Good Evening;
I feel like I've been away for a week for some reason, ya know, when you've been on vacation and just can't get yourself motivated when you get back to work.
I went to the Optometrist to day to get my glasses repaired. Why you ask did my glasses need to be repaired? I'm glad you asked, it gives me an opening for a rant....
Yesterday evening I was walking across the parking lot to the Light Rail on my way back to Owings Mills to meet Rachel at the Starbucks, and 2 typical Baltimorons; gangsta wannabe, ghetto stupid, useless waste of oxygen, and candidates for euthanasia at the first possible opportunity, thought it would be any easy job to 'bank' me and steal my bag. One stepped out from behind a car and got in my face while the other planned to sneak up on me and smack me in the head from behind. The genius was right in front of a spotlight and cast a huge shadow that I was able to see approaching me, and I was able to turn my body so his punch only knocked off my glasses with a glancing blow. They then got kicked across the lot, getting bent and twisted in the process. I explained calmly and reasonably in a quiet voice that I was residentially challenged and that it was illogical to assume that I was transporting any valuable cargo. They disputed my assertation and proclaimed that they were intending to incapacitate me and render me unable to speak, and possibly permanently deprive me of future locomotive ability. I expressed my displeasure at this idea and proceeded to actively prohibit their plan from coming to fruition. I attempted to warn them of my course of action and the projected result of continued aggression, but alas... they chose to ignore the cautionary advice I so freely offered....Now at this point in my narrative I must resort to euphemism and allusion in order to assert my Constituitionally protected 5th Amendment right not to incriminate myself...so I'll just say that when trveling in certain neighborhoods after the sun has dipped below the horizon, I have found it wise to carry purely defensive deterrents and devices, in this case I removed it from the discreet location where I had stored it and began to demonstrate the deletrious effects of certain flexible and sinuous, edged and flanged, hinged components of a honed and sharpened steel alloy upon the human physiology, and the consequences of said device being entangled around the ankles and it's negative properties in regards to gravity. One of the young gentleman decide to offer me an opportunity to examine his personal folding shaving system, so I readily acquiesed and used my own tool to stabilize his wrist and bring him within my sphere of influence, he decided to resist, and chose that moment to become a plasma donor, from a multitude of locations on his arm and neck....he then made a wise reconsideration regarding taking possesion of my property, and began to retreat, telling his companion,( of whom I neglected to mention, was currently performing some sort of ritual that encompassed grasping his crotch and screaming, while rolling on the ground, when I turned to greet the partner of this duo who aproached from my blind..HAH! side, somehow my clenched fist found it's way, at full arm extension..and beyond...into his groin.....accidents happen) that I was [paraphrased] 'a psycotically inclined maternal parent sexual abuser'..as he tripped and fell in the street........since there was atrain arriving at JUST that moment, I chose to end the exercise and not show off my tap dancing skills on their faces.
I then went up to the Starbucks and met my Rachel and taught her to play checkers whle we ate ice cream..(mint chocolate chip!!)..
gotta go closing time......Dave
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