Tuesday, June 23, 2009

"Bored, Broke, and Bitchy.............."

Hi Again;
I was sitting outside of the Starbucks on Sunday night after close (and acting as the unofficial 'bearer of bad news......as in "sorry, they close at 8:00 pm. on Sundays"....) over and over again, when Ted drove up, he started to go into the BaskinRobins instead and asked me if I wanted an ice cream, at that point the LAST thing I needed was anything dairy...LOL so I thanked him and said no,. He came back a few seconds later, the line inside must have been a mile long, and slipped me a couple of $5.00s on his way back to the car..........thanks buddy, it was both unexpected and appreciated!!

One of the reasons the depression hit me so hard and deep this time is because of the feelings of guilt, hopelessness and helplessness that I (rightly or wrongly) feel due to the fact that Rachel is living in such Chaos and I am impotent at this time to do anything about it, without really coming down hard on her mother. I have no leverage, or influence, or 'ammunition' to use that is not out of proportion to the result I wish to obtain. I have tried finesse and negotiation, ala Obama, but it seems that the only way I have left is to go Bush/Cheney..........screw diplomacy and tact......drop the f*ckin' "Big One"!!, but that means opening the door to her being examined by certain State agencies for fraud and also the possibility of Rachel being placed in foster care, which is unaccepatable. It could also affect her already messed up custody problems with her other kids, and at THIS point, I'm not that vindictive. But c'mon, can you blame me for being upset when I'm told that arrangements are being made to take the damn kittens to the vet for shots and neutering, AND SHE WON'T GET OFF HER ASS TO GET MY DAUGHTER'S HEALTH CARE STRAIGHTENED OUT!! (and before you ask..NO I cannot claim her and make arrangements....UNTIL AFTER I get a place and she is living with me part of the time).
I am going to Social Security tomorrow, more forms that 'got mis-filed' and expired. Then on Thursday I have to go sit at the JAI clinic for hours, then I have to get over to their East Baltimore office.........OH JOY........2 days of 'official', bureaucratic ignorance and apathy. It's times like this I miss the simple, uncomplicated, life of a lowlife, dope fiend, junkie, stick up artist..................ahhhhhhhhhhhh nostalgia.......................LOL.
Back later..................Dave
P.S....If anyone knows of a job that is NOT!!! physical labor, selling, or having to deal with the public in a customer service way....(at this time, there is no way I can 'suffer fools gladly').....that is ALSO 'off the books' please let me know...I've got to make some legitimate cash real fast!!..THX,,,D.

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