had set my alarm for 8:00 am. to get up and freshen up before I met Liz from Prologue at 9:00 am. I had just fallen back to sleep when it went off and I hit 'snooze' once, and the second time I disabled the alarm with the intention of getting up but fell back asleep until she called about 9:35 am. I told her I'd call her back in 10 minutes and let her know if I was coming down there or not. After I stood up and rolled up the blankets and the bag and put my shoes and shorts on, I walked outside and saw the bus coming around the corner so I jumped right on it. When I got to Prologue 5 minutes later Liz thought I was on the phone when the receptionist called to say I was there...lol. It was pretty funny and started our day together off well, as did the quick shave and the cup of coffee she brought me....not that she shaved me...they're a full service organization, but draw the line at some personal services...(LMAO!!!).

We went to WalMart on Rt. 40 and Rolling Road, and what a difference in selection and basic cleanliness and attitude from the Owings Mills store, (which is a real dump, surprisingly). I ended up with 2 pair of shorts, 2 real nice printed pocket tee-shirts, with designs that reflect my not so secret desire to be a sail boating, island hopping, beach bum fisherman and Jimmy Buffet wannabe....(except I can't sing or play an instrument worth sh*t...but.....details..details..details.....lol!). Also a great new bag, a box of D batteries, a rechargeable LED camp lantern, and a little portable, personal, battery operated or A/C adaptable fan. I have more new clothing than I have had in 20 years, even when I was working and in a house....lol!

I helped her pick out and air conditioner she was purchasing for one of her clients whose son has Asthma real bad, (this really is one great organization, they do all that is possible for their clients, and instead of just "saying no we can't" when difficulties arise with permission or clearances...they say "let's see how we can relabel, or reapply, or reword the request, or flex the rules and regulations in our favor".

I am really and truly grateful that Marybeth and Stu saw the stories and contacted me.

Last night I stopped by the dumpster and shared a donut feast with another homeless guy in Pikesville, his name is Barry and he is the one who I have called 'RainMan', from the Tom cruise movie of the same name.

I ended up giving him my bus tokens and a couple dollars so he could get some WonTon soup.

out of time....later......Dave