"A Cinqo De Mayo Soliloquy.................."

Overwhelmed and overloaded;

my emotional escalator
is descending dreamlike,
into the apathetic agony

and lingering lassitude

of longtime loneliness.

Hardened and hurting

my homeless heart hangs heavy,

isolated and insulated

by the ironic influence

of forgotten friends found

and newfound family.

Each exciting encounter

only exacerbates emptiness,

and delineates the distance

from hope to happiness

as dreams disintegrate

into impotent improbabilities.

Present possibilities

not promise nor projection,

fuel future fantasies

and mold mere memories

into visible victories,

and tangible triumphs.

Leaving a living legacy

to my children's children,

a life of loving laughter.

hiding hurt and heartache

from innocent inquisition,

& shielding shining souls

DBC 05/05/10

"Blues In The Night"...............OR.................."Nighttime Thinking-----Daytime Drinking"................"

Good Afternoon;

So I left here yesterday and went to the Starbucks for about 2 hours and sat out back on the patio reading, (I'm now reading 'Rama II', by Arthur C. Clarke and Gentry Lee, the sequel to Clarke's 'Rendezvous With Rama' which I finished yesterday), and listening to the Tuesday night 'Learning', or Torah commentary study, group of a young Orthodox Rabbi and 3 to 6 older men, who seem to be Modern Orthodox or Conservative by their dress and carriage. They meet every week at 8:00 pm. and usually sit inside near the rear door, obstructing access to patrons and also to the employees who are in the process of cleaning up and constantly running bags of trash and boxes out to the trash cans, they are also blocking the fire exit. After observing them for about the past 6 months or more, and watching the same actions and reactions every week, half a dozen times or more a night....I just have to say, there does not seem to be much in the way of 'learning', as regards common sense and good manners. (And let's not forget that most weeks they have to be told that the store will be closing in a few minutes, and of course it holds up the folks trying to lock up as they gather their belongings).

I'm just saying, even lab rats pick things up after the first few experiences....lol!

Anyway, I left their in time to catch the #58 bus to the Plaza Metro station and it was my favorite driver, not only one of the most beautiful young women I've ever met, but also one of the most down to earth, friendliest, openest a, kindest and courteous ladies I know. She is just an all around nice person who exemplifies the phrase "Sunny Disposition". We chatted awhile before she had to make her last run and I then sat and read waiting for the #59 bus up to the shed.

Now this driver was an example of most of the MTA drivers, distantly polite...or is it politely distant..lol., and only partially observant of the traffic laws..(Basically, only when it suited his convenience)..nothing blatantly in violation of the safety of the passengers or others, like the driver I had leaving the library yesterday. HE was one of the drivers who is not only surly and obstructionist, but also recklessly endangers both passengers and other motorists. For example, cruising down Reisterstowm Rd. thru Pikesville at 50 MPH, jackrabbit starts with elderly and disabled people still finding their seats, and neither pulling in to the curb nor lowering the bus to allow people to get on and off safely and easily.

Anyway, I stopped at the gas station and found a free promotional coupon for $5.00 on the "Packaged 'Keno To Go'.." ($00.25 per game instead of $1.00, and the payouts per game are correspondingly only 25%, and tickets must be purchased in $5.00 = 20 game increments...thus the 'Package"........Think the state is preparing for slots?....lol!). I ended up winning 3 games out of 20 for $1.50....and I watched another 10 games as I talked with Daniel, the Kenyan attendant, about his home and his language and his tribe, and about a SF writer, Michael D. Resnick who has become fascinated and appreciative of the Kikuyu people and has written about them in African settings and context, and has some SF stories that combine the traditional tribal lifestyle, customs, rites, and beliefs and future universes and space travel..(it may sound weird but it truly works).

I had real trouble sleeping last night, my mind and emotions overwhelmed and overloaded by all the recent contacts and events, and by something which happened to my son-in-law last week.

{In brief, he had taken someone very close to him, someone he considered his 'little brother' in a sense to a meeting at his homegroup Thursday night, and had dropped him off at his house afterwards. It seems that some time later that night or the next morning, the young man took his own life,leaving lots of notes for everyone. That weekend if you remember Tom and Jenn took the kids to see their Grandmother, (my mom), in Dover. Jenn found out about this early Sunday morning and had to sit on it, keeping it all inside as much as possible until they stopped at Tom's mom's house, (and she was the godmother of this poor tormented guy), so she could break the news in a 'safer' environment, and without a 2 hour drive home. It must have been hell for all three of them}

Well, with all the sudden reconnection's and new family connections and thoughts of past, present, and future generations, and my own mortality; plus having gone through the exact same experience as Tom, too damn many times during my deep involvement with NA, (and still now once in a while finding out that someone who seemed to have 'got it', just could not go on anymore......), not to mention my own travels to the edge, and luckily back again....... It is no wonder that my head was filled with strange thoughts and ponderings, and my emotions were teetering on the brink of stability. (And I'm not even going into the phantasmagorias of dreamland that I stumbled through when I did snatch some sleep...Oy Vey!...let me just tell you that reading a bunch of 'Steampunk' stories and a lot of works touching on the kabbalistic theme of the 'golem'...you would not want to be wandering through my mind alone on a dark, foggy night!....LOL!)

Anyway, the birds are back, after a weeks reprieve, and with a vengeance thay made up for lost time with insane fighting within the walls and ceiling. I started beating on the insulation until I hit moving, squawking lumps and finally scared the crap out of them for a few hours worth of rest. I ended up wandering the Giant in a daze before I decided on what to get for lunch, and ended up not paying attention and grabbing the wrong can of fruit without the pop top lid....oy!!!

I walked over to the liquor store for the makings of a cocktail, and made one!

I sat outside the library with a couple of the librarians and are and read and talked until after Noon, and here I am!

Out Of Time

Later...Dave

"Young Love.........First Love"................................"Maybe No Longer A Flame..............But The Spark Never Dies..............."

Good Afternoon;

So I ended up at Starbucks last night because it was too warm to sit outside and I had nowhere else to go. I met Jenn and got a ride back to the Giant, where I grabbed a bottle of juice and then sat outside on the bench at First Watch reading until almost 1:00 am. (with a visit to the gas station for the bathroom and the Keno...lol), that looks like it's going to be my primary late night, warm dry weather spot to read before retiring to 'Abandoned Acres', since the Mt. Washington Starbucks is not conducive to after hours clientele, and the St. Thomas one still has no tables outside...(at last look).

I got up today and puttered around the Giant looking for bargains for a meal this morning, (Phillips Crab and Shrimp Salad, about 1/2 lb., on sale for $2.35, with a $2.00 off sticker, In Store Bakery Biscuits, 4 @ $1.99, with a $1.50 off sticker, Butterball Deep Fried Thanksgiving Style Deli-Sliced Turkey Breast, on sale for $2.50 a tub, with a $2.00 off sticker)..[anybody who says they are hungry and begging for money, ain't telling you the 'Rest Of The Story' as Paul Harvey used to say]

I sat outside the library for a couple hours and ate and finished my book, until the sun shifted around the building and I lost the shade. It is a lovely day out, why the heck have I wasted so much of it in here on the computer?...LOL!

Well, I'll tell you..I opened my e-mail, and lo and behold in my junk mail folder I see this phrase in the Subject: box that gave me pause, only one person would have any inkling what the hell it meant, and the name in the From: box matched it!

I marked it as 'safe' and transferred it to my Inbox while I answered and wrote some other e-mails, and did some searching on Google and looked at my Facebook account, and so on, and so on....

Yeah I was very nervous and apprehensive about opening this e-mail and stalled for a long while, until my curiosity outweighed my anxiety. I have had no contact with this person for over 20 years, and often wanted to try to contact her but did not for the same reasons I avoided most of the folks I was close to before I began my long, out of control, high speed run down the 'powdery' slopes of the soul eating of the deadly slalom of addiction.

I finally did open it and it was HER, my very first girlfriend, from 1973. Again the JT story caused a parent, her mother, to call a child and exclaim.."Did You See Who Is On The Cover....?"....lol!

I lost contact with Patti sometime just before I had my car accident, (Dec. 20-21?...[one side of midnight or the other...I don't remember exactly, being in a coma and all that...lol!]...1990).

Well she was amazed to see the article and read the blog and we are going to meet when she returns from vacationing and visiting her sister and mother in Florida.

I am overwhelmed with memory and emotion, and a lot of laughter too, we had some fun and silly times together. I am riding the pendulum back and forth between anticipation and apprehension as I anxiously await our reunion.

She was not only my first girlfriend, but the first female with whom I became and stayed friends with, paving the way for many future friendships with other women, (and also men), on a truly 'person to person' basis, over and above, or is it above and beyond, sex, gender, and/or orientation or lifestyle. Funny thing about this situation is that she also knew my best and oldest and in continous contact friend Anna Marie before I met her...small world!

Anyway, I am out of here again, with no place to go or be, and later than I wanted to leave. I'll probably kill the next few hours on the bus to, at ond back from the Starbucks.

Bye now....Dave

"Freedom FROM Religion........A First Amendment Right!!..............."

Good Afternoon;

I just finished watching the documentary "Jesus Camp", (made in 2006, during the course of the hearing to confirm Justice Alito to the Supreme Court), DAMN!!!!

Talk about scary, I used to worry about the way the Ultra Orthodox Jewish schools indoctrinate the kids in religion at the expense of secular subjects at times, but seeing how the Evangelical Christians brainwash their kids with religion to achieve and promote a political agenda, I realize that at least we Jews are teaching the children the word as it is written..and how it relates and affects to us!!.. not as a method of inculcating our beliefs...(and I use the word 'our' with a grain of salt when referring to my religiosity as compared to my own spirituality)...on others and programming them to disseminate said opinions and propaganda.

The methods used are nothing less than brainwashing of impressionable children. These kids are as young as 4 or 5 years old and range up to about 12.

The only thing scarier than the kids are the parents and the 'children's pastor'.

Watching the methods used and the reasons stated for the conditioning needed, one can easily see the not so hidden agenda of these people,...to eliminate any and all opposing beliefs and ultimately to eliminate democracy and instate a theocracy, with them as the 'deciders'....(sound familiar? see the footnote during the section on Ted Haggard and the Colorado Springs area megachurches!)....bringing about 'heaven on earth' and their version of the way things should be.

You really should check this DVD out.

This has been an UNPAID political editorial, (and if I offended you, you probably should not be reading me anyway....lol!)

later...........................Dave

"Don't You Dare.......You'll Put Your Eye out.............."

Good Afternoon Again;

I wanted to add this one thing before I leave the library today...(if I ever do get out of here...LOL)...

Harriet told me something today as we were leaving the restaurant today that is getting to be a commom theme and a running gag everytime I end up meeting a new person, (99.9% of the time it has been a woman saying this), mainly some variation of "

"My..(insert proper male relation, ie.; husband, father, son, brother, friend, uncle...etc.)..told me> not to do this/ that I'm crazy to do this",

This being....'meet me'!

And in every case I have ended up bonding in some way and initiating a new friendship, maybe not one where I see the person regularly, but one where something 'clicked' between us, open up new levels and possibilities to explore.

Some of the naysayers pre-formed their opinions and prejudices from either one or both of the articles in the JT or BM, focusing on my past history of addiction and prison, and some from the blog and the general stigma of my being homeless. It has gotten to the point that I can tell what is coming next when people slip into their slightly guilty confesssional mode and begin to, sometimes awkwardly and embarrassed, admit thatn they almost listened to others, Or, on the other side of the coin, ironically acknowledge the absurdity and humor of their apprehensions brought on by other's forebodings.

I can actually understand and appreciate some of the fears and cautionary feelings that would arise in some folks, Hell I would not meet me in a secluded place alone if that was what the invitation amounted to, but every first meeting has been and will be in a well traveled and lighted public place.

(For my safety and peace of mind as well as theirs...lol!)

In any case i just want to extend my thanks and gratitude to those who chose, (and choose), to meet me.

Thank you for enriching my life with your entry into my world, and for all those who decided to show their interest and concern in a material way also, with much appreciation and humility I am grateful for your compassion, and I try to continue the chain as I go on.

Times up.........................dave

"They Made Me...................................... 'An Offer I Couldn't Refuse'..................."

Good Afternoon;

So I just got back from lunch with "My Cousin Harriet",

She drove us out to T.G.I. Fridays and she was kind and generous enough to treat.

(I had the 'Sicilian Chicken Sandwich' and a glass of ice water)

We had a very nice chat exchanging family information on our present and recent family members, and I was able to supply some information and answer some questions about her grandfather, who is also my grandfather, but who was married and had left his wife, [HER grandmother] (and children), before he married MY grandmother, (sometime between 1912 and 1919). This was not the type of thing that was talked about in those days, so although there were rumors, there was no solid evidence. It's a bit bizarre...(and what aspect of my life isn't...LOL!)...that the man she knew as her grandfather, who was actually her step-grandfather, had his funeral the same day as my, (her actual), grandfather. Also the families of the second generation grew up sometimes within steps of one another in the same neighborhoods with no knowledge of one another! She is 10 years older than I am, and we have the same memories of certain places either from the distance of age, or the distance of time. As I said earlier, and it is really is a moral imperative, accentuated and accelerated by mortality, we plan to continue to meet and get to know one another..."better late than never"...has never been more aptly applied!

This is the 6th the major contact from the Jewish Times article, and like those old late night ads for 'record clubs'....( a record is to a CD what an e-mail is to a letter kids)....used to say..."And The Hits Just Keep On Coming"!!!..........LOL!

I'm out of time again...............later............................Dave

"By The Numbers......................."

Good Morning;

Well, today is 05/03/10. My BP is 152/90. The time is 11:47 am. The temperature is 79.7 degrees F., with a heat index of 82 degrees F., the humidity is 64% and the dew point is 66 degrees F., with the barometer at 29.77 in./hg and falling, with a 60% chance of thunderstorms. In the past 72 hours I have gotten 10 hours of sleep. My irritability factor is hovering around 80 while my patience/tolerance level is down to near 30. I have $23.25 in my pocket, (& 1 bus token). There are 104.72 mimutes left on one phone and 47.88 left on the other.

Okay, more than you ever wanted to know right....lol.

After I got back to Jenn's on Saturday afternoon I went to wash clothes, but there was no detergent and it was too damn hot and humid to go back outside, so I sat down with the cable and the remote and the refrigerator until about 9:00 pm. when the upstairs neighbor stumbled home and cranked up the stereo and the bass, (this is a different apt. from the morning), I was both ticked off and feeling aggressive enough to respond to the lack of consideration and courtesy, (and this is a continuing issue with them), and since it was before 11:00 pm and I could not call the cops, that I put the Pink Floyd 'Dark Side Of The Moon' CD in the player and cranked up the volume and the bass to "11", and then jumped in the shower for a nice, long, relaxing soak. (If you remember, this album has the heartbeat that increases in volume, and the alarm clocks, and the lovely bass line throughout) Well, when I got out of the shower 40 minutes later as the album was ending, the noise from upstairs had been cranked down to merely annoying. For the rest if the night everytime it went back to rattling the windows or the things in the cabinets, I chose a well thought out selection of good old classic rock, ("Iron Man" was a big hit as was the drum solo from "In A Gadda Da Vita")!

Okay my cousin Harriet is here and we are going to lunch now.

I may be back later today....................Dave

"Rants In My Pants.................................."

Good Afternoon;

Yesterday, Rachel and I walked to Mickey D's after leaving here, and Liz said she saw us walking down Reisterstown Rd.

So I made it out of Jenn's apartment and to the library today anyway.

There are a couple of reasons for this, first when Rachel's mom picked her up this morning she had five library books that Rachel and I had checked out last month that were due today, and I volunteered to drop them off, (again for a couple reasons..1- They are on my card and I wanted to be sure they made it back today, 2- She was heading in the other direction and was a bit late as it was, and we are not arguing over anything at the moment, so I decided to be a nice guy and help her out, [she has enough to deal with at the moment, the roofer came to repair the leak over Rachel's room, {and only 2 years after I pointed it out to her!!!}, and somehow in the process caused the roof to leak over Her bedroom, collapsing the ceiling...AND the dining room ceiling below it! Thanks to renters insurance, they are in a hotel...With a Pool, Rachel is on a vacation...lol], 3- I want to get a cold six pack, and 4- the next door neighbor's, (who happens to be the maintenance man at the complex), stepkids are blasting Reggae with the bass turned way, way up and it was a case of the least aggravation to just split for a bit and hope Eddie get's off work before I get back, letting him ream their asses, instead of me doing it.

And now, here we go again off we go into the wild and wooly land of the tangential rant.......

What is with all these morons who are wearing there pants belted across their thighs with buckle at the level of their dick and their asses hanging over their belts like a buffalo that tried to jump a barbed wire fence and got caught up halfway over? Now that it's getting hot they are wearing those stupid baggy 'not pants' but 'not shorts' trousers that look like typical Great Depression era Okie wear...(hmmmm..."OKIE WEAR"....these idiots will buy anything some big name rapper will wear, now who can I enlist to be my partner...someone either too dumb to get the joke...or $avvy enough to!..)....but the part that really gets to me is the stupidity and ignorance demonstrated by the evidence of their ill-mannered and constant spitting. EVERYWHERE!!! On the bus stops, at the subway and light rail, and not just on the platforms, but on the trains!, and I've seen them do it on the buses too!?!? It is not just blacks but also those confused and pitiful white folk who embrace ghetto culture and prison style and think it makes them cool!?

Yeah, right.

There is not one of them who would not gain IQ points by being lobotomized!

At least it would quiet them down if done right by giving the speech center a little jiggle with the old pointy coat hanger while the doc is in there stirring away. I mean, what kind of communication can there be when every other word is 'Yo', (used as a adverb, adjective, noun, and proper noun), or 'Bitch', (sometimes as term of endearment for the significant other...or more frequently the 'baby mama' or 'baby daddy' or 'F*ck', (again with multiple usage in all tenses, including as a verb, some times prefaced with 'Mother'), or 'Ho'..(see Bitch). I hate riding the bus with Rachel just because it is hard to explain the ignorance and crudity to some one not yet 6 years old ..WHO KNOWS BETTER!!!

Hey I am no angel, I curse, (or cuss if you prefer), but it is to show extreme emotion, or accentuate a point, or express pain or shock or awe or amazement, not every other word. And it is not the words themselves, they have basically been diluted, denatured, and neutered....it is the attitude toward ignorance, casual cruelty and lack of common decency, respect and manners.

If President Obama really wants to start a 'dialogue' on race in America...this is a damn fine place to start.

Act like an animal, get treated like an animal.

At the level I see these actions it reflects the people I see every day, on the street, on public transit, and at the facilities serving the homeless. What is so sad is that the same words, deeds, actions and attitudes are reflected and duplicated by the drivers and operators of the vehicles and the majority of government and bureaucratic civil servants who interact with these people. Monkey See, Monkey Do.

For proof, see the case of the child in a Baltimore City school who was bullied to the point of attempting suicide. The children, (if that is the term one can use for the little bastards), who bullied and tortured this poor girl who is different because of the way she walks due to Cerebral Palsy, and a third grader only 8 years old, learn this at home from the partents and older siblings. The whole ghetto/rap attitude of kindness is weakness, a twisted and perverted inner city version of the jungle's 'eat the weak', permeates the streets, the homes, and the schools. Add in the attitude so prevalent in government and business, of, 'I gots mine!', and the whole 'stop snitching' culture, where the guards and inmates are friends and neighbors, if not relatives, and it is no wonder prison more`s are in the homes, on the streets, and the schools.

Okay, I'm done for now, and no apologies this time.

(The next one's near the point of eruption too, so stay tuned. I'll give you a hint... Who drives in flagrant disregard for the traffic laws, and yet is never pulled over? Who is federally prohibited from texting and talking while driving, yet some still do, and who carries on conversations with friends standing next to them blocking the narrowest point of the aisle, (at times turning their heads to look at them)? You got it, MTA drivers,...rudeness for the ride, and manners to match!)

Well I feel a bit better anyway....lol! I'm out of here for now, I'm going back to Jenn's where it's not as cool as the library, but not as hot as the shed. By Sunday night, unless we get a thunderstorm it will be a sauna...literally! damp wood baking in the sun and extreme heat.

I'm making a detour past the beer store, any requests? Nothing too extravagant please. I got my Safelink minutes on the phone this morning,

(the 410-340-XXXX #) ,if anyone tries to call. I'm still looking for some company for this evening...I'll even let you hold the remote or choose the DVD for the surround sound system..(sorry no BluRay....lol)! And I made Bowtie Pasta with Shrimp, Chicken, Mild Italian Sausage, and Fresh Grape Tomatoes in a light Crab based cream sauce, with some shredded Mozzarella to melt over it.

Yummmmm!

Okay, see you Monday if you don't show up!

(Library Closed On Sundays Now)

Later..............Dave

"Looking For An Erotic Psychotic......................................."

Good Afternoon;

I'm here at the library with Rachel and we are about to head out and get some lunch somewhere, (she had breakfast so we skipped going out to eat earlier). We will then be heading over to or meeting up with Jenn to get the keys to her place where we are spending the night.

While we were on the computer earlier my cousin Harriet, (my grandfather's grandaughter from his other family), came up to me and met Rachel and she and I made a lunch date for Monday.

Nothing else happening really right now, just waiting for May and my Safelink minutes for the phone and to see if my TDAP money and Foodstamps got re-certified by D.S.S. properly. It is always nerve wracking when this occurs every six months knowing the reputation and past experience of the incompetent time wasters at social services.

I'll be back tomorrow, if I even leave Jenn's apartment that is. Rachel is being picked up at about 10:15 am. Saturday morning, and I may just veg out with the cable all day.

Oh, and by the way, if any of you ladies out there want to move up from follower to 'groupie', I'm available..WITH an empty apartment, [not counting the dog and the two cats...lol], and most desirous of feminine companionship,....LOL!

Equal Opportunity Employer = 18 to 80 Blind Crippled Or Crazy Welcome.....LOL!

Anyway, I'm going back to Rachel and the kids computer, see you tomorrow...maybe.

Later.............Dave

P.S. If I do not get in on Saturday, I will not be back 'til Monday because the library starts Summer hours with no Sundays except for Towson.

"No Noose Is Good Noose............OR.............Just Hanging Around....................."

Good Afternoon;

I've not got a lot to say today...(oops, I must be subconsciously channeling Dr. Seuss today.....lol)...other than the weather is perfectly lovely, and I did not sleep well last night. Not that I slept poorly, I just was awake and kind of spaced out, for longer intervals than I actually did sleep. I am heading over to Jenn's to shower in a bit and maybe chill out with the cable and the remote for a few hours while she takes the kids out for a play date.

As for most everything else..I'm at the point where I am like a juggler with all his balls in the air, or a fisherman who has just cast his line..for the moment things are completely out of my control and I am waiting to find out if my actions were correct and my ducks in a row so as to produce the desired effect....of course the time factor for the juggler and the fisherman is measured in seconds or fractions of a second. In my case I am dealing with the Federal government, which moves at the blinding speed of a glacial ice sheet.....lol.

Oh, yeah I did play my regular $2.00 Keno shot last night and this time I took the State for $25.00, which has been reserved for breakfast out with Rachel on Friday morning at a real restaurant, (i.e.....any thing where we can eat with silverware made of metal....lol)!

I may be back later today, if anything interesting happens, or I don not go to the coffee shop after Jenn's.

Later................Dave

"A Little Up...A Little Down........Wash Rinse Repeat.................."

Good Afternoon;

I guess you could call today one of those 'moderation in all things days'.

Nothing's really wrong, yet, nothing's really right...(We are excluding the major minuses such as having a real residence, etc.)...not so much a 'glass half full or half empty' sense of perspective, but a balance of ups and downs.

Starting with last night as I was packing up to leave the coffee shop and someone gave me a packaged breakfast sandwich for the morning and I was having a fun conversation with Ashley and lost track of time, and was 2 minutes late walking across Mt. Washington to the bus loop....and saw the tail lights fade into the distance. The next bus on the 27 route would have let me make my connection to the 59, as it was supposed to arrive 1 minute before the 59 left...but it was 20 minutes late, meaning a 30 minute wait, OR a train ride and yet another bus plus 2 fairly long walks to get back to the shed...I chose to sit for 30 minutes. The bus driver for the 59 pulled in about 18 minutes early and I walked over to get on the bus and sit out of the wind...most drivers will do this, this guy turned all the lights out and went and lay down on the rear most bench of seats and went to sleep. I had to bang on the bus 5 minutes after the time he was supposed to pull off to wake him up, and then the bus was filled with diesel fumes from sitting with the engine running, it's good thing I was there or this guy might be taking a dirt nap!

I finally1 got to the gas station, where the key to the restroom was locked IN the restroom, and it took 20 minutes to locate the spare key. I tried my luck at Keno, (I should have known better and seen this coming), and lost a few dollars. I sat and watched the news and kept an eye on the Keno screen, and my numbers did not come up once in the entire 40 minutes I was there, I'm glad I quit when I did.

I fell asleep just after midnight and woke up cold some time around 2:30 am., after checking to see that the tree was well watered I unzipped and crawled into the sleeping bag and snugged it up tight. It got fairly chilly last night in the suburbs and I stayed in the bag until my back and bladder again forced me to move, about 8:00 am. when I took my meds and lay back down. I stayed there until noon, dozing on and off and just staring at the walls with no desire or reason to move, and even less motivation.

For some reason my side is paining me much more than usual, it may be that I strained it trying to reach some thing in Jenn's back seat Monday night, because I know I pulled something in my chest doing so, or it may be just stress buildup in the nerve nexus. And speaking of Jenn, I called her as I was leaving the shed to see if I could come over and grab a quick shower like we had talked about on Monday, and she had just put the kids in the car and left the house.

I went to the Giant to buy some end of the month, low budget, on sale, food supplies and they were out of the things I wanted, so I had to go with the second team. When I came in the coffee machine was out of order so that did not help, but as I was leaving it had been fixed and I ended up with a Muffin too.

I'm out of time and am going to jump on the bus to the Starbucks now, because it is too raw and damp to sit outside and eat, and because I'm through with writing for the day also!

See you tomorrow.......................Dave

"Half A Loaf Is Better Than A Kick In The Head..................................."

Good Afternoon;

Well I WOKE up to rain this morning...but I GOT up to sunshine.....thank goodness!

I was awakened about 4:00 am. this morning by a brief but intense rainstorm, it was again raining so hard that I could not even get out of the shed to use the 'afterhours facilities' and had to use the 'secondary emergency backup device'....lol.

After I left here yesterday I stopped at Jilly's and treated myself to lunch and a drinkand chatted with Scott, the owner for a while. I then took the buses over to the Starbucks and did some reading, and had a Vanilla Bean Frappuchino... oy.......my quarter annual dairy overload! Dave from Whole Foods prepared foods kitchen came in and we got into a discussion about the Constitution and the Federalist Papers, and how so many people quote portions, lines, phrases, and even single words way out of context and the original meanings based on the time period they were written in, trying to support their political agendas. Later I wandered over to the Whole Foods and ended up standing and talking to Ian in the fish dept. about the same thing, but this time in reference to religions and the varying scriptures and interpretations based on situational ethics. We talked about the documentary movie "Jesus Camp", a very scary look at the evangelical extremists in our midst and their techniques, it deserves a viewing if you get the chance. (I've put in a request for transfer from the Cockeysville branch of the Baltimore County Public Library system...they only have the 1 copy so I'll let you know when I am about to return it, if any of the local loyal readers want to check it out.)

It's funny, the two subjects I usually avoid discussing, with MOST people, both in the same evening...lol. (Well it saved me from ending up buying anything from the overpriced bakery....lol! [To tell the truth, some of their cakes and confections look awesomely delicious, but taste...ehhh, so-so..particularly a Vanilla Buttercream and Raspberry Iced and Filled Yellow Cake....at $3.99 a slice, big enough for two, it was not worth it, the icing tasted like, and had a 'mouth-feel' of shortening rather than butter...ehhh]..).

I walked over and met Jenn after her meeting and we wandered the Giant and talked as she did her usual Mondat night shopping. They are going to Dover Delaware with the kids this week end to visit Granma Dee..(my mother)..and wanted to take Rachel too, but she has plans to go the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival at the Howard County Fairgrounds, (Rachel makes and spins her own yarn...with help of course...form both sheep and alpaca wool, and this is a yearly treat for her).

I am pet sitting for Jenn this weekend, so Rachel is going to spend Friday and Friday night with me and we can cook breakfast together Saturday morning, and her mother will pick her up on Saturday morning....so that will give us some daddy-daughter time.

(And you can be damn sure I wasn't going to Delaware anyway.....60 miles and 2 different states is plenty close enough for my mother and I!....LOL...{not!}..)

This morning I met with Liz and we reviewed all the statuses..(stati?..lol)..of the applications I have in and we also found out that my old doctor, with whom I was very satisfied, accepts all the MCOs of Health Choice, Maryland's Medical Assistance setup...except of course JAI which is self contained... now I have to figure out which one suits my situation, in regards to location of specialists and hospital priveleges etc., and how to switch. Afterwards I went to Monkee's and wished her a Happy Birthday and we talked for an hour or so. I got my meds for the next week and paid her. I went to the dollar store and purchased some d-batteries and Giant and grabbed some food for later...and here I am.

I am pretty much over the "post-insert=(event, occasion, happening, person)" blues I had yesterday, from all the excitement of the weekend. It is the feeling of letdown you get the day after Christmas or your Birthday, or the first day home form a vacation, when you realize nothing has changed permanently...sssiiiggghhhhh!

Ah Well......................this too shall pass.

Okay I am out of time and I'm heading to the coffee shop for a couple hours.

later.......................Dave

P.S.....5713 visitors and 501 posts.....and a BP of 131/78!

"Rain Delay...............You Lucky Dog, You............."

Good Afternoon;

If anyone was wondering...YES I GOT WET!

I left the Starbucks last night at closing. Luckily it was a lull between the downpours and I made it under the expressway and across the tracks to the bus stop, where the clouds broke open the second I stepped into the (three sided) bus shelter. I stood there about 20 minutes until the bus came and in dashing the 8 feet between the shelter and the doors of the bus...was soaked! The driver let us off at the Plaza station under the cover of the bridge across the street and I jumped on the bus that would take me up to the shed. When that bus arrived at the stop near the gas station, it was again pouring so hard you could not see across the street. I again dove off the bus and swam to the shelter. These shelters are built with sides that extend down to about 6 or 8 inches from the ground, and rain was so hard and so heavy that when it hit the ground it bounced and splashed up and under the shelters as if someone wa spraying a hose. When the deluge let up to a simple rainstorm, after about another 20 minute interval, I rushed over to the cover of the gas station canopy and went inside. I was soaking wet from the top of my head, (the hat held about a gallon of water when I wrung it out...lol), to my shoulders, damp from there to mid calf and soaked again from there on down. My pants legs were doing a fine imitation of a spomge and my new sneakers squished and squirted every time I took a step, all from less than a minutes direct exposure to the rain and the upward reflection of the raindrops hitting the ground.

After losing my $2.00 at Keno, and using the bathroom, I took advantage of another momentary lapse in the rain god's attention and slipped into the shed. After a few minor readjustments to the water gathering and redirection systems I unrolled and unwrapped my bedding.

I was all set up and laid out before 10:00 pm in the shed, and lay down and watched an hour of 'Time warp' on the DVD player before the battery began to die.

It was very peaceful laying there listening to the symphony of the rain drumming on the roof and the various tones of the drips and spashes as the leaks hit their diverters and collectors. I was up once in the early dawn hours to answer nature's call, but did not finally crawl out until almost noon today. I had no reason nor motivation to move. And the fact that no matter what I wanted to do, I had to fight the rain to do it. The shed was to dim to read and the batteries in the flashlight are dead and the DVD player needs a recharge so therewas nothing to do but brood. I have a sh*tload of insights, questions, bitches, moans, and whines to expond on ...You, loyal reader, get a reprieve though, for two reasons, one I really don't feel like being here in the library...AND I'm Out of Time...

So, ...........see you tomorrow..........

..................Dave

"613.....+1............................."

Good Afternoon;

So this morning I got to sit with a bunch of fourth graders, aged 9-10, and tell them a little about being homeless, some reasons why folks become homeless, and some things that they at their level could do to help a homeless person, or make them feel better. Simple things such as saying hello or good day, donating socks, or making up personal hygiene bags for distribution. We then made cheerful and colorful blankets for some of the children currently at the Hannah More Center. The kids were so sincere and honest in their comments and suggestions and generated very positive overall energy. The morning started with a small service and blessings in the sanctuary with an assist form the school choir, and an explanation of why we do mitzvahs by the Rabbi, then the crowd split into about 15 or more different groups, with tasks ranging from making sandwiches to be distributed to the homeless, to making challa for a nearby seniors home, to potting and planting flowers and trees, to cleaning a stretch of roadway, to helping to clean up the grounds of two fire stations, to helping collect vegetables for and then feed them to a the horse on a horse rescue (?) farm, and so on, and so on. A most diverse set of deeds benefiting the people and community in Owings Mills, Reisterstown and Baltimore.

I had thought I was also going to speak to a group of adults but that did not occur. A young man who teaches at the fourth grade level in the religious school, Jake, picked me up at Jenn's and then dropped me back off about noonish. There were about 300 or more people who showed up, and some other who I understand went directly to their chosen sights. At least half were children and a festive and enthusiastic atmosphere enveloped everyone. I feel honored and proud to have been part of this event, and felt very much at home with the crowd, a cross section of modern conservative Judaism, varied and inclusive, embracing rather than denying contemporary styles and ideals while remaining true to our traditional morals and heritage.

I was met and welcomed by the synagogues youth co-ordinator, Sheri Knauth and made to feel very comfortable and accepted, and we agreed to keep in touch via e-mail and this blog.

I'm out of time, AND this is the last Sunday that Pikesville Library will be open until October, so I'll see you tomorrow......................Dave

"Bruin Burgers................or...................Hickory Smoked Smokey......................."

Good Afternoon;

As they say,

"Some days you eat the bear.....and some days the bear eats you!".

Well I'm still savoring the delicate aftertaste of 'Filet of Yogi'.....LOL!

To top off an already amazing day... last night after returning from the coffee shop in Mt. Washington...where I sat on the back patio slowly imbibing an ice cold 'carbonated malted barley pop' and watching the day slide into evening, pastel sky criss-crossed with opalescent glowing contrails fading to indigo speckled with God's little lanterns and the pale light of the waxing gibbous moon...I stopped off at the gas station and played $2.00 on the Keno, just for sh*ts and giggle and because I had $2.00 to spare for the first time in weeks..(thanks Mike)..and won $25.00 on the first game, (which I promptly pocketed!...lol). Well after a few more games showed me that it was going to be a series of play 2 games, win 1 game lose 1 game, over and over trading $2.00 back and forth with the State of Maryland all night long, I called it a night. I hit the shed and watched the last episode of "Jeeves and Wooster", and a couple episodes of "Time Warp", where these two guys with high speed cameras show all sorts of everyday, (and NOT so everyday..think Mythbusters..), things in slow motion...rreeeeeaaaaallllllll sssllllllooooooowwwwwwww mmmmooooottttiiiiooooonnnnn......LOL!...! way cool!

Got up this morning and went to the Giant for coffee, washroom facilities, and food, (in that order..lol), and then sat outside the library at the picnic table and ate and read for an hour or so...and here I am........again.

I guess you can notice the difference and tone in my writing and mood?

Between having enough meds for a few days, a few dollars in my pocket, a few meals worth of food credit available, and the events of yesterday, plus the lovely weather..(and even the threat of rain and thunderstorms are not bothering me........[ yet!.......lol ].....)..thr depression seems to have bottomed out a bit sooner and I'm now on the uphill side of the 'pit of despair'...lol. Things are looking rosier, a mite bit foggy still but with a definite pink tinge around the edges. (And no that is not just bloodshot eyes looking out through a hangover, I only had the one beer...LOL)

I'm still somewhat nervous about tomorrow, but if I was in the same mindset as I was earlier this week, I'd have blown it off already, and gone into isolation.

I'm going over to Jenn's this evening to do a load of laundry, spend the night and shower in the early morning. I'm being picked up at 8:30 by someone from the shul. It's a good thing Jenn has a new Mr. Coffee, (the cats decided to go 'bat sh*t' on the windowsill next to the table where the old one sat...there were shards of glass, pieces of plastic, coffee grinds, electronic components, brewed coffee, cat hair and even some chunks of cat floating all over the kitchen floor, I wasn't there but Jenn has a new 'i-phone' with a camera and video capability and needs no excuse to use it....lol), 'cause I'm gonna need to 'amp up' just to get in the shower....I don't do Sunday mornings well, never have, especially sober! (yeah I know bass-ackwards again....lol)

I was told this morning, for what must be the thousandth time, "You have GOT to write a book!", when I was relating some of the events and occurrences of the landslide I call my life. As I've said before, I'd really like to kind of wait until there is a little more light at the end of the tunnel, (and to be sure it is not the headlight of anoth approaching train...!), before I try to put out a book. And the idea it truly daunting and overwhelming, trying to string a coherent narrative of such length....BUT!....if anybody with any experience wants to try to organize or arrange, or tape some notes, or whatever...what the hell, contact me.

Have your 'people' call my 'person', (hey I'm poor, it's really me...lol), "we'll do lunch" as they say out in LaLa Land, or up in the Big [rotten] Apple........lol!

I'm out of time, and there is a line to sign on again, be back tomorrow afternoon....maybe, it's Sunday and opening time is 1:00 pm., who knows what will come of the morning's affair?

later .....................Dave

"Extended Family.............................OR.........................Be Fruitful And Multiply!!...................."

Good Afternoon;

Well I had an interesting talk with my OTHER long-lost, never-known, new-found cousin. What a strange coincidence, (if you believe in that word...I'll call it synchronicity!). We compared notes of what we knew about aunts and uncles and cousins, on 'both sides of the covers' as they used to say long ago when talking about the hushed up, divorced side of the family, (yes I know that it is also used for mistresses and bastard children, but not in this case). We exchanged numbers and she expressed a desire to stay in touch, maybe meet for lunch sometime soon. It got a little bit emotional, after I showed her the newspaper photo of our grandfather Barbara had sent me, and the list of decendants of his father and his wife, Abraham and Eva Rebecca, and the photocopy of the ship's manifest of the ship that brought them over from Kovno, Russia in 1891.

I then went down to the 7/11 and put $10.00 on my phone from a gift I recieved earlier today...(the 410-908-xxxx number is now active), and called and made a hard confirmation of plans and transport for Sunday

I stopped at the Giant and grabbed lunch and sat outside and read and listened to the Playaway for a couple hours, then came in here to you, loyal reader.

It's close to closing time so I'll say goodbye for now,

and I'll be back tomorrow at some point.

Later........................Dave

"Multiple Blasts From The Past!..............Wow, What A Breakfast Treat!................"

Good Morning;

What a beautiful spring morning, not too warm, not too cool, no rain, a bright blue sky with scattered puffy white clouds...my only request would be to turn the brightness down a smidgen and maybe increase the contrast a notch...kind of take the too sharp edge off of everything......

Last night was one of those nights where I couldn't fall asleep and when I did I kept waking up every 20 minutes, needless to say getting up at 6:45 am. was not a pleasant task. I wanted to have enough time to roll and fold and stack everything in the shed, and put on a fresh set of clothing from the skin outward, and to wash up and shave and brush my teeth, and to be sure I caught the bus up the road to the Hilton for my breakfast with Mike. I headed over to the gas station and took care of my morning ablutions and as I got to the bus stop, either one bus was 20 minutes late, or the other was 15 minutes early, bur anyway I was able to arrive 15 minutes early and grab a free cup of coffee and relax on the couch before Mike showed up at 8:00 am.

I don't think I would have recognized him at first glance if he had not been wearing a Md. State Police polo shirt and hadn't called out a hello from down the hallway. I instantly recognized his voice..THAT is exactly the same although the body shows the 20 or so years since our last meeting, and he chooses to sport the same hair style as I do, a common choice for the follicly challenged male.....lol!

We had a good breakfast from the buffet and it was again a pleasure to use real silverware and have hot food I did not have to cook. We stepped back into conversation and friendship as if it had only been a few weeks since we last saw one another...(except for the obvious things such as....multiple marriages, children and step children...lol!). He retired as a high ranking officer in the command and operation structure of the Md. State Police a few years ago, and the last time I saw him he was beginning his climb up into the realm of the political 'wonderland' of the agency, and I was at the beginning of my high speed downhill slalom on the mountain of 'Colombian Snow'. I was still aware enough to realize that association with me could only cause him trouble so after our last evening out..(at the Firehouse Tavern in Carney which was owned by a fellow volunteer firefighter)...I broke off our association and for his sake, I am glad it turned out well.

We talked for about an hour and a half and the conversation kept jumping from past tp present as we caught up with each other's lives, interspersed with many "do you remember whens" and "what ever happened to??" I think both of us realized how much we have missed each other, (for a 6 year period, during the important formative years of junior high and high school we were pretty much inseparable, and still so, although to a somewhat lesser extent for the next 3 or 4 years after graduation...I mean he's the guy who took me in handcuff's, while he was in full uniform, to the courthouse for my wedding, and was my best man...[needless to say the soon to be wife and inlaws were a bit freaked out when I entered the judges chambers...lol!]...and I was an usher at his wedding, to the woman who I had finally gathered up the courage to ask out....and who HE had asked out 20 minutes earlier....lol!), and how much we don't want it to be another 20+ years!

Stop The Presses!

Okay!!!! we're in realtime here now! This is bizarre!!! I am sitting here typing and I look up and the librarian is pointing me out to a woman across the table, sying "there is Mr. Cluster". She comes up and introduces her self, aying her maiden name is the sam s mine and could we be related? She saw the JT article and since she frequents the library also has been checking to see if I am her when she is.

This is so freaky, she may be a cousin, from my grandfather's first marriage, whic hwas adeep dark family secret, which my father, (and possibly my grandmother also), did not know about until his father's death, because in those days, it just was not done, leaving a wife and family, especially in the Jewish community. i am signing off now, she is waiting to talk with me.

more as this story develops!

later.......................Dave

"Time To Break Out The Suit With The ZipLoc Pockets!............................."

Good Evening;

Well I'm sporting the short and fuzzy look thanks to Jenn and the clippers. My 2 year old grand daughter Devon kept running back and forth in the kitchen doorway, eyes wide as saucers, giggling her head off as I got sheared! I sat down on the couch afterwards and she crawls up next to me and rubs her hands over my skull and then rubbing her pet monkey and laughing. I'm a cheap date and good for a laugh too......lol.

I hung out at Jenn's after they left for the playground, showered and watched a bit of TV, and relaxed and enjoyed just being able to do so....inside, on a couch.

When I came in Jenn said,"Tom says he'll give you $10.00 if you take all the trash to the dumpster"...laughing, knowing that I always tend to gather up all the empty soda boxes and whatever had been stuck out on the porch and take it to the dumpster anyway, being anile about the subject. They knew that I was broke and have not been asking them for money, knowing that they have been in a financial pinch recently too. So they decide to help me out in a way that saved face on both sides.

After they came home I went down to Monkee's and left her the $10.00 and picked up the bupes she set aside for me.

I'm broke again, but with a full belly...thanks to Jenn's shrimp, chicken, and veggie pasta in an Alfredo sauce she made last night...and enough meds for the next week,and the peace of mind that comes with that.

I have been making travel arrangements by e-mail for Sunday's Mitzvah Day at Beth Israel, it looks as if I'm going to get picked up at Jenn's place, where I am spending Saturday night so as to be showered and shaved and squeaky clean on Sunday morning. It's both delightful and daunting that the woman who read my story in the JT, and then the blog, thinks I have something to say that is worth hearing and will somehow help to further foster the volunteerism that is one of the purposes of the day.

Well, that's about it for today.

I have a date tomorrow morning with the Pikesville Hilton's Breakfast Buffet....oh yeah and my old friend Mike, who I haven't seen in over 20 years....(damn, has it really been that long?!?!)...who saw the JT or Baltimore Mag, and contacted me by e-mail. We've exchanged phone numbers, but keep playing 'phone tag' and missing one another. I wonder if I'll even recognize him at first?

No worries, everyone seems to think I look the same, and knows who I am, just grayer and fatter, and besides, there are always the photos in the mags. for ID purposes....lol.

Back after breakfast..................Dave

"Never Again!!!!!!!!!!!...................."

Good Morning;

After I stopped by and visited with Rachel, and then got soaked waiting for buses, I spent yesterday afternoon and evening at the Starbucks in Mt. Washington sitting and chatting with my friend John Erby, (of Umbrella Radio), discussing evrything from politics to education..or the lack of it..to computers to music. In that conversation we touched on the subject of revisionist history and denial of events accepted and proven by the rest of humanity. This morning this is in my e-mail inbox:

From The Baltimore Jewish Times:

Neil Rubin
He’s An Evil Bishop
Posted: 21 Apr 2010 12:11 PM PDT
As a veteran of interfaith dialogue, I’m somewhat loathe to judge another person’s religious beliefs by my standards. But the fact that Bishop Richard Williamson can call himself a believer in God’s love is unfathomable.
In fact, by now one is hard pressed to describe him as anything other than evil. How else can one approach the news that the Catholic bishop – denounced by his own Roman Catholic Church – will appeal last week’s court ruling that found him guilty of Holocaust denial?
Williamson, a bishop from the breakaway Society of Saint Pius X, keeps defending absurd declarations about how no more than 300,000 European Jews could have been killed in the Shoah. In 2008, he even told a Swedish reporter in a recorded broadcast that there is no way any Jew was murdered in Nazi gas chambers. Such claims, he said, were “lies, lies, lies.”
In displaying a remarkable level of stupidity in rejecting the world’s most documented genocide, Mr. Williamson also made the mistake of giving that interview in Regensberg, Germany. In that country, Holocaust denial is illegal. So on Friday, April 16 a court there found him guilty of denial and upheld a $22,473 fine. While the sum is paltry, the message was large: No person is immune to the consequences of denying the reality of six million corpses.
For the record, members of the Saint Pius group have made rejecting sanity twisted theological truth. The group was founded to oppose the reforms of the 1965 Second Vatican Council; its liberalizations included absolving Jews from the death of Jesus of Nazareth; prior to that, Christian anger unleashed centuries of anti-Jewish persecution, blood libel and outright murder.
Sadly, as a nod to internal Church politics, in January 2009 Pope Benedict XVI welcomed Mr. Williamson and three other Pius Society bishops back into the fold. The pontiff has unequivocally denounced Holocaust denial. Still, the latest news only bolsters claims – including voices within the Church – about how noxious it is to give any respect to such haters of humanity.
The good news is that I’ve had too many conversations with Catholics to think that the Church is a bastion of anti-Semitism. Rather, it is a huge bureaucracy in which the American contingent is vastly more liberal – and at a minimum more open to conversation – than those in Rome for whom the Middle Ages are not quite over.

I just feel that this is a subject that affects all of us and cannot be dismissed.

Evil Ignored is Evil Enabled!

I'm over to Jenn's now to get my hair cut off.....

.... be back later..........Dave

"Not For the Faint Of Heart................"

Good Afternoon;

So.....ANOTHER reason I try to avoid shelters, and soup kitchens, and drop-in centers, and encampments, etc. where many of the chronic, or long term, street level and.....ummm......'lower echelon' homeless gather.

WARNING!!

IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED BY UGLY REALITY

IF YOU HAVE A WEAK STOMACH

IF YOU ARE OF A SENSITIVE NATURE

DO NOT CONTINUE!!

I'M NOT JOKING!

THE FOLLOWING IS F*CKING GROSS AND DISGUSTING!

I stopped in a facility in the City (that will remain unnamed for legal purposes) that offers assistance to the homeless, at times direct, at times through referrals, to try to verify a rumor I heard earlier today regarding a new program that places people in private housing through a need based grant process with few hoops to jump through and very little bureaucratic song and dance, and which had immediate openings with no waiting list and would accept people with PENDING S.S.A. claims.

The rumor was typical of most of it's kind, 1% true & 99% twisted out of context.

While there I needed to use the bathroom. I went into the men's room and stepped into a stall just vacated by a man who was obviously homeless and on drugs, and most likely emotionally, mentally, or developmentally disabled, (to be PC). I immediately exited the stall, gagging and nearly vomiting all over the room.

In the stall, in the bowl, AND ON the toilet seat was feces......which is nasty enough, but which I sometimes see at the library. What had me nauseated beyond belief was the fact that it was crawling with worms!

Never again, am I going to any of these places!

A one in a million occurence you may say...I think not!

And...I don't want to find out!

later.....................Dave

" The Telltale Heart?.......or.......The Chicken Heart?..............Thump Thump.......Thump Thump......Thump Thump..............."

Good Morning;

Blood Pressure Update;

The Lisonopril/HCTZ seems to be working:

The Systolic..(maximum or upper reading)..is ranging between 140 and 117 with an average of 125.

The Diastolic..(minimum or lower)..is ranging between 85 and 75 with an average of 78.

125/78.....

I can live with that, and the slight side effects....

dry mouth and throat at times and the occasional light headedness.

One MAJOR worry eliminated.

Losing consciousness, being rushed to the E.R. with a B.P. of 200/110, and feeling as if I was cocooned in cotton candy while my mind was flowing like frozen Jello, was an experience I do not wish to repeat any time soon.

Later.............Dave

"Would You Like Some Cheese With That Whine?.............Take II............................."

Good Morning;

When I left here last night I was tired, cranky, lonely, depressed and broke.

You'll be happy to know that this morning....I am no longer tired......lol.

I sat outside and read until around 11:30 pm., after stopping at the Giant and getting a cup of ice cream..(Moose Tracks)..and some Palmer's chocolate covered egg shaped candys left over from Easter and reduced to $0.12 each...(I wish this keyboard had a 'Cents' symbol key)...peanut butter and butter cream filled. They're not that great, but they fill the 'sugar gap'....LOL!

I slept fairly well and was up at 7:30 am. in time to get to the Giant and then meet Liz. She picked me up on the corner and we went to Prologue to fill out the last of THIS batch of paper work for the S.S.I. application, and it can now be faxed to S.S.A. It turns out my file was one of the files the Feds inspected when they came earlier this week to do one of their annual random audits and inspections. This is typical of my luck, when Liz wanted to check on something in the file, it was not where it should have been. If not for the fact that it was only a day or so ago that it was moved....and she needed it today....you know that it would have been lost, destroyed, or misfiled....lol!

I am still stressed about having absolutely no money at all for the next few weeks...(and hoping my visit to D.S.S. did not throw a monkey wrench into the works...like last time I got 'recon'ed, as they call it). Speaking of monkeys, I am also fretting over the fact that I am down to one days worth of my meds, and I don't want to try to stretch my line of credit for another 11 days, granted it is only another $25.00, but I owe her $20.00 and even though she would most likely cover me...I just don't want to go there.

I also won't be able to DO anything with Rachel for a couple weeks, not even just take her on the bus...(the disability bus pass will not allow for children, as will the full fare pass allow 2 kids under 6 yrs. old)...and go to the park or walk around the harbor.

I know it sounds like I am whining about little things, but when it's all you've got...the size of the problem is magnified.

Time's up this session...back later.

I'm going to stop by and see Rachel for a few minutes at her mother's and borrow the clippers so Jenn can cut all my hair off tomorrow.

see ya....................Dave

"Second Reading : .......Stealing From The Native Hawaiians Again. (The Akaka Bill In Congress.)............"

Good Morning;
This is worthy of a second look:
Stealing From The Native Hawaiians Again. (The Akaka Bill In Congress.)
Aloha..................Dave

"Mine....Mine....Mine................."

Good Evening;

So I have had a comment suggesting that I use the left aligned margin style for the blog instead of this center aligned style of which I am enamoured. The point being that it would be easier to read. ...Hmmmmm.

Well I just sat here for the past 30 minutes just clicking the "next blog" tab up on the bar at the top, looking at about 50 different blogs and noting there style, (and occasionally dipping into the content).

My thoughts on the matter are;

There are some talented webmasters out there!

A whole lot of folks, take a whole lot of photos!

There are only a few blogs I'd be interested in following!

All the others are left aligned, even the 'wrap around' types!

I like the way my center alignment looks!

Damn!......it continues to be one of those days, I spend my last $0.50 to call Rachel and get the effin' voice mail and cannot hang up quick enough...which means I lost the quarters, and my phone has 1 minute left, which I am saving for an emergency....or if I get a call from certain numbers....same difference.

As you can tell I am still here, actually here again, at the library, babbling. I went down to the Giant and grabbed a salad for dinner and again sat out on the library's picnic table and ate and read. I will most likely sit outside tonight as long as I can reading somewhere, until I get chilly, then head into the shed. The usual warm weather pattern was to sit at the Starbucks, at their patio tables, first at the one in Pikesville until it closed, and then at the one in Owings Mills, until the sidewalk was torn up. The Starbucks at Mt. Washington is not conducive to late night reading and relaxation due to the fact that the police frequently patrol the area and take a dim view of folks being in the area after hours. They politely bother the hell out of you until you leave...(if you are legal, others they hassle and arrest).

I have 2 more episodes of 'Jeeves and Wooster' left, and the battery should have enough charge for them when I do slip into the shed....oh right it's Tuesday the one night there is any activity in the immediate vicinity....no DVD until after midnight because of the light factor...well I've got the Playaway audio book too.

The flashlight batteries have finally given out and no amount of CPR will help, it is a pain in the ass using the DVD player screen as a light source, but it works. That means I'll only be able to watch a single episode, ah well, I have to be sure and get up in time to meet my caseworker Liz for aride tomorrow morning anyway, with any luck I'll get some sleep.

And she'll make pot of coffee at the office for me!

Mountain Dew has the caffeine, but not the heat or the satisfaction in the morning.

Out of time.....again,

see you Wednesday..........Dave

P.S. .... I just noticed...the time listed as the posted time is the time I logged in not the time I actually hit the publish button!

"Once More....With Feeling.........................."

Good Afternoon Again;

Well I was lucky and there was no line so I am back right away.

I did sleep for a decent stretch last night, first from about 11:30 pm. until 1:30 pm. when it was either get up or get wet...lol, and then from 1:45 pm until almost 7:30 am., I just couldn't seem to find a reason or the motivation to move, (classic symtoms of clinical depression), and I ended up dozing on and off until almost 11:00 am. I went to the Giant and got the makings for a sandwich, (and while I was wandering the store I felt really light headed, and almost stoned...maybe the combination of Lisonpril on an empty stomach, the flu shot reaction, the low fever and no coffee?...on TOP of the depression..), and then walked over to the rear of the library and sat at the picnic table in the shade eating and reading for about an hour and a half, (I had a Diet Mountain Dew for the caffeine), then came in to the computers, where I attended to my e-mail chores and then watched an episode of 'Jeeves and Wooster' and....here I am.

I have noticed that when I am flat broke with no cash in sight for a significant period of time, everything seems to be more intense, little annoyances take on larger shape, if I still have food credits I can't trade for cash, I tend to eat more and better, and a fatalistic..WTF..attitude prevails.

I received an E-mail from Liz, saying she will pick me up at 8:30 am. tomorrow, (Wed.), morning.....maybe I was mistaken about yesterday?...who the hell knows right now, i can't seem to think straight or remember anything. I sent off an E-mail to try to arrange transportation for Sunday's Mitzvah Day at Beth Israel, and I am awaiting a reply.

It has not been totally f*cked this week, on Sunday while I was in the Whole Foods next to the Starbucks in Mt. Washington, I ran into Janis and we stood in the aisle for half an hour talking and she gave me a ride back to the shed and we sat and talked for another 15 minutes, it was nice to catch up.

Speaking of the Starbucks, for some reason the atmosphere of the place seems a bit tense. Employees seem to be kind of on edge and less than happy. I just a get a mildly uncomfortable vibe. Whether or not this is because of any fallout due to the middle managements reaction to some things mentioned in the 2 articles, I am not sure. And of course it is at a time when due to financial lack, my options are limited as to where to go.

Another thing I have noticed is that being broke and homeless during bad weather and winter's lesser daylight time seems to sting less, (I mean on a mental or emotional level, not the obvious physical challenges winter presents). A nice day, such as today, especially when the depression is in full swing, hurts worse because of having more things to not be able to do due to lack of funds and longer sunlit hours.

I'm out of time this session.................

....later...........Dave

"And So It Goes............................."

Good Afternoon;

So I'm sitting here at the computer and the...'baby's mama'...[plural!] type next to me reaches across my face and grabs the headphones from this computer and says excuse me unplugs them and starts to take them!!!...And when I say "excuse me I'm about to use them...cusses me out!" Jeez, what the hell is the library coming to? Damn ghetto behavior!!!

Now the headphone cord has a broken wire where she grabbed it and is cutting in and out...

It's been that kind of a week so far, filled with annoyances, both minor and major. Now the guy who works at the Giant and reeks of tobacco, who Sunday had to stand almost right over me and upwind and smoke his damn handrolled cigarettes, when the whole damn area was empty sits down next to me.....I gotta go before I puke from the smell.

..back soon................Dave