Wednesday, October 14, 2009

"As I Was Saying................"

Hello,I'm Back;
When asked if I was bipolar I replied with my standard response, "Hell no, I've never had sex with a penguin or a polar bear!"....which either gets a big laugh or causes people to remember reasons they have to leave...Immediately!
But in all truth, I feel like 2 bags of dead mice, I slept poorly, woke up cold, and everything that does not hurt is just numb. The feelings of hopelessness and despair rolled over me this morning like a fog bank, I could damn near see and feel their touch, and the emotional sea change was a physical event. I really don't need this shit right now with the money worries, approaching cold weather, and the f*cking legal garbage coming up.
I really don't even want to be here but I hoped that writing would help to exorcise some of it to an extent. But the asshole next to me is the dirtball who does not know about the wonderful world of personal hygiene and is also a 'hand roller', who STINKS and REEKS of smoke and half burned tobacco, and whose fingers are so coated with tars and nicotine that the keyboard needs to be washed after he uses it......f*cking gross. (Sorry about the gratuitous use of profanity, but I'm in a really bad place right now, and I just don't care!)
Got an e-mail from one of the organizations I applied to for ANY sort of assistance, (housing, psych, job...etc.), and got a "Thank You for your interest......yadda, yadda, yadda, we foresee no openings until August 2010......"
I'm seriously considering taking a certain drastic action so as to be sure of getting put in the critical/urgent/immediate category. If such action does not, or works too well, at least I'll never know!
I've got to get out of here, I need to find some money, and a way to go out with Rachel this afternoon or tomorrow before I lose it totally. I may even take the chance and hit the corner, screw the possible consequences, I need some cash in my pocket.
Hopefully I'll be back here tomorrow in a better mood..........Dave

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