Tuesday, January 26, 2010

" Who Put ME At The Head Of The Cosmic 'FECAL ROSTER'???.......OR......' # 1 On The Sh*t Parade!'................."

Good Evening;
You want to talk about a day starting off crappy....
Notice: If you are still reading....and still get offended....you were warned!
First off: I was on the commode and did a 'Courtesy Flush' for aromatic exhaust purposes....and the previous occupant must have been stuffing the Sunday New York Times down the chute or something, because I heard that sound you DO NOT want to hear of rising water UNDER you!! After a contortionists act to twist the damn valve to off, I had to plunge the toilet and then clean and sanitize the whole damn bathroom....a great way to start the morning.
Then: I decided to empty out the 'effin litter box because even the foul stink dog was becoming offended, and the cats were yowling like banshees. I think I suffered ammonia burns to my eyes and sinuses, and still have not recovered my sense of smell or taste.
Next: I am taking the BAGS, (plural) of litter to the dumpster and as I was crossing the grass I felt a squish that I was pretty damn certain was not mud, and at the same time felt the internal construction of my old beat up boots finally give up the ghost.
Finally: As I am heaving the bag of 'feline tootsie rolls' up, up and away into the dumpster...the plastic on the bag that had been sitting outside on the patio disintegrated....and back sprayed at my feet...luckily I had not yet changed into the old but slightly less beat up pair of boots that I scavenged from my son-in-law..(the initial culprit, I think!!).. that I am now wearing, and I had already pulled out my 'good' yellow laces! And I had also put my only pair of jeans in the washer and was wearing a pair of 'disposable' sweatpants!
What did I do to deserve this????....LOL!
After I showered I went up to the Starbucks at St. Thomas and met with Paul, a long time 'loyal reader' and had a nice talk...(more tomorrow, I am out of time now). He surprised me with a $50.00 phone card! We plan on meeting again sometime in the near future.
It is closing time...back Wednesday......Dave

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