Good Afternoon;
Another rainy day and I'm not in the mood or condition to go out in it hauling my bags of things too important, valuable and/or necessary to be left unattended in the shed.
Weather, age, health-physical and mental, external stressors both current and impending, are slowly but surely,...like the very fabric of the shed that I'm sitting in,...deteriorating and eroding the facade that I erect each time I step out the door.
The result....an increasing incidence of isolation, both physical and emotional.
Which means that, aware that I am not (in my mind and opinion) fit for acceptable social interaction, I avoid it, thereby ensuring that most if not all who I regularly come into contact with do not get the opportunity to witness those episodes of extreme depression, confusion and paranoia, or observe the at times debilitating anxiety and soul crippling feelings of worthlessness that have me exploring options to a continued state of existence. (Ideations as opposed to actions at this time, though my lifetime average is an involuntary 0 for 3, due to unforeseen circumstantial intervention.......[obviously.......lol]..). Of course this leads to attitudes and assessments formed from partial data, and comments as to how 'well' I am dealing with 'everything', or related uninformed statements regarding my physical capabilities, abilities, or potential, because the majority of my physical health issues do not visually manifest themselves except "in extremis"....
If you are wondering what brought these melancholy thoughts and reflections on,
well, this morning, after getting up and going to take care of relieving some bladder overpressure issues...lol...I was on my way to the Giant when I stepped up onto the curb and in the middle of the movement my lower left back, hip, and leg spasmed and went numb for a second....just as my weight was coming down on it. WHAM! I hit the street falling on my face and left side with the bag ending up under me jabbing into my upper left abdomen and my already painful and swollen splenomegaly. As I rolled over and sat up the edge of the curb hit me in the juncture of spine and buttocks, on the left side of course, right where the fatty tumor on the sciatic nerve happens to be located as I immediately and painfully found out. After checking to see if the laptop was damaged,
(it wasn't!...priorities, right......lol),
I managed to get up and stagger back into the shed seconds before the skies burst open with the first downpour of the day. Determining that nothing was burst, broken, or bleeding I took my pain meds, a muscle relaxer/tranquilizer/anti-spasming, (better late than never!?), and an Ibuprofen, called the doctor, (who said do just what I had done, and rest), and went to sleep.
Awakened by an even stronger and heavier thunderstorm, previously unnoticed pain sites, and the delayed nausea effects, I spent a few minutes convincing my stomach that it really was empty and the dry heaves were not only unnecessary but unproductive and the resultant tunnel vision was a real drag.
Once I could focus properly again and my hands stopped shaking I brought out the laptop and went to WebMd and a few other sites, checked e-mail, and came here. It has just stopped raining after what appears to be an aborted thunder boomer, and I am about to try to slip over to the Giant between the bouts of storms and get some coffee and something LIGHT! to eat. For the reasons in the beginning of this post, and the more immediate obvious ones, and weather related also.....
"I ain't a goin' nowheres!"
other than for food and hygienic reasons.
Thanks for letting me spill my guts, (almost but not quite literally...lol), and thanks for all the 'loyal readers' who have kept coming back for the past 2 & 1/2 years to ear witness to my 'exercise in exorcism' here.....whatever your personal thoughts and opinions.
Later...........................Dave
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