"Night Dreams And Day Screams.............."

Good Afternoon;

So I never got the chance to get to the library yesterday and Jenn asked me not to use the laptop because Tom was having problems of some sort with it, (and since he sometimes yells at the computer and hits the keys harder and faster to try to make it speed up,....etc., etc., etc., I was happy to stay out of that loop.....lol.)

Wednesday, I left here late and went to the coffee shop for an hour or so. Josh gave me a bag of marked out sandwiches and yogurt, which was right on time since I was hungry and had only bagels from Monday, and some 'Dunkin Dumpster Doughnuts' left...no protein.

I stopped at the gas station on the way back to the shed and talked with Daniel after the people with the 5 year old boy who was running around squeezing, crunching, and throwing all sorts of candy and chips and cakes that his 'parents' refused to buy him while they sat and gambled for hours on the Keno and RaceTrax and Scratchoff lottery games. You could tell what sort of movies, TV, and music and video games this little brat had been exposed to just by listening to him talk. Lots of 'F'-bombs were being dropped, and he kept walking up to customers and demanding money from them, and when he didn't get it, would curse them out and threaten to 'pop' them in the head, or have "his boys"..'bang you in yo face', and the "adults" (turns out they were the grand'parents'), he was with just kept on with their inane cell phone 'conversatin' and gambling. (They each had inside 'knowledge ' of a 'system' and how the 'horses' ran and the patterns the results would show, and how this or that was "due".......LOL! Dumber than a box of rocks!) A certain segment of the customers though he was so cute, and 'a regular little gangsta'....others were appalled, one woman threatened to call CPS and the police, (by now it was after Midnight), and the whole crew got up and rushed out the door to their car, one woman slapping the little kid when he cussed her out and the other saying ' hurry up I got warrants' when the 'adult' male wanted to get his numbers of the next day. This is the same group who took the little boy outside and had him pee next to the building, (on the firewood bundles for sale), behind their car rather then use the functioning, private, lockable bathroom inside the store, which the women have used themselves!?!?

I'm sorry, some people should have a 'license' or pass an intelligence test to breed! And now a third generation is being raised to believe violence is not only acceptable, but the proper response.

(I found out later both of the kid's parents are in jail for ADW, they 'banked' a high school girl who went to a club with one of their younger sister's boyfriends....with razor blades.....WTF!! ) Some people don't know when to keep quiet, I have heard drug deals and thefts and assaults planned, just because I sit or stand off to the side and am looking at something else or reading a book. On buses, and the train and the platforms I am often amazed at the stupidity of the 'gansta class', I have seen undercover cops get up and follow some of these losers out, calling on their radios or cell phones for the Metro police to meet the train or bus, and searching and finding guns and drugs.

Okay, editorial ranting is finished...(for now)!
On Wednesday night I had another series of dreams that kept waking me up, most of which I cannot recall clearly. I have started to again have a recurring nightmare that I had hoped I was over. It has to do with the car accident in 1990 where I broke my neck and back and had major internal damages amd bleeding when the engine block and steering ended up in my chest and lap.

I woke up from a coma on Christmas Eve, but was blind in both eyes, strapped to the bed, AND medically paralyzed, (because I had been thrashing about at one point, threatening to do more damage to the spinal cord), with a breathing tube stuffed down my nose and throat, catheters in my other orifices, and a squid-like tangle of IV tubes and monitor cables running over and across my body. The only place open were my ears, the only sense organs that remained functional. I heard the doctors, nurses, or techs. twice pronounce me dead and twice revive me...and no one knew I was aware of anything at that point.

(There is also one very spiritual, mystical experience from that incident that has kept me going through some of the blackest periods of my life, which I've told before and I'll elaborate on again at a later date)

Anyway...in the dream/nightmare and the period just upon waking, that keeps recurring I am unable to move, see, or speak, and in various iterations I am trapped in the car, in the ER or OR, in ICU recovery....or in a coffin being lowered into the ground...(or worse!!!!)...on the conveyor to the crematorium. When I wake up I am 'frozen' in place, and sometimes unable to see, and often gagging.

Sometimes it is mere seconds, at other times minutes and on very terrifying infrequent occasions, a half hour or more when I cannot move.

This combined with the other weird dreams and the 'blackout?' or sleep walking episode of the other day has raised an already high stress level to Condition Red. I have 2 different psych doctors to check out next week, but a friend in the field of mental health, who is not now practicing clinically, but doing research at JHU, and who does not mind when I call for advice in the sense of treatment direction or urgency, suggested I not keep the 'night terrors' cooped up inside waiting for an appointment with a shrink, (as long as ideations do not become actions or plans for action), but write about them, journal them. Well Loyal Reader, guess what you are the lucky recipients of another free random tour inside the warped and twisted, dark and eerie, caverns of my psyche!....lol! (And just in time for Halloween too....LOL!)

But anyway, she also advised I get another EEG just for shits and giggles, (her words not mine, I asked her if that was some new 'scientific phrase' and she said to "remind me to slap you next time we meet".....LOL!

She said that it could also be unaddressed PTSD issues, (Oh great another acronym to worry about......oh well, I'll just file it in my CRS...(Can't Remember Shit) folder....LOL!

So yesterday morning the phone rings at "early o'clock" as Jenn put it in the text with her apaologies, asking if I could come down then because she had to watch a friend's kids. I was headed over there anyway...though a few hours later..lol... to shower and leave my stuff.....

Real Time pause in effect..I have to run over to the Giant now and entertain the little darlings while she shops...LOL!! Back soon.....

............that wasn't too long now....was it? LOL!

Okay that's done...the tic should fade away soon, so pppppardon annny typos in the mean timmmmmmme.

I got over her house and showered and ate and killed a few minutes until I had to leave for my appointment at the BCCC dental hygiene clinic with Michelle, then took the train and the bus over there. There were no 'glitches' in the paper work this time...but some x-rays needed retakes.

I'll finish with the 'screams' tomorrow....LOL!

OOPS...outta time again, I'm heading over to Jenn's to do laundry while they are out at a friend's for a Halloween themed something or other.

Later....Dave