Wednesday, October 7, 2009

"Sleep Is A Symptom Of Caffeine Deprivation...........OR................DeCaf?.............What's The Point?................"

Good Afternoon;

It has been a very late laid back lazy day so far, I am still adjusting my body clock I think. After I left here at close last night I went to the "Plywood Palace" and fell right to sleep after reading the same paragraph in a book 8 times without remembering it, this was before 10:00 pm. I did not wake up until around 6:30 am. when the old bladder became extremely insistent. (It is dark again at 6:30 (am.) that sucks, and,..I'm looking out the window and it is pretty dim out and it is only 6:15 pm. now, that sucks even more...hello S.A.D.) I took my meds, (and remind me later to tell about the efficiency and competence of the medical personnel at the jail), and lay back down for a few minutes, when I looked at the time, thinking it is about 9:00 am. or was 11:44 am! Anybody think that I was nearing complete physical exhaustion? I mean when the pallet I have made of steel shelving and cardboard allows me to sleep better than the pad at BCDC or the bed at the motel, you know I was on the edge of collapse. The lack of sleep at the jail is pretty much self explanatory with the noise, the lights, the frequent counts and being awakened for ID checks, and just generally sleeping with one eye open as a self defensive measure, not to mention 'breakfast' being 'served' at 4:30 am. in the morning. I think the motel problem was excess adrenaline, not being used to a real..(and somewhat swaybacked and too, and cable TV with a remote..(hey I'm a guy,

I walked over to the Giant got a cup of coffee and something for lunch and went out and sat in the succoh on the sidewalk, which damn near imitated the house in the 'Wizard Of OZ', it was that windy. In the middle of my lunch some of the employees ended up coming out to relocate it back against the wall where it had been blown away from. Then here to the library all day, and most likely for the next few hours also, I really have nowhere to go until sleep time.

I just submitted ANOTHER online application to DORS, and there is currently a six to twelve, (6 to 12), month waiting list for the SIGNIFICANTLY disabled, AKA...B.C.C....(Blind..Crippled..or Crazy.....kinda like most of the women I've ever!), which category I do not fall into, so the wait is even longer as they "do not expect to serve individuals with non-severe disabilities in the foreseeable future". Of course there is no clear list or breakdown of what is what. What I need is someone 'inside' to 'grease the skids' so to say, bypassing the multiple layers of bureaucracy that I am in no way able to deal with, and which ends up with me more depressed and damn near suicidal and hopeless each time I try to navigate through them myself...I don't want to sound like I'm whining, I'm just sayin' that I "been there, done that and did NOT even get the tee shirt!".

I was playing around on Facebook and somehow, by viewing the friends of friends of friends of friends of friends I found someone who was an integral and important part of my life for a very intense and passionate period. Contact has been initiated confirmed and I await more responses. There are some people with whom you share such deep intimacy that they are closer than family, she was one, .....and no WE were never lovers, but I was there when the love affairs crashed and burned. I am both excited and anxious, and a little embarrassed, due to my situation.

I don't use Facebook for anything but making contacts, (preferring my e-mail, and spending my limited time and access to the computer on this blog and for business and research), but it has proved invaluable in allowing me to retain a sense of connection and community in the basic middle class milieu in which I feel most comfortable and as a way to escape or deny the bottom rung, dregs of society population which so many homeless folks circulate in either through choice, addiction, mental illness or total lack of opportunity.

Anyway, I'm done here, unless I think of something witty to say before the library closes. See you tomorrow.............Dave

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