Hello Again;
This is a collection of observations, thoughts, ironic comments, bitches-whines-moans, etc., that have struck me over the past week, and which I have either forgotten to include or are spontaneously occurring as I write this entry.
Insanity and Inanity;
I was sitting on the stone wall in front of the Md. State Police Headquarters the other morning waiting for the bus to the Metro as I headed in town to catch the morning rush hour. Walking down the Reisterstown Rd. were 2 of Pikesville's assemblage of homeless folks, a man, Barry, whom I call 'Rainman'..(as in Dustin Hoffman in the movie of the same name, but EVEN more annoying and much less charming, with the same habit of repeating the same phrase or comment over and over and over and over......), who I have talked to, and heard on the bus and other places...[see following]...and who I now avoid if at all humanly possible, and a woman, of unknown name, who I have seen frequently, sometimes alone, but mostly in his company, and have never actually talked to, but I have watched and listened to her, and whom I also WILL cross the street to avoid. They are more annoying than threatening, but he is leech like if you respond to him, and Don't Ever disagree with him if you want to escape WITH your sanity intact, (and WITHOUT the possibility of being charged with 'justifiable homicide'......LOL). But I digress, they are walking down the street having an animated four (yes 4!)way, conversation, when Rainman stops to pick up some sort of paper trash off the sidewalk, and begins to examine it and pontificate on it, still speaking to the woman AND to some unseen conversant. By this time she has crossed Church Lane, not even knowing he is not still beside her, and STILL carrying on her dual conversations. I was not close enough to hear every word, but not a single one of the 'participants' was relating to what any of the others said.................LOL!!!
You had to be there, I am not doing justice to the comedic value of the situation!
This is the guy who walks in to the library with his Sherlock Holmes style pipe, (not lit), and starts saying comments to the effect of 'same people, every day' liberally interspersed with random rantings and assorted curse words, in a not quite undertone, kind of 'sotto voce' as it were.
Rice Crispy Critters
The other night as I got off the bus I headed over to the 'Dunkin Dumpster' to see what was available on the 'black bag buffet'...(it was a 'dead-broke' night, with not even a $1.00 to plunge on the Keno, and no coffee, much less breakfast money for the morning)...when I heard voices coming from the side of the Staples Office Supply store, but out of sight. I carefully looked closer and saw Rainman and friend, (another homeless man, I am not sure which one, as I did not investigate any further), sitting in a stairwell leading to the basement of the store. Rainman was lecturing, (his normal style), the other guy on why some shopkeeper who sked him to leave and stop bothering the customers, who had complained, was racist, and at the same time how he, Rainman, did not need the psych meds he had been prescribed and that it was all a conspiracy...in fact EVERYTHING in the world was nothing but a conspiracy...( to what end he did not get into, and if EVERYONE was involved...who was being conspired against was not real clear......ROTFLMAO!!). I was being discreet and trying not to noticed as I approached the 'after hours donut dispensary' and was not paying too much attention to the asphalt on the parking lot, as a quick glance had shown no obstacles in my way, so when I started to hear and actually feel through my shoes, an extremely loud and very crunchy, 'snap, crackle, and pop, pop, pop.....' I thought it was just pieces of plastic cup or to go containers, or spilled chips or popcorn...BUT as I turned on my flash to see if the bags were still sealed and clean....I happened to look down and see hundreds of large black shapes scurrying around on the ground around the dumpster I realized they were all roaches, not the little brown German Cockroaches that infest the city and which most people think of, nor were they the 3 inch black and brown water bugs you sometimes see in your cellar, but a carpet of inch and a half to two inch, (1 1/2"--2") black 'Cuccarachas'....well, WTF!, I'm already there, so I grab a half dozen donuts and put them in a Ziploc Storage Baggie and high stepped out of there, pop, pop, popping all the way...it was just like running on a sheet of black bubble wrap...except that bubble wrap does not spew yellow, white, and brown bug guts ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!!!!.......YEECCCHHHHH!!!! The first thing I did was go over to the gas station to hose off my shoes, and step in a puddle of gasoline, and when they were almost dry, put a match to them to sterilize them, then rinse them again.
Then...I ate a donut, it turned out to be a chocolate iced, custard filled....
YUMMMM.....DOUGHNUTS!!!!
I want to profess my gratitude to those who have stopped and gave me a donation as I was on the side of the expressway ramp this week, particularly the gentleman who made the left from North Ave., honking his horn to get my attention and gave me a $10.00 bill, and the lady who went around the block and apologized for not stopping the first time because she did not recognize me and thought that I was one of the 'tag team junkie duo' until she was already past. I also want to thank those who did not give anything (And those who did give too,of course....lol) but stopped to ask how I have been and where I have been the past 8 months. It means a lot that you remembered, and that you took the time to stop and ask, at the risk of pissing off the traffic behind you...............THANKS!!
Time to "Sh*t Or Get Off the Pot"!
I think that I have been guilty of a certain amount of hubris, and standing out there on the days when I just barely made enough to cover my meds was a reminder to retain a sense of humility, and not to place TOO much faith or pride in my ability to make myself as comfortable as possible at almost any level of misery I find myself in. It can be too easy to stop striving and just 'settle', not exactly giving up, but giving in. A case of "Better the Devil You Know...Than The Devil You Don't" perhaps. Anyway, I appreciate all the good wishes, and realize that the act of meeting people, new people that is, somewhat sympathetic new people, in a situation in which I have Some control over..(in this case I can walk away from the car, if threatened or made to feel uncomfortable), is something I sorely need. I have been in a rut for too long now, since just after 'OUR' Starbucks closed and the 'new' wore off the the St. Thomas store, and I have actually lost ground, physically, mentally, emotionally and psychologically, and in a way most important, being at the crux of all the others, socially.
I know I need to get some assistance, I cannot do it myself at this point, (without a place to live and/or a 'stake' or 'seed money' from some one philanthropic, but I am not holding my breath), but at the same time I just cannot totally surrender any and all independence, which is what some organizations require, it is too much like being locked up, (being told when to eat, when to sleep, and when to sh*t....literally!!!). I'm not sure what to do or where to go, and the anxiety attacks that occur when I get caught up in the whole depression cycle of .......it'll never get any better....you don't deserve any better....BECAUSE you don't deserve any better, it won't get any better......ad infinitum. (The crap in my head is much, much, much more subtle that those statements, they are just for illustrative purposes to show the gist.)
So I am out of time again.........................see you all Monday...............Dave
And THANKS..for reading, for listening, for caring....now if I can only get you to send money......................LOL.........but seriously, I do appreciate all who check out my...
"Exercise In Exorcism"
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