"Balancing Acts.................."

Good Morning;

Well finally, a decent nights sleep, a reasonably cool morning to wake to, and actually getting up and out by 9:30 am. (without any meetings, appointments, etc. forcing me to get up).

I went to sleep about Midnight and I woke up at 5:00 am. and raced over to the gas station to use the bathroom, but I was able to get back to sleep by 5:30 am., and woke again about 8:30 am. thinking it was 11:00 am. or so. I lay there for an 1/2 an hour thinking and dozing and then got up and tidied up a bit. I was in the Giant by 9:35 and ended up running into an acquaintance from the now closed Starbucks and we talked for a good while. Hearing his story and listening to his voice and feeling his despair, frustration, anger and hopelessness put some perspective back in my life. He has a wife and 6 kids at home, foreclosure on his house looming over his head, cannot find work, and was in the Giant trying to buy milk and whatever he could with the coins scavenged from the house, the car and the kids piggy banks. His need for immediate assistance, intervention, and advocacy, like what my 'ex' was facing, and my own situation in some ways, is being met with a 'hurry up and wait' response. Banks and BG&E will only wait so long.

I spent Friday night at Jenn's with the dirty dishes and the grandkids, and most of Saturday too. Ed and I watched "Bicentennial Man" starring Robin Williams, EmBeth Davidtz and Sam Neill that afternoon. It is based on the Isaac Asimov novella of the same name, and is a very touching, funny and thoughtful film.....even Ed enjoyed it and sat through the whole thing and only talked over a quarter of the dialogue....lol!

I left there after another shower and went to the coffee shop and sat out back after they closed until 11:00 pm and caught the last bus back to the Plaza, then went up and sat outside the library in Pikesville and read until near 2:00 am. because it was too hot in the shed. I slept, dozed, tossed and turned until after 1:00 pm. when the heat forced me out on Sunday, unrested, uncomfortable, unclean, unhappy, and unfed. I went into the Giant and spent the last of my money, (the Foodstamps were depleted Saturday morning when I went to get my contribution to breakfast at Jenn's), on the real low budget Buddig lunchmeats and a bag of rolls, a '$1.00 Special' bag of chips and my Powerade. I then went to the Starbucks and sat there and had my meal for the day and a great conversation with my pal John Erbe, about 'Guy Stuff'...(lol!,)...cars, guns, boats, and electronics....et. al. I sat outside until near 10:00 and made a raid on the trash for some of the breakfast sandwiches that had been marked out and tossed in the can.......(and to Carol, ONLY the ones that had a clean and sealed wrapper with the gas tight integrity still intact...[FYI the packaged are filled with nitrogen or an inert gas at the factory to ensure freshness and color and to retard spoilage, and the bags will bulge slightly when squeezed like a balloon if the seal is intact]....so I am not just grabbing half eaten food covered with coffee grinds and floor sweepings.....{at this point in time}...LOL!). I sat at the library again, trying to read but falling asleep on the bench so I went to the gas station, then the 'Dunkin Dumpster'...(where the donuts are tossed 'en masse' into garbage bags, and then tied and dumped), where I snagged for few donut holes for a snack...(with the heat wave this summer I have not been collecting any donuts for the morning, they tend to melt by the time I get to them, because I seal them in airtight ziplocs to keep out the bugs). I was asleep bt Midnight as I said, and it was very warm, but it cooled off a great deal by morning, and was comfortable when I got up...of course, the day I wish to sleep, and the external factors are correct for it....I Can't!

As you probably have deduced I've reached that stage of the month where I have exhausted all my resources, (and I'm down to the last 2 days of my bupe, the other meds are good until the refill time), and I am scraping bottom. Luckily I have been requested to watch the grandkids quite a few days in the next week or so....so I will not miss too many meals, if push comes to shove. In fact she just e-mailed me that she forgot to ask me about tonight....one less day to worry about and I can stick my sandwiches in the freezer until tomorrow.

I am heading over to Rachel's now, I have gift for her from our cashier friend at the Giant and her daughter, a nice Star Of David pendant necklace that has the center of the star cut out and a small heart hanging inside, she should love it. Carol said she was wondering who to give it to and said she thought of Rachel because she is always so appreciative and grateful, of even the smallest gift.(Now if only I could inject some of that into Edward!)

I have to stop at Social Security and drop off the forms I filled out at Prologue on Friday, it is in a pre-addressed and postage free envelope, but I am going to walk it to the counter. I am not staying to talk to anyone today, I feel very anxious and paranoid talking to people I do not know right now. I may sound okay writing this and in an up mood, but the inside of my head is vibrating like a struck bell and the depression is hanging over me like a damp, heavy, all enveloping fog. Other than seeing my Rachel...and Jenn and the grandkids to a lesser extent, (I really don't want to see Tom, especially if he is in a bad mood), I just want to curl up and be alone. (Thank God for the DVD player...and that Ed can cahnge and play the discs!.....LOL)

I'm out of time...............

Later......Dave