Good Evening;
So it seems Spring finally arrived this week, and like a hibernating animal crawling out of it's lair I burst through the surface tension layer of the bubble of clinical depression that has enveloped me since March. Actually since last winter, but with my love of cold, wet, and snow you couldn't tell I was unhappy..............LMAO!
A short rundown of the past week..I went to the coffee shop Monday afternoon and Jenn picked me up after her HG meeting and we went to Giant then to her apartment.
Because my son-in-law Tom had a Dr.s appointment early on Tuesday, and Jenn was going with him, I spent the night in the recliner, (not sleeping...though I tried!) on
Monday night, and Tuesday morning and afternoon I at Jenn's babysitting 3 year old Devin and rockin' out with all the Disney Princesses on DVD and VCR. Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Jasmine, (from Aladdin), and Rapunzel. I made an appointment with my caseworker from Prologue rescheduling for Friday, and used up way too many minutes on hold trying to contact the S.S.A. to find the current status of my case....never did get an answer. I left there for a while and went to the Starbucks in the late afternoon, both to give them some time with the kids, and to get away myself. I had made plans to spend Tuesday night also so I would get up in the morning early enough to get in the shower and get down to JAI. Which I did, and saw the podiatrist Dr. Marcus (who, with the aid of a chain saw, an industrial diamond coated grinding wheel, some sulphuric acid, and a little chunk of C4 was able to wrestle my nails and the athletes foot fungus to a draw......2 falls out of three....and she gave me 3 different scripts for anti-fungals, lotions, potions, unguents and ointments..), while I was waiting to see a PCP, (Dr. Flowers, not MY doc who was on vacation, and luckily she was understanding and in agreement with me about going into any depth about the old, and a few new but 'can wait 'til MY doc gets back issues, 'cause not only is she not up to speed on all the recent past tests etc., but will most likely never see me again so why confuse an already messed up chart with issues I'm just going to have to go over again with Dr. Richardson anyway'). So after the normal exam, and some extended blood pressure checks and investigations....[when I saw the tech. for 'vitals' it happened to be 170/110 the first time, and after sitting quietly worked down to 155/ 100, and then 135/98.....after a dose of a 'quick response' BP med, (sorry can't remember which), and an aspirin, just for shits and giggles, it got down to 128/88 and people seemed relieved.....lol. After the first measurement with the automatic system, and a re-check with the old fashioned spyhgmomanometer and stethoscope the second thing the tech did (the first was to ask a doctor to re-check the readings), was ask for my emergency contact/next of kin info.................lol! ]...I explained that THAT was the reason I was actually there....to get my BP prescription refilled, and the other 3 also if it was possible, according to my original plan, which was to drop in, give my doc a note and walk out with the new script and an appointment at a future date.......but that was shot to hell when I was informed of the absence of my PCP. But JAI has a new computer system that allows the doc to enter the prescriptions directly into the pharmacy's 'waiting to be filled' queue online, (I'm guessing only if the patient already has an account at said pharmacy), so there is no paper 'scripts' to lose or be stolen. (Now why Dr. Marcus gave me paper I am not sure...it could be that because she is not an employee of JAI but is co-located there as a convenience to patients...[as are other 'specialists' who see patients there on occasion], or it could have something to do with the nature of the medication......I dunno....].
So it was a profitable day as regards getting some things accomplished, but time-wise....HA!..... 4 & 1/2 hours from walk in to walk out.
I went back to Jenn's and grabbed my bags and quickly headed over to Starbucks in Mt. Washington where I was meeting with 'Iokepa and Inette, my Hawaiian friends, (www.returnvoyage.com), and we talked and caught up with each other for close to 3 hours. As always, it was a magical and spiritual time with them, and something that combined with the arrival, finally, of some true Spring weather...it has been a glorious week...[of course it's going to rain this weekend, but even that is cool...it's not predicted to be tornadoes or dangerous thunderstorms this time!]...which along with a long awaited turn-around in my sleep patterns which are returning to 'normal', (well...'normal' for me, which is still nowhere near medically recommended guidelines....lol!......but I can live with them.) Talking with 'Iokepa and Inette helped me realize that a large part of what was poisoning my system in a very literal way was NOT my problem. I had been taking in and internalizing other peoples misconceptions and expectations...which I really should have seen, because one of the first things that is learned in NA and AA is that 'expectations, whether they are yours or others, or yours OF others....realistic or not.....can kill you'
Sometimes it takes someone else to make you see what you already know.
So it was back to the shed Wednesday night, (where Blogger ate a couple posts and links, because when I signed in it was working, but had been shut down for some sort or service work to fix a problem that arose AFTER!!! it was shut down for some maintenance work...and having no clue that I was not still signed in...and clicking "Publish post" and "Save" then logging off as usual, there was no indication that
SON OF A BITCH!!!!!! IT FRIGGIN' DID IT AGAIN!!!
I had another 4 or 5 paragraphs, consisting of Thursday's and Friday's activities, which were supposedly being 'autosaved' as I went along, as usual, and at 1:24 am. approximately, I hurriedly finished writing, added a title and signed off, because my 'Low Battery' indicator said..."Save Now Or Forever Lose Your Copy", and again clicked on the Publish button.....and Blogger was offline again, I tried to go back and look for the post to save it to a flash drive....AND THE WHOLE DAMN THING CAME UP IN 'HTML', FLICKERED, AND DISAPPEARED......AAAARRRGGHHH!!!
So, now I'm in the shed and plugged into AC power and Blogger is backup and running, but all that was saved was the first part of the post.
Anyway.....
Back at the shed on Wednesday night I was asleep by 2:00 am. and up at 5:00 am. and over to the gas station to use the bathroom, and grab my hat which I had left there earlier on the way past. I went back to sleep but I was up and over to the RiteAid by 10:00 to get my BP meds, et.al., then over to the Giant, and then the library, and then to the coffee shop by about 4:30 pm. While there I saw Stewart and we sat and talked. I had come over to tell him I had not been avoiding him and told him about my isolating and deep depression over the past 6 or 7 weeks. I also told him that I was unable to keep the schedule I had planned on to re-pay him the money he had lent me. He to9ld me he had no intention of collecting or taking any monies from me, that the money was a gift, not a loan. Now this both shocked and moved me because at the end of March I had asked to borrow $10.00 for a short while and he reached in his wallet and handed me a $100.00 bill!....which I did not scrutinize but just put in my pocket. I did not realize what it was until I reached into my pocket and pulled it out to buy a coffee. I walked over to him then and asked him if he knew that he had given me such a big bill, he replied yes and I said it may take a little longer, and he said "don't worry about it".....with me thinking it meant don't worry about the time frame....and him meaning don't worry about paying him back!. Well that took a heavy load off my neck and shoulders, figuratively and literally, I was knotted up with tension all across my neck and back. Stewart really is a sweet guy, and has been treating me like a son ever since I played detective and tracked him down by some deductive reasoning last Xmas to return a $40.00 book of 100 'Forever Stamps' in the restroom at Starbucks, and since he lost and was not able to replace the copy of the Jewish Times that had me on the cover that he borrowed and lost.
Thursday night back at the shed Blogger was still/again down and I did not feel like setting the TV up, so I was asleep, (with the light on!), by Midnight.
On Friday morning I woke up around 7:00 am. went to the 'temporary excess fluid depository' and went back to sleep until 9:00 am. I ended up killing time in the Giant and the library until it was time to catch the bus to Prologue, where I spent another 2 hours killing time signing release forms and HIIPA crap.
By this time it was almost 3:00 pm. so I took the bus to the subway to the bus to the coffee shop. Will one of the barristas asked if he could interview me for a college paper/project in one of his courses, something to the effect of "Class And Race In America". He mentioned something about class in a purportedly classless society, and about comparing attitudes toward the homeless with those of Indians toward the 'untouchables'. He says to me, 'don't worry, no one will see it but my professor', I just grinned at him with a twisted smile until he said "what!?", and I mentioned my little 'Exercise in Exorcism' here and the write-ups, photos & videos in magazines, newspapers, and the Internet and TV..... "Oh......yeah..." he replied......lmao!
After the usual buses back here I sat outside the First Watch Cafe from almost 10:30 pm. until after 1:00 am. using their Wifi and typing all this the first time, (plus more which I'll remember after I post it...lol).
Tomorrow morning I have to run by Monkee's in East Baltimore, and then be at Jenn's to monstersit, and do laundry, (and at $4.00 for wash & dry and $3.50 for Rachel's bus pass on Sunday....that's it, I'm dead broke....I've still got to find a way to get something for Rachel's birthday gift too.). I'm spending the night there so I can shower before her mother picks me up and drops us off at Beth Israel's Mitzvah Day event. I'm speaking to a class of fifth graders and Rachel will most likely be doing whatever project the younge kids are working on.
Afterwards we are getting a ride to the bus or subway and heading to Jenn's where we're having a little party with Ed and Devin....it still cracks me up that she is AUNT Rachel, and only 9 months than Ed and 3 years 11 months older than Devin....can't wait until they're just a little older and start with the 'power' games...........lol!
All right, it's 3:20 am. and I'm swerving all over the keyboard, thank goodness I'm not mousing with my eyes falling shut like this. The backspace and delete keys are working overtime....and the poor spellcheck must be exhausted...........................lol!
Later....................................................Dave
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