".......In The Same Old Groove....Or Should I Say Rut?.........BUT!...Saved By The Belle!!!!!"

Good Afternoon;

To finish the last sentence.....

......and all I really need out of life is to be able to spend more time being a Daddy to my precious little girl.

What I want.....well that is a much more complex thing.

More than the obvious desire for some sort of immediate upgrade in my housing situation, more than the resolution of medical issues, more than the fervent wish to untangle and resolve my financial nightmare, and even more than an answer to the soul eating loneliness that is kicking my ass....

is my desire to be able to provide for my daughter, above and beyond her basic needs, (which are being well met), and to ensure that her future education options and opportunities will be met.

I don't talk about this often, but it eats at my mind and my heart and my soul each and every day.

(And probably contributes to the deepness and darkness of the depressive cloud when it engulfs and envelops me.)

This is why that, unable at the moment to fulfil the role of "Father" to both society's and my own standard, I take every opportunity to do that which I am able, to offer her support, confidence, and unconditional love. Not to spoil her or pamper her, (though I do at times), but to inspire an inquisitive and healthy mind and loving heart and giving soul, and to cultivate and preserve her sense of wonder and amazement.

To LIVE, To LOVE, & To LAUGH!

Luckily her mother and I, (and her mother's 'friend') are all on the same page with this, and it shows in Rachel's attitude and behavior, her bearing and demeanor, and in the reactions and comments of those who interact with her.

She is the reason and the blessing above all other's that keeps the ideations from becoming actions when the pain and blackness are at their worst.

Ha! Another post that went off in a direction that was not looked for......gotta go, I'm heading over to Starbucks now, I'm outta time here..............

Dave