Thursday, August 13, 2009

"Lists...........OR......Joke 'Em If They Can't Take A F*ck!!!................"

Good Afternoon;
My bio-rhythms must be slowly working their way around to HST (Hawaiian Standard Time)..[GMT 10, for all the international], because I am waking up later and later, either that or my sub-conscious mind is preparing me for a trip to the islands, and setting up a defense for jet lag...........{hey.., a guy can dream can't he?}.

I have not had any coffee yet, so this is really hard to type, my typos are about 1 in 5 right now....slow The urn at the Giant was dispensing sludge that even I would not touch, and I had to buy some day old discounted donuts on my card and made sure the cashier did NOT give me the discount, so I could take the sticker to customer service and get reimbursed in cash instead of credit..($1.50) learns all the little tricks of convenience when cash is scarce, and one does not want to break the law, merely bend the rules.....(although occasionally they may sometimes be stretched to the very limits of recognition, they always return to a semblance of their original
I am about to head out now to make my sandwich and get some coffee, and I think that today will be a necessary 'corner day' unless I can trade some cash for credit. It's been about 2 weeks since I was last out their panhandling, but I need to get meds tomorrow, and I think I have to pay for a refill of my blood pressure prescription, until this PAC/Med. Asst. confusion is settled. I am hoping that one of the food chains or big box stores has it listed on their $3.00/$4.00 list of common drugs.
You know...loneliness can be a bitch and a half, and the lack of human contact and affection, the need for intimacy, and yes, sexual activity...(with another human being), can truly drive one to the brink of madness and eventually to ideations and designs of suicide.............
but it also leaves open the opportunity for some really twisted humor!!
You know your really lonely when....
----- you bring a bouquet of roses to a doctor's appt.!
----- you consider back to back appointments with the proctologist and the urologist....speed dating!
-----when your doctor calls the nurse/tech into the room to act as chaperon, then tells you to "turn your head and cough", (ladies ask a, you consider that a 'menage a trois'!
-----you ask after a prostate exam, "was it good for you?"
-----when you ask for a manicure/pedicure with "a happy ending"
-----you've given up on ever "making love" again, and would be ecstatic to "make like"!
-----you consider being frisked by a cop...foreplay!
-----phone sex is when you ask an obscene phone caller to put you on their speed dial, and tell them the best time to reach you.
-----your version of a singles bar is the fruit and vegetable aisle in the food market!....(actually it IS a good place to flirt with PEOPLE
....but that is NOT the reference in this item......LOL).
-----you begin to consider responding to "THOSE" spam e-mails in your junk folder!
-----you ponder joining the priesthood.......TO GET LAID!!!
-----you start writing warped and twisted humorous lists on your blog to try to cover up the emptiness.......oh*t happens.
see you later..........Dave

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