Good Morning My Friends, Allies, and Supporters;
(and enemies), {and neutral, undeclared non-combatants, and conscientious objectors}.
It is an amazingly beautiful day outside...cooler than yesterday and Saturday, but SUNNY!!! I forget sometimes how much that can make a difference in outlook and mood. It is days like this that convince me that S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) is a real culprit in some of the stupid acts of non- or in-civility that people (myself included) commit, sometimes fully aware of but seemingly against their/our will. I at times find myself teetering on the edge of rudeness, instead of politely telling someone I'd really be rather left alone, and they'd be better off not trying to engage me in conversation at that time, I'll answer in monosyllables or grunts and purposely ignore normal social graces and cues. And afterwards feel guilty (justifiably so) about my behavior, sometimes catching myself in the act and apologizing, and sometimes compounding the offense by letting the person walk away hurt or confused, and think to myself..f*ck 'em... I am convinced that this boorishness, that goes totally against my normal behavior, is stimulated or brought to the forefront by a string of gray days, (oh, I am not excusing anything, just making a an analytical observation). And I have noticed that it is similar to a nuclear (or NU-CU-LAR if you are a former POTUS) chain reaction, breeding on itself.
Okay, Next...I made it to the hospital last night, thinking i am going to get another decent nights sleep in a real bed, HOO BOY was I mistaken, I was poked and choked with that nasty Barium radio-isotope dye...in both ends...and THEN the cameras went in for a little look-see. Just in case I was still in doubt that the Docs and techs were NOT sadists, they shoved a 4 inch diameter tube in my side and took a core sample....(maybe I exaggerated a wee little bit, but it FELT like an unsharpened hunk of rusty water main!!!!)....Oh and let's not forget the Vampire ( she SAID she was a phlebotomist, but I didn't see any reflection when she walked past the mirror), who drained me down to the next to last drop of blood in my veins. So, after the forensics and bio-lab and pathology people are done with all their cultures and tests and gas chromatography, in about 5 to 8 days, I'll be able to hear a doctor try to tell me what I already intuitively and instinctively know. I actually have a bet with one of the nurses at the hospital as to what the results (within certain ranges) arte/will be. She told me I could not possibly know, and I wrote my conclusions down, and put them in a specimen bag..(UN-used!!LOL), which was then sealed with the tamper proof tape and which we then both signed and dated.........The STAKES!!...HA!...I am going to get a weekend in one of the Inner Harbor's upscale hotels..(must have a water view), a Legitimate, Intimate, {NOT SEXUAL..YOU DIRTY MINDED PERSON..} therapeutic massage, (she is schooled & certified, and also a LCSW, besides a RN)....and a "special occasion" destination restaurant or equivalent room service (no strings..we left open the possibility we might hit it off......you know me....even at the darkest times there burns a spark of optimism....LOL)....IF I lose..( a 2% out of 100 possibility..she doesn't know that I've been down this road too many times before...it's a lock...I'm a ringer....sneaky?..maybe...but all's fair in love and war...LOL)..I am committed to cooking and serving a gourmet quality dinner, (and doing all the pots, pans, and dishes LOL)...and a minimum 20 minute foot and ankle massage ( after the dinner HA! )....(RN..remember, those 10-12 hour shifts on her feet are killer)......What she again does not know is, besides the fact that I have "insider information"..and that, Hell..I'd pay to be able to make her dinner, rub her feet..(no, I do not have a foot fetish...at least I don't think I do....Hmmmmm?...LOL),and even when I win I plan to anyway! Not bad for a terminal homeless guy, ya think?................
{.......It may only be "playing" at "romance", with no future...but it beats the hell out of that dark, blank, empty hole my heart has been stuck in, and even if it does not come to pass at all, it's been fun pretending!!................................}
Well now it's time for a more serious pusuit, I gotta get some cash and all m bay other options are un-available at this time...we know what that means....
8 ball in the (street) corner pocket
I have 2 concerns about doing this again...
first...the looking over my shoulder for the nasty, petty woman cop...
second...I like doing it, I know..that is weird as hell, but there is something attractive to talking to people and all the mini-conversations I have and the folks who recognize me and wave or ask how I am, etc., I need and like the money, and on a good day, it can be a REAL GOOD day...but there is something more about it. I really have to get to that shrink......
All right, I'm outta here for this afternoon, if anything juicy come up, I'll be back after 8:00 when I kill that hour between Starbucks and library closings.
See you all later.............and thanks again for reading, and indulging me in this exercise in "preservation of sanity", seeing the number of readers and seeing the number of "returning readers" especially, is a boost to my self esteem and sense of belonging to 'normal'...(we could go on for hours debating that, but you know what I mean)..society, and humanity in general....................DAVE
p.s.........Michelle if you read this...contact me...I want to give the life modeling a shot...'GULP'........but I'm going to need an intro................Dave
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