Good Afternoon;
Well I am farther along in my quest to acquire enough cash to do something special with and for Rachel on her birthday Thursday, but not as far along as I would like to be. I tracked down the 'ex' yesterday and gave her the gift card to use at the Giant, and this morning as I was at the coffee machine in the store I ran into her doing some shopping, (alone Rachel was at the house of the family she stays with when her mother is at work), and I ended up with $42.00 when she was done. Because they are staying in the hotel with only a microwave and a small refrigerator there is not that much need for groceries. I want to raise another $40.00 to $60.00 if I can or we are going to have to revise our plans.
(There are still copies of my little book of poetry left at the affordable price of only $10.00 each. Every copy freshly baked and delivered daily, and signed by the author with apersonal endorsement to the purchaser! Every dollar helps!)
I am picking Rachel up at her mother's workplace on Thursday morning, or if I am staying at Jenn's, (still only a tentative plan), she may be dropped off there. Depending on the weather we may take all the kids out for a picnic in the park later that day.
It was nice wandering the Giant talking to the 'ex', almost a repeat of last night when I was doing the same with Jenn after her homegroup meeting and she gave me ride back to Pikesville.
I went to the Mt. Washington Starbucks after I saw Rachel's mom yesterday afternoon and just hung out and read and talked for a few hours.
At one point I took my personal insulated metal travel cup up the counter for a free refill, having added my 'secret recipe"...lol, of sweetener and sugar and flavoring, and the young woman barrista at the counter takes and rinses it out with hot water! I said no please don't ever rinse my cup, and she said it's company policy and she MUST do so, (she is not stationed at this store but has substituted here frequently enough to recognize me as a regular customer), and I commented that others did not rinse it without asking first, once requested not to...and I also mentioned that since she had looked into the cup and had seen the powdered and granulated substances at the bottom, which were obviously freshly added and not dregs or residue..why would she even rinse and dump it in the first place, again she parroted..'company policy', and added 'some people just can't follow company policy'..to which I replied...."SOME people are not mindless robots", and walked back to my table. Needless to say, for the next refill I waited until she was working the espresso machine and someone else was at the register....lol. This is one of the reasons I am frequenting the establishment less than I was before..(nicer weather is another, as is the faulty heating/cooling system..[which seems to be stuck on 'broil'...lol]..,it has also been too crowded recently and harder to find a seat)..the leaving of certain employees has changed the atmosphere there also, no one seems to be having fun anymore. Whether my praise and appreciative comments for the courtesies extended me that I related in the JT and BM articles had a negative 'trickle down' effect or not I do not know for sure, but it seems to illustrate the aphorism; "no good deed goes unpunished".
While I was sitting there reading the newspaper, Dave from Whole Foods came over and we got into a discussion about politics and how it sometimes bizarrely affected national and state borders around the world. Some of those little gouges and bulges not determined by terrain or rivers. Just as he was about to leave my phone rang and it was my first girlfriend Patti, calling from Florida. She was on the way to the beach to cool down and escape from family...(parent and sibling)...and boy do I relate to those feeling...LOL. we talked for almost a half hour, cell phone to cell phone, using up most of my minutes but accruing no long distance charges, one of the greatest boons of the cell phone age! When she gets back in the state we are going to hook up. When I asked what she was up to she mentioned that she has had the urge to travel since she took early retirement from teaching a few years ago. A few seconds later she asks me how long I could sit in a car, I replied, "how far ya goin'?, my Independence Card works anywhere in the country!"....... We are going to talk when she gets back....who knows, you may be reading "Homelesscide-- Life on the Interstate".....LOL!....from Public Libraries around the nation...and seriously, it isn't like I'm NOT packed up and ready to go.
As I was sitting reading I saw this familiar little blond haired head toddling across the floor and recognized Augustus, Kristen's son, and looked up to see her in line. I walked over to say hello and she told me that they were on their way over to sit with me as soon as they got their drinks. I was thinking about and mentioned to Kristen that it has been 10 years since we first met and how amazing those 10 years had been. It is really wonderful to watch a girl change to a young woman and mother. We were talking about Jenn and the grandkids and Rachel and her mom, and how some women are just naturally and instinctively good moms, and how surprising it is when someone who you never thought would be the maternal type turns out to be and want to be a 'Mommy'.
She asked me a few moments later what I thought made a woman a good 'Mommy', and I tried to define it and had trouble putting some of the inherent and intrinsic values into words. When we left the coffee shop to each head our separate ways, there was a guy playing a soprano sax..(that's the one that looks like a metal clarinet)..and we watched Gus dance and hand the guy a $1.00 bill. As we said goodbye I pointed to Gus and told her 'That's what makes good Mommy, whatever you're doing, keep doing it'. Her eyes got moist and told me I was sweet, I got embarrassed and gave her a hug and left, before I opened my mouth and dined on my foot, sans condiments...lol.
I wouldn't exactly call it 'unrequited love', but more "an unexpressed depth of feeling due to an acknowledged non-expected return of the same, there-by best remaining unvoiced", yeah...that's as clear as mud ain't it.
Usually, being old, fat, bald, broke and 'residentially challenged' frees me to express thoughts and emotions that would normally be restrained or repressed, having expectation of reciprocation allows for a refreshing honesty that mostly out weighs the hidden heartache. Telling someone the secrets of ones heart for the purely altruistic reason of hoping to bring them a boost to their own ego or self esteem is mostly worth the pain. .....mostly, but once in a while..it isn't.
Yeah...well, this is not the direction I was headed when I sat down at the keyboard today....lol! Good thing I am out of time. Depending on how hard it is raining, I'll either sit here and read or go to the coffee shop...I know, I know, but there really is nowhere else close to go.
See you tomorrow.........Dave
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