"Home At Last........................."

Good Afternoon;

A moving post from from the "haRdLy NorMal" blog;

follow the link below:

http://hardlynormal.com/blog/2011/05/31/terry-pettigrew-died-this-morning-in-a-home-with-family/

Later..............................Dave

"Help.........My Brain Is Melting!!!..............."

Good Morning;

So it's 10:45 am. Tuesday morning and I'm at the library. I woke up at 8:55 am. due to the heat in the shed, it was already 88 degrees out side and in the upper end of the shed, where I sleep, with the fewest holes and cracks, it was 95 degrees already. According to my handy dandy free give away thermometer from B G & E that I picked up at the Maryland State Fair a few years ago. I fell out last night about 12:30 am. I guess with the light on and the lap top on. When I woke up I was totally disoriented and confused, (yeah, yeah, yeah.....I hear you..."more than usual?", & "how could you tell"...etc............lol), and not feeling rested at all. I've also got 'The Mother Of All Headaches' that is not responding to any of direct or indirect teatment options I have tried so far, from temperature reduction, to analgesics, to caffeine infusions, to wet cloths on the forehead, to food, to pain killers, to pressure point manipulation......et al.

I'm still exhausted and feel like '2 bags of dead mice' right now. I don't know if the physical is hauling the mental in it's wake...or if it is physical fallout warning of the impending mental meltdown eating it's way through all the blast doors and firewalls I keep erecting.

I keep feeling as if there is something I need to do today, but can't remember what, (CRS....aka 'male PMS' in action.......lol), there is nothing marked on either my phone calendar or laptop reminders list....oh well, I'll figure it out tomorrow...or wake up out of a sound..(HA! that's just a figure of speech).. sleep tonight and sit up and have an 'Oh Sh*t' moment. (Which is either an early warning sign of impending senility or just another normal side effect of CRS....lol).

So anyway, I was out of the 'hot box' and over to the Giant by 9:30 am. to take a sink bath and find something cheap to eat for the next 2 days. I spent my last $5.00, (after putting aside $1.20 for a daypass on the MTA tomorrow.), and bought a few things such as rolls and Pop Tarts that are non perishable and packaged separately to complement the couple things I still have.

I made the last cups of my instant coffee today, and it was a tossup...

Protein? of Caffeine?

Protein won, and I grabbed a small package of cheap lunch meat that was on sale.

After killing an hour there in the A/C, I psyched myself up and stepped out into the blast furnace and trudged on over here to the library.

Now I'm about to head out and find somewhere to sit inside and eat in A/C comfort.....or more likely just go to the coffee shop...lol.

Later...................Dave

"Tiny House Under the Subway..........................Snug As A Bug In A Rug.............................."

Good Morning;

The link below is pretty cool. The guy is a bit of a flake, but his

house is neat.

Tiny House Under the Subway

Later.................Dave

"Sweat Box........................"

Good Evening;

I'm about to pack up here at the Starbucks and step out into that miserable soup of heat and humidity tempered with the delicate odor of raw sewage and auto exhaust that passes for an atmosphere in Baltimore when the temperature reaches 90 and above. I'm waiting on a text from Jenn letting me know whether to take the bus or if she will give me a ride back to Pikesville. I really hope she will because I'm falling asleep and starting to fall over into the laptop and violently jerking awake. It's not fun and makes me an easy target on the bus or train.

Good...she just got back to me, she'll pick me up.

(My friend Abe just stopped in to say hello on his way to a meeting. I have not seen him in a few months and got no reply to my e-mails. He had me friend him on FB....now we will be in touch. He is the guy who gave me the portable, digital TV, and the SONY digital camera for Rachel, and bought me the boots, (well the cash for them), that cracked all over the place, but which I'm still wearing! )

I ended up at her house to shower about 12:15 pm. and watched the kids while she stepped out for an hour with her friend. I left there just before 3:00 pm. and started over to here, by the time I reached the Metro subway I was soaked again, rendering the damn shower a waste of time and clean clothes. At least the A/C here at the coffeeshop is working very well this year....so far.

Between the heat and discomfort of the shed, the insomnia induced by being forced to take a needed dose of meds later than I liked, and the mental miasma that overcame me after thinking too much on certain subjects that helped trigger an expected slipping over the crest and onto the downhill slope of the depressive curve....I either did not sleep or slept very poorly last night and this morning. Falling asleep after 9:00 am. and after receiving Jenn's text about coming over to shower and taking morning meds. I woke up at 11:22 am. feeling as if I was the rim of a Margarita glass, crusted with dried salt.

CLOSING TIME!

Gotta run, and Jenn's here too.

Okay,I'm back at the shed after stopping at the Giant and the gas station, and reading in front of First Watch Cafe on the bench. I had stopped by the shed and plugged in the fan hoping it would cool things off. I was gone an hour.....a barely noticeable difference. I've got the fan (a small, 8 inch?, pedestal type pointed right at me, blowing down the length of my body.....well at least ONE side of me is dry at a time.

Too nasty to be in here tonight....too sleepy not to be.

Later Dave

"Double Standards.........................Memorial Day 2011................."

Good Morning;

http://www.web-books.com/Classics/Poetry/Anthology/Kipling/Tommy.htm

Another in the fine line of links brought to you courtesy of:

"Insomniacs 'R' Us"

Later..............Dave

"• We sleep safely in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would harm us." --- Winston Churchill

Good Evening;

77 degrees at Midnight, with an 81% humidity factor

Is it any wonder my skin feels like the inside of a range hood?

93-95-93 degrees the next 3 days with a 'cold front' due on Thursday that will

drop the temps. all the way down to a frigid 88 degrees for the following 3 days!

What, THOR didn't like his portrayal in the movie and has been taking it out on us mere mortals for the past few months?

As in earthquakes, tsunamis, tornadoes, floods, deadly thunderstorms and lightning and July/August heat in May?

I was up and out before 10:00 am. today because the shed is heating up due to the morning sun now. Spent an hour in the Giant and an hour on the bus and trains, and got to the Starbucks by 1:00 pm. I was supposed to go over Jenn's and shower but that fell apart when her mother got sick last night and couldn't take the kids, changing everyone's plans. The house was too small today for all of us because of the heat and crankiness of the kids. It also made no sense to shower at the time I would have been able to, at 9:00 pm. and immediately head back out into this soup. Hopefully tomorrow morning I can head over before it get's too hot and bathe, then get on a bus quickly for somewhere with A/C. I've got the fan blowing on me and it's bearable.

With any luck I'll make it through to the morning with skin still intact, and not covered with little red bumps.......

I'm getting gnumb from being gnibbled to gnubbins by gnasty gnats while watching GNUMB3RS !

(And way cool Bill Nye-{The Science Guy} is a guest star!...I used the stepkids as an excuse to watch the show every weekend....whether they wanted to or not...lol)

As you know, Loyal Readers, today, Monday, May 30th is Memorial Day. And as you also know, one of the causes I strongly promote is recognizing, acknowledging, and, assisting homeless veterans and their families.

I am asking you also to take time today to remember and thank ALL the men and women who have and are serving our country in the military. No matter what your politics or feelings on policy;...the men and women who have been and still are putting their lives on the line are the grandfathers, fathers, uncles, nephews, cousins, sons, and brothers, (and female equivalents) of us all.

It is almost 70 years from the Japanese sneak attack on Pearl Harbor, each year sees fewer and fewer veterans of WW II are left, many stashed away in nursing homes or VA hospitals, forgotten and alone. The Veterans' Cemeteries tell a tale of the toll paid. Many times years after the war had ended for everyone else, it was still being waged in the souls and hearts and minds of those who were 'the sharp end of the spear'. Actions seen and done, injuries physical and psychological, to themselves and buddies still rage on in the heads of many.

As public approval for the warrior waned and nearly disappeared in the years after WW II, returning vets from Korea were ignored and forgotten, (even though the casualty count was greater than that of Vietnam), and Vietnam era vets were actively shunned and/or persecuted. With the introduction of the all volunteer military the gap between civilian and soldier widened, and even more so for the professional warrior (and their families too in many cases).

Having seen and experienced things which the people at home have no reference point to relate to, some of our returning vets retreated into their own heads, no longer able to suppress the demons of their memories, especially after living on the edge of death or destruction. Coming home to a world that places undue importance on trivial crap, that denigrates the sacrifices military life demands and then condemns and denounces the very deeds that a soldier is sent to perform, is it any wonder that the damage done by doing these same deeds, which most of us are informed from childhood are mortal sins, that on some young men and women, normal methods for coping with a sometimes hostile, sometimes indifferent society that has no damn clue, don't work. Sometimes resulting in extremes of isolation and paranoia, leading to homelessness.

But, in any way, shape, or form that you can, take a minute to stop and consider WHY we designate the last weekend in May....

Memorial Day.

Thanks,

Have a happy and safe holiday!

Later..................Dave

National Coalition for Homeless Veterans:

Click on the lnk=

www.nchv.org

"Division Of Corrections........................"

Good Evening;

The post from May 27th titled

"One Step Over The Line................."

had a bad link. The fix is in now.

Later...................Dave

Two shot in Pikesville, three stabbed in Dundalk early Sunday

Good Afternoon;

So THAT is what all the noise was last night.

Two shot in Pikesville, three stabbed in Dundalk early Sunday

Too Close to 'home'!

Later........................Dave

"Negative Contact...........Tangos Departed......................Bivouac Intact.........""

Good Afternoon;

Well I'm back from my LRRP to scope out the shed. It appears to be untouched and the crude hidden latching mechanism I devised to keep the wind and the casual touch from pushing it open was still latched. My power cord was still plugged in and everything was there inside. My conclusion is that it was not even opened. Which in retrospect and the clearness of hindsight makes sense. The workers were not from any major company with company names, logos, and phone numbers painted on the truck, and workers in uniform. It was a small private company, possibly with undocumented workers, (from my observation of equipment and actions), who tend to keep as low or a lower profile than I do. If I was seen, (50/50 chance), a policy of situational blindness....'don't ask-don't tell' is a fair assumption.

Anyhow, I'll just be extra caution and observant for the next couple of nights as I head in to sleep, and try to start getting up and out earlier.

Later..............Dave

Rude Awakening...........Memorial Day Weekend............."

Good Morning;

So...talk about a 'rude awakening'...(though I was actually already up)...

At about 9:45 am. I was packing up my bags in the shed and thinking about what to do today, tomorrow, and Monday over the Memorial Day holiday weekend.

All of a sudden I hear a truck in the parking lot, no big deal I think, people are always cutting through or stopping for a minute or two then pulling off. But Wait!! as the infomercials are so fond of shouting....I hear a lot of clanging and banging and a group of voices speaking Spanish and one voice giving instructions in 'Spanglish'. I peak out one of the numerous holes and see a trailer dropped off with a load of weed eaters and shovels and clippers etc. being unloaded.

Oh Great, Just Freakin' Great!

I QUIETLY finished packing and dressing taking a few things I had been leaving in the shed recently along with what I normally carry. I had to leave a bunch of clothes and the lantern and some non-library books, along with the sleeping bag and blankets because I could not carry it all, and could not have slipped out as quickly and quietly as possible while the 3 or 4 Latino groundskeepers were busy with the engines of their tools running and looking the other way as I latched the door....HOPEFULLY!

I went to the Giant to wash up and make a cup of coffee, and found out I left my travel mug at Jenn's, and then the water is not even lukewarm when I made my cup of Nescafe.....which is not all THAT bad when hot....but is only a vector for inserting desperately needed caffeine as a last ditch measure when not! When I left Giant for the library, (not wanting to leave the area, so I could 'peep' out the situation with the shed....as regards entry and discovery....until the men had finished and left), I swung wide and covertly looked to see if the door was open....it wasn't. But the coolers and ice chests I had almost tripped over when stepping outside were still sitting in front of the door. It's 10 of 1:00 pm. now and when my time is up here, (unless I am automatically given another 15 minutes), I think I'll discreetly walk past, (stashing my bags here at the library for a minute), and check it out.

I still don't know what to do this weekend though, Rachel is away,and I'm not sure what Jenn and family are up to, and I have some cash....but I have a strange feeling about my Foodstamps and little bit of DSS money for June, and I was not able get a hold of anyone there all week.

I'll probably just go to the coffee shop if nothing else comes up by way of invites or offers. Although there is a lot going on in Baltimore and vicinity this weekend,

I either don't want to go alone, can't take my bags, don't have the clothes, can't afford it, or can't get to it.

I have the laptop and library books, so it's probably going to be much the same as any other weekend.

IF I still have a place to crash tonight!

More when I find out what's what.

Later................Dave

And of course Don't Forget what we are honoring and who this holiday is about.

Our Veterans,

both living and dead, healthy and injured,

housed and homeless.

I hope to find a way to the Garrison Forest Maryland Veteran's Cemetery on
Monday for the ceremony, and to stop by my father's gravesite.

There are still those men and women who can use your help and support,

who are living on the streets, veterans who are in need of housing.

The National Coalition for Homeless Veterans

www.NCHV.org.

can put you donation to the best use.

Classic Movie Line #4

But It sounds pretty good for the Memorial Day weekend

all alone.

Later Dave

"Weekend Wondering................"

Good Evening;

Well it's 7:55 pm. Friday evening on the start of what looks to be a hot and stormy Memorial Day weekend. I'm at Starbucks and the place is empty, though Whole Foods is doing a land office business. The liquor store is steadily serving a constant stream of beer and wine customers too.

I left Jenn's just before 3:00 pm. and caught the bus here. I had been dreading stepping outside but it was not too bad, drier than yesterdays mugginess and with a good breeze blowing. As I waited for the bus across from Jenn's apartment complex I got to watch what had to be the most clueless MTA cop on the force. There had been an accident earlier and one of the cars was still the awaiting a tow truck and he had positioned his cruiser in such a way as to block traffic turning out of and attempting to turn into the Plaza parking lot, while leaving the right lane of Patterson Ave. to become a parking lot because no one could tell there was a disabled car in the lane of traffic. What any other cop would have done is place his car behind the accident vehicle a few yards back as a warning, with lights spinning and flashing. He was constantly jumping out of his car to stop drivers from turning in or out of the Plaza entrance, waving them off when there would be no difficulty getting past. When 2 older gentlemen sitting on the bench at the bus stop with me started to mention that there was a better way, he began ranting and raving, telling them to "mind their own damn business", when I started laughing he looked at me and my bags, (with an extra plastic trash bag with clean clothes too), he began shouting about 'putting my ass in jail ' for loitering or vagrancy. I told him go right ahead and try and I thought he would explode from apoplexy....lol! At this point the bus pulled up and I got on.

When I got off the bus on Falls Rd. and was walking across the bridge over the Jones Falls I saw a 'humongous', (as Rachel would say), Snapping turtle in the water. This old thing must easily have been the size of a trash can lid in diameter, with a head bigger than my fist and a wicked cruel hooked beak!

He was covered with years of algae on his shell, and it was a perfect camouflage when he settled to the bottom and snagged an unwary fish in that vicious beak.

I'm getting packed up early because the weather radar shows a storm system about to cross over at just about 9:00 pm. whwn I am emerging from under the bridge beneath the JFX.....greatttttt!

I had a conversation today with a guy I have seen here regularly for two years or so, and have never spoken to, and got a weird vibe from. I was pulled into the conversation by Will one of the barristas here, and after he left, Kim and talked for an hour. Part of the 'vibe' came from his fairly extreme loner persona and part was ????, I still don't know for sure.

I ate the country style pork ribs I bought at Giant yesterday and slow cooked with a mesquite dry rub I made at Jenn's this morning, covering with a kick ass BBQ sauce I concocted, for the last 10 minutes.

Damn I'm Good!!!!!.................LOL!

That was the closest it looks like I'm coming to a holiday cookout this weekend,....[So Far!!!, I'm open to invites and suggestions!]

Rachel is in either Scranton or Harrisburg..(I think?)..Somewhere in Pa. Dutch Country vicinity..for her mother's sister's wedding,...(so I guess I mean her aunt....lol), and her mother is being a pain in the ass about answering the phone or having Rachel call me at bedtime....again. Not that she's being cruel or ignorant, just lazy and using her ADD as an excuse and crutch. I just called on her boyfriend's number and asked him to have Rachel call when she's out of the shower. I'll let you know how that turned out later...............lol.

Later............................Dave

"One Step Over The Line........................"

Good Afternoon;

The link below is from Cracked the online humor magazine...

sad thing is, it's all so damn true!

Go to;

www.cracked.com

and enter in the 'Search' box

"5 Things Nobody Tells You About Being Poor"

Sorry the direct link screwed up

It's a little raunchy in it's language, just so you're aware.

Later.......................Dave

"Blinded By The Light.....................& Hot And Steamy..............."

Good Afternoon;

Well I'm here at the library because it's 91 degrees outside with a heat index of 99 degrees.....and it's only freakin' May!!!

I was in the shed until after 1:00 pm. today and it was almost like a Sauna, (a good thing we have not had rain in the last few days because with all the water that runs in and then gets soaked up by the wood and cardboard it would have been a Steam Bath!), because when I woke up at 5:55 am. for hydrolic reasons, (and no that is NOT a misspelling...lol), and nearly collapsed in the process as my lower back and left shoulder muscles began to spasm at the same moment. (I'm just glad I was outside....ever see what heppens when you turn on the water full blast to a garden hose and the nozzle is open and unattended......lol). With my normal morning meds I took the prescribed muscle relaxant that I have not been taking every day since I have not had any problems recently with spasming, (in any shape or form...sadly...lol), and the next thing I knew it was 12:10 pm. I had wanted to attend the meeting at Health Care For The Homeless regarding the upcoming debut of the new 'Street Paper' im Baltimore, but I slept throughall the alarm settings and a wake-up call.

When I did get up I was feeling hot, dirty, sweaty, and as wrung out as an old dishrag. I packed up and walked over to the Giant, (and as I was closing and latching the door I saw a car in the lodge parking lot so I dropped my bags and hurriedly got the door finished. I was picking up my bags when the door across the lot opened and an old guy walked out to his car. I think I'm covered and he only saw me as readjusting my load in the shade and not coming out of the shed.

I spent an hour in the Giant just taking advantage of the A/C and talking to people, after I washed up some and made my coffee. I got a kick out of watching one of the 'undercover'....Ha!- can you spell obvious boys and girls....lol...security people setting up a small mirror, from a woman's 'compact', flipped up and opened on the ledge above the poultry case so that it looked up and into the cosmetics/hygiene aisle. Discreet?....it was so out of place it drew the eyes of everyone in the store passing by, not to mention any potential shoplifters. With the camera systems in place there why bother?

He eventually started popping up everywhere I turned around, so I did the same thing I did when he was last at this store, keep walking all over the store, stopping immediately after turning a blind corner into an aisle so he nearly ran into me as I was examining a label, and repeatedly changing my mind after putting something in my basket and then returning it to it's proper shelf. In the meantime carrying on conversations with about a dozen store employees who know me by name....lol.

Geez...this guy is the epitome of the word 'squirrelly'....he saw me leave all my bags by the front so there would be no suspicion of shoplifting, I also leave the cart or basket with soon to be purchases outside the restroom when I go in, and I even went and told the lady in the bakery that 3 rolls of '$2.00 off' stickers had been left in a cart of reduced items and were about to be pocketed by a couple of 'thug wannabees',....this guys job in fact...lol.

Don't follow me just because I'm homeless, not only is it an insult, perpetuating a steroetype, and profiling, but you are showing your incompetence and ignoring actual episodes of stealing.

Anyway, here I am just killing time before I head over to Jenn's. As I was coming across the Giant parking lot about 10:15 pm. last night I saw a couple of young women walk out and towards me. One of them was wearing a bright, very nearly flourescent "PINK!!!" tee shirt that caught and kept the attention....to the point that I was 6 feet away when I heard 'Hi Dad' and saw that the other woman was Jenn and that the 'light stick' was her cousin Sydney....lmao!!!

She asked me if I could watch the grandmonsters tonight while she and Tom went to a meeting. I'm heading over there in about an hour. While there I'm going to eat, shower, see if I have enough clothes for a load of wash, and spend the night in the A/C with the cable.

I am missing a whole post from yesterday that somehow was eaten by the Internet, so I'll be back later to re-write and re-post.

Later...................Dave

"Hello Newsroom........Give Me Re-Write!........................"

Good Afternoon;

Street Newspaper Update:

OOPS

May 25, 2011

Mark Schumann Uncategorized Leave a comment

The meeting for the streetpaper is on Thursday at 12 noon I apologize to anyone who went today

(See post below for relevant connection)

Later.................Dave

"It's Always Darkest Just Before Dawn...........( So If You're Going To Steal Your Neighbors Newspaper, That's The Time To Do It! ).................."

Good Evening; This came into in my e-mail Inbox a few minutes ago; I've got to get to the shed and plug in the power cord, my battery's about to run out of juice, more soon. Street News Paper Coming soon Mark Schumann | May 25, 2011 at 3:50 am | Categories: Homeless | URL:http://wp.me/p1021I4d

Street newspapers are papers that primarily cover issues regarding homelessness and poverty in the community. The papers are distributed by homeless and formerly homeless people. Street papers aim to give individuals employment opportunities and a voice in the community.

The Vendors sell the papers for a set price and keep the money that they earn. For many people this provides money to get back on their feet and into permanent housing.Street papers also provide the homeless and previously homeless people the opportunities to express themselves by publishing articles, poetry, letters and artwork. These publications build bridges between housed and homeless people by helping people understand the issues that create barriers in our communities.

The plan is to get the paper off the ground by early September. I will publish the meeting times and dates here or you can contact me at markazelinski@yahoo.com. There is a meeting this Wednesday at noon. Sorry I didn't post this earlier.

We also have a group every Tuesday at 11:30 that does advocacy work for homeless people and people living in poverty called B-More housing for all .Both of these groups meet at Health Care For The Homeless at 421 Fallsway in Baltimore.

Later.............................Dave

"Catch Up.....................OR...............................Caught Up?..................

Good Evening;

Well, this is the first day in a while that I've had anything like a 'normal' daytime schedule. Partly it was the totally wrecked sleep patterns and partly the fault was mine by surrendering to the ennui and inertia generated by not going to sleep until 7:00 or 8:00 am. and getting up at 2-3-4 or even 5:00 pm. and making the decision to 'eff it' and just stay in the shed and isolate, leaving only for sanitary reasons and food shopping. In part the reason was the weather pattern of the previous 2 weeks and the periods of heavy rain and thunderstorms where I was not leaving the shed just to get soaked just getting to the bus stop....with nowhere to go really.

So I guess you could say it was half 'tropical depression' and half 'clinical depression'.................lol.

Sunday I ended up spending a large part of the day on the phone with 'M', my former therapist, and with the doctor and caseworker at the hospital where the woman 'XXXXX' had been admitted trying to give them as much background and detail as I knew, (which was very little), and my recitation and impressions of the events and conversations of Thursday night/Friday morning. I also made contact with our mutual friend, who I have not seen or spoken to in 7 (?) years....(!!Where has the time gone!!)...and out her in contact with the 'proper authorities' as it were. I also found out, in bits and pieces scattered throughout the conversations, (between HIIPA and doctor/patient confidentiality laws which immediately took effect, and basic, common decency, some questions can't be asked, others can't be answered, but either through accident or allusion conclusions can be formed.), I found out there was a HELL of a lot more going on medically, psychologically, and legally than I had realized......and I knew enough that I was out of my depth and to yell for help immediately as you can see.

(To steal and paraphrase a line from Holly McClane, {Bonnie Bedelia} to John McClane, {Bruce Willis} at the end of "Die Hard 2" ;

-- 'Why does this keep happening to me?'--.......LOL!

I ended up leaving to go to the coffee shop about 3:00 pm., and getting there at 6:10 pm thanks to the MTA and the total SNAFU of the bus and both train systems.

I guess the fact that so many drivers worked so much overtime on Preakness Saturday, either they just had the hours to take off, and/or MTA exceeded its payroll budget and didn't call in replacements, but routes did not have all their runs covered, and the trains were running farther apart than they should have been.

Leaving the coffee shop at close, 8:00 pm., I got back to Pikesville and the Giant at 11:00 pm. again 3 hours for an hour and a half, (on Sunday) trip. [Ooops my bad, I forgot that I stopped at Jenn's to drop off a bag off goodies from Starbucks and Whole Foods I had been gifted with, so subtract 20 minutes from MTA's deficit.....lol].

I ended up watching my usual 'post 11:00 pm. News line up' of 'Criminal Minds', 'Numb3rs', and 'Without A Trace' until 2:30 am. and then catching the end of 'Elvira's Movie Macabre' -"Manos: The Hands Of Fate" voted one of the Worst movies of all time, by every movie site on and off the web. It is AWESOME in it's badness! It's just great!

I ended up going to sleep at 3:00 am......and waking at 5:00 am. to go to the gas station to use the bathroom, and not getting back to sleep. I ended up reading, being online on the laptop, and again on the phone all morning, planning to get up and out at any minute but dozing in and out over and over again. Jenn texted me about 1:00 pm. asking if I could baby sit that evening and night, just as I was writing to ask her about a shower, so I just ended up staying in the shed until the heat drove me out a few hours later and I puttered in the Giant and then waited at the bus stop, (for another scheduled bus which did not show, so I caught the next one due....which was only 15 minutes late), getting to Jenn's about 6:00 pm.

This morning, Monday, I was out of Jenn's at 9:15 am. leaving my bags and heading down to Monkee's on the subway to grab my meds for the rest of the month, getting back about 11:30 am. I played with Devin and had lunch, rolling out about 1:00 pm. and getting here at the coffee shop at 2:00 pm. Other than having my buddy Neil Rubin, Editor of The Baltimore Jewish Times, and his son stop by this Starbucks just to say hello, it has been totally uneventful to day.

Oh, Except for running into a guy on the train who I used to mention "Mike", (who I think is really named Leon?..lol), a homeless guy from Pikesville who was always having run-ins with the police and property owners. (He would do things like sleep in the elevator at the Target parking garage at night and not wake up intime to get out in the morning before being caught, he also got caught sleeping on top of the dryers at the in-house (not for guests) laundry room at the Ramada Inn in Pikesville. He told me he got locked up for sleeping in the breezeway of a synagogue on Park Heights Ave........and instead of a 90 day trespassing charge the prosecutor tried to stick him with a B & E , and 10 years......and he waited 15 months for a trial....Yeah...Uh Huh........LOL! He says he's now living in a room on Poplar Grove, (that's the 'hood....he's white......it's not a 'room'....it's a halfway house) . Not that I have anything against halfway houses....did my time & saved my ass and soul! It's just that there are so many holes in his story, he forgets that I saw him in the 'crack holes' as I passed by on the bus way to many times to be coincidence, and yet he denied ever smoking crack or drinking.....which is why he's mandated to Na and AA every day?

Having beem banned from almost every store in Pikesville at one time or another, and instantly defensive and aggressive at any encounter with authority, and it was always 'their' fault, he was the poster boy for the 'bad' homeless stereotype.

For some reason I ended up his 'Father Confessor' and got to hear how everyone was 'out to get' him. I passed on sandwiches and pastries when I could, figuring anything that kept him from shoplifting was not only good for him, but for the merchants too..........and quite honestly for my own good too regarding the way they treated street people.

Anyway as he said goodbye getting off to go 'pee in the cup' at Parole & Probation, he verbally stumbled for a minute, coming out with 2 partial names before I called him 'Mike' to remind him which alias he had been using with me......lol. Nothing like a bad liar with a poor memory...................LOL!

Hell....Gotta go closing time

Later...........Dave

"Let's Spend The Night Together........................."

Good Evening;

http://www.povertyinsights.org/2011/05/23/homeless-families-have-the-right-to-stay-together/

Above is another link to an article in Poverty Insights by Joel John Roberts

on the difficulties facing newly homeless families.

Later.......................Dave

"Horse Sense.........or............Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark.........................."

Good Evening;

A low key day as my sleep deficit, which was approaching the size of the current U.S. budget deficit, was slightly reduced. I was up at 7:00 am. and texted Jenn about what time to come over and shower and do laundry. She said after about 11:30 am., so I took my morning meds and lay back down to sleep for 2 more hours..... 4 hours later when I woke up, sleeping through the alarm, I texted her and said I'd be there a little late, which was okay because her friend who was picking her up at 1:3o pm. is known to run at least 15 minutes behind....lol.

So I got there at 20 after 1:00 pm. played with the grand-monsters for a few minutes, ate, showered, did laundry and was folding and bagging it when she got back about 6:00 pm. We watched Shackleford win the Preakness, with Animal Kingdom starting his run up just a few lengths too late for his speed to top out, coming in a real close second, with Astrology and Dialed In 3rd and 4th.

Then I rolled out to leave so Jenn and Tom could have a 'date nite', Jenn having left the kids at her mother's.

After seeing the bus I wanted go by as I waited to cross the street, I walked over to the subway station to catch the #27. As I started to get on I said "Hell No!" and jumped back off, having suddenly realized that the bus went right by the race track....on 2 sides!.....lol. I got on the subway to the light rail, the first full of infield drunks, most of them frat boy and girl types, or preppies, normally pasty white but today looking like Maryland crabs steamed in beer, with the infield dirt and grass all over them like Old Bay...........lol!, the second full of families returning from the Orioles game, (which they won 8-3, partly redeeming themselves for an embarrassing 17-5 loss to the Washington Nationals the night before), and went to Starbucks for an hour or so. I sat out back after they closed and got on the laptop and had a beer with the other two folks who also had the same idea, until we got tired of breathing gnats and listening to the tree frogs just keep getting louder and louder.

I again watched the bus I had wanted pulling away and sat at the Mt. Washington loop waiting for the next bus, which was 15 minutes late, watching all the drunks stumbling from the Mt. Washington Tavern (where a whole sh*tload of the Grandstand drunks went after the races), trying to get cabs and fighting over the cabs with people who actually called and ordered one.......LMAO.......I love/hate friggin' amateurs!..................lol.

Well since I missed all my connections I did not get back to the gas station until almost midnight. I play $2.00 on the Keno, which I have not done for a while, (my luck had gone south, so I gave it a rest and time to recuperate), and ended up doing the bet $2, win $2, bet $2, lose $1-win $1, bet $1 win $2 ......until I hit for $25.00, when I had just pocketed my initial $2.00 stake and said this is the last one! I added $20.00 to the pocket and gave Daniel $5.00 to cover the couple bucks I owed him and a thank you for waiting.

By then it was almost 12:30 am. and time to get over to the shed to set the TV and antenna up for my latest weekend addiction, "The Unit", (also "Criminal Minds, before, and "Cold Case Files" after to a lesser extent, on Saturday nights, 11:35 pm.-2:30 am..., on Sunday it's, "C. M" again, "Numb3rs", and "Without A Trace").

Now......OMG!, I'm watching "E.T.- The Mary Hart's Last Show Extravaganza!!!"

It's kind of scary how many of the clips I recognize! The only reason I started watching is because the TV is juuuusssttt that far out of reach, and I'm too comfortable to get up and turn it off. Of course I also checked TitanTV online for the schedule, and between this the farm report, and Jerry Springer, this won.....lol.

BUT!!!! What has been called 'the worst movie ever made'....."Manos: The Hands Of Fate" is on, being aired by WBFF-DT2/THIS TV/45-2, on,

'Elvira's Movie Macabre'........way cool!

Elvira-Mistress Of The Dark = aka = Cassandra Peterson

is still around, and at 60 years old this September,

she is STILL hotter than Hell!!

And without the wig, make up, and 'almost a dress' from "Cleavages 'R Us",

she's one damn good lucking woman too!

Her tagline for this incarnation:

"I'm the Piece/Peace everybody wants to Rest In"

Amen to that!...................lol!

Okay, I'm back, now I've just blown 2 hours chasing links on YouTube, it's like that Dr. Suess book....."OH, The Places You'll Go!".................lol.

Anyway...it's now 5:30 am. and I can't focus my eyes, it's as I was viewing everything through a Vaseline covered window.

Later........................Dave

"Ruptured Rapture........................."

Good Morning;

Judgement Day-May 21st?

Damn it, and I was hoping to have an

"Abandominium",

fully furnished, to

move into today!

LMAO!!!

Later.....................Dave

"Race Day Cometh..............."

Good Afternoon;

Just got back to the shed from a bus ride across town.

Baltimore is doing it' final sprucing up for the Preakness.

Flowers are planted and grass and shrubbery along the highways

has been trimmed. Logos and insignia have been painted on the

roads and Pimlico Race Course is polished and shined up.

Oh yeah, and those embarrassing unsightly homeless people

have been rousted out of Downtown and anywhere along the

highways into the city and to the race track where there presense

might project a blemish or blotch that would show the rot and

disease below the layers of powder and paint.

Later...........................Dave

"Shelter From The Storm........................"

Good Morning;

So it seems I made the right choice to stay in the shed.

It's 1:40 am. and since I signed off to go over to the Giant at 4:45 pm. (though the time on the blog post says 12:37 pm., that is when I first signed on, and then was distracted and did not get back to it for 3 hours...I wish that the "Post Time" would be the time it was actually published... there have been days when I've started a train of thought not relating to daily activity, and not gotten back to it for a week, and it still carries the inception date not the completion date....that's like counting birthdays from the night Mom and Dad had those couple extra drinks and forgot to stop at the drugstore on the way back to the house!...........lol!), it has rained six separate times, each one a deluge. It rained so heavily when I was in the foodstore it got so dark all the street lights came on, and it was a good 3 hours until sunset.

After I watched the 11:00 pm. news I ran over to the Giant to get a pint of milk, (hey...any port in a storm, it may help me sleep...if it doesn't tear me up inside first), and came back with a house guest, the very first one I ever invited back to the 'Homeless Hacienda'! There have been a number of occasions where I could have company male or female for compassionate, or coital reasons, but chose not to for a variety of reasons ranging from safety and security, to purely selfish comfort and simple logistics, (though in my own defense I must state that on no occasion did I ever either refuse a request or not extend one in a situation that placed the particular person in any danger or jeopardy, ie. severe cold or rain or snow, or leave a 'newbie' out alone without guidance and/or directions to a shelter or agency that would help them). The biggest reason is that the only way 2 people can fit in the dry area of the shed at the same time is either by sitting cross legged face to face in one body length or lying side by side in such close proximity that intimate contact is a given, & spooning is almost a necessity if lying on one's side is desired. (It makes me think of the way an old friend described his sailboat's cabin to people, as he put it... 'it sleeps 2 and stacks 4!', divide that by two..and you've got the shed.

Well, neither trusting enough, insane enough, desperate enough, (or in a few cases....ignorant enough-to take advantage of or even take a chance of the rumor of impropriety [there have been a couple of kids, most fleeing abuse of one sort or another] with)- to take my chances alone with the possible women and girls, who may have spent the night, and of the men....the one guy who I would have felt entirely comfortable having stay....was my size and when he saw the accommodations said "I see what you mean about the lack of space", and chose to crash out in the bus shelter until the bus started running again.

But enough background.

As I was leaving the Giant one of the employees who knows me and my story and reads the blog pulls me up and tells me someone has been looking for me. They told me to look out for a woman with a couple duffel bags who had been asking if anyone there knew me, and could point me out to her.

When I stepped outside, from next to the propane stack display I hear this quiet, quavering little voice call out softly "Dave?" and I turned to face a frightened looking woman who had the same nervous manner of a dog who has been kicked so much it never knows what the next contact will bring. She was soaked to the skin and shivering and one of her duffels looked to be sodden as well. When I cautiously answered yes she started crying and all the 'fight or flight' tension seemed to drop away and she started talking between the tears, but so disjointedly that between the tears and her shivering from being cold and wet....I could make no sense of what she was trying to tell me. I had just made myself a mug of my instant coffee while I was in the Giant, (the tap water had finally gotten hot again, the mug I made at 5:00 pm. was lukewarm), I made her take a big gulp to warm her up and try to settle her down. Which it did to the extent that she could coherently tell me that she had been reading the blog for about 18 months, which is how she knew to find me. I took her across the lot to the First Watch bench, (in full public view and well lit!.....once bitten / twice shy!!!!), and with the aid of a slightly enhanced "Russian Coffee", (which we shared, because damn if I was going to surrender all of my last couple ounces of vodka which I happened to have been saving for a rainy night like this...lol), I was able to coax the whole story of..... "what the hell are you doing here and how am I involved!" out of her.

Her name is XXXXX and she is 39 years old, widowed, recently unemployed and homeless when the man she had been working for and living with told her he wanted a 'newer younger model, with less mileage', (yeah the slimeball is a used car salesman). In one of the classic 'manipulator/predator' scenarios, it came to pass that when this man, (and I use the term loosely), seemingly came to her rescue as her knight in shining armor when her husband and daughter died 10 years ago he gradually alienated her from all her friends and the little family she had, siphoned off and or spent all the insurance money, savings, and convinced her to sell her house, which was free and clear of any mortgage through an insurance policy, and move in with him. A couple weeks ago she came in to work, after flying in from New York on some sort of bogus business trip 'he' had arranged to get her out of town overnight, to find the sheriffs putting padlocks on the business, (which he had in some way transferred enough of the debt of into her name), and they even confiscated the car she had driven in. After finding her cell phone deactivated she took a cab 'home' to find what was left of her personal items scattered across the curb, an empty house, and a letter taped to the wall, saying basically......

"see ya! sucks to be you! I'm going back to Russia!"

(Oh, and this is the topper, also a picture of him and his new wife waving from the steps of the court house where they were just married, and to add insult to injury, a check for $500.00......'for any inconvenience'!) Once she got over the initial shock, she went to the bank, and there was exactly $500.00 left in the checking account, the other accounts, personal and business either having been slowly drained or closed outright the day before. She called and cancelled the credit cards, finding out they were maxed out, the last purchase being a pair of airline tickets to Paris on a flight that had left that morning from New York. Meaning that the whole time she was in the airport, (Kennedy I think), he was also there...telling her he loved her, etc....while he and his new wife were in the International terminal there waiting to board! A real piece of work.

None of his Russian 'friends, acquaintances, cronies' would see or talk to her. All her family is dead and gone, and after 10 years she had lost all contact with her former friends.........but one.

Now it starts to get weird, (well for any one's life but mine...right Janet P.?.................lol), the one friend she kept in touch with is a bit older than she is, this friend had a daughter, this daughter, who looked on her mom's friend as a favorite aunt, or a big sister got hooked on dope and came into the rooms of NA to get clean, specifically in East Baltimore, even more precisely at a certain coffee shop in Fells Point...at the turn of the millennium, and became friends with an older guy, 20 years older in fact, who worked at that coffee shop. Now this lovely young lady and this older guy hung out a lot together, so naturally her mother was concerned, so she invited her daughter to bring him over for supper one evening. One dinner became two, became a regular occurrence, and though the daughter and the guy saw each other less frequently as she accumulated months, then years of clean time, and began to associate more and more with other young adults her age who were also clean....her mother and this guy became quite good friends, though in recent years the frequency of contact has dropped off. Imagine her surprise when she sees this guy written up in a local magazine and then finds his blog on the Internet. Well, of course she calls her daughter, (who had already seen it), and her old friend to whom she is the last contact of the life before the old friend married a Russian. The Russians wife remembers meeting the guy who writes the blog many years ago, and becomes a regular reader and follower.

And when shit hit the fan after her life fell apart, and she had 2 months of steadily worsening experiences trying to subsist on the street.......she somehow decides the guy she met 10 or 11 years ago who babbles on in his homeless blog can

???help???/???save???/???rescue??? her?

Yeah...fell a little dizzy huh..well how do think I feel after trying to write that and keep all the convolutions straight while building interest but not giving it away all at once?....lol!!

ANYWAY!

After we got the chronology, genealogy, etymology, and etiology straightened out I realized she was freezing her ass off, so since the Giant had closed and the gas station was too crowded...I brought her to the shed, turned on the lantern and showed her the dry section then turned to step outside and let her dry off and change into something dry.....and heard a strident but frightened "NO!, Don't leave me in here alone!" (Hmmmm, something's going on there...?)

So I stood at the other end and turned my back and played on the computer until she was changed. Since it's cool and damp I suggested she put on something like sweats, loose and long. I came back to the dry part, (my bedroom, changing room, reading room, TV and computer room, dining room, and pantry), and, OH JUST GREAT, she's got on a pair of flannel jammies that fit her previously hidden under many layers....perfect little Tinkerbell body like a glove! When I ask her if she has a robe or anything looser, she tells me no, (And then APOLOGIZES to me for not being attractive enough.....I don't know WHAT this guy did to her, but he's fucked with her head something awful.....I was able to get something about a 'closet with no lights' when she was bad, just before she fell asleep).

SO......she's in the sleeping bag lying next to me as I am sitting OUTSIDE the sleeping bag next to her. She's on her left side pressing up close against me every time I move even an inch, right arm thrown across my thighs, and like I say, whenever I try to adjust my big numb ass, to get some blood back into my cold feet....that arm tightens and the fingers reflexively grab onto whatever is handy.......get your mind out of the gutter.....lol!.................it is mostly the material of my sweats around knee level....but one time she snagged me right behind the knee and squeezed.....after almost passing out I was able to pry her hand loose...that friggin hurt!

I've been sitting here on the laptop and I made a few phone calls, one of which was to wake up my former therapist, M., who I TRUST more than anyone in the world, and with whom I had the best rapport with any mental health professional I have ever been to, (which is probably why I am so picky now and have been unable to find a new shrink), but who now specializes in women's issues exclusively, and is affiliated with a major psychiatric hospital that does a lot of Medicaid/charity/pro bono work. We talked and I called in an old favor, and he should be here....real soon actually, now that I see it is friggin' 6:00 am. already.

She knows me so well and knows my triggers and predilections better than I do.

She says to me, after I tell her the whole story and our current physical disposition, " And I bet you're sitting there forcing yourself to stay awake, so you won't lay down and be tempted to allow a woman to whom you are obviously more than attracted to, to act out upon a need or desire, real or imagined that you really want to happen. But because she is currently very vulnerable you refuse to proceed, because that very vulnerability is part of what arouses you, and you feel you would be taking unfair advantage........circular logic." There was more, but......well that's between me and my demons, phobias, fantasies....and her......lol.

But what can I say? She's right, I'm a sucker for the underdog, the flawed, and the damaged.

It's almost 6:30 am., and I have to wake her and have her dress, her ride will be here shortly.

I'm back...

It's gratifying to see a pro at work, within 15 minutes XXXXX was in the car, chatting with M. and beginning to relax again. I thought we were going to have a problem at first when I woke her up. The first few seconds of terror were apparent in her eyes as she came awake and saw the strange surroundings, then she focused in on me, and threw her arms around my neck and hung on for dear life. After she became fully conscious she saw that I had zipped her in the sleeping bag alone, and that I had my legs wrapped in a blanket. She got this very strange sad look on her face, and asked, "Don't you like me, is it because I was bad?" I took her head in my hands and told that it was because I did like her that I let her sleep alone, and that in 6 0r 8 weeks, if when she looked at things with a fresh viewpoint and a clear head and she wanted me to, I'd come visit. (This was recommended as a safe and non-committal way to leave things open ended with no promises that might be regretted, but where an obligation was felt that had to be honored.)

One thing I noticed by light of day were the old bruises on her face and neck that looked like hand and finger marks. She told me some the nasty shit that happened to her as she tried to deal with being on the street for the first few weeks, (she was ashamed to call our mutual friend or her daughter), a shelter where she was almost raped outside, one where the thug women took a lot of her possessions, being turned away from another in the rain, but nothing about being beat on like these marks revealed. I quietly pointed these out to M. as we said goodbye.

They drove off up towards the Beltway and I came in here to finish this.

Another sleepless night, and if you are curious....

YES very much so! If I did not have the laptop and the blog and Facebook and Youtube to keep me busy.....who the hell knows!

I'm outta here, I'm going over to the Giant to use the bathroom which I've needed to do for 4 hours, but did not want to leave her alone to go to the gas station to do.

Then, screw it, I'm going to try to sleep for 5 hours and get up and out.

In Dante's Inferno, the First Circle of the Nine Circles of Hell has space reserved for virtuous Pagans, Limbo, (which is all I'm hoping for since I'm not on the Judgement Day Rapture bus scheduled for this Saturday May 21st)......but this scum sucking Russian bastard deserves to be at least in the Eight Circle, First Bolgia!

I'm done.

Later.................................Dave

" If A Dave Falls In A Parking Lot...And There Is No One Around To Hear It......Does It Make A Sound?.........................HELL Yeah!!!!!........."

Good Afternoon;

Another rainy day and I'm not in the mood or condition to go out in it hauling my bags of things too important, valuable and/or necessary to be left unattended in the shed.

Weather, age, health-physical and mental, external stressors both current and impending, are slowly but surely,...like the very fabric of the shed that I'm sitting in,...deteriorating and eroding the facade that I erect each time I step out the door.

The result....an increasing incidence of isolation, both physical and emotional.

Which means that, aware that I am not (in my mind and opinion) fit for acceptable social interaction, I avoid it, thereby ensuring that most if not all who I regularly come into contact with do not get the opportunity to witness those episodes of extreme depression, confusion and paranoia, or observe the at times debilitating anxiety and soul crippling feelings of worthlessness that have me exploring options to a continued state of existence. (Ideations as opposed to actions at this time, though my lifetime average is an involuntary 0 for 3, due to unforeseen circumstantial intervention.......[obviously.......lol]..). Of course this leads to attitudes and assessments formed from partial data, and comments as to how 'well' I am dealing with 'everything', or related uninformed statements regarding my physical capabilities, abilities, or potential, because the majority of my physical health issues do not visually manifest themselves except "in extremis"....

If you are wondering what brought these melancholy thoughts and reflections on,

well, this morning, after getting up and going to take care of relieving some bladder overpressure issues...lol...I was on my way to the Giant when I stepped up onto the curb and in the middle of the movement my lower left back, hip, and leg spasmed and went numb for a second....just as my weight was coming down on it. WHAM! I hit the street falling on my face and left side with the bag ending up under me jabbing into my upper left abdomen and my already painful and swollen splenomegaly. As I rolled over and sat up the edge of the curb hit me in the juncture of spine and buttocks, on the left side of course, right where the fatty tumor on the sciatic nerve happens to be located as I immediately and painfully found out. After checking to see if the laptop was damaged,

(it wasn't!...priorities, right......lol),

I managed to get up and stagger back into the shed seconds before the skies burst open with the first downpour of the day. Determining that nothing was burst, broken, or bleeding I took my pain meds, a muscle relaxer/tranquilizer/anti-spasming, (better late than never!?), and an Ibuprofen, called the doctor, (who said do just what I had done, and rest), and went to sleep.

Awakened by an even stronger and heavier thunderstorm, previously unnoticed pain sites, and the delayed nausea effects, I spent a few minutes convincing my stomach that it really was empty and the dry heaves were not only unnecessary but unproductive and the resultant tunnel vision was a real drag.

Once I could focus properly again and my hands stopped shaking I brought out the laptop and went to WebMd and a few other sites, checked e-mail, and came here. It has just stopped raining after what appears to be an aborted thunder boomer, and I am about to try to slip over to the Giant between the bouts of storms and get some coffee and something LIGHT! to eat. For the reasons in the beginning of this post, and the more immediate obvious ones, and weather related also.....

"I ain't a goin' nowheres!"

other than for food and hygienic reasons.

Thanks for letting me spill my guts, (almost but not quite literally...lol), and thanks for all the 'loyal readers' who have kept coming back for the past 2 & 1/2 years to ear witness to my 'exercise in exorcism' here.....whatever your personal thoughts and opinions.

Later...........................Dave

"Dashboard Confesional~Fever Dreams...........(More Will Be Revealed.....It All Makes Sense In The Post Below This One!).........."

"Revelations And Hallucinations.............................."

Good Evening;

Another uneventful day has ended, which is a good thing.

Half the day and night was spent dodging or waiting out sudden rain showers, and thunder-boomers.

Holy Blasphemy........it's raining like hell again.

First I went over to the Giant and got some ground beef/pork/veal mix and then,

I went over to Jenn's in the morning and grabbed a shower and cooked a few burgers on the George Foreman Grill knockoff, and played with Devin for a bit before they went out.....in reverse order actually................lol.

I rolled out of there just before 3:00 pm. and went over to the coffee shop and ended up goofing around on Facebook with friends for a while.

Don't forget the Judgement Day Looting Party starts at 12:30 pm. sharp on Saturday May 21st -- Infidels, Heathens, Atheists, & Pagans Welcome!

(All Scientologists must have a waiver from Xenu!)

And Michelle and I exchanged recollections of recent fever dreams/hallucinations on FB chat, (mine was pretty twisted and sick.....let's just say the words erotic encounters and Snooki are not usually paired together in my less than 103 degree temperature lexicon! and the sick part was.....I enjoyed it!!! Oh Dear God somebody please scrub out my brain with OxyClean!!!!!)

[I know what you're thinking......."OH......so that's WTF the link to the song in the previous post was all about".................lmao!]

Stuff like that............lol.

I took the buses back here to the Giant and then sat outside the First Watch Cafe reading until the lightning was close enough to send me to the shed before the rain came......wait for it.....just about....NOW! It's raining so hard I can't hear the TV!

Anyway gotta go, this stupid numbness is back in my hands and fingers again, and btw, I got mail at Jenn's from the neurologist that I have an appointment on May 31st.

Later.................Dave