"Does Any Body Really Know What Time It Is"

Good Morn/After/Eve-ning;

I have been in and out of the Library with and with out Rachel today writing this post (which is also a continuation of some of last night's thoughts) since 9:30 am this morning..LOL. Too many side trips into FAIRYTALE LAND and cyberspace via The FUNBRAIN PLAYGROUND, and Starbucks, and our special secret land that is home to " Princess Rachelrella and the Magic Dustbunnies"...the continuing saga!...(via Daddy's imagination with some creative advice, collaboration and correction(!) by Rachel...{don't even try to slip in an inconsistency or take a lazy shortcut as a time saver with a 5(nearly) year old editor on hand..OY!! wait til she can read THIS...I'll be 'blue pencilled' to distraction...LOL})

I'll try again before closing to limit my ramblings and babblings to a minimum.

I have been sitting on this little bit of personal 'meshugas' for a week now letting it marinate before bringing it to the table, or maybe it is a more apt analogy to say letting it come to a head like a pimple before it bursts...whatever..

I went back to a doctor to get the results of some blood work and an ultrasound last week, and when I walked into the office I knew that I was about to be told something that I REALLY did NOT want to hear, he had "The Look" on his face. Before he could get started I asked if there was any immediate solution available to me/us at the present time in my present circumstances, and whether in the grand scheme of things, a month more or less made a difference...he said NO and NO...30 to 90 days and some sort of course would have to be decided on but nothing would realistically be possible within 30 days, even in a perfect world. He then started talking about white cell counts and viral loads, and cytotoxins, and metastasizing anomalies, and blood gasses, and at that point he turned and went into the storage closet to get the model of the gastro-intestinal system, talking about needle biopsies........I had not even sat down yet and I quietly faded into the sunset, and was out the door and in the elevator on the way down before I heard the commotion and my name being called out in consternation and confusion. Soon after, the phone beagan to ring, I let it. The one person I have told all to before now, whose opinion and discretion I trust, asked me if I was playing ostrich. I answered that No, I wasn't, but right now my 'trauma-drama' inbox was full, and my 'medical misery mortgage' quotient had been exceeded for the next 10 years.....so I was not accepting any more 'toxic loans' and that I would deal with it eventually, when I received my own personal 'WallStreetBail-out" but not to hold her breath unless she was fond of passing out............SH*T, I am out of time again... I am not 'fatally foolish', just 'fatalistic' right now...and I've heard this song before....so if I seemed flakier tha usual in the past week...this is why, GRATITUDE, for what I currently HAVE IN MY HANDS...and PERSPECTIVE of the bigger picture.....anyway..I hope to back and a bit more coherent tomorrow after Rachel and I see "CORALINE".......bye all............DAve