Tuesday, April 19, 2011

"Rectum, Hell....It Damn Near Killed 'Em.."

Good Morning;
So it turns out I DID have an appointment with my PCP....at 10:00 am...........which I found out about at 4:00 pm.! And that's just about the type of day it was, all day.
Hopefully, I'll be able to get up at a decent hour today. I was up Monday at 7:30 am., after not being able to get to sleep until 5:00 am., took the meds I had left and tried to call JAI, but they were not answering yet, sat down and the next thing I knew it was 3:00 pm. The battery on the phone had died and by the time I got it charged and called JAI it was too late to go down there. I mentioned to the woman on the phone that I had always gotten a phone call a day or 2 before the appointment, and she said nobody had turned on the 'robo-caller' on Friday evening. So I'll be heading over there on the bus/train later today hoping I can get just a 'drive-by' renewal on 3 out of 4 of my prescriptions, without having to wait all day to see the doctor. I'm going to have to make plans to drop my bags off at Jenn's one morning and just go with a thick book to read and sit one day, as the next opening for an appointment with Dr. Richardson is in late, late July.
Lovely....I'll eat humble pie for this screw-up, but only half a slice......the person who forgot to turn on the phones gets the rest of it!..............lol!

Speaking of Jenn, I got some news last week that was no help at all to the obvious 'Black Hole of Calcutta' size depression I was in, to wit; at the end of the school year...Jenn, Tom, & Ed and Devin are all moving up to Monkton...to Tom's mother's house, where they are going to live in the (currently under construction) basement apartment until....????

(For all you who live 'elsewhere', Monkton is in Northern Baltimore County about 30 miles from Pikesville, in the middle of farm and 'horse' country, out in the 'sticks', [although the very high budget 'sticks'.....lol], with no public transportation closer than 15 miles.)

So that means I won't be seeing the grand monsters much, if at all, on any kind of a regular basis, and....I'll be losing convenient (though it was not free) laundry access, easy shower facilities, kitchen and cooking privileges, occasional couch and cable use, and most stress inducing......a safe dry place to store what few possessions I own and which I would like to keep but which I do not need to be available day to day. Most of the stuff can be classed as 'memorabilia', and all of it can probably be stacked in stored within the space of.....1 Cubic Yard, basically an area = 3 Foot x 3 Foot x 3 Foot....or only slightly larger due to the shape and size of the boxes. Oh joy....NOT what I need to worry about at this moment..! The other issues are things I can and have dealt with in the past,....annoying, frustrating, depressing as they are, they can be circumvented, replaced, or ignored as the situation dictates. But the upcoming displacement of the tub, bags, and boxes of stuff from their short lived home in Jenn's front closet is beginning to add to the already full ocean of anxiety that I'm barely keeping my head above right now anyway.
Anybody have a DRY basement, storage room, or shed with some room to spare?
(And if so.......Why am I just hearing about it now??...... now that winter's over!....)
1 Cubic Yard = 3' x 3' x 3';
which breaks down to: 36" x 36" x 36";
which can be converted to: 36" x 72" x 18";
which is also 3' x 6' x 1 & 1/2';
which is a little snug but doable,
cozy even!.........lol!
Oh great, it's 10 'til 5:00 am. already......again! My system is sooo soooo out of whack. Plus today, (Tuesday), I am suffering the delightful consequences of yesterdays 'Steel Cage Match' with Constipation, which I came quite close to losing by TKO!

There is an old, old story about how all the parts of the body wanted to be boss.

The first one to speak was the Brain, in a high and mighty, arrogant way he stated that by virtue of his superior intellect and control and command functions, HE was the obvious choice.
The second to speak up were the Eyes, who declared that they were the only reasonable option, because they enables the body to see the world around it.

Next was the Mouth, without whom he said, the body could not eat to sustain itself, or have a voice to communicate with.

Then the Ears chimed in with their claim, that the body would not be able to hear, whether it was warnings of danger or the joys of music.

The Hands & Arms & Fingers joined in saying that without them, the body would not be able to DO anything, from feeding itself to fighting off attackers to using tools to build and create objects both useful and beautiful.

The Heart, The Lungs & The Stomach and all the other Internal Organs put in their bids, separately and together, that they kept the body fueled and supplied with oxygen and pumped and cleansed the blood to keep the body healthy and strong.

The Legs and Feet thought they should be the boss because they supported and transported the body.

And as all the parts fought and argued, nothing getting solved and no one satisfied or appeased.....a tiny little voice was heard asking..."What about me?" The important and powerful, self centered and egoistic parts of the body stopped their arguing and fighting, looked around to see where the voice was coming from, and who it was.
When they saw it was only the poor, pitiful, little rectum......they burst into laughter, ignored him again, and returned to their arguing.
"Well!" the poor embarrassed Sphincter said to himself, "I'll show them!".....and closed up tight! He stayed that way for a few days and then went to see about his chances.

Well by this time all the other body parts were beginning to feel a bit out of sorts, but they still laughed at the poor little rectum, so he just clamped down harder and went away. A few days later the Brain came to him and ordered him to open up, he refused and just kept everything tight as a drum.

By the next morning The Brain was becoming more and more confused and could not think clearly, The Eyes were yellowed and blurry and could not focus, The Ears were ringing and buzzing, The Mouth was dry and mumbling gibberish, The Arms and Hands were shaking and the Fingers trembling uncontrollably. The Heart was alternately fluttering or racing, The Lungs were gasping for air, The Stomach was cramping and knotting up, and all the other organs were beginning to malfunction and the blood was becoming loaded with toxins.
The Legs were shaking and The Feet were shuffling and stumbling.

All the body parts came to the little rectum, apologized, and begged him to become Boss, if only he would please open up and let things start flowing again. The rectum accepted their apology, unlocked the Sphincter, and became the Boss of all the parts of the body.
The End.

Oh.....you are asking the moral, or lesson behind this little fable?

"Well, I guess it is to show that.......you don't have to be a genius or especially talented or knowledgeable or competent to be the Boss......
Just an Asshole!

Anyway, it's 6:36 am. now and I never did get to sleep. I am unable to find a position to sit or lay down that does not hurt my "Boss"! The pain meds are finally starting to kick in though, Thank Goodness! Not to be TOO crude about it, but like in the story above....once I acknowledged who was the boss, things quite quickly, perhaps too much so, broke loose. I am surprised that my screams of "misery-pain-PAin-PAIN-PPAAIINNNNNNN-relief-PPAAIINN-PAIN-PAin-pain.pain.pain........." as I performed a natural bodily function that seemed to me to feel like the equivalent of forcing first a pineapple (stem end first, with spiky leaves still attached), then a live and extremely pissed off porcupine, then 20 feet of prickly pears linked together with barbed wire, through an uncomfortably small orifice,,,,using a chain saw as a plunger! I am NEVER EVER going to tease or make fun of in any way any woman anywhere who talks about the pain they endured during a natural childbirth!! (I already experienced the post surgery healing and recovery phase of a Cesarean (C section), when I had the abdominal surgery at Shock Trauma after my near fatal car wreck in 1990, I still have issues with that!)

Anyhow....it's 7:21 am....how the hell did that happen?
Later........................Dave

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