Wednesday, September 30, 2009

"Black Please ...No Cream, No Sugar........No Aloe Vera!...................."

Good Morning;
I am here just as the library opens to insert an important clarification/explanation and possible apology concerning a statement I made about the lack of intellectual stimulation I felt I was receiving at the St. Thomas Starbucks. I should have made it clear that I was talking about the quantity or frequency of, and NOT the Quality of the discussions and the people with whom I conversed. I truly enjoy and eagerly look forward to meeting and chatting and exchanging ideas with the likes of Nathan and Rich and Ted and Mike and Olga and Allie, et. al. It was the..."Non-crapita per capita",...(I just made that up; short, sweet, and succinct, and if I gotta explain it...well............LOL),... ratio I was referring to.

The reason for this disclaimer is because of an incident in the Giant this morning; As I was taking a sip of my coffee, semi-conscious and fuzzy headed with clogged sinuses, I noticed out of the corner of my eye a flash of glittering light on a pale flat spoked object with brightly colored ends traveling in an arc towards the back of my head. At the same time, my hearing being hampered by clogged Eustachian tubes, I heard a low slow droning noise that did not filter past the blockage in my ears. Now my reflexes being somewhat sluggish and the 'input to analysis to reaction factor' being proportionately skewed, I began to turn my head before it registered that what I was seeing was the reflection/refraction of the lighting off of a diamond set in a ring on the spread fingers of a well manicured and gaily polished hand, resulting in the the contact with my poor, innocent, and unsuspecting head being not where it was intended, i.e. on the back of my skull, but....directly in line with the upturned cup of fresh, hot, full, and as yet lidless just purchased coffee. You may well imagine the consequences, after the 'shock and awe' passed, and the 'adrenal gland stimulated nerve deadening time delay' wore off. Everything suddenly 'snapped and clicked', and in the same instant that the pain registered, recognition also kicked in. Things were a bit confused for a few moments as the first thing I tried to determine was if I should 'sh*t or git' as the fight or flight instinct took hold,..then a little voice said "water, cold water, quickly....!" and I went and stuck my face in the water fountain....(and this being Pikesville, some nosey little old 'yenta' with nothing better to do comes over and tells me I can't "wash my face in the water cooler, and that she needed to take her pills soon...", at this point the droning noise I had heard finally worked it's way through to comprhension and translated to be my friend's..(who wishes to remain anonymous....after this morning, who can blame voice in a mock New York Bubbie accent saying.."So Vhat Am I, Chopped Liver?", and I realized she was hovering nervously next to me asking if she should call the ambulance or not. By this time, hysteria has set in and I'm cracking up at the absurdity and irony of it all, and everyone is looking at me as if I am about to go postal, which only sets me off again as they all slowly slide a bit farther back.
Well I eventually get myself under control and go change my shirt...(and my shorts, for different reasons), and wash my face in the restroom, checking to see if I'm blistered on my face or chest from the coffee...{nope, just a bit red, which is fading, and I smell like a}. the immortal words of Elton John...
"Don't Shoot Me I'm Only The Piano Player!"
If I did not mention your name, don't ARE one of the people who I count as part of my 'think tank'
In closing I just want to say.......OW! OW! OW! OW!.....HOT! HOT! HOT!

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