Good Afternoon;
First:!!!!!!!
Go Ravens!!!!
What a great game to watch. I was over Jenn's and they were ALL heading out to a birthday party for Jenn's best friend's 4 year old daughter, so I got to sit and yell at the TV (and scare the hell out of the poor dog...lol) all by myself, (except for Annamarie via text msgs...lol), in a warm house with a bag of chips and a cold adult beverage! It's been about 3 years or so since I have been able to enjoy this simple act of "HVTV"...(that's High VOLUME, not High Definition...lol), in a relaxed and non-isolated solitude. Man's best friend is not a dog...(unless it is Nipper, of RCA fame)...it's his remote!
Second:
To DAVE C. ......e-mail is d_funkwriter@hotmail.com , I check it ALMOST!! every morning/early afternooon, or I just e-mailed Evan S. with my phone #, if you guys decide you want ot go ahead with this.
Third:
I want to say thank you to all the folks, patrons who I have met and talked to and employees, at the Starbucks at Mt. Washington who have come up to me and shown their concern and compassion in reference to all the recent bitter cold weather and as to whether I was safe and warm. It was both gratifying and surprising that so many very casual aquaintances actually came by and sought me out to inquire. I deeply appreciate them and want everyone to know that just knowing that someone gives a damn has an enormously positive effect on both my emotional and mental ability to not just survive and persevere,..hell I'm a professional survivor,..but to actually believe that this really IS only a temporary aberration, and that things CAN change, and that they eventually will, and more importantly, that I CAN overcome the results of my own sometimes stubborn, sometimes rational but misguided, actions, decisions, indecisions and procrastintaions.
Third:
I've got to again thank Jenn and Tom for inviting me back into their and my grandchildrens lives, (and the suddeness of this has caused it's own unique set of problems...more on that later..), their annoumcement that whatever I have been doing had made a visible and measurable change in my behavior and attitude, for the better, is both an endorsement of the power of journaling/confession...ie. THIS BLOG!, and, to me AND all the naysayers who in their closed and indoctrinated minds have denied the beneficial results of my "Self Medicating"..(even though it is totally within the directions and guidelines of the medication and the procedures of physicians and programs which administer it).. with Buprenorphine a vindication of my efforts to combat addiction, chronic pain and previously untreatable depression. If doing the right thing, the wrong way, for the right reason, keps me alive and somewhat sane.....well, "it works for me"!
Fourth:
The Jewish Times, and now, Baltimore Magazine, (and previously the Baltimore Sun..nothing came of it), have contacted me as a direct result of this blog, and this is a great boost to my ego and self esteem. As to the "What's In It For Me" factor, my ulterior motives,....well first of all, I want to make it very clear that I am not being paid for any of this, although if I can somehow parlay the attention into a way of making a buck, legally and ethically, damn right I'm gonna grab it!
My primary thought is that someone or some group may be intrigued enough to contact me and offer some sort of assistance in getting a place to live and some sort of immediate income to live on, and in the bigger picture, some sort of employment, schooling and or training to become self supporting and some sort of case worker/guide to get the help I need with my medical and mental issues, because it obvious that unless I am quite literally dying, I'll put it off, again and again and again.
I am torn between hubris and humility in this situation, flattered that these folks think I'm interesting to write about, and thinking that my life is really kinda boring, when it gets right down to it, (..and then there is the old "I'm not worthy" , inferiority , and fear of looking like a fool/ridicule bugaboo mixed in there also..). We'll see I guess.
I'm out of time....see you later...Dave
No comments:
Post a Comment