"Drain Bamage......................."

Good Afternoon;

I don't know what's up with me today. I can't seem to wake up and I'm sinking into a quagmire of the blahs, the blues, externally induced and influenced depression, and an enervating and de-motivating funk. I went into the Giant this morning and it was nearly impossible to even make a simple decision on what to get to eat, (and this was not due to monetary constraints, or just being tired of the same old selection this time), it took me over an hour of wandering and vacillating to finally buy something. I feel forgetful and my mind feels like it is wrapped in a big ball of cotton, similar to a pot buzz, but without the euphoria. I am hitting so many wrong or extra keys, or just missing them altogether as I type this that it is taking 10 times as long as usual. Thank goodness for Spellcheck...lol!

It is similar to a 'fugue state' aka 'disassociative amnesia', but so far no unexplained travel or disappearance....(damn, I could really use a 'road trip' about now!), remembering simple things is a chore and an effort, and I'm spacing out with no warning and not realizing it or having an awareness of it.

I know some of my depression ans anxiety is from the fact that Rachel's birthday is on Thursday, she will be 6 years old, and I do not know whether or not I am going to have the money to do something special with her and buy her a gift that she really wants. I was supposed to be trading some food credits for cash with the 'ex', having spoken to her about it a couple of weeks ago, and explaining the reason why I wanted to confirm that she would be amenable to it and would set aside the cash, but now she is seemingly avoiding the subject, so I do not know what is going on. This is consistent with previous behavior, making a promise or commitment that I or someone else takes on good faith as a certainty, and makes plans or arrangements predicated on her coming through, and she does not because it is 'inconvenient', or waiting to the last minute to tell me she won't be able to do what she had promised...or she won't answer the phone or call back until it is too late, leaving me in limbo, not knowing what is going on.

I am going to try to track her down when I am done here at the library and get a definite response one way or another. There is also mail for me from D.D.S., I asked her call me when she was back at the house Friday morning and I would meet her there and pick it up, or if she would not be there long, to call me and open it and read it over the phone to me....well it is Monday and I still have not heard back.

I am also fretting about how fast my money has already gone this month, with no extravagant expenditures. Most of the cash has gone to the usual necessities, bus pass, phone minutes, meds, food; some went to the two laundry fiascoes at Jenn's. (the unneeded detergent purchase, the need to do towels and only having a $5.00 bill to put on the card, and the other time I also only had a $5.00 bill), a bit went to food I shared with Jenn and Tom, and my one splurge on a burger at Jilly's and the $5.00 on the "Keno To Go". Not getting that little but of extra food from the coffee shop make a big difference. Oh, and I also sent off 4 $5.00 money orders to some of my causes, NCHV, Lupus, AHA, and one other which has slipped my mind..(see what I mean about the forgetting things)..and for the life of me I can't recall it....and I'm not about to root around in my bag for the stub at the moment to check...lol. Thinking that I had a confirmed trade caused me to be a little more free with my cash than I normally would be this early in the month.

Now I'm trying to figure out some sort of hustle for the rest of the month.

I left here Saturday and went to Jenn's, planning to wash and shower and get in and out in an hour or so and enjoy the great weather, but I ended up having to do towels first, and then I cooked some sausages and hash browns for lunch, and Tom came home and we talked for a while, when he left I got sucked into a show on the Discover Channel called "Tuna Wranglers", about commercial tuna fishermen in Australia....(where I really want to visit for an extended time), and Jenn came home with the grandmonsters and asked if I minded watching them while she did her food shopping...it was 10:30 pm. before I rolled out.....lol.

Sunday I went down to see Monkee in East Baltimore because I never made it Saturday, and ended up at the Starbucks about 11:00 am. I sat out on the patio talking to a large group folks who stop there most Sundays after 'church', (all I know is that they have a 'swami' as a leader...it is very interesting group of mostly white upper middle class people, and they say it is sort of 'universalism' theology), which is on Falls Road just across the river from the coffee shop. I am curious to see and hear their services, I may go one Sunday at 11:00 am.

I ran into John Erby and we talked for a while, and I was witness to a 2 car accident when this young woman backed into the only car around her for a hundred yards in any direction. She must have been a hurry, (and most likely on the phone, but that is only an unsubstantiated opinion), and put it in reverse, she was in an SUV with a trailer hitch that center punched the license plate of an Audi A4....(Owwww.....ooh that's gonna hurt her pocketbook....lol)....!

I gave the Audi owner, John, my name and cell phone #s for the insurance companies, if it get's that far. They arranged for the woman to first have an option to pay out of pocket if the damages were less than the deductible. the reason I am going into detail about this is to show that there are still decent folks like John, who are willing to give someone a break, instead of shouting for a lawyer at the first scent of a dollar sign.

I ended up closing up the coffe shop and catching the bus back to the Plaza station. There is the same bus driver every Sunday on the 27 route and he looks out for me at the stop, most other drivers come around the curve at full speed and sometimes don't even stop if you are not standing almost in the street waving them down. I was getting off the bus at the gas station when a Jeep stops in the middle of the street and a guy says "you want to go for a ride", I at first did not recognize my friend Mike, but after blocking the whole road I finally did and hopped in...lol. We cruised up to Reisterstown and he returned a vacuum cleaner and we stopped at "The Cow" ice cream stand, and he drove me back to Pikesville to the gas station where I donated my nightly $2.00 to the Maryland State Lottery.

I went to the shed and sprayed some more air freshener cover the lessening but still noticeable odor of the decomposing avian examples of Darwin's law of "Natural Selection" aka "Survival of the Fittest"....

I watched an episode of "Jeeves and Wooster", (it is still strange to see Hugh Laurie in this comedic stereotype as the rich, slightly clueless, English fop and then to see him as "House"), then fell asleep for about half an hour. I woke up and could not get back to sleep so I read for an hour and finally fell asleep around 2:00 am., waking up every hour on the hour until 7:00 am. when I fell back asleep until 9:45 am. and spent an hour doing what normally takes 10 minutes. I then left the shed and we are back to the top of the page.

I'm out of here in a bit and over to find the 'ex', then probably to the Starbucks, where I hope the wind is going to die down a bit because I want to sit in the sun and possibly take a 'power nap'.

Later I'll catch up with Jenn after her meeting and get a ride back to the gas station.

Later....Dave

P.S. Thanks Frayda, for the tip.

P.P.S. To whoever had stopped by the Starbucks one day last week asking for me, sorry I missed you, I just have not been frequenting it as much.

P.P.P.S. Sorry about the spacing of the paragraphs and the line breaks, sometimes this program gets a mind of it's own and won't let you correct it!!

The same with the occasional odd color change...not the ODD colors, that's me.....lol! I'm talking about unexpectedly within line or paragraph.